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curiousconch · 2 years

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Even though I've seen this heartbreaking ending as something inevitable in the horizon a dozen times before, I couldn't prevent myself from being this affected still.

I feel for Charlie so much 💔

And oh, @alwaysmychoices, I don't hate you. How beautifully written this was justified that earth shattering ending.

Fingers crossed for the next one!

Waiting for You

Synopsis: After weeks of fighting, tensions between Charlie and Ethan rise to the surface.

Chapter 35 of the “with and without” series

Previous Series: “a weekend with dr. ramsey”

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x MC (Charlotte “Charlie” Greene)

Words: 3.9k

Rating: Teen (language)

Also available on AO3 & Wattpad (link in Masterlist)

No one said anything as Charlie Greene stood at the nurse’s station and stared off at Ethan Ramsey. Even if someone had something to say – and of course, many of them did – they wouldn’t dare say it to her.

Not when she looked at him like that.

Hunched over her charts, fury, disappointment, and frustration flashed in her green eyes with the intensity of a hurricane.

She hadn’t slept, leaving dark circles under her eyes and exhaustion on her face. But how could she sleep? She’d spent her night screaming at Ethan to understand and then cursing him when he didn’t. But only a few hours later, she could hardly remember what had driven them to such rage. It was just one of many disagreements that had plagued the last five weeks.

The fights were always meaningful and potent in the moment. Whatever sparked it couldn’t go untouched, and the possibility of letting it go was too repulsive to entertain. Nothing but a swift solution would do.

Resolve wavered. Rules were broken. Wars were waged.

The entire world was ending, and they needed to express it in some way, even if it meant screaming until their voices were raw.

Because screaming was better than silence.

When the dust settled, the disagreements were hazy. The lines were redrawn, if just a bit fainter now. Remorse plagued them, and they were desperate to smooth over the wounds.

In the morning, Charlie could never remember why they fought, but she knew she could never live without him.

Last night, they’d planned a lovely dinner, but instead of sipping red wine and praising Ethan’s cuisine, they exchanged bitterness and old grudges. It was about everything – yet somehow, it was nothing in retrospect.

He was protecting her. Why couldn’t she understand that?

She was tired of hiding. Why couldn’t he understand that?

Well past midnight, Charlie slammed Ethan’s front door, and she stormed home, swearing that she hated him. She spent the rest of her night awake, staring at the ceiling because she begrudgingly realized that she had forgotten how to sleep without him next to her.

This morning, after floating through her apartment like a ghost haunting it, she came to work intending to patch things up. She didn’t want to fight, and having to hide was better than living without him.

Every time she woke up without him or spent a cold morning in his apartment under the weight of their fight, she remembered just how terrible it was to not be in love with Ethan Ramsey. She remembered the darkest days of her life had been spent mourning the loss of him while he ran away to another continent. She remembered that she’d accepted his initial offer for a secret relationship because having any piece of him was better than having none.

She didn’t know why this epiphany only came after the fight and why it eluded her during the turmoil.

Maybe, if she looked closer, she would find something lurking beneath her fear of loss, an unsaid ultimatum that lingered on the periphery of every conversation she’d had with Ethan since Bloom gained control of Edenbrook.

But she didn’t care to give it a closer look.

She just wanted to talk to Ethan, exchange apologies, and fall asleep in his king-size bed with him snoring next to her. No fight mattered as much as the exhaustion in her body and soul. She ached to say she loved him, even if it had to be said in a secret whisper.

That was why she watched him now.

She hoped that Ethan would see her and be so relieved that he abandoned his work and offered his apology right there.

Of course, he didn’t do that.

When Ethan saw Charlie, his body visibly relaxed. The anxiety plaguing him from the moment she stormed out of his apartment lessened, if just a bit. It wasn’t a resolution, but it was enough to put him at ease. He kept looking back at her like he wanted to assure himself that she was still there. She felt the intention radiating off him, and she heard his urgent apology before he said a word.

But he didn’t approach.

All feelings and emotions were from afar.

Just silent messages only she could decode.

Still, she stayed.

Maybe still hoping that he would surprise her. Maybe thinking that it was better to see him, even if she couldn’t talk to him. Or maybe to watch her.

Ava Silva.

Star intern. Ardent admirer of Ethan Ramsey, and coincidentally, his assigned intern for the day.

It usually wasn’t difficult to watch them. Dr. Silva inadvertently confessed her crush on Ethan Ramsey months ago, but she wasn’t the first to harbor a passion for Charlie’s boyfriend. If anything, Charlie respected Ava’s honesty. And Charlie understood why Ethan worked with her so often. Ava was brilliant, and she would make a fine doctor. Ethan always liked students he knew would flourish under his attention, and he gave it to Ava when he could. Ethan didn’t seem to recognize Ava’s crush, but if he did, he gave it no real thought.

There was never a threat that Ethan Ramsey would stray and certainly not a threat that he would go to Ava if he did.

Charlie didn’t revile them for the possibility of a secret love affair.

She ached with unvoiced jealousy that Ava got to be with him. That Ava heard his unrestrained praises. That Ava could receive special attention from her mentor without whispers finding their way to Bloom’s office. That Ava could have everything Charlie wanted.

This will find its way into our next fight, Charlie thought passively.

The notion revolted Charlie.

The next fight.

It felt so inevitable. Even when all Charlie wanted to do was patch up their current argument, she couldn’t deny that there would be another.

Because no matter what they screamed about or what apologies they offered in the morning, they’d never resolve their current problem. Bloom was still a threat, and their relationship was still a secret. Until one of those conditions changed, they would be at odds. Neither could understand or appreciate the sacrifice of the other, and neither could fathom living the other’s ideal life. Resolution was always out of reach – either by timing or their own unwillingness to change.

Charlie grimaced as she imagined spending the next year the same way she’d spent the last few months, yet she could think of no alternative.

Except maybe talking to him, she thought.

“Charlie,” a voice startled her out of her quiet musings.

Charlie jumped, and when she turned to face the stranger, part of her expected it to be Ethan finally coming to set things right. But of course, it wasn’t.

Instead, Sienna faced her friend with kindness and quiet worry. She held a cup of coffee in each hand, one suspiciously tailored to Charlie’s taste and silently outstretched as a goodwill offering.

“Oh, hey,” Charlie swallowed her disappointment, hurriedly attempting to collect herself after being lost in her inner thoughts.

“I heard you come in late, and I thought you’d need some caffeine,” Sienna explained cheerfully, but even through Charlie’s bleary eyes, Sienna looked concerned. To ease her friend, Charlie thanked her and accepted the coffee.

“I hope I didn’t wake you,” Charlie added after taking a sip.

Of course, she had. Even though Charlie tried to quietly enter the apartment, Sienna was startled by the sudden noise. When she realized it was Charlie returning from an early morning fight with her boyfriend, Sienna almost wished it had been a burglar.

But Sienna politely lied and assured her that she’d already been awake, and Charlie politely pretended to believe her.

Sienna also pretended not to notice that Charlie’s eyes kept flitting back to Ethan.

“You doing okay?” Sienna asked.

“Uh…” Charlie hesitated, “Yeah. Just tired.”

Sienna nodded, failing to fully mask her disappointment at Charlie’s dishonesty.

“Well, I’m going to get a late breakfast in the cafeteria if you want to join,” Sienna suggested.

Charlie instinctively looked at Ethan – like he would somehow stop her or give her a reason to stay.

Sienna tried not to pity Charlie, or at least she tried to hide it.

Watching Charlie fall in love with Ethan had been difficult – due to Sienna’s concern for her friend and her own grief – but it had also been miraculous. Sienna felt privileged to see it unfold, and she was relieved that Ethan had been able to pick up Charlie’s pieces when Sienna was too distressed to do it herself.

However, watching Ethan slip out of Charlie’s fingers was agonizing.

Every night, Sienna watched Charlie sink further, and every day, Sienna watched as she tried to rise again. Love, hate, and disappointment flashed in Charlie’s expression until it was difficult to discern one from the other.

Charlie accepted Sienna’s breakfast invitation, and with tremendous effort, she pulled herself away from Ethan.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ethan watched her go. He lost track of what Ava said to him, too self-involved with his own internal pleas for Charlie to return. Even if he hadn’t yet dropped to his knees and begged for her forgiveness, he felt at peace near her. And he’d thought that, maybe if she waited just a minute longer, he would go to her.

Away from Ethan, Charlie was no longer fueled by her anger and disappointment, and inside the cafeteria, she succumbed to her own exhaustion and frustration. She wasn’t much of a conversationalist, though it didn’t matter with Sienna picking up the slack. Sienna didn’t seem to mind as she shared her recent struggles with her intern while they ordered their food, nor did Sienna mind when Charlie half-heartedly picked at her bagel. After a restless night, Charlie was too nauseous to eat, but she didn’t want to be alone.

“Thank you for taking Mitch’s patient, by the way,” Sienna said mid-bite, “He was being such an asshole, and I didn’t have room in my schedule to clean up his mess.”

Charlie waved off her friend, “No thanks necessary.”

“I still can’t believe he yelled at a patient for throwing up,” Sienna lowered her voice to a whisper like the sentence was too shameful to be said in the cafeteria.

“I still can’t believe he hasn’t been fired yet,” Charlie grumbled.

“He has an appointment with HR today,” Sienna said casually. Clearly, she’d also given up on the hospital doing anything to stop her intern’s behavior. They’d done nothing when he’d mistreated her all year.

Charlie scoffed.

“Well, did you at least find out what’s happening with the patient?” Sienna inquired.

“No, not yet,” Charlie shrugged, stirring an extra creamer into her coffee, “Still testing. I have a feeling it’s hyperemesis gravidarum, though.”

“She’s pregnant?”

“Not sure since Mitch didn’t run a pregnancy test, even though she hasn’t had a period in seven weeks and shows multiple symptoms of early pregnancy,” Charlie lamented. In a way, Charlie was happy she’d taken over Mitch’s case because it gave her someone to hate other than Ethan.

“Seven weeks?” Sienna repeated with reverent horror, “I panic even when I’m not late. And I’m on birth control. And not having sex.”

Charlie chucked as she remembered all her late-night shopping trips to buy pregnancy tests over the years, even when there was no chance it would come back positive. She hadn’t experienced that panic since moving to Boston, which was a surprise given how much the stress of residency impacted her cycle.

Stress had ravaged her – brain to body.

Even now, she couldn’t remember when her last menstrual cycle was.

Weeks, probably.

Maybe even a month.

… maybe two.

Charlie frowned, trying to pinpoint the day.

She couldn’t remember having her period. Not since before the grand opening party of Edenbrook, which was over a month prior.

Charlie poured over every memory she had of that time, desperate to find something about her menstrual cycle. But all she could remember was fighting and then making up in Ethan’s bedroom. Weeks of exhaustion, frustration, and irresponsibly unprotected sex.

No, she thought.

She had to be wrong.

She couldn’t possibly be … pregnant.

Suddenly, Charlie could hear nothing but her internal panic, ignoring Sienna as she shared a funny story about a pregnancy scare back in college.

Quietly – unbearably quietly – Charlie spiraled.

A baby in residency? With a man who couldn’t even acknowledge her as a girlfriend? What kind of secrecy could be maintained if Charlie was having his child? What should she do? What did she want to do? What would Ethan want to do?

It was impossible to tell how long Charlie brewed in her anxiety – though it was just long enough for Sienna to finish telling her story and start talking about an exciting new recipe. When Charlie could take it no longer, she quickly excused herself, thanking Sienna for the invitation and promising to do this again soon.

She’d hardly made it a step out of the room when she got out her phone to text Ethan.

Charlie: I need to see you.

A moment passed.

Ethan: I need to finish rounds and then we can meet in my office.

Charlie: no, I need to see you now.

Ethan: I can’t leave rounds. I have a dozen interns waiting on me.

Charlie: I think I’m pregnant.

The world stopped moving.

Or maybe it kept moving and Ethan was the one stuck in place.

Ethan: You’re kidding.

Charlie: why would I joke about that?

Ethan: When was your last period?

Charlie: at least a month ago.

Another pause. Charlie wondered what he was doing – if he felt the same panic she felt. She hated that she had to guess at all. He should be here.

Ethan: Okay, we’ll take a pregnancy test today. After I finish my rounds, I’ll collect the sample and take it for testing.

Charlie: after your rounds???

Charlie: I need to see you now. I’m not doing this by myself.

Ethan: Wait until I’ve finished, and I’ll be there.

Charlie: I’m taking a pregnancy test now. I need you here. Pause your fucking rounds and tell your interns you’ll be back in ten minutes.

Ethan: I can’t drop work right now.

Charlie: You’re Ethan Ramsey. Of course, you can.

Charlie: I’m taking the pregnancy test. I’ll be in the supply closet by the lab, and you’re going to meet me. I can’t do this alone.

To this text, Ethan didn’t answer.

Charlie didn’t know how to interpret his silence, but she decided that it meant he would tell his interns to wait and come find her. He’d be annoyed, of course, but she knew he would never let her go through this alone, especially when she’d told him she needed his support. Ethan was an asshole, but he loved her too much to abandon her now.

As Charlie collected her sample and dropped it off at the lab for urgent testing, she kept looking at her phone – expecting a text back from Ethan at any moment. She tried not to panic at his silence.

Which was relatively easy when she could panic about the test instead.

Charlie settled into the agreed-upon supply closet, keeping her hospital portal open for any impending notifications. Any moment, the lab would tell her the life-changing news, and all she could do was wait.

Seconds dragged into minutes, and Ethan still hadn’t arrived.

The anxiety in her stomach morphed into dread and disappointment. Where was he?

Chewing on her lower lip, Charlie drafted another text.

Charlie: Ethan, I’m serious. I really need you.

Again, silence.

With each passing moment, Charlie needed Ethan more. She needed Ethan to steady her. Alone, she grappled with the significance of the moment and all that could happen. She was buried in her fear and anxiety until she felt nothing but the ticking of time and the lurking danger.

He’ll come, Charlie assured herself.

Any moment now.

He wouldn’t do this to me.

Charlie gave a silent, impassioned plea for him not to disappoint her.

Today of all days, please don’t let him disappoint her.

Ding.

Charlie looked down at her phone, expecting a text notification, but instead, test results stared back at her.

Test results she received without Ethan.

It only took one look at the screen for Charlie to crumble.

Every defense shattered, releasing months of anger and resentment. Every lie she told herself became an unbearable truth. Every disappointment was an unforgivable act of treason.

Her body shook with her silent sobs, but all she wanted to do was scream.

The door to the supply closet opened, but Charlie knew it wouldn’t be him.

He hadn’t come.

When she realized it was Sienna who had stumbled upon her, Charlie felt nothing. Charlie was too busy feeling everything else that she’d kept dormant for months to recognize that, once again, Ethan had let her down.

“Charlie, oh my God, are you okay?” Sienna rushed to Charlie’s side, fear bleeding into her voice, “What happened? I just saw you in the cafeteria! Everything was fine, and we were talking about … oh my God, are you pregnant?”

Charlie choked on her tears, weakly reaching for her cell phone.

“Holy shit, you took a test,” Sienna’s voice raised to an impossibly high pitch as she tried to calm herself, “Listen, Charlie, it’ll be okay. I’m here for you. We’re all here for you. We love you, and if you decide you want to be a mom, we’ll all be here for you and your baby. Nothing has to stop you from achieving your dreams. I promise, I’ll be there every step of the way, and –”

Finally, Charlie got the test result up and showed Sienna the screen.

Sienna’s face fell, and she read the result over and over again.

“But… it’s negative,” Sienna frowned, “If you’re not pregnant, why are you…?” Sienna trailed off, generally motioning to Charlie’s despair.

Saying it out loud was soul-crushing.

Charlie was sure she would shatter just from thinking it.

But, between tears, Charlie answered, “He didn’t come.”

He didn’t come.

In the moment she needed him, he didn’t show.

He put his career first.

She would never be more important than his work and reputation, and she would never be more than a secret to him.

When she was sobbing in a supply closet, it was Sienna who came to patch her up, not the man who promised to love and fight for her for the rest of his life.

For weeks, Charlie had covered up her wounds. She’d forgiven him, even when neither of them deserved forgiveness because she loved him more than she cared about the fight. But now, the pain was too great to hide.

This betrayal was more important than her need to keep Ethan in her life.

He didn’t have to hold her hand in the street. He didn’t have to kiss her in the open. He didn’t even have to smile in her direction.

But he did need to be with her when she really needed him.

He needed to be someone that she could depend on.

She deserved someone who loved her more than he loved peace in the workplace and the prestige of his unblemished reputation. She deserved to be more than a secret in someone’s bedroom.

She respected herself too much.

And in a way, she loved him too much.

Sienna fell to the floor with Charlie, and together, they cried. They shared their despair, and Charlie clung to the comfort.

But even beneath the warmth of her friend’s love, Charlie knew that something had changed. Something irrevocable occurred. She remembered how he’d promised not to hurt her again and how she’d accepted him, even when she knew he would disappoint her one day.

She’d been naïve to believe that he could change – that she could mean more to him than his beloved Edenbrook.

When enough time passed and they were both out of tears, Sienna picked up Charlie’s pieces, and she cleaned them up. Charlie couldn’t wipe the devastation off her face, but Sienna could at least smooth her hair and wipe away the tears.

Together, they left the supply closet, and Charlie felt another piece of her soul die.

If she’d just stayed a little longer.

If she’d been willing to give him more time.

If she’d waited for him.

Then she would have seen Ethan rush through the halls, suddenly aware of his grave mistake. Without expressly acknowledging it in himself, he understood that this was more than a delayed pregnancy test. This was the culmination of all the days and nights Charlie had waited for him to change his mind and be the man he promised to be.

He understood that, by not being there, he’d done more than miss a lab result.

He’d recognized the significance of why he was late – that he’d disappointed her in favor of preventing a scene at work. He knew what it meant to pick his role as attending over his role of boyfriend.

And he knew he’d hurt her in a way he may never recover from.

So, he told himself he hadn’t missed it.

After finding the supply closet empty, he looked for Charlie – going to the lab, nearby patient rooms, the nurse’s station, and even the on-call room and doctor’s lounge. In a moment of desperation, he checked his office – like she’d be willing to wait for him there after he’d refused to acknowledge her impassioned plea for support.

But Charlie was gone.

Exiting his office, Ethan meant to continue his search.

But looming in the corner, Bloom watched.

The second Ethan spotted him, he knew that Bloom had seen Ethan rush through the hospital in search of Charlie. He knew that Bloom would continue to watch if Ethan continued to search. He would use whatever he’d seen here today against them both.

Panic prickled at Ethan’s skin, and he instinctively took a step back.

They couldn’t be discovered.

Ethan had hurt Charlie enough. He couldn’t be responsible for the demolition of her career – not when she was so promising and so dedicated. He loved her too much to be her downfall.

“Dr. Ramsey?”

It took Ethan a moment to realize that the greeting came from Ava Silva, one of his interns who had just rounded the corner with a stack of charts.

Ethan knew that he should have ignored them both. He should have found Charlie, explained his mistake, and begged for her forgiveness. He would give her anything she needed – anything she wanted. He would make up for his failure again and again, even when she’d forgotten.

He would drop everything and raise a baby.

He would run out the front door and leave Boston if it meant keeping her.

But would he really?

Would he actually go?

All she’d asked of him was to take a moment and support her, and he hadn’t even been able to do that.

Ethan told himself that he was protecting them. He was making a difficult decision not to chase after Charlie, but she would understand. One day, she would thank him for this. She would know that he had done what was best.

But he was only conceding to his cowardice.

Ethan regretted this decision for the rest of his life.

He would regret it now, if he would only listen to himself.

But he didn’t.

Instead, he politely greeted Dr. Silva and spoke about a patient instead of chasing the woman he loved.

And he would pay for it.

Author's Note: please don't hate me.

#ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x charlie greene #open heart #open heart fanfiction #conch fic recs

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