i shouldn’t be in social situations i should be in the dark

man this year is gonna be the year i either die or become someone else i dont know which one maybe both

Don’t know who this quote is by but it’s been stuck in my brain like a leech for days

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

change the color used to highlight text on your laptop

move the pictures on your wall

stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all

slightly vary your commute, even just by one street

change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed

drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real

shower with the lights off, without music

buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room

start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing

wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night

listen to the entirety of your favorite album from 2015

are you worried

About what? But yeah

this body can’t hold me

haruki murakami “norwegian wood” // embroidery by ana teresa barboza // mitski “goodbye, my danish sweetheart” // erin tucker (2013) “frayed and fragile” // unknown // art by annegret soltau // fiona apple “heavy balloon” // chloe gong “these violent delights”

alternatives to “i want to die”:

i want things to change

i want a different life

today was a shitty day/week

i don’t want to live like this

i want to be somewhere else in life

i’m not where i want to be yet

+ much more

btw. does anyone want to burst into tears with me

listen. aging into your thirties rocks. yes your joints get a little creaky. yes you can’t sleep in a pretzel on the floor anymore after a concert or a convention. and you lose some friends. but the thing is that you sort out who your real friends are and you sort out who you really are. and you get to see your friends settling into careers they like, and adopt new dogs and cats, and you find a job you can stand, and get really good at arts and crafts, and maybe that book you loved as a kid gets a movie deal and it doesn’t suck, and you learn to like new food and bake your own bread, and you realize that the great portfolio of self harm scars you all used to curate are going white with age and not updated, and half your friends are a different gender now and so much happier and maybe you are too, and you know who you are, and that it’s a journey and not a revelation. it’s a direction you’re headed, and you’re enjoying the trip.

reaching your 30′s rocks. and i’m hearing good things about what comes next, too.

you can't oppression olympics your way out of how your trauma affected you.

people with adhd, psychosis, brain fog, schizophrenia or anything that affects memory, recall and perception of reality are so at risk of gaslighting. even when you’re pretty sure you did/didn’t do a thing, if someone suggests that it didn’t actually happen that way or you’re skewing the facts or you’re just misremembering of whatever, you start to question yourself and your own memories and that is very easy to take advantage of. and it’s so incredibly difficult to get anyone to believe you or take you seriously because not even you are 100% sure you’re recalling things correctly. it sucks so bad not being able to rely on your own memory and to have to worry about people using it against you (because they can and will)

I will never get over how weird it feels to have tragic and emotional chapters of your life where you just also still go to work, and the grocery store, and see funny videos online all while feeling such paralyzing fear and heartache

life just goes on no matter what

The Sims 1 + Mental State Notifications (Part 1/?)