cottagecorecrissy
Crissy
22💜
trigger warning for some things you see on my account
Bi she/they💜 trauma tingz
-⭐💜🍃💜⭐-
dni minors, racist, any anti-lgbtq+, misogynist or abusive behaviors
54 posts
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Dad called me a liar and said i don't help him. I forget to make up the bed with new sheets, and suddenly, everything i do makes no difference. I guess it is true, this family is one of pretenders. He pretended he was sick and i pretended to take care of him. Mom pretended to go to work and be bone tired.
I guess, despite what my father thinks, he and my mother are the only ones actually contributing to the household. I am a burden and even with tears in my eyes, i know it to be true. He is god and my mother and i are pathetic peasants who aren't worthy.
Maybe if he had a son and that son was as STUPID as me, he would find different ways to be disappointed.
This is a kind of pain that sits in your chest, crushing you as you realize. "I am useless in this world if i couldn't even make my own father love me"
Knowing all of this now, why on earth would i ever get married and have kids?
#parental abuse#toxic parents#toxic father#sadgirl#actually traumatized#tw: depression#tw father mention#i wish he could see someone else is in the same universe as him
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#palestine#current events#gaza#free palestine#free gaza#palestine news#jerusalem#yemen#news on gaza#tel aviv#bisan owda#motaz azaiza#genocide#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#war on gaza#ceasefire#how can you sleep at night
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Well now i have confirmation that Mom will never care about what is going on in my head. It's not that she hates me, just isn't interested in anything i try to tell her.
Just listen. Listen.
LISTEN. LISTEN. LISTEN.
I wish i wasn't fucked up so bad that she could care about me.
I should stop trying. Dad is already a lost cause. I can still hear arguments(screaming matches) so loud it rings in my ear.
I am deserving of this treatment. I argue with mom about everything. This is my fate. I will never escape it. Happily ever after, that only happens to those people that isn't me. My mom tries to love me sometimes i see it but this family is too broken to truly ever work.
I will never be free of this family because i would be too lonely anyways. I don't have any friends and who would ever be friends with me anyways.
#actually traumatized#parental abuse#toxic household#toxic parents#toxic mom#toxic family#sadgirl#maybe in another life#in another universe i could be happy
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Maybe if i were smarter mother would love me.
Maybe if i had common sense father would love me at all.
It hurts so bad, knowing that i am alone. I don't exist and i never will. Maybe i never did. There is something seriously wrong with me.
I wake up, i wish i was dead. I brush my teeth, i wish i was dead. Dead, dead, dead... why can't i just be dead already? No one will miss me. Mother says that i will take her life if i take mine. I wish that was enough anymore to make me stay.
#parental abuse#toxic parents#toxic household#tw: depression#trauma#painful memories#my mother doesn't believe in me anymore#i just want to sleep#can i please die#i wish they loved me as much as i loved them#i wish i was different#depression#anxiety#no one will read this#friendless
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It is true now.
I am a monster.
Mother has given up on me. Father never gave me a chance.
What is there left to do but sink into the dark water?
Maybe if i were stronger i could do it?
I could go now and there would be nothing left to be this broken over.
Why? Why? Why?
I love them, mom and dad, why couldn't they love me? Am i that ugly on the inside and outside?
I guess the only upside to all this is that at least now i can't lose anyone else.
Can a heart still break once it no longer beats?
#toxic mother#parental abuse#toxic household#painful memories#why am i like this#she didn't love me#trauma#tw: depression#toxic mom#toxic dad#i wish you loved me#my heart will remain broken till i die#i wish they loved me as much as i loved them
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shaking six year old me by the shoulders YOU WERE RIGHT. YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT LOVE AND ABOUT FAIRNESS AND ABOUT SHARING IS CARING. YOU WERE RIGHT. THE ADULTS DON’T KNOW ANY MORE ABOUT TRUTH THAN YOU DO. KEEP BELIEVING IN THE FAIRIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GARDEN. NOTHING IS “JUST THE WAY IT IS”. I AM SORRY THEY EVER CONVINCED YOU TO FEEL SHAME. YOU ARE REAL AND A PART OF THIS WORLD. YOU WERE RIGHT.
#holy hell this is true#kindness#biting snarling eating dirt. whatever#warmth#sharing is caring#painful memories#treat people with kindness#also fairies are real and so are dragons
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How dare you put everything i feel into words????
Escapism feels good, addictive even when real life is a big pile of broken shards and pain.
i appreciate that i have dreams and ambitions but i hate it at the same time. my desires for the future are ruining me. fantasy is fine to indulge in before you fall asleep, it becomes a problem when you lay in bed for hours living in that which does not exist. when you stare at the wall and placate the monster inside of you. that reality is better than the one you really exist in, i know. but so long as you keep investing in that one instead of this life, it will remain that way forever.
fantasy is parasitic. the more you submerge, the more you rot. the more you submerge yourself in reality, the closer your fantasy feels. the more time you allow yourself to be that imperfect person of now, the closer your worlds will come to converging.
insp. (x)
#actually adhd#escapism#how dare you do this to me#also it fits so well#toxic parents#piggybacking off of what you said#trauma
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HOW CAN I EVER DO ANYTHING?
my parents crippled me socially and then blamed me for not being an adult. I don't know how to be one. My mother and father made sure to break me in such a way that the only people who will ever know i existed would be family members who don't particularly like me and my parents. This should be studied how wonderfully they did this. I will never escape, huh? I feel like screaming and throwing myself into the ocean. I am alone by their design. 22 years old.
Ps. Does anyone else who is depressed feel a pain in their chest sometimes when emotional pain gets to be too much sometimes?
#parental abuse#toxic parents#toxic household#tw traumacore#lonliness#loneliest sweet potato#will i ever be able to climb out of this hole#i am in so much pain
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Look, this is probably going to end up as an unpopular post, because God knows the level of brainrot capitalism and fast consumption caused in people's brains, but I'd rather not get TV shows for a while if it means writers get their rights defended and recognized.
Entertainment can't come at the cost of fair pay, healthy work environment and ethical practices.
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I feel like crying reading this and knowing that i am not crazy for "not having common sense" as they call it. You never taught me this, how am i supposed to know. Then you tell me i could never be on my own because I'd crash and burn because i don't know anything.
I finally cracked down on the whole ‘why don’t you know this by now’ and ‘you’re too stupid to be independent’ issue with abusive parents so I’m going to break it down.
So lets make two things clear; first: Parents ARE responsible for TEACHING you basics of life, which includes survival, your rights, and basic knowledge that you don’t get in school, and second: Yelling at you for not knowing these things already, is not teaching, and they’re aware of that.
Abusive parents don’t care for their responsibility towards the children at all, but they are very interested in making you useful and appearing as great parents to everyone outside the family. So, if they’re teaching you anything, it’s only for the sake of you doing things for them. Hell, sometimes they’ll just tell you to 'pick it up by watching’ or 'figure it out on your own’ and give you dozens of responsibilities without even asking if you know how, or offering an explanation. Maybe they want you to do menial jobs, maybe you’re responsible for raising your siblings, or restocking groceries and cooking, maybe cleaning or cutting grass or carrying wood or caring for animals; it will be allowed for you to know these things but nothing outside of it, so you wouldn’t start thinking you’re actually competent. You will do all these things correctly and still be called stupid, lazy, worthless, and be reminded that you are nothing without them; all the things you don’t know or can’t do will be thrown into your face, you’re told you are incapable of learning them.
That’s how they get that nice balance of keeping you working for them but still completely in the dark about how to survive without them. The less you know the easier to keep you from leaving; they will sometimes even devalue things you learn at school, just to get your confidence down.
But then, in their infinite masterplan to keep you uninformed, they will forget that it must appear to other people as if you know things, or it will be suspicious; why didn’t they teach their child anything? They’re all pretty paranoid about being found out, so they have to make some counter-measures just in case. So then they gotta paint this picture of 'oh I did teach my child everything! But the child doesn’t listen! If they still don’t know something it’s their own fault!’ And they pre-emptively act as if they have already taught you everything, but you, dumb slob, retained nothing of it. And they need you to act guilty of this in front of other people too, so they’ll often yell at you 'How old are you? How do you already not know this?’ in front of others, as a display of their narrative. They’re saying 'oh we did teach the child and we say it constantly but the kid doesn’t listen even at this age!“
But what it does to you is actually gaslighting. Because you know you never heard this information from them before. They never even came close to comprehensively explaining anything to you. But the scenario playing out in front of you suggests they not only did, but you forgot, and if you try to defend yourself how will you convince anyone that you didn’t forget? It’s a not such a big deal to go fight them on it, but as it happens again and again, you start doubting your memory. Sometimes they even act surprised when you don’t know something, as if they spent days teaching it to you? You start getting worried that you’re missing out on all this vital info, but watch how even when they’re fake surprised you don’t know, they still don’t give you the info! They shame you for not paying attention and what you’re supposed to take from this is to pay attention in the future where they still just never fucking tell you anything relevant ever.
Because it’s just a show of charades to keep all the useful information that would help you to freedom safely hidden away from you, while having you look forgetful and guilty for any witnesses. It’s more likely you’ll learn something asking your neighbour who doesn’t have any stakes in keeping you uninformed.
Being treated like this for long term can make you doubt your own ability to learn, will make you worried that everyone knows more than you and ashamed for being stupid. It will not only discourage you from learning but make sure you have way less context for new knowledge you acquire; you will struggle to place new concepts without the basics and new information will feel arbitrary and irrelevant.
If you want to test if your parents are doing this, try telling them you’re reading resources for abuse; see how quick they are to either devalue or forbid it as a 'wrong and manipulative’, and likely throw a tantrum for good measure to make sure you don’t do it again. Now don’t really do it. If you could have imagined them reacting like this, then yes, they’re definitely aware they’re abusing you and ready to cover it up and isolate you from the information that would have helped you escape.
What you can do is slowly come to terms with the fact that no, you’re not stupid; nobody took the time to actually teach you. The information denied to you, is not actually intimidating and impossible to retain, it’s simply threatening to abusers, but you are capable of learning it. Once you do learn it, it will make sense they wanted to keep it away from you, in fact you will find out among the things they did tell you, there was a lot of guilt-inducing lies. You are not stupid for not knowing. You have had knowledge withheld from you, and then got gaslit into accepting responsibility for it.
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Dismantling the Lies of Abusive Parents Masterlist
Resources
Giving you food and clothing is the bare minimum
You don’t owe gratitude for food and clothes you needed as a child
You had the right for basic resources
Parents shaming you for costing money is ironic and stupid
What it means when they say ‘This is MY house’
My house = my rules is blackmail
Children don’t owe absolute obedience for being fed and sheltered
Physical abuse
You are allowed to refuse any touch, not only violence
If they ‘don’t know they’re hurting you’, why do they ignore or punish you when you protest?
Hitting children is irrational and doesn’t work
You cannot ‘provoke’ your parents to abuse you if they’re not abusive
Why do parents hit, manipulate and traumatize children
Blatant Lies
Care, nurture and affection do not make you weak
They’re lying when they say it ‘wasn’t that bad’‘
You wouldn’t have grown up spoiled if not for abuse
You got too affected by it’ is a lie
Your parents are not ‘just too emotionally immature’ to understand abuse
‘You’re not living in the real world!’ is nonsense
You’re not worthless, a burden, ungrateful, or stupid, and your parents know that.
Constant undermining of your accomplishments is abuse
Not being allowed to talk about the past is symptom of abuse
Parents who want you to be happy vs look happy
You are not abusive for resisting abuse
When they claim ‘they didn’t mean it’, it’s still abuse
Your parents are responsible for their own actions regardless of how badly they try to shift blame on you
Psychological abuse
Blind Obedience is not required in a healthy upbringing
Disgust is a weapon abusive parents use on their kids
If they say they love you, but walk all over your feelings, they don’t
Parents don’t have the right to enter your room to scream at you
Parents insisting for you to be ‘tough’ are doing it to hide the trauma
Even if a kid acts like ‘they can take it’, it’s still abuse
Pretending abuse is discipline will leave children permanently scarred
It’s inhumane to control and shame children’s reactions to abuse
Why don’t you already know this? vs Teaching you necessary skills
Acting like they’ll change is escape sabotage
Parents are responsible for protecting children from harm
References to how healthy parenting looks like
Not being allowed to be angry with your parents is psychological abuse
If parents want you to act the way you did when you were little, they’re dangerous
Threats about how hard your life will be later on, are bad for you
Lack of continuity and ever-changing rules will cause anxiety
Forced obedience will lead you to abusive relationships
Parents acting like you’re a ‘bad child’ is a shame tactic to control you
There’s healthy and abusive ways to give children chores
Revisioning the past and insisting you remember it wrong is gaslighting
If your parents make you suicidal, they’re abusive
Parents threatening ‘they could be worse’ is abuse
Always assuming the worst intentions for your actions is wrong
Keeping children hostage in abuse is torture
If this hits home, also read Recognizing Abuse Masterlist
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The way this has been my entire life since i could store memories permanently as a child i knew. They told me and treated me as such.
No child deserves to feel like they don't belong in their own family
No child should ever be treated like a burden
No child should ever have to live with someone who makes them feel like they shouldn't have been born
#actually traumatized#tw traumacore#trauma#toxic parents#toxic household#painful memories#i was a child
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If a child is so afraid of getting in trouble that they don't come to their parents when they make a mistake that could possibly put their health or even their life in danger, then those parents have failed.
If something goes wrong, and the first thing that child thinks is, "oh god, my parents are gonna kill me," then the parents have failed.
If a child is afraid of their parents, if the child sees their parents as an active threat instead of a source of safety and guidance, then the parents have failed.
A parents job is to protect, to teach, to guide.
If a parent makes themself a danger to the child, in any capacity, then that parent has failed.
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They use that "i love you" as a defense when you get hurt by them over and over again. The worst part is when you know that deep down you'll never be leaving them. Even if physically I'm able to one day and that's such a small window, you'll never escape what they did to you. Ruining parts of you that you never got to have like a self esteem, a smile, happiness, thoughts that are positive, a heart that wasn't always broken, etc...
People talk about abusers who never say ‘i love you’ but i wish they talked more about the ones that do. The ones that hurt you over and over and leave you ruined and confused because afterwards they tell you how much they love you and how important you are to them. That way you’ll always doubt wether what they did was truly wrong. You’ll never understand what ‘i love you’ means, you’ll always associate it with something painful. ‘I love you’ will lose all meaning. It’s so fucking painful to hear it said by the person who caused you so much pain
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My friends telling me I shouldn't be so excited about being queerbaited yet again, but I am.
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I have to say it. @namorslutfanfiction IS THE BEST FANFIC WRITER, PERIODT.
Ahhhhh i love this and all the other ones
Sequel or second chapter to the M'baku/Reader/Namor love triangle. Like the wedding and the angst and the healing. Everyone reacting to reader and Namor starting to actually fall in love with each other.
Ah yes let's suffer together
Summary: The betrothal leads to a wedding of convenience. M'baku is still coping with what he has done. You and Namor may have a real chance.
PART ONE
Angst. Violence
Namor watched you from the other side of the room. It had surprised Namora almost as much as it had surprised himself that he had allowed you to paint a mural on the wall. He had reserved the pass time to his own whims and the history of Talokan. But he reasoned, you were now part of that history, as you would be the First Queen of Talokan.
Tomorrow was the wedding. You had no hand in planning it barring choosing the design of your dress and what jewelry you would wear. It was not in you to plan flowers, decorations, and music when the ultimate decision to marry anyone was not your own. But in the week since you returned to the Talokan caves, Namor had been a steady and strong presence by your side.
He was so different from M'baku. If the roles were reversed, M'baku, would have tried his hardest to get you to participate in the planning of the royal affair. He would have insisted on the types of music and clothing. There would have been directions on how to make all the food vegetarian. He would have tried to cheer you up by reminding you that weddings were supposed to be celebrations. But, Namor left you to do what you wished. He didn't push you to do anything. In fact he simply allowed you to do whatever soothed you. He would personally bring food and drink to your chambers, ask easy questions about how you were feeling, and would offer physical comfort but never more than a brief hug, hand hold, or kiss on the forehead unless you asked for more.
You had been mulling over everything. How quickly your life had changed over night. The wedding had been announced but you didn't know how it had been received in Wakanda. The people of Talokan has been weary but Namor had been sure to speak of your virtues in as grandiose of a manner that he could. They had been welcoming the last time Namor had taken you around Talokan again. It had not escaped you how odd it was for you to become Queen to a nation that you couldn't really live in.
"It is beautiful," Namor's voice broke you out of your thoughts as he came up beside you. He had allowed you to paint your own mural. It was of Jabariland at the height of the spring when the snow would melt except for the highest peak. There was a small depiction of you, M'baku, and his father at the entrance of the caves.
Namor admired your work and you admired him. He was a beautiful man, his skin golden, and his eyes had both youth and maturity. You thanked Hanuman that Namor was not the type to be a mean husband. He turned to you and gently patted your head, a proud look on his face. When he went to cup your cheek you leaned into it, sighing softly.
"Can you hug me, please?" You asked, eyes closed. You didn't see the softening of Namor's gaze or the affection he had in his eyes as he pulled you into his arms. You were seated and he was standing so your ear was to his chest as you wrapped your arms around his waist. His cape enveloped you, bringing you warmth and safety. His heartbeat kept a steady rhythm as you clung to him.
Namor said nothing as he held you, running one hand up and down the middle of your back. He found out quickly that you were affectionate and he didn't mind fulfilling your need in moments like this. Your guard was down and it warmed his heart to know that you trusted him, in spite of everything. It did not escape Namor that you could have and should have been angry at him for suggesting the marriage of convenience. But his only thought had been of keeping you from living a life next to M'baku, a noble king but someone who had scarred you, invisibly but deeply. At least with him, there was a chance for more, with time.
"Namor," Your voice was slightly muffled against his chest.
"Yes, in reina," Namor replied, making no move to release you from his arms.
"What does that mean? You've been calling me that since we came back." You asked innocently, your fingers gripped at the cape on his back experimentally, not sure if you were clinging too tightly.
"It means 'my queen'," Namor replied softly, not sure how you would take it.
You pulled away slightly to look up at him. He met your eyes with an apprehensive gaze. You smiled softly, "I like it,"
Namor exhaled the breath he didn't know he was holding, "I like it too."
"Are you ready for tomorrow?" You asked, leaning back into his embrace, unable to stop yourself from snuggling into his warmth.
"Yes. But I worry about you. It will be difficult," Namor replied, kissing the crown of your head.
You let the silence sink in. You had thought about your circumstances for hours at a time as the week had passed. Time was moving quickly and also not at all. Tomorrow was your wedding to a man you barely knew, who you chose over a man you had known your whole life. Yet, you couldn't find it in yourself to regret it. You chuckled to yourself, then stood up, surprising Namor.
You gazed at the handsome King, who should intimidate you, even scare you after everything he had done. But you felt safe, you felt cared for. Even if it was not love, not yet, it was close. You felt yourself smile at him, "You promised to take care of me. To make me happy. To love me, while I learned to love you."
Namor tilted his head, a look of amusement on his face, "Yes, in reina. I do not take this lightly. I never took a queen in all my years ruling Talokan. I never felt it necessary nor did I feel compelled to, until now."
"You are cruel and ruthless, Namor. I know this. But I also know that you are kind, protective, and do not act without reason. I trust you, more than I should trust anyone that I have known for such a short time. I don't fear what tomorrow brings because I trust you, wholeheartedly," You cupped the king's cheek. The softness in his eyes at this moment could melt the coldest heart. "May I kiss you, in ajawo?"
Namor's brow raised at the use of his language, and a smile spread across his face. His hand found yours on his cheek and clutched them as you leaned in to kiss him. It was chaste, earnest, and full of promises.
~~~
M'baku watched from high up in the council room as the city prepared for the grand celebration that would take place tomorrow. Wakandans and Talokanil alike were setting decorations, preparing a bounty of food, and practicing exhibitions to perform for the new royalty. He wished to drown himself in a barrel of wine or a bottle of whiskey but shook his head. The Jabari King had refused to partake in any alcohol since that fateful night.
He had stopped weeping over what had happened, although the guilt remained. A deserved brow beating from Okoye and several pep talks from Shuri had distracted him from falling into a deep depression. He couldn't even find it in himself to hate K'uk'ulkan. The man reacted in the exact way he would have if he had stumbled upon the same sight.
M'baku dreaded the next day. He dreaded that, without any blood family to be found for you, that he would be the one to give his blessing. The woman he loved would walk from his arms into another man's and it was his own doing. The great Jabari warrior was also worried beyond measure. He admired the feathered serpent god and the kingdom he built, but he knew nothing but cruelty from the man.
Except on that day, of course, the day of the treaty and alliance. He had been gracious, kind, and friendly. M'baku had found an easy comradery with the sea king until it was obvious that you favored the other man. Then his feelings had soured. But he trusted your judgement as much as it broke his heart. He knew you would not have chosen someone that you would not be able to tolerate. From Okoye's words, there may have already been a spark manifesting that first day.
"M'baku, how are you?" The gentle voice of Shuri broke his brooding.
He sighed heavily, turning to the Princess, "As well as can be expected. At least we can say with confidence that I did not completely destroy this alliance before it truly started."
M'baku scoffed at his own comment, sitting heavily on the throne. Shuri approached him slowly, "She has sent a message, asking if you would like to speak with her before tomorrow. She wants you to give the blessing, but only if you wish."
There it was, the expectation of him as your only kin. His father was dead and no other Jabari was close to you in the way that he was. He stared hard at the ground. He would need to see you once before then, if only to release whatever feelings he had pre-emptively, so he would not lose himself in front of the kingdom when he blessed the union. "Tell her to come. She is right, we have things to discuss."
~~~
"I am not sure I should go in there with you," Namor stood with you at the doors to the council room.
"I need you with me, in ajawo," You replied, already knowing that using his language would touch him.
Namor sighed as he turned to you, cupping your face in his hands, "In reina, this should be a private conversation. You have not seen him since the betrothal was decided on. You left angry and he was left guilty and devastated. I do not want to intrude on matters of the family."
"You are my family now, Namor. K'uk'ulkan," You grasped his hands in your own, staring into his eyes hoping he would see your desperation. You had thought you were ready to return to the palace, but your anxiety had skyrocketed the moment you entered the familiar halls. "I need you with me, please."
"Do you still fear him?" The Talokan King asked, stepping even closer to you, his thumbs caressing your cheeks.
"I do not, but my body remembers. It rejects this place," A tear escaped and Namor brushed it away. You had never thought you would abhor the Wakandan royal palace but trauma was powerful.
Namor leaned in and kissed your forehead. He stepped back and took your hand before waving his hand for the two Dora soldiers to open the doors for you both. When you entered you found not only M'baku there but also Shuri. A surprise for everyone it seemed.
"K'uk'ulkan," M'baku greeted the other king, standing and nodding his head at him.
"King M'baku," Namor replied with a similar nod. He addressed Shuri, "Princess, we did not know you would also be in attendance."
"I could say the same about you, Namor," Shuri's voice wasn't outright aggressive but still held some steal. There seemed to be no love lost between the former enemies.
"I asked him to be here," You defended him, still gripping his hand. You turned to your childhood friend. "Baku, how are you?"
"I have been better. I trust that he has kept you well," M'baku addressed you, ignoring the other two in the room as best he could. You looked healthy but tired. There was a tension in your body that had never used to be there when you were in his presence and it made his heart clench.
"Yes. I am well, we both are," You glanced at Namor before releasing his hand. He stepped back, not wanting to intrude. When you glanced back at M'baku you noticed the pain in his eyes and how they lingered on your previously joined hands. The tension in the air was suffocating and you knew that it would not wane with the other two people in the room. "Namor, Shuri, can you leave us to talk?"
"Are you sure?" M'baku asked, beating Namor to the question.
"Yes. Namor, you were right this is a matter of family. We need to speak alone," you turned to Namor and Shuri. Namor nodded and turned towards the doors that sprang open. Shuri hesitated but you shook your head. "Please, Shuri."
She sighed then left the room, following the Talokan King. The doors closed behind her and you stood before your childhood friend, your brother in all but blood. Both of you hesitated, not sure how to begin what would be an emotional confrontation. You both tried to speak at the same time and then simultaneously gestured for the other to go first. You both smiled slightly.
"You do not have to give the blessing, we can go without it," You began.
"I will do it. My father would have wanted it that way. It is also asking for K'uk'ulkan's word that although he is taking you from us, he will not forget your heritage and what this marriage means. It is tradition," M'baku insisted. "It will look good to the people. Outside of those involved, a few of the Dora, and the council, no one knows what took place that night. We are framing my bringing you to the table during the treaty celebration as our introduction of a marriage alliance. It will look like a decisive diplomatic decision. It will be celebrated as such."
You listened intently, understanding that appearances had to be kept, and honor maintained. He was waiting for you to say something but your mouth ran dry. M'baku had truly taken on the mantle of King and was doing a fine job despite the emotional turmoil.
You took a deep breath and stepped forward. You willed the tension to leave your body and the anxious shaking to stop. You gently took his much larger hands in yours, "Baku, I forgive you. I want you to let go of any guilt so that tomorrow we can really celebrate. Father would have wanted that."
The Jabari King gripped your hands firmly. He shook his head, sadness bearing down on his large form. "I never wanted this. Even when you left I knew you left because of my growing feelings. I didn't ask you to stay then because I didn't want to force you. I didn't want to ask you for something you couldn't give. I never thought I would try and take from you."
"You were drunk and asleep," you cupped his cheek, making him meet your gaze. The proximity had your heart racing. "I know you M'baku. I know you better than anyone and you would never hurt me on purpose. So I ask, that tomorrow, you be happy for me. It is sudden, and it comes from a sad incident, but I truly believe I can be happy with him. He has only shown me compassion in this short time. Even when I have ignored him or lashed out. He has only been gracious."
"I did not expect him to offer to marry you," M'baku revealed, his hand came up to hold the one you had on his cheek. "I did not expect you to accept either."
You hesitated, feeling the warmth of him as he leant into your touch. The familiar smell of him surrounded you. The grip he had on your hand felt so normal but also too tight. Your breathing sped up and you were overcome with the memories of his weight on you. You gasped, and shoved him away.
M'baku was shocked then his face crumbled with shame. You willed yourself to breathe normally, hugging yourself, "Baku, I'm sorry."
He coughed, stopping the sob that fought to rip through his chest. The King stepped back, giving you room, lifting a hand to stop you when you tried to step forward. "You made the right decision. I would have hated to see you fear me every day. Don't apologize."
"One day, I promise I will be able to hug you again. Like old times. We will spar in the snow, and I will tackle you and wrestle like we used to," You put on a brave face, the memories of that night still playing in the back of your mind.
"Go, I'm sure K'uk'ulkan will want you well rested for tomorrow. You must show him what a beautiful bride Wakanda has brought to him," M'baku tried to joke.
You were still shaky as you turned to the doors. When they opened, Shuri entered first. She scanned your shaking form with concern but you shook your head, walking past her. Shuri watched as you walked straight into Namor's waiting arms, and buried your face into his neck. He clutched you and whispered something in your ear that made you nod. The Talokan King looked up, nodded at Shuri and glanced at M'baku, before he turned with you and heading down the hall. Shuri watched until you and Namor were out of sight before she commanded the door closed and approached the Wakandan King.
"What happened?" She asked, taking in the stoic king who was staring up at a point on the ceiling.
"I will give my blessing tomorrow and watch her marry K'uk'ulkan." He replied, running heavy hand across his face before meeting the Princess' piercing gaze, "She will be happier with him than she can ever be with me. Today proved that."
Shuri was not at all convinced that M'baku believed what he said but she only nodded, worrying about her friends.
~~~
Namor turned at the sound of your approach. He took in your wedding clothes, a mix of Jabari furs, though lighter than tradition, and flowing Talokanil fabric. You were draped in jewelry and your hair intricately braided. He approached you with a smile, taking your hand a laying a kiss upon your knuckles, "You look beautiful, in reina."
"You look beautiful too," You replied. His skin matched the stunning gold that graced his body. He wore a cape that covered half his chest and atop his head was the grand headdress he had worn at the celebration of the alliance.
"Are you ready?" He asked, entwining your hand in his as he led you to the double doors.
You nodded, making the jewelry in your hair jingle. You stopped and looked up at the handsome visage of the king, feeling surprisingly giddy. You could hear the music and the chatter of the people. Both countries had come together to celebrate a prosperous union and the excitement was infectious.
"Namor, K'uk'ulkan," You addressed your betrothed who smiled down at you, also being sucked in by the jovial atmosphere permeating through the doors of the grand hall. "I am happy to be marrying you. In spite of everything that has led to this moment, I look forward to being your wife and Queen."
The King smiled broadly as he cupped your cheek, "I promise, in reina, your happiness will be mine to protect from now on."
With those words he took your hand and pushed open the doors. You walked together down the procession line, regal and majestic towards the dais that looked over the crowd. There were cheers and music as you presented yourselves before your people. You noticed that the entire Jabari tribe was in attendance, your fellow warriors coming to see you off. The Talokanil were also present, dressed in light clothing that shined with the gleam of vibranium threading. There was singing and dancing as you made your way through the crowd.
Once you had made it to the dais, there stood a Talokanil shaman and a council member to officiate. The crowd died down at their command. Before you lay a table with representations of the four elements, a tradition of Mayan weddings. The grand headdress was removed from Namor's head as incense was lit and waved around the expanse of the space.
The council member spoke first, "We now ask for a member of the Jabari tribe to witness and bless this union for the prosperity of the alliance between Wakanda and Talokan. To the happiness of the daughter of Jabariland and the first son of Talokan."
M'baku stepped forth. His expression was schooled but softened when you met his gaze and smiled at him. "It is with great pleasure, that I, M'baku, King of Wakanda and Son of the Jabari, bless this union and wish the greatest happiness to this daughter of the Jabari and my dearest friend. To K'uk'ulkan I ask that this union remain a symbol of not only our alliance but of your promises to treat this treasured woman as precious and as much one of yours as she is ours. Let our ancestors also bless this union and bring peace and happiness to these lands."
Cheers exploded as he draped you and then Namor each in a gold necklace. Namor nodded and shook M'baku's hand. They exchanged words that you could not hear over the sounds of jubilation. When M'baku stepped back, the Wakandan council man moved forward. He compelled you both to repeat after him as he expressed traditional vows of love and loyalty. You felt your heart swell with each devotion. Hearing Namor repeat the words as he gripped your hand tightly solidified that you had made the right choice. The way the Talokanil King looked at you as he slid the ring onto your finger and you did the same to him spoke volumes of how much he already cared for you. There were cheers from the Wakandans as the first half of the ceremony ended.
The shaman of Talokan took his turn. He spoke in Yucatec Mayan with Griot blasting a translation from speakers embedded in the halls.
"We stand before the Mother Earth and the Cosmos to bring this union together in their spiritual blessing," The shaman lit a candle in the middle of the table. Namor gestured for you to stand at one side of the table as he stood at the other. You looked upon the flowers, fruits, seeds, and candle on the table before looking back into the eyes of the king. His gaze was warm then it changed. Suddenly steely and full of rage, but it wasn't directed at you.
In an instant, Namor stepped around the table and caught the spear, inches before it impaled your chest. He whipped around and threw it full bodied in the direction it came. The crowd was shocked into silence as they witnessed the spear pierce the chest of a Talokanil woman and lodged itself into the ground, pinning her so she could only stand impaled.
"What is the meaning of this?" M'baku yelled, stepping forward.
Namor turned, eyes full of rage, "Stay with her."
The command was harsh and the look in the serpent god's eyes reminded the Wakandan King of the barely survived punch to his chest during the battle of Wakanda. He placed himself to block you partially with his body as Namor flew to the end of the procession. Namora and Attuma appeared from the crowd, flanking him as he landed before the impaled warrior. Namor's voice echoed in Yucatec Mayan that Griot continued to translate.
"Child, what is the meaning of this? You ask for your death by attacking my Queen on our wedding day. You insult the people of Talokan and Wakanda with this dangerous farce!" His voice was barely controlled rage as he came up to the face of the Talokanil woman.
She spat at the king despite her mask, knowing the gesture would get her meaning across, "You insult us K'uk'ulkan! You insult the very kingdom you say you protect by choosing a surface dweller as our Queen."
"Our ancestors once sacrificed humans to the gods in exchange for blessings. I think it is time that we do that again," Namor nodded at Attuma and Namora who moved to carry the offending woman. Pulling her form from the spear that was still pierced through her made her screams echo in the spacious hall. Namor headed back towards the dais as the woman screamed and fought.
"You will bring us to our ends! I am not the only one who sees how you fall from grace K'uk'ulkan!" She continued to berate the king.
When Namor reached the table again he gruffly told M'baku to step back to his place. Namor took your hands and looked at you, "No one will harm you."
You were astonished at the display of violence and cruelty. But the logically part of you knew that this was the man who had killed Queen Ramonda without a hint of remorse. This was the man that had attempted to take Wakanda under his rule. This was just another part of the man you were to marry. He sighed, and you saw his shoulders fall slightly, and his eyes soften. Namor returned to the gentle king that you knew him as, "Forgive me, in reina. But I must make an example of her."
"In ajawo," You spoke softly, "she really meant to kill me?"
"Yes," Namor confirmed before his eyes hardened again and he turned from you. Namora and Attuma held the woman with her her back on the table and her legs draped over the edge, a trail of blood had followed them. She still fought against her captors, even turning to spit in your directions. Blood was pooling in her breather as she glared at you.
"You will never be the true Queen of Talokan," She raged at you.
Namor had taken a dagger from the Shaman. You could see the Wakandans watching in horror. The Dora Milaje tried to control the crowd, until someone screamed, "Spare her, this is not the way!"
M'baku was the one to address the crowd, cooing as the rest of the Jabari joined him until the people were silent. "This woman has committed an act of treason not only to Talokan but to Wakanda! She offends not only King K'uk'ulkan but Jabariland as well! Her penalty from the Wakanda of old would be banishment. But the Wakanda under my rule sentences her to death. She however is not one of ours to lay charges against. She belongs to Talokan and if they wish to sacrifice her as penance, if they wish to offer her life to their gods, then I allow it."
Namor was surprised by the backing of M'baku. When their gazes met an understanding formed. This was a personal vengeance for an attack on the woman they both cherished. M'baku returned to his place, ignoring the appalled stare from Shuri and Okoye who stood off to the side. There were murmurs in the crowds of Wakandans and Talokanil alike.
Namor lifted the ceremonial dagger, "With this sacrifice we pay back, in part, our debt to the gods and all their blessings. We spill this blood as an act of union between lands and people. Let the gods of the world answer our calls for blessings. With this sacrifice we invoke the powers that bring us into this world and take us from it."
With a powerful swing, Namor shoved the dagger deep into the chest of the Talokanil warrior, twisted it and then let her blood flow from the table and onto the floor.
The Shaman, unfazed, blew the conch shell and continued the ceremony, "We call upon the cardinal powers of the elements; fire, earth, water, and air, to purify this sacrifice and guide this partnership through light and love."
The Shaman moved forward and took your hand and Namor's placing them together and tying them with a red woven strip of cloth. He guided your hands to pour a pitcher of water over the table, over the seeds, flowers, fruit, and blood. "Let us now rejoice in this union and welcome the Queen of Talokan!"
There was a moment of hesitation before the Talokanil cheered riotously, followed by the more apprehensive Wakandans. Namor pulled you close to him, cupped your cheeks, and kissed you. You could do nothing but kiss him back as your mind reeled.
....
I'm sorry. Theres a part 3 in the works
leave me reviews, please
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