ed-recovery

Honestly, I dont know if I can ever achieve being “normal” again - but I was never normal in the first place, how can I go back to a state that has never existed in the first place? I have never experinced a normal eating behavior, but here I am trying to go away from my anorexia to a healthy eating pattern - and I guess I’m scared. I know I’m not alone, I know that I’m able to change my future, I know I’m responsible for healing my mental health - if I wont do it, no one will. It’s empowering, but also quite overwhelming. Something in me wants to go back to proana, to feel like shit and smoke my depression away, to bath in self-loathing and loneliness, to feel weak, cold and light-headed...

But I have to throw away that glamourized image and see it as what it acutally is and was: Hell. Lies. Suicidal state of living.

Never. Again.

I won’t live my life in the shadow anymore.