slopeysleep
can i scream?
just here venting out - anonymously 馃槑 this is my diary yes! haha
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january 25 2022
10:16 am
idk if this is because of my period and im having mood swings or being dramatic. but these past few days feels heavy again. i dont know why and how. im really getting tired of this feeling. i dont know anymore.
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january 17 2022
2:35am
hey. uhm. idk. it's been days since the last time i talked here.
well honestly, nothing much. just a bit confused... bot really confused. more on scared of me becoming or being vulnerable again to a person. i'm trying to hold this back because what if i get hurt again. lots of what ifs. im just scared. i know nothing will happen or whatever if i dont try.
it makes me sad to think that some people are just temporary. not to be negative here but u knwo. i just want them to stay :(( i dont know what's wrong with me. why people always leave me. i just dont know
i always try my best to give all my best but at the end ako pa tong dehado hahahha kawawa hays. ewan. please Lord and universe, bigay niyo na saakin to :(((
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january 12 2022
22:01
just got home after almost two days of staying at condo with micah. we had fun. we played songs and watched films. it was fun being with her because we're able to talked about stuff and such.
i even cried because that mf kissed my scars and idk i got emotional and then just cried after she did that.
weee... also had ,, u know. and damn boi i have no fucking words she's a fucking top 馃槶 i mean i can try to seduce her and do stuff but man, she's on different level. the first person that fucked my like that. i mean obviously she's the second person i had sex with... i dont actually hav any experience after my first gf.
anyway,, i literally gasped for air after her doing the thing because 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶 man this girl i kennnaaaat.
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january 7 2022
22:29
playing tomorrow by avril lavigne then this is me trying by taylor swift right now.
i dont know what i should feel right now. i dont know if i can still feel stuff or what. i just feel like im floating....
sigh...
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january 5 2022
22:07
grabe parang sobrang kulang ko sa pagmamahal. i feel like im seeking for attention and love from someone tho d ko naman pinapakita talaga yon agad kasi medyo natuto na ako hahahaha i cant just let my guard down. i dont want them to see me vulnerable. hshshshs ganito ba kami kakulang sa aruga taena gusto ko lang naman ibuhos pagmamahal ko sa isang tao saka makaramdam ng ganun :((( kaiyak tangina
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jan 4 2022
23:11
gagu happy new year shahahs kakauwi ko lang galing kela allysa. birthdei nyanhehehe
ALSO!! naaksidente ako sa bike nung New Year aHAAHHAHA as in saktong new year. January 1st hshsjja pauwi galing kelanatw sa navotas. asa kanto nalang ako nasemplang pa. tumama mukha ko tapos tuhod saka balikat. may mga sugat din sa kamay at nag dugo ilong ko 馃ぃ馃ぃ
it's been 4days but sore pa rin body ko and i have bruises. lalo sa eye and it looks like black eye. ny face is still swollen and i still get dizzy panrin idk why. lanako pang check up hshshshs
but yeah yun lang naman hehe
night night
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dec 31 2021
00:02
we justgot home,, galing kaming birthday ni Chloe from navotas,,, at nag away ang kapatid ni Kiko at sila Enor at Kuya Donar....
mahabang kwento maaalala ko nalang siguro to basta nag away sila. also may shift pa ako mamaya shet bat ako uminom 馃槶
anyway,, oyasumi 馃挙馃挙馃挙馃挙馃槳馃槳馃槳
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dec 28 2021
22:25
fuck. i dont know what to feel or how to feel. i feel like im floating. i dont fucking know. it hurts but i dont know what exactly it is.
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dec 28 2021
19:20
as time pass by, i feel like i dont even know myself anymore. the real me. i dont think i ever had the chance to discover the real me... i dont know.
i dont feel like im myself. i just feel like im floating and doing things because i have to and i dont even have a choice but to do them.
i just,,, feel like im not real.
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dec 28 2021
2:03
fuck i think im sick and i hav cold right now.
anyways,, micah and i had another date earlier. we had coffee and we ate. it's cute. we held hands and she put her arms around my shoulders as if she's taller than me ahahahah dumb ass..
but i had fun, like for real. it's cute. fun day even im such a fucking piece of awkward shit,,, sighs.
but ngl micah is really a deal. like she's sincere,, (i hope) and she's really nice and cute tho hahahaha
and im having cold right now hdhahaha i've been feeling sick because im on my period and my throat hurts. so i think that could be the reason why i have sipon at medy giniginaw zzzz
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dec 27 2021
10:06
first day of period. if going out to see micah. im not feeling weel bc im on my period hahaha and i do have a slight cold fuck ugh and im having cramps as well
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dec 25 2021
23:13
do u even question urself while ur heart beating fast "am i even real? do i really exist?"
i feel terrified whenever that question is just repeating inside my head like im about to throw up or sumthig
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dec 25 2021
22:50
hey,,, i dont know. i feel numb and i feel like im trying to avoid the real issue haha
i still hope you're doing fine. it's not fair for the new girl im talking right if i still feel this way to you. i know my love for u will stay,, but i just dont wanna be stuck in this loneliness im feeling and just wondering always what happened.
i still feel sad. of course. i'm still trying to be better. i hope u r fine.
you'll always be my erin. always.
pls let me go.
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dec 21
17:08
oh god what just happened...
i went outside yesterday to have a date with micah (the girl i met from bumble year 2020) and that's the planned date that we actually have.
we went to mall and we ate some korean food and we had coffee and we talked for like HOURS. it was fun talking with someone with sense because i was able to get some information from her and her perspective in lofe as well.
we tried to go to different place since moa was about to close that time at sobrang hirap nanaamn umuwi jusko. so nag jeep nga kami after nung away pa kami kasi d namin alam san kami hshshshs so pumunta kami cubao bc i told her na hahatid ko sya bago ko umuwi. soooo ending nag check in kami hahahaah kasi wala talagang sasakyan pa uwi sa kanya 馃ゲ
well at first nag uusap lang kami chikahan lang tas nood animal planet tas anu-anong hayop nakita ko ang cool nung iba shshshs. tas yon try matulog. nung una may unan pa si gaga ayaw dumikit but at the end she removed the pillow between two of us and she hugged my like a baby. she was like clinging but we were laying down so yeah.
well she e just cuddled the whole night and i dont fucking know maybe because that was the first time i literally had a physical interaction with someone "with potential" to become my jowa gagu huhu
im half asleep pero i asked her if i kiss her, will she get mad? she answer "bakit?" and i answered back "wala. gusto kita e" then silence. she tapped my shoulder and said "aries ka nga" hshsha lmao what. anyway after non i just feel asleep lang uli. d naman gabun kababaw tulog ko dzai hahahah tas nagkakalapit lang mukha namin knowing anytime mag hahalikan din talaga ampo. she told me my heart was beating fast like..of course??? hahahahah
then umaga na. she teased me saying na "sus miss amba" i hist pretend i didn't know what she was talking about and just laughed. after like few mins idk what just happened to myself and i smack her. i was shook as well to the point that i cant even breathe normal and literal na sobrang bilis ng tibok ng pusa ko... teh two years ako walang nakakadikit na ganun 馃槶 i told her sorry huhu she told me it's fine and why am i even saying sorry...idk.. bc i kissed her? like?? then i tried to kiss her again tas natawa ako ang awkward tas ending we both gave up and we make out.
before we leave the hotel,, she's teasing me. nakikipag usap ng dikit labi sakin then she was kissing me and holding my hand playing with my hair and looking at my face. cute.
then we make out for the last time and ayaw ako pakawalan anak ng tokwa. like ang aggressive hahahahaha but she's cute. hays
oh lord what just happened. i enjoyed her company and her and the moment we had.
im not even sure if im ready for new relationship or to get hurt again. either way, it's fine.
i just want to take everything slowly. that's it. until i prove or know in myself that i'm in love with this person.
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