ive ghosted ppl for about a week or 2 now and trying to re-establish communication cuz i dont want them to think of me negatively and want supply back... ugh i fucking hate being a narc. and if i try to reach out n they dont back im gonna be so mad at myself.

🩵

unmasking and realizing im not the kind nice dude people depict me as, i mean im not an asshole i think, i just dont give a shit about anyone, most of the time (besides like. few and rare cases where i get really mad because i want to spend time w someone all the time ( but i also dont want to my space and time alone are sacred) )

🩵

To that one anon who asked me for relationship advice a over a week ago, I am carefully thinking about your situation and am in the process of writing out some decent advice for you. I haven’t forgotten about you, don’t worry 🩵

smt very cluster b that im dealing with is that im 100% bored all the time, i have nothing actually intresting to do, so i think talking to anyone will fix this, people can be a source of knowledge or intrests or whatever right, well no. because i don't really wanna talk to people im only frustrated that there's nothing to do and it makes me want to cry. but i wouldn't care enough to ask people about their days and most of my interactions with people have always been fake. but also, im extremely alone, depressed and struggling 24/7, so i need to cling onto someone and hope they'll somehow save me, treat me how people never did, but i dont want to do that because i just got out of a similar situation that i realized too late was very detrimental to my mental health. and i also would not be able to keep up w it.

put shortly its boredom > talking to people > disintrest and isolating > loneliness and boredom > repeat

🩵

i have npd and i cut my friends off ( some of them were supply too :/ ) because i dont like how im being treated cuz of my symptoms and cuz they keep causing me to have narc collapses. whats done is done.

❤️‍🩹

tfw you try to tell your friends you have npd and its going pretty well but then your friend's abusive parents get diagnosed with npd and all of your work is just. reversed. and now youre scared that if you try to be a bit more open with your symptoms you'll just get beaten back down. yeah. :')

🩵

Honestly I find it really nice that I don't have empathy sometimes or "normal" moral standards.

Sure, I realize I'll probably never feel or experience life the same as those without ASPD but I'm using my "less than sufficient" moral standards to be more accepting of those who are more commonly rejected.

I've taught myself some cognitive empathy, I don't think I can say I've taught myself a lot, most of it is in reference to those around me but since I learnt those skills for some it's not as hard to apply it to others as it was to learn the skills in the first place.

Like any other skill, stress and other factors can mess with it, making it less useful or not even present in some situations but I'm trying atleast.

🩵

What a lot of people think self-dxing is:

*sees a video of traits* I do that, so now I’m gonna call myself that

What it actually is:

*sees video or post about traits* oh hey I do that

*gets curious and looks it up* 

*denies having it cause “i don’t relate to this at all”* 

*realizes that they do, diagnostic criteria are just very ridged and don’t provide a lot of explanation* 

*maybe a breakdown or two*

*talks to friends who have it*

*laughing about this anxiety, only for the scary moment of “oh yeah no that sounds like *insert disorder here**

*talks to a therapist if able*

*talks to strangers who have it*

“Maybe it’s not this, maybe it’s this…”

*More research to try to prove themselves wrong*

*realizes all the childhood/teenage moments that should have been a red flag* 

“Well, all these other people have it like this, but mine is different, so I don’t have it!” “No, that’s still a trait/symptom, just less well know or less sensationalized”

*finally coming to terms that maybe you have it*

*depending on what the disorder is, fearing your social life is fucked*

And that’s that. I have never heard of a person going “haha I do that” and calling it a night. There’s always way more to it. 

to everyone who has ever faked an illness, injury, or disorder for attention: i love you.

i know you didnt have bad intentions. i know you probably didn't even know what your intentions were. i know you likely do have some type of mental illness. and i know it makes you need attention, or that you feel like you need to have something worse to be valid. i know you just want someone to see you. i see you. you are seen and you are loved. you are not evil. you are not defined by your actions. you will recover from the consequences you may have faced for what you faked. you will find new, better ways to cope. you will be okay.

cluster b pd community going to raid the NPD ablism tags when

At the end of the day, the only person truly suffering from NPD, surviving NPD, and feeling hurt by NPD is the narcissist who has this condition.

With that being said, #surviving narcissism, #surviving npd, #narc survivor are our tags now.

I need solid advice could I sent an ask about it please? Its a difficult cluster b x cluster b dating situation and I need to fix it

-♤

I’m not the best with advice, but I’ll try my best!

I have been abusive in the past and I am trying to grow and be a better person, but sometimes it is so, so hard not to go back to my previous, horrible self. For context I guess, I have ASPD and NPD, and both affect why I've been abusive in the past. I'm not using that as an excuse, but if I didn't have them, I don't think I would've done anything that I did at all. It has been a while since I have done anything horrible. Of course I have slipped up sometimes and been a bit rude or mean, but nothing giant. But I want to. So bad that it hurts. I want to go back to all of the people that have wronged me and hurt them all over again. I want to ruin people, because then they'll think of me more. The worst part is that I can't even feel genuine remorse for the people I've hurt in the past. I dislike what I did, I'm not proud of it, I don't like the consequences, but I can't feel bad for the people that have been ruined due to my actions. It honestly feels gross. I don't feel like I can share this with anyone at all. I don't have a way to go back to the people I've hurt and apologize, and if I did they probably wouldn't like it either. But there is genuinely no way for me to properly say sorry, because I'm not sorry. I do often wish that I didn't perform those actions, yeah, but in the back of my mind I still feel like I was 100% in the right with everything I did and said, and there is no way for me to feel remorse. I know this is really long, I just really needed to get this stuff out.

It’s really brave that you are willing to admit these things both to yourself and to my confessional, so I am very proud of you, anonymous confessor! It is incredibly admirable that you recognize your past behaviors and are trying to make up for them. Thank you for sharing.

❤️‍🩹

guess whos having another narc collapse cuz they died in a game playing w a friend embarassing themselves and crushing their ego and rep !! how can i be perfect like i am when i keep fucking up and ruining my reputation...

❤️‍🩹

(I’m working on it)

i want people to fawn over me i hate being attention deprived

🩵

“Cringe culture is dead” isn’t just about letting 15 year olds cosplay MHA (but is also an issue). It’s about letting 50 year olds dance at clubs even if they’re “bad at it”, it’s about letting 10 year old’s wear random bits of clothes to make an outfit that’s “weird”, it’s about letting adult men experiment with artsy makeup looks even when they’re “messy”, it’s about letting teens scream music even if they “sound bad”.

“Cringe culture is dead” means letting people learn new hobbies at any age, experiment with their identity at any time, expressing themselves in ways outside the norm just as much as it means let 20 year olds play roblox. 

Cringe culture is just social norms being forced on people rebelling against societies value consensus, it’s keeping people in brackets that are easier to market to. 

Let cringe culture be dead in every aspect of life outside online spaces.

my anger has consumed me, it has made me horribly bitter. Which means I am every bit as bad as my mother.