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citrusandsex · 5 months
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Taken from my Instagram. Trigger warning: weight gain, suicide mentioned.
The top left photo was taken in 2019. I felt I looked sexy, worthy, and interesting.
But I was dying. I was actively suicidal and struggling everyday to just keep going. I used my body as a tool to motivate myself to live. It's grim, but every photo I took was a token of value -
a currency I saved so that when I couldn't bear living, I didn't die. I had this body to take photos of, after all.
This body people thought was beautiful, finally.
The bottom right photo was taken today.
I'm 45 lbs heavier.
I'm more active, and I want to live.
I am safer in my head and my body. I am strong.
ButI dont feel beautiful.
I don't feel worthy of showing this body, even though I love to see bodies that look like mine. Internalised fatphobia has taught me that this soft body doesn't deserve to be seen. I’m working on that.
Why am I telling you this?
Two reasons:
If you struggle too- in seeing the beauty in others but abusing and berating your own body, I want you to know you're not alone.
And if you find yourself judging bodies, or commenting on them and their worthiness, in this season or any other-
Please, stop.
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citrusandsex · 6 months
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Inner thigh kisses are important.
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citrusandsex · 6 months
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stealth ponies.
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citrusandsex · 7 months
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all four thighs for tumblr ♡
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citrusandsex · 8 months
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Saw this shared on Facebook, and I had to share it here.
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citrusandsex · 8 months
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citrusandsex · 8 months
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You deserve to wear bright and beautiful things.
Don’t wait until someone else makes you feel worthy to wear the thing, take the photo, or shine.
You are bright and beautiful.
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citrusandsex · 8 months
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Bellies just look so…decadent. Jiggly, overflowing, squishy, warm, perfect for sinking my lips into. Perfect for grabbing handfuls, squeezing love handles spilling over waistbands.💞 words can’t come close to explaining the feelings I have when I see them. Fat is just so fucking amazing, sexy, cute, everything.
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citrusandsex · 8 months
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I'm sorry but ppl are so weird about nudity in all kinds it's not even a tired argument anymore it's straight up purity culture,, soon enough we wont be able to show a knee bc it's sooo inappropriate.. whether it's art or real human bodies the censorship is out of control and it's always being masked as something else, especially now with the internet I could literally count on one hand the places you're allowed to post even non sexual nudity, i have no patience for it
and btw even if all I created was sfw content i will always still talk about this bc censorship hurts and threatens everybody starting with minority groups, it goes beyond just personal comfort and autonomy
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citrusandsex · 8 months
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🥰🥰🥰fat is not a synonym for ugly🥰🥰🥰
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citrusandsex · 8 months
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when you can be silly and slutty with them >>>
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citrusandsex · 8 months
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thighs on a Tuesday because soft is the only kind of rebellion I’m capable of.
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citrusandsex · 9 months
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just learned that magnolias are so old that they’re pollinated by beetles because they existed before bees
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citrusandsex · 9 months
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My Instagram is limited because I dared to post a video of a bounce test in a wireless bra. It wasn’t the sex toys or the bondage that did it… it was me, daring to have a fat stomach and some bouncy boobies.
it’d be shocking if it wasn’t so horrifically predictable.
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citrusandsex · 9 months
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I don’t really wanna put my photos on twitter anymore so can I put it on tumblr?
Here’s my big booty, thick thighs, tall socks, and tiny panties.
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citrusandsex · 9 months
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reminder that in addition to having established safewords with partners, you should also set up nonverbal safewords or cues with them in the case that your mouth is occupied or you're otherwise unable to speak
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citrusandsex · 9 months
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ANTI-CAPITALIST AFFIRMATIONS
i am allowed to spend my time creating things, even if they are not beautiful.
there is no such thing as a "real job." all forms of work are real and valid.
there is nothing that i need to accomplish to be worthy. i am already worthy.
doing nothing is good for my soul.
i am not defined by what i produce.
my worth cannot be measured by my paycheck, my job title, or a list of professional or academic achievements.
i do not need to monetize my hobbies, it is enough to spend time doing something i love.
i will not let society decide what success looks like. i can define what successful life looks like for me.
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