Who’s up for glorifying CNC cause I sure am it’s a fucking amazing kink and I’m tired of people pretending it’s bad.

What a great day to remind everyone that littles can be capable of consent and often find healing and recovery through adult acts!

I swear to god, nothing more frustrating than suddenly getting very horny cause someone else is horny innerworld. Buddy, I’m just trying to think about delicious sushi, and you barge in with vibrators on the brain. Let me daydream about eel rolls in peace.

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

please help me- i used to be pretty smart but i’m having so much trouble grasping the concept of diegetic vs non-diegetic bdsm!

gfkjldghfd okay first of all I'm sorry for the confusion, if you're not finding anything on the phrase it's because I made it up and absolutely nobody but me ever uses it, but I haven't found a better way to express what I'm trying to say so I keep using it. but now you've given me an excuse to ramble on about some shit that is only relevant to me and my deeply inefficient way of talking and by god I'm going to take it.

SO. the way diegetic and non-diegetic are normally used is to talk about music and sound design in movies/tv shows. in case you aren't familiar with that concept, here's a rundown:

diegetic sound is sound that happens within the world of the movie/show and can be acknowledged by the characters, like a song playing on the stereo during a driving scene, or sung on stage in Phantom of the Opera. it's also most other sounds that happen in a movie, like the sounds of traffic in a city scene, or a thunderclap, or a marching band passing by. or one of the three stock horse sounds they use in every movie with a horse in it even though horses don't really vocalize much in real life, but that's beside the point, the horse is supposed to be actually making that noise within the movie's world and the characters can hear it whinnying.

non-diegetic sound is any sound that doesn't exist in the world of the movie/show and can't be perceived by the characters. this includes things like laugh tracks and most soundtrack music. when Duel of Fates plays in Star Wars during the lightsaber fight for dramatic effect, that's non-diegetic. it exists to the audience, but the characters don't know their fight is being backed by sick ass music and, sadly, can't hear it.

the lines can get blurry between the two, you've probably seen the film trope where the clearly non-diegetic music in the title sequence fades out to the same music, now diegetic and playing from the character's car stereo. and then there are things like Phantom of the Opera as mentioned above, where the soundtrack is also part of the plot, but Phantom of the Opera does also have segments of non-diegetic music: the Phantom probably does not have an entire orchestra and some guy with an electric guitar hiding down in his sewer just waiting for someone to break into song, but both of those show up in the songs they sing down there.

now, on to how I apply this to bdsm in fiction.

if I'm referring to diegetic bdsm what I mean is that the bdsm is acknowledged for what it is in-world. the characters themselves are roleplaying whatever scenarios their scenes involve and are operating with knowledge of real life rules/safety practices. if there's cnc depicted, it will be apparent at some point, usually right away, that both characters actually are fully consenting and it's all just a planned scene, and you'll often see on-screen negotiation and aftercare, and elements of the story may involve the kink community wherever the characters are. Love and Leashes is a great example of this, 50 Shades and Bonding are terrible examples of this, but they all feature characters that know they're doing bdsm and are intentional about it.

if I'm talking about non-diegetic bdsm, I'm referring to a story that portrays certain kinks without the direct acknowledgement that the characters are doing bdsm. this would be something like Captive Prince, or Phantom of the Opera again, or the vast majority of bodice ripper type stories where an innocent woman is kidnapped by a pirate king or something and totally doesn't want to be ravished but then it turns out he's so cool and sexy and good at ravishing that she decides she's into it and becomes his pirate consort or whatever it is that happens at the end of those books. the characters don't know they're playing out a cnc or D/s fantasy, and in-universe it's often straight up noncon or dubcon rather than cnc at all. the thing about entirely non-diegetic bdsm is that it's almost always Problematic™ in some way if you're not willing to meet the story where it's at, but as long as you're not judging it by the standards of diegetic bdsm, it's just providing the reader the same thing that a partner in a scene would: the illusion of whatever risk or taboo floats your boat, sometimes to extremes that can't be replicated in real life due to safety, practicality, physics, the law, vampires not being real, etc. it's consensual by default because it's already pretend; the characters are vehicles for the story and not actually people who can be hurt, and the reader chose to pick up the book and is aware that nothing in it is real, so it's all good.

this difference is where people tend to get hung up in the discourse, from what I've observed. which is why I started using this phrasing, because I think it's very crucial to be able to differentiate which one you're talking about if you try to have a conversation with someone about the portrayal of bdsm in media. it would also, frankly, be useful for tagging, because sometimes when you're in the mood for non-diegetic bodice ripper shit you'd call the police over in real life, it can get really annoying to read paragraphs of negotiation and check-ins that break the illusion of the scene and so on, and the opposite can be jarring too.

it's very possible to blur these together the same way Phantom of the Opera blurs its diegetic and non-diegetic music as well. this leaves you even more open to being misunderstood by people reading in bad faith, but it can also be really fun to play with. @not-poignant writes fantastic fanfic, novels, and original serials on ao3 that pull this off really well, if you're okay with some dark shit in your fiction I would highly recommend their work. some of it does get really fucking dark in places though, just like. be advised. read the tags and all that.

but yeah, spontaneous writer plug aside, that's what I mean.

i think that watching porn by yourself anon was refrencing a meme

Ooooh lol. Don’t know that one. 🤷

same anon. fun fact, i have casually watched porn with my buddies. it’s funny. but you have to have a certain type of friend group for that

That is a friend group I do NOT have, lol

obsessed with someone thinking it’s abnormal for someone to watch porn by themselves. i mean, yeah u can watch it with friends or lovers, but i feel like most of the time people watch it by themselves??

Yeah, it was kinda an odd ask!! I doubt folks really just casually watch porn with their buddies.

What do I know, though? Get some popcorn, lower the lights, and invite all the lemon stealing whores in town to watch a good ol' motion picture with you. :P

are you seriously watching porn by yourself:/

I actually pretty rarely watch porn. It's just a bit boring for me. I end up sitting there and thinking about the characters.

I write a decent amount of smut, though. I wouldn't say a LOT, but some.

Where on earth did someone say we watch porn by ourselves? Lol

In order to stop the culture of faking orgasms, we need to stop the culture of shaming others for their sexual experiences.

Can’t get your partner off on the first try? Cool. You can still be thoughtful and make them feel good.

Can get your partner off within 30 seconds? Awesome, good for you both, don’t let it get to your head.

Can make someone cum in less than 5, but for others, it’s a process that takes an hour? That’s alright, everyone’s different. 

Does it take you 30 minutes to cum? That’s okay, you’re not broken, you’re not a failure.

Does it take you 10 seconds to cum? That’s great, you’re not a slut, you’re not overly sensitive or dirty. 

Can’t cum without toys/vibrators? That’s awesome, that’s a valid part of sexual play!

Can only cum with loving, vanilla sex? That’s perfectly normal, and you will find lots of great partners to experience that with!

Can’t orgasm at all? THAT’S ALSO COOL. It’s not a bad thing, you can still enjoy sex TONNES just like others.

Orgasms are NOT the defining characteristic of your sexual prowess. They are great, they’re lovely when they happen, but for the love of science, stop bringing them up higher than they need to be. 

Not necessarily expecting you to know the answer to this but maybe someone who follows you does if you don't, this is the only place I know of to ask about this or even talk about it.

Do you or anyone else know anything about physical signs of sexual arousal while triggered?

I'm having one hell of a rough day, very dissociated so can't really tell what's up with me, just feeling physically awful and full of dread and anxiety but the confounding thing is that it seems like I'm sexually aroused as well and it's quite distressing not knowing why that is. I know "hyperarousal" is a thing with PTSD but this seems a little too literal? 😅

Unless that actually is all there is to it in which case...I guess 🤷

Thank you for everything you do Circjerk ^^

Hey! Sorry for the wait, literally forgot this ask came in-

First off, I need you to know how much joy it gave us to be called CircJerk. We are the circle jerk. It is us. (It made us laugh a lot, thank you)

Second off: Gonna put the sexual stuff under a cut on this one for my sake lol. The rest are cringing at what I'm writing.

It's okay to be horny while triggered. Like, right outta the gates, that's fine. For us, when we're triggered, it actually happens a lot. We've made sense of it in that... well, we're going through a lot of emotions, lots of brain chemicals and things, and BOOM, the chemicals cause a physical reaction.

Furthermore, we've been conditioned to see dangerous shit as sexy. That person who sexually assaulted me didn't just up and DO it one day -- she built up to it with more and more dangerous non-consensual acts, until the final moment, which made it more normalized for me so I didn't realize what it was until it was too late. Now, when I see shit that's clearly assault, it triggers me, because it reminds me of her -- but I get horny too, because I was conditioned to see that are good and sexy times.

I don't personally know a name for this kind of thing. I'll be honest, I grew up incredibly sheltered, and it's led to a lot of lack of education on sex stuff. It's something I want to read more on, especially in regards to trauma. At the end of the day, though, it is absolutely not a moral thing, and it's just a fact of life. Many traumatized people get horny when they're triggered, for various reasons. It doesn't mean you like the trigger or are horny for the abuse you faced; it means your body did the mmmm sexy things because your body does weird shit sometimes.

If other people know stuff about this topic, please, chime in -- I think that would be super helpful, especially as my experiences are only mine.

Thing number one billion and fifty three that sucks about being a system(tm):

Washing the sex toy someone else used because he fell asleep after the act, and you switched in cause yall have work in the morning.

Bruh I gotta wash it but I didn’t even use it. This is worse than dishes 😂

BDSM gets a bad rep as like a violent (male) dom pushing the boundaries of a reluctant (female) sub but in my experience it's a lot of subs with wildly elaborate fantasies screaming shit like "PUT MY ASS IN THE CHILI" while a new dom is like "Okay I think, we are reaching yellow for me,"

wait you understand that kinks are ok because they're fantasies that make you happy right? you all get that you don't need to have trauma for your kinks to be okay? right? like none of you think i witnessed a tragic accident on the pool toy assembly line right?

I do often switch simply to be a dom. Maybe this person is onto something…

Dominate