Good idea! No insult was meant. I was mostly just venting about feeling disconnected. I did not mean to be harsh, especially not on Othercon or its quality as a whole. It certainly looks like a lot of effort.

The panelist seems nice, and definitely was sincere and meant well at the time, which is why I don't name them or their panel to diss on (someone else could be harsher than I... and I don't want a big squabble). I myself am still a bit too shy to try and submit a panel myself yet-- I feel I couldn't put everything into good enough words yet-- so they did something big I couldn't, which is impressive! Their panel certainly helped someone out there to be sure, it just wasn't me. I got the wrong impression on what to expect from the title and description, which got me feeling sore at the time... I tuned in for one thing, got something else, and got salty about it. No one's fault, really. Maybe I should see if they've posted anything since then that'd help me out or not.

I've been quiet here, but I hope I can be a little change someday over time. I'd like to post more about being a 'kin person with adult problems, actually use this blog more... and while I may not yet have my problems' solutions, it'd definitely be a start to even just talk about them. Maybe someday I can be bold enough to write my own essays and the like.

Sorry for being so inactive lately... been busy irl, and have been meaning to post here more often, but also, like... I always feel a bit shy approaching the 'kin communities on here because it kind of feels like everyone is sort of... "internet poisoned"? For lack of a possibly-better word. A lot of folks here on tumblr in the 'kin and alterhuman communities are children, and a lot of more prominent community figures treated like "elders" are only about my age or younger, and it feels really strange, to be honest. There's a lot of discussion of feelings and terminology, but very little "lifestyle"? It's like there's a universal expectation for everyone to just figure everything out on their own; you get some definitions here and there yeah, but the amount of variance says much more loudly "just figure out what it all means on your own, pal". ex. Not only can no one actually explain what "otherhearted" actually means sans relation to otherkin, but it feels like I never see anyone talk about dealing with what one could call "kin feels" in the workplace, when unable to acquire your habitat, etc... Othercon is online-only, and while I'm pretty sure I'd be unable to attend an in-person event, part of me has a hard time feeling like everyone is really taking it all seriously and is really unafraid of being "cringe" when obviously it's so much easier to act like you're so confident online. I kinda feel like meeting some wolfkin stereotypes in a park for snacks and doing a group howl would do more for me than years of reading essays on tumblr ever has.

I dunno, I tried watching a recording of an Othercon panel I felt would be relevant and useful to me once, and was floored at just how... utterly useless it was. Despite its promising title, it was just shallow "you're valid" garbage and internet discourse... Makes me feel severely alienated, to be honest.

It's alright, I am being quite a bit salty, haha... didn't mean to offend anyone in particular with this post, was more just venting than trying to change the community with the force of my huffing-and-puffing.

All that makes sense! I do find it strange though that when I was first getting into Tumblr alterhuman stuff, most of the more active community was 14-16somethings, and almost a decade later... it's still mostly 14-16somethings. Makes sense for new people to arrive, and for them to arrive at a certain age, but it's like... where did the would-be-adults-by-now go?? Did they realize they weren't otherkin and leave? Get scared off by people making fun of them? Also feel alienated by all the kids and go elsewhere...? It's strange to me that it's remained a community of mostly teenagers since like 2014 with seemingly no increase in percentage of adult alterhumans in all that time. I guess I could look elsewhere, I just like Tumblr and wish I wouldn't have to leave it to find a more fitting community... If everyone who thinks the Tumblr alterhuman community is too teen-centric leaves, then it'll always be mostly for teens here...! If the vibe is off, well... I don't see a lot of people cultivating different vibes. Moving my presence to Dreamwidth, Cohost, or some forum I've never browsed before is time and effort, and learning a new platform is as well. I've been on Tumblr far longer than I've had this blog, and so Tumblr is the easiest platform for me to do social things and feel immersed in a community most of the time. I'd still be on Tumblr regardless if I moved my 'kin stuff somewhere that might or might not have better vibes, stretching my attention and energy even thinner. Jumping ship is a big deal! It'd be nice to have more people stick around.

On the otherhearted thing: Sincere apologies, but I've heard that one before, and "strongly identifies with" is even counted under a few definitions of otherkin. Never really see anyone draw the line where "just relating" ends and otherhearted begins, without the implication that potential millions of average people are actually otherhearted without even knowing about alterhumanity. I've posted that particular gripe before iirc, but I also use otherhearted as an example because its usual definition is so vague, is rarely defined in a vacuum (it's nigh always "not as strong as my kintype" when someone describes their personal experience instead of saying what it's like without having a kintype), there's no one saying how to tell having a hearttype from just having such bad species dysphoria you just think you're not truly 'kin (which was my problem for a while!), and discussions about its definition just repeat the same thing you have and leave it there. Where's the progression, the otherhearted community on its own? I love the idea of otherheartedness and often wonder if I am such, but the vagueness of it all makes me wonder if it's just an idea-- a fun label-- to everyone explaining it even when they have hearttypes (not to invalidate anyone, I still believe it's A Thing, it's all just kept so unclear compared to otherkin)... Just one example of how the tumblr alterhuman community sometimes feels like going in circles for me.

I am aware that at the end of the day, it's up to me to figure out what works for me indeed. I just guess I wish there were more experiences from others I could read up on for reference... Helps to have someone say something-- maybe even to themself-- and go "I didn't think of that", even if it winds up not being exactly what I need. The more available to reference, the merrier! Even if it's not for my exact situation! Everyone says we all need to journal and post our experiences more, so I suppose I wish everyone (me included!) maybe practiced that, heheh...

Yeah, I may have been a bit harsh on that particular panel. I'm sure it was helpful to someone. At the time I watched it first, I just found myself feeling quite misled by its title and presentation in regards to what I expected it to talk about. Expectations versus reality was what got me so worked up with it, possibly even more than what they did talk about instead (I expected more... advice, but the advice was mostly internet stuff I already knew how to deal with). The panelist seemed nice enough, I just got annoyed when they never got around to what I listened in for (I'd have asked during, but I could only catch a recording). If someone else felt helped by it, well... that's an objectively good thing! No problems for me with such people-and-creatures.

No hard feelings! I'm just feeling a bit fussy and tired, probably. Yearnful and so on for things... experiences... I just hope I don't come off as hostile or argumentative here. No ill intent from me, either. Good day/night to you as well.

Sorry for being so inactive lately... been busy irl, and have been meaning to post here more often, but also, like... I always feel a bit shy approaching the 'kin communities on here because it kind of feels like everyone is sort of... "internet poisoned"? For lack of a possibly-better word. A lot of folks here on tumblr in the 'kin and alterhuman communities are children, and a lot of more prominent community figures treated like "elders" are only about my age or younger, and it feels really strange, to be honest. There's a lot of discussion of feelings and terminology, but very little "lifestyle"? It's like there's a universal expectation for everyone to just figure everything out on their own; you get some definitions here and there yeah, but the amount of variance says much more loudly "just figure out what it all means on your own, pal". ex. Not only can no one actually explain what "otherhearted" actually means sans relation to otherkin, but it feels like I never see anyone talk about dealing with what one could call "kin feels" in the workplace, when unable to acquire your habitat, etc... Othercon is online-only, and while I'm pretty sure I'd be unable to attend an in-person event, part of me has a hard time feeling like everyone is really taking it all seriously and is really unafraid of being "cringe" when obviously it's so much easier to act like you're so confident online. I kinda feel like meeting some wolfkin stereotypes in a park for snacks and doing a group howl would do more for me than years of reading essays on tumblr ever has.

I dunno, I tried watching a recording of an Othercon panel I felt would be relevant and useful to me once, and was floored at just how... utterly useless it was. Despite its promising title, it was just shallow "you're valid" garbage and internet discourse... Makes me feel severely alienated, to be honest.

I will admit I'm not entirely immune to making some judgments based on age and length of time engaged with the community... though I know new/unfamiliar input can be just as valuable! It just feels weird to see "veterans" on here only about my age, and only having been fully aware of their kin identity as long as or for even shorter a time than I have (I only made this blog a couple years back, but I've thought of myself with alterhuman terminology for far longer)... Kind of makes me worry I haven't been spending my time right in getting to understand myself, if others in my apparent demographic speak of their identities with so much more confidence already. But contrastingly, it sometimes makes me think "If *I* am so lost... how much better can they really be doing...? How much more do they really know?" Because understanding feelings-- while definitely useful for helping understand what one is and may need-- can pale in comparison to actual advice on how to cope with it all out in the real world where we're all forced to act like humans.

Not gonna name the panel and speaker that let me down here since they don't seem like a bad person and I don't want them to get attacked or whatever... but I will say that while I can respect how Othercon doesn't need one to have a minimum experience/age/community presence in order to be a panelist, since new voices can be valuable! I just wish a better quality check had been done for a topic that's important to me at that time...

I believe so as well! I suppose my problem is just feeling like I don't cope so well or feel so confident a lot of the time, even when I can say I am my kintypes regardless of what behaviors I exhibit. Maybe I just feel a bit less alone when I see and hear about folks doing kintype-indulgent things in real life... it makes being alterhuman feel less like a "weird internet thing" to be self-conscious about to have it a bit more physically. I don't see a lot of in-depth specific posts that go "you can cope with (feeling) or (desire to (behavior)) by doing (activity) or (thinking of it a certain way)", which could help maybe, but "advice" is mostly either just talk of feelings, or recommending the same "quadrobics and acquire things that remind you of your kintype" one-size-fits-alls...

Sorry for being so inactive lately... been busy irl, and have been meaning to post here more often, but also, like... I always feel a bit shy approaching the 'kin communities on here because it kind of feels like everyone is sort of... "internet poisoned"? For lack of a possibly-better word. A lot of folks here on tumblr in the 'kin and alterhuman communities are children, and a lot of more prominent community figures treated like "elders" are only about my age or younger, and it feels really strange, to be honest. There's a lot of discussion of feelings and terminology, but very little "lifestyle"? It's like there's a universal expectation for everyone to just figure everything out on their own; you get some definitions here and there yeah, but the amount of variance says much more loudly "just figure out what it all means on your own, pal". ex. Not only can no one actually explain what "otherhearted" actually means sans relation to otherkin, but it feels like I never see anyone talk about dealing with what one could call "kin feels" in the workplace, when unable to acquire your habitat, etc... Othercon is online-only, and while I'm pretty sure I'd be unable to attend an in-person event, part of me has a hard time feeling like everyone is really taking it all seriously and is really unafraid of being "cringe" when obviously it's so much easier to act like you're so confident online. I kinda feel like meeting some wolfkin stereotypes in a park for snacks and doing a group howl would do more for me than years of reading essays on tumblr ever has.

I dunno, I tried watching a recording of an Othercon panel I felt would be relevant and useful to me once, and was floored at just how... utterly useless it was. Despite its promising title, it was just shallow "you're valid" garbage and internet discourse... Makes me feel severely alienated, to be honest.

Sorry for being so inactive lately... been busy irl, and have been meaning to post here more often, but also, like... I always feel a bit shy approaching the 'kin communities on here because it kind of feels like everyone is sort of... "internet poisoned"? For lack of a possibly-better word. A lot of folks here on tumblr in the 'kin and alterhuman communities are children, and a lot of more prominent community figures treated like "elders" are only about my age or younger, and it feels really strange, to be honest. There's a lot of discussion of feelings and terminology, but very little "lifestyle"? It's like there's a universal expectation for everyone to just figure everything out on their own; you get some definitions here and there yeah, but the amount of variance says much more loudly "just figure out what it all means on your own, pal". ex. Not only can no one actually explain what "otherhearted" actually means sans relation to otherkin, but it feels like I never see anyone talk about dealing with what one could call "kin feels" in the workplace, when unable to acquire your habitat, etc... Othercon is online-only, and while I'm pretty sure I'd be unable to attend an in-person event, part of me has a hard time feeling like everyone is really taking it all seriously and is really unafraid of being "cringe" when obviously it's so much easier to act like you're so confident online. I kinda feel like meeting some wolfkin stereotypes in a park for snacks and doing a group howl would do more for me than years of reading essays on tumblr ever has.

I dunno, I tried watching a recording of an Othercon panel I felt would be relevant and useful to me once, and was floored at just how... utterly useless it was. Despite its promising title, it was just shallow "you're valid" garbage and internet discourse... Makes me feel severely alienated, to be honest.

polycube ruins (icy garden) // Yume 2kki

scars are beautiful. accept yourself. the universe sees everything and gives you a chance. take it.

Playing card - De La Rue - 19th c. - via The British Museum

the siren 🌊

a few Actual SinDec Fans following this blog now... hello... it is truly an Honor, I just hope you guys won’t be too disappointed that this is primarily a kin blog

origin story or something

I just wanted to say I like the art you posted of Zaphkiel (described as Zaph-self-portraits)

(this is coming from a place of how these are the most similar creature/being I’ve found so far that accurately reflects a kinshift I have, hopefully that’s ok to send)

That's perfectly fine of you to say! Cool that they resonate with you, I know it can be hard to find visual representations that align enough with one's kin IDs to feel relevant, especially if you're of an uncommon anatomy/appearance. Glad you like them!

compilation of phone pics of tentative Zaph-self-portraits

Interesting and fun! I found out the hard way that this thing has a limit on the amount of free generations it can put out for you, trying to get it to make something resembling Zaphkiel enough, hehe...

New game, put your kintype(s) into this AI

I haven’t experienced phantom wings before, but I’ve very much been getting a “tuck head under wing while resting” urge when sleepy, lately... of course my neck’s not long or flexible enough to actually do it, unfortunately, but I still find myself lowering my head down and to the side as if to go under an arm like that.  Wondering what this feeling could be connected to.