in guarani there's a standard greeting that literally translates to "are you happy" (ndevy'apa) and the natural reply is "i'm happy" (avy'a) and as americans learning the language we were so distressed like "but what if we're not happy....." and our teachers were like "that's so not the fucking point"

we kept trying to think of any other way to reply but our teachers kept trying to get it into our brains that it's an idiomatic greeting, it literally is not the time or place to traumadump, and as usamerican english speakers we are not some special exception for saying "what's up" with the reply being "not much" instead of "the ceiling"

but anyway while i was working in paraguay -- the country with the largest population of guarani speakers -- i got sent an article by some friends back home like "look! they're saying that paraguay is the happiest country in the world!"

and the methodology was "we went around and asked paraguayans if they're happy and recorded their responses" and i was like. oh. of course you did. and of course you got a 100% positive response rate.

hey man I found a piece of your soul stuck in the text messages of old friends you don’t speak to anymore. do you want it back

Like I had to sign a form to say I wouldn't kill myself and fill out a bunch of questionnaires about my mental state all in the same breathe nearly.

Maybe it just feels like a lot and surreal that I'm finally taking steps to do this

Filling out forms for a psych eval feels unreal

Filling out forms for a psych eval feels unreal

do it scared do it stupid do it badly whatever it is that's worth doing, that's worth anything at all, we do it. be it scared be it stupid be it badly. the sincerity remains the same.

sorry i can't come in to work today. yeah sorry they killed me off last night. yeah i just wasn't relevant to the plot anymore. i should be in tomorrow but i'll let you know.

okay so I have this idea for a new therapy thing. basically the idea is after an abusive relationship or a combat deployment or anything that might conceivably leave you with PTSD and a loss of ability to reasonably gauge how bad the shit that happened to you actually was, you sit there with a mental health professional for like, a solid 30 to 60 minutes, you tell them short vignettes of your experiences and they respond ONLY by rating how fucked up each one was on a scale from 1 to 10 and then you move on. the objective isn't to reflect deeply on specific experiences but to get a sustained series of reassurances that what you went through was, in fact, That Bad and gradually rebuild your trust in your own present and future ability to judge when what you're going through isn't okay.

currently calling it Rapid Fire Affirmation and Recalibration Therapy (RAP-FART). working title, open to feedback.

Repeatedly learning that being human is all of this is hard.

It's failed tests and falling down and spinning in the breeze and feelings of failure and success (it's allll the feelings). It's waiting an hour at a bus stop after a long day. It's a fire alarm when you were in the shower. It's a laugh shared with a friend. It's a good song and a mostly hot shower and spinning through the hallway after a long day. It's waking up over and over again and wanting to not do this anymore, to die and just give up, and it's repeatedly realizing and telling yourself there are still things to live for. That you have to give it time and wait for a sunny day and finals to be over and to read a good book and take a deep breathe and a mostly hot shower then to wake up again and do it again.

I'm figuring it out every single day and that's part of it too.

And I promise I'm trying

I’m sorry for all the times my mental health made me a bad friend

yseul_pic

Stars I made for the farmers market 🥹⭐️

(english butler voice) Will you be making an attempt on your life this evening, sir?

just grinned at a tree because it was so green. what being inside all day does to a mf

I've been so sleep deprived lately and have to keep catching myself when I'm getting irritated at little things or, especially/ more importantly, when I'm getting irritated at people because like no they did nothing wrong I'm just tired and/or stressed and today might not be my day. Thank you for the reminder <3

they need to invent a way out that isn't through

“i can’t do this anymore” says a girl who is not only going to do it but do it well