last night i had a dream that i was playing minecraft and i noticed i had 77 blocks of cobblestone in one slot instead of it being capped at 64 and it was so jarring to me that it literally booted me out of the dream. like sure you can fly now and your childhood home is a pharmacy but 77 pieces of cobblestone? unthinkable. wake the fuck up.

My toxic trait is that on dating apps I think it’s funny to swipe right on people who look like they would have bullied me in high school

do u think that angels having sex with humans was seen as like beastiality in angel-world

was talking to my friend and I said “wow you have really long fingers” and then I realised that sounded like I was coming onto him so I added “like ET” to desexualise the moment

what would happen if a werewolf and a vampire bit a human at the same time

I think “besnouted” being used to refer to animals with snouts is such a wonderful word, it sounds honorary, like they’ve been awarded a great blessing (they have)

I dont have tumblr sorry

me and my friend enjoying a tästy snack

“this pillow works better if your a back sleeper” bitch I’m a rotisserie chicken sleeper I don’t stop turning until sleep rips me forcefully from this world

Me: I just got stabbed I'm bleeding everywhere call an ambulance

Guy: Awh :( that sucks! I wish I could be there to cuddle with you

me after 15 seconds of work: i just cant do this anymore

do you have a girlfriend ?

I have anxiety

Every one: You have to make time for yourself! me: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* Me time 😍💆

It Is Wintertime

team mysterious leg bruise

there's nothing to explain, "vermillion" absolutely is a green word