badshipshitblog
average strilonde fan
daverose shippers, aka everyone who's read homestuck,
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now here's the part where i take you by the hand and lead you even deeper into wonderland aka the dirkdave youtube rpf universe. Is It Moral To Write Porn Of The Brothers From The SBaHJ Youtube Channel Because They Seem To Be Encouraging It But They're Also Literally Related So That's Kind Of Fucked Up the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,413 pages of heated debate,
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Rating: Explicit
Pairing: Ultimate Dirk/Rosebot
Tags: Robot Kink, (Ectobiological) Parent/Child Incest, Daddy Kink, Dubcon
Chapters: 1/4(?)
Words: 1.9k
Summary:
ROSEBOT: Incredible that when tasked with coming up with a suitable facsimile of genitalia for your dearest daughter, your response is to design her a massive, throbbing robo-phallus.
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dave&rose youtube ghost hunters au let’s go
“we’re technically more gen paranormal hunters,” says the caption at the bottom of the video. it’s in brackets and red comic sans. it disappears as the shaky film pans to a girl with pale hair and darkly colored clothes more suited to a trip to a quaint local bookstore and cafe, rather than standing on a dirt road next to a decrepit fence around an even more decrepit building.
“A bit of a cliche to start the season off with,” says the girl, the video zooming in on her face. she raises an eyebrow, smirking. “But the classics are the classics for a reason.”
“who doesn’t love a creepy old asylum?” says the cameraman, and the video blurs and flips around to be too-close to his face. black shades reflect the lens back onto itself, hair pale as the girl’s blustering in the sudden uptick in wind. “it’s a fucking staple in horror media, has been since the dawn of it. nothing scares the shit out of people like the remnants of their fucked up treatment of the vulnerable and neurodivergent.”
“And ghosts,” says the girl off-screen. “And demons. Though, those could be applied metaphors in this context…”
the camera flips around again to focus on the girl, as the cameraman says, “shit, rose, why not both?”
the girl- rose- smiles in the manner of someone who knows more than anyone else present, is aware of that fact, and is feeling pleasantly surprised that a peer she’s deigned with her presence has grasped even an inkling of her thoughts.
“Both,” rose agrees as a bird call shrieks in the distance and the video cuts it off abruptly. it next shows rose walking in front of the camera and cameraman, leading the way into a semi-dark hall. the walls peeling paint, the floor cracking and lifting. the heels of her chic boots click as she walks, the beam of her flashlight swaying gently.
“A distinct lack of incomprehensible warnings scrawled across the walls,” says rose, shining her light upon an old smear that’s turned brown over the years.
“yeah, kinda kills the total package deal hype of an asylum,” says the cameraman. “like, what’s the point even if you don’t get at least a few death threats or cult phrases thrown your way?”
“Perhaps it will prevail yet, Dave. There is always possibility of poltergeist, or an apparition.”
“been there, done that. maybe some specter will finally have the intangible balls to go corporeal and possess your gothic little heart, raven madison.”
“That reference is vampires, dear heart.”
“tomato potato whatever. but, uh… if they don’t like your hentai octopi buddies…?”
“Then they may attempt to establish a connection with you.”
“haha, yeah, sure. come at me bro.”
the feed cuts again, with static this time as rose turns an amused gaze towards the cameraman. it comes back with a new person standing in the frame; sporting dark sunglasses despite the early evening and shadow filled room. he’s saying, “i swear to god, rose, if you drop my baby i’m making you buy me a whole new rig, sound sampler, mic, lens, custom bitchin’ paint job-”
“Do us all a favor and shut the fuck up, Dave,” rose says sweetly and firmly. he stops rambling, lips tugged down in a frown. rose continues, “Now, let’s get on with the part of the program subscribers click on our video thumbnails for.”
“why am i the god damn ghost nip again.”
“Because the Strider charms are irresistible to the common lingering spirit.”
dave scuffs his shoes on the filthy floor, his sigh echoing off the surrounding room. rusted bed frames litter the sides of it, rotted fabric clinging in places and showing traces of animal habitation. dave’s sunglasses glint in the glare of rose’s flashlight, hair a washed out white. “just ‘cause every ghoul from here to canada wants a piece of strider ass doesn’t mean i have to be bait every time.”
as he says that, a figure flickers into existence behind him, looming with hollow eyes and an overextended jaw. the video cuts as it lunges at him.
it comes back at a weird angle, with more red comic sans appearing on screen. “sorry for the shit footage, SOMEBODY couldn’t bother holding off exorcism foreplay.” purple text is quick to follow it, in comic sans as well. “You’re very fucking welcome for that, you enormously ungrateful asshole.”
the camera is clearly on the floor, giving view of only that and two sets of feet. rose’s boots now have scat stuck to one sole, and a handful of burrs on the back of her tights. dave’s hightops dangle suspended a foot off the ground, laces swaying as he hovers, the rest of him perfectly still in the air.
“Now, I understand it’s been very lonely here, Frederick,” says rose’s voice, “but the body you are currently residing within is already claimed for the remainder of eternity. It won’t be open for new tenants until it is well and gone to dust, I assure you.”
dave’s laces shake as his voice responds, all guttural screams far louder than he has ever spoken before.
“Now there’s no need for name calling,” rose says. “We’re two adults, having a civil conversation. The furthest ring’s heralds and doombringers and mindflayers own our family tree, so even if I wanted to give him to you, I quite literally can’t-”
dave’s voice explodes again in wordless sound, and the video is flipped and rolled. the film only steadies again after the camera has been sent skidding across the floor; now offering rose and dave’s full figures within the frame. from across the room, anyway.
dave hovers in the air, like he’s hanging by the neck and swaying gently on a noose. rose is faced away from the lens, fingers tensed into claws.
“That’s quite enough of that,” rose says snappishly, “he isn’t yours to keep,” and she grabs dave by his shirt collar to haul him downwards. she slaps her palm to his forehead and the video is dragged into darkness, extinguishing everything as its audio devolves into whispers and then speaker bursting howls. the silence that follows immediately after is chilling.
picture is then restored. it comes back inside a van, filled with travel bags, pillows, polaroid photographs tacked to the walls, precarious stacks of books and dead things in jars on top, and two disheveled individuals sitting shoulder to shoulder.
“so,” dave starts, voice gravelly, “turns out ghostly possession makes your mouth taste like death’s ass.”
“I told you so,” rose says primly. she has a bruised cheek, hair like a bird’s nest, and her black lipstick is smeared in the rightmost corner. she holds herself like a dignitary for it.
“fuck off, lalonde,” dave replies, running a hand through his even messier hair. his neck has a blooming bruise around it in the pattern of a rope, his shirt collar is torn at a shoulder seam, and black viscous stains the front downwards. “that was demonic conjuring, totally different field of freaky mindbody highjacking fuckery.”
“You’ll have to forgive him,” rose says to the camera, patting dave’s knee patronizingly, “it’s his first body-sharing experience.”
“i shared my body plenty, shared it in ten different states, i just pre-fucking-ferred sharing it consensually.”
“You, and I quote, said ‘come at me, bro’. In the presence of aggressive, tortured spirits, you might as well have writ permission in neon.”
“wow, wow. some feminist you are, victim blaming me for this. new low for you, rose.”
rose rolls her eyes. “Moving on with our review. The trip over had a decent number of well-meaning townsfolk warning us away from here, notably one who started crying halfway through. Unfortunately, I’ll have to dock points for the lackluster atmosphere of the asylum itself. It wasn’t as overtly foreboding as we’d been promised, and, again, the graffiti from its former residents failed to strike even an iota of fear into our hearts.”
“i got possessed though, which is sexy in theory but shitty in practice,” dave adds in a drawl. “kinda like communism and capitalism. got some sick air while i was at it, but i didn’t crawl on the ceiling even once. i did however get to hear the screams of the lost souls bound to the building and i think my new choker will last a few weeks at least. that’s worth a few points.”
“Agreed,” rose says amiably. “A solid 7.5 out of 10?”
dave shrugs. “about there, yeah.”
the video transitions to blank blackness, displaying with purple text “We are not professionals in any manner of speaking, but our death’s are more difficult to ensure than yours. Do not attempt this at home, do not attempt this with friends, do not attempt this if you value your mortal soul and fragile human psyche.” the message below that is in red text and reads “like subscribe and comment”
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the real joke here is the jade harley detective cop show where she unravels the most mysterious mysteries of them all!!!
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Art made by @antiquecipher -- art alone can be found here
Art donated by a person who wishes to remain anonymous, and who gave permission for this art to be used as public domain. Art alone can be found here
Bro/Dave won against Alpha Dave/Alpha Rose with 61.8% of the vote out of 225 votes
Dave/Rose won against Dave/Dirk with 50.4% of the vote out of 716 votes
I did the calculations and I think that's like a 5 vote difference
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can you draw dirk and dave snuggling and dave has a lot of hickeys :3
yes :3
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Dave/Dirk won over Alpha Dave/Dirk with 62.5% of the vote out of 192 votes
Dave/Rose won over Dave/Roxy with 61.4% of the vote out of 171 votes.
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full of the dersecest feels tonight…
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Dave/Dirk won over Alpha Dave/Dirk with 62.5% of the vote out of 192 votes
Dave/Rose won over Dave/Roxy with 61.4% of the vote out of 171 votes.
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hold
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im so normal abt sibling relationships in media i swear
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godddd i can't stop thinking about dirkrose but not even in any coherent way. just me mentally pointing at them going THEM!!!!!!! while vibrating like an overly excitable chihuahua
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the ultdirk xreader is kinda funny actually... only thing in the universe that isnt him that he can play psychosexual shit on... and it isnt in his universe. cant even make no damn self insert cause then itll be in HIS universe and also essentially him. how do u as a guy try and seduce the concept of unfamiliarity. was gonna say unknown but actually unfamiliarity is funnier
no exactly, that's what i'm saying. you get it anon thank you. he's infatuated with a concept he'll never truly understand and it's so Dirk age-13-in-the-middle-of-the-ocean-watching-his-dead-brother's-movies core. and also so very brocal. Dirk loves getting attached to powerful & unfathomable puppetmasters and letting them pull his strings in the name of the "narrative." and the thing abt how he can't make an insert YES EXACTLY how do you have sex with an idea.......this guy is getting cockblocked by the laws of reality. sad.
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i think i know your mainblog. i could always tell you were cool like that
tbh i assume everyone knows my main. and thank u :)
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godddd i can't stop thinking about dirkrose but not even in any coherent way. just me mentally pointing at them going THEM!!!!!!! while vibrating like an overly excitable chihuahua
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#i definitely have a READ where there were Layers to that scene that even dirk as narrator didn't perceive#i think rose's interjection was both genuine and deliberate#i think she does calculate how affectionate to be with him and when to head off narrative control#*episodes of narrative control#but i think simultaneously it is inextricable from her genuine love for him and desire to work on the same goal#she ALSO believes she is doing this for her friends--but also knows that is a weak psychological pastiche over her insecurities#(the real reason she's doing this--if you have a problem you fix it by Saving The World not by addressing it)#she wants her expressions of love for dirk to be genuine is i think part of it. rose chafes at others describing her feelings for her#much less deciding what they are to begin with#is this her manipulating him? yeah but like also that's their entire Thing#can they even have an authentic emotional exchange that doesn't serve a purpose on both of their ends?#absolutely not that's part of the appeal#i think she sometimes reflects his self image back to him intentionally bc it serves their relationship#she exaggerates her role as his daughter and an extension of himself to both garner his affection and solidify her perceived power#i think you can draw a direct line from her behavior with scratch to how she's now acting with dirk#anyway sorry for rambling in the tags of some random art i just like it so much and i like them so much#incest 4ever i will start keeping up with this comic actively if they bring back the incest as a major factor (tags via @nightmericana)
pulling his puppet into his lap, the ventriloquist momentarily forgets that he compells her speech, and falls for the reflection of himself in her perfect chrome
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