How bad is it that I considered a stimulant drug addiction to make me skinny

My family organized a trip to Disneyland and didn’t include me. I asked about it in the family group chat and they left me on read so I sent a message calling them out for excluding me. This is the first time I actually stood up for myself

Still fat put I can button these pants

It’s so crazy to see such a large number on the scale. I don’t remember last time I weighed myself last week or week before but it was 269 I think. 269 is such a big number. Its so disheartening. I just want to be small enough to be picked up but I feel like a cow. It’s so much work to do, so many months of dieting.. worrying about body dysmorphia from the access skin. I wish I never got this high in weight but it just happened. I feel like a fucking toad. I don’t feel sexy at all. I been eating under 1k every day and I don’t have much appetite nor cravings. Scared to jump on the scale bc weight might not be going down fast enough for me to feel validated. No one has asked me at work if I have lost weight but then again I don’t really wear anything that fits my form 🤷🏼‍♀️ my husband cheated on me multiple times and I never blamed myself for that but I haven’t felt sexy in a long time… I just want to feel like I can pull a lustful gaze while I’m out and about. I want to feel wanted and something I’ve been struggling with. I have gone to clubs and bars with my friends and I’ve been triggered when my friends will get chatted up and I’m literally standing there with my drink. It’s so embarrassing. I hate when my friends tell me about getting numbers or pulling people bc it’s been a trigger lately. I’ve asked them to stop sharing bc I’m going through this transition and it’s Been bothering me. I just want to feel sexy but I tend to just feel uncomfortable and stuffed into an ugly ass dress.

Has anyone else been solely surviving off of ice coffee lately?

-20lbs this month

Why can’t I have the weight loss trauma???? I got the binge trauma?!!

My childhood was so shitty I wanted to build my own family and that shit burnt down to the ground overnight.

I don’t think I could ever trust anyone to love me unconditionally after my husband cheated on me… twice..

It’s gotten to a point where I don’t see a future anymore. I’ve lost most hope.

It’s become an automatic response to scoff and smile when someone tells me they love me. Like fuck my family has said the most hurtful shit to my face, my husband cheated on me twice and you gonna say you love me?? 😅

I stay breaking my own heart

Don’t fucking make me feel bad for wanting external validation when you damn well know I have never received a single ounce.

Be nice if someone just chose me for once.

My husband couldnt even do that shit, he rather have multiple affairs.

I just want to feel something

Manifesting 20lbs monthly weight loss 👀