that time i yassified @almostzander

My name is Doug Dimmadome owner of a dimsdale dimmadick

Its coming... Sooner than you thought.

my favourite streamer lmao

this man has seen things

@almostzander

Weird vent post time feel free to ignore this post all together.

Anyways-

Anyone else feel the need to run? Not like physically but like... any change, any worry, any anxiety, and I have the urge to uproot my entire life. Not just the shaving head and getting a new tattoo kind of change, although I've done that too. But quit my job, move states, cut ties with the people I love most. This need to outrun the discomfort. To seek new, better, safer, anything. To tear apart my room at three am and rearrange it. To apply to jobs I never wanted before, start hobbies, quit hobbies. I just need my life to change. I need to feel like I'm in control of something, instead of it all just happening to me.

It's why I changed college majors. It's why I quit my job without warning. Several times. It's why I started streaming. It's why I almost quit streaming, and college, and dance, and every hobby I've ever had. It's why I've never lived in an apartment for longer than 2 years. It's why I went to church this weekend for the first time in 8 years.

It's why I've never been broken up with, because every time there's a hint of discomfort I'm the first to flee. To cut ties and run before I can get hurt. It's why I've dropped friends. It's also why when I feel the discomfort with people who mean the world to me, my closest friends, I end up in this nauseating panic. I assume they will do the same to me, even if it's someone I care too deeply about to run from. You'll find me writing page long apologies, begging for forgiveness even if I've done nothing wrong.

I'm a runner. Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm running from. I'm exhausted. I want to stop running, and at this point I don't know how. I'm in that panic again I can feel it. I want to drop everything and run. Fighting that feeling is only making it worse. I've already started pulling up job applications. I've signed up for a gym membership. I've cleaned out my closet. I dont know what to do next.

I'm not sure what posting this does to help, but something about writing it down like this, it makes it easier. That's all. Will probably delete this at some point.

GUYS

I ordered a custom case of my own art work and now I have AN AD ASTRA PHONE CASE I stare at them everyday -please I’m so weak.

Design credit of course to @hellenite and the Event Horizon fic go read it and support their new work!

A year in review-

I realized I should probably post more when I realized half the art in my year review I never even posted anywhere 😅 I've been having so much fun making art for myself and my community I've forgotten about trying to share it or get my name out there. Tried a few different styles this year and really loved what I developed. I think this is one of my biggest development years in a long time. Can't wait to see where it takes me! Commissions will be open this year, until then, blessed Yule everyone <3

Anatomy practice goes wild with arms

Why are arms so attractive

Ad Astra, with you

I'm finally ready to share this one. This piece means so much to me, and no, I have not moved on. It's been a year since I started wearing a cariad braid in my own hair, a promise to myself. This book, these people, changed the way I looked at so many things. I fell in love with writing again through this story. I see so much of myself in these characters. I remember to be gentle while I find my place in this universe.

I hope one day I find my yellow door. Until then, I'll keep making beautiful things and searching the stars for my next adventure.

I'm 25 now. Advice on what I can do now that I'm 25? Google says I should open a 401k and start exercising regularly. Looking for better advice.

Night Watch

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Our favorite bird boys out on the town! These two as a pair mean literally so much to me. The way they both reach out to each other and how connected and protective they get makes me genuinely so emotional. These two were so much fun to draw, I'm considering selling this as a print sometime in the future!

Ad astra doodles decided to reread the entire thing while sick with covid. Big art piece coming soon for these two. Some hyperfixations never leave us.

Ad Astra art in 2023? It's more likely than you think.

Anyways I have covid and ad astra is my comfort media so I'm rereading it while stuck in bed and had to do this trend with them. Ranboo watching tubbos face light up as they streak through space and knowing he is in love, but also the dark pasts that haunts them.

This is an illness and I'm never going to recover.

Realized I spent days making this comic when the hitting on 16 come out sometime January of 2022. I wasn’t proud of it so I never ended up posting it. Guess I should at least put it out to the world somewhere since I cared so much at the time. I miss this era, but I don’t even recognize this art as my own at this point. Maybe I’ll redraw a part some day.

I think maybe it's time I start using this platform again since bird app is a joke so, yeah. Hi I'm Zander, I stream, do YouTube, sell art, write books, and a bunch of other weird shit. Gunna start using this to post art more regularly again and maybe like a genuine blog again so hop on the train.

WRONG ACCOUNT LOL THIS IS ME SORRY

ITS ART FIGHT TIME BOYS

Uh also my characters aren’t all uploaded because the site is down but IM TRYING AND THEY WILL BE

Imma go so hard this year LETS GO

Miss beloved and the Vampire king. What more could I want?