“Do you ever lay in bed and realise how not okay you are?”

— Unknown

It's a mood.

@snejanajens

Rabentochter

Wenn die eigene Mutter nicht liebt und das innere Kind beginnt zu schreien, dann schreit es nach Liebe, Zuneigung und Vertrauen. Aber vor allem danach gehört zu werden. Nach einem offenem Ohr, das annimmt, akzeptiert und reflektiert. Es prallen zwei Welten aufeinander. Zwei Puzzle Teile, die man versucht mit Gewalt zusammen zu fügen, obwohl sie schlichtweg kein Paar ergeben. Da fehlt die Lücke. Da fehlt der Platz. Im Herzen und im Gedanken.

I wish you no harm, but I wish you no goodness, either, and I hope what you did to me haunts you forever.

You can miss someone. You can miss the way they said your name. You can miss the way they calmed the scary voices in your mind. You can miss the way they made you laugh - always slightly surprised, but a growing warmth in your stomach. You can miss the way you made them laugh. You can miss their pain and the way your hands eased the tension around their eyes. You can miss the way you both would end up in the most outrageous conversations. You can miss them. You can miss who they were to you. And you can selfishly miss the way they made you feel. Safe. Understood. Beautiful.

You can miss them. And you can also be okay in your decision to walk away. You can miss everything about the way they made you feel and know that they weren’t healthy for you. You can miss everything and still know that you’re going to be better for walking away. You are walking towards you. You are walking towards your needs. You are walking towards seeing yourself.

But just because you know that walking away is what is healthiest for you doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt. You will miss them. There will be moments where it seems that possibly, the better thing to do is stay. Just know, missing people passes. A piece of you may be left with them, but you will find other pieces. You can miss them and know that still, the best thing to do is walk away.

Some realizations I had in the last few days part 2 (after spending two years in agony)

— he does not, will not and did not want to love me, nothing I say or do could ever change his mind

— I was just easy sex, NOTHING MORE

— whilst I rot everyday thinking about him, he has already moved on, he never thinks about me or misses me

— he got what he wanted because I was pathetic and let him get away with it, it was all my fault

— I meant NOTHING to him

— he will forget me because I was just one of his playthings and now he is bored while I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to live with this

— something must be terribly wrong with me to be so madly in love with a person who destroyed me

Dieses Lächeln was man automatisch macht, wenn man traurig ist um nicht zu zeigen wie kaputt man eigentlich ist.

🖤

nickbrina + lying next to each other

using the spooky season as an excuse to draw sabrina spellman