I’m slowly growing as a person and feeling both insecure/secure in my relationship. Insecurities that I’ll get over and secure with a partner that hasn’t shown me any reason to not trust her

Another fight about hoes.

I’m actually so close to break up it’s not even funny. I haven’t done anything to hurt her and it’s all in her head. Last chance of self sabotage.

It’s weird that I’m genuinely searching for someone similar to Syd. Or someone that provides me the same type of happiness. I hope to find someone better. Until then, I don’t mind meeting more and more people. I dont think I’ll be opening up to anyone until then.

Yeah, I definitely fell for the wrong person. Note to self, don’t fall for just anyone because it feels good. This strawberry did not leave a sweet aftertaste.

Right Person Wrong Time

I didn’t believe that this phrase was a thing. I especially didn’t believe that I’d find someone like you when I wasn’t looking for you. I genuinely thought I wasn’t going to get a response from you and just yesterday we were both together crying our hearts out. Simply put, you’re a person that I clicked with so fast and everything felt normal/natural. She was sunshine that I wanted to surround and immerse myself in. I wanted to know more and more but, in return I kept opening up more and more. She’s simply not ready for something serious because of her past traumas and I’m totally empathetic of her situation. Her character doesn’t allow her to be a selfish person and it’s something I admire about her. If it were up to me, I’d continue to get hurt just because I’m so infatuated. It’s rare to come by someone who hits all your checkmarks and also your sexual compatibility. I’ve been losing sleep talking to you, and you’re all I think about everyday. It’s super unhealthy and obsessive to want you this badly. I’m sorry you’re still healing and still hurting. It hurts to see you crying, and I’m constantly worrying about your wellbeing. You’re a kind, pure soul that shouldn’t be tainted by some toxic person. I think we could be something later down the line but, you and I both know that I shouldn’t wait. I think you were the right person for me but, it’s unfortunate timing on your end. I want to keep talking to you, I want to make sure you’re okay but, I’m so scared of being hurt. 

Life update

I’m working at a school. I got a couple tattoos. Going to see blackpink in a few weeks, keshi next year. Going to south korea with CK to visit and also see sujin, one of the most cutest girls I’ve everrrr met. Jen and mike are getting married and t’s my date?? Who would have thought in a million years.

Genuinely can’t wait for next year, think it’s going to be one of the best.

Life update.

I have finished my masters degree, I’m doing therapy on the side (I’m the therapist), planning a solo trip, still sleeping around.

It’s a bit harder to find someone that I like, that I want to keep consistently.

People kinda get boring after you fuck them lmao. Maybe I just didn’t vibe with them sexually. Well, in 3 months I’ve pretty much slept with the same amount of girls I slept with in 8 years lmao.

We’re just out here getting cuter.

I’m having so much fun being a hoe 😂

AHHHH FUCK ME, GOD DAMN DONT FALL FOR STUPID STUFF. YOURE ONLY GOING OUT ON A DATE. THATS IT

Man, I gotta stop saying “I love you” I find that I get so overwhelmed with emotions that I’m like ooo I love you.

Stupid me 3 years ago didn’t know what love was and currently me definitely still doesn’t know. But I have an idea😂

In the process of fwb with t, hope it works out lmao

I think I’m going to take my mother’s advice and not delete photos. It’s actually such a warm place in my life that I don’t want to forget. I think that keeping it hidden is a good thing but, even though it’s actually over. Just sad people change. Anyways, time to figure out my next chapter.

It still doesn’t feel real but, I feel like I’ve been ready for it. Like, I’m so thankful jas told me I’m not crazy. I’m so thankful that, I was slowly convinced that I was crazy for feeling my emotions. We talked about how it was weird that she was doing all of these things. Like, how she was stubborn, how there was no mutual understanding, how there was no empathizing. There wasn’t even apologizes because half the time she didn’t believe that she was wrong. My friend told me that, if there was more understanding things would have worked out. I was told I dodged a bullet. I was told that, I have a toxic mentality to try and save a relationship that isn’t working. It’s unfortunate that in the end, my standards just dropped. I stood firm at the line that I did not want to have a open relationship because I do not believe in sharing my significant other. She wanted new experiences, and I’ve already been through that phase. I know what I want and what she wants is to explore. Unfortunately, she changed and I loved the person she was. It was so hard to watch her put so much effort for everyone else but me, it was so hard watching her grab attention from other people but never putting that effort into me. There were too many nights where I slept on the couch because she just wanted to spend time playing with her friends or spend time with new guys. I guess I was proven right, when I said I was slowly being replaced because she’s doing the exact same things with other people that she used to do with me. I wish I just stood strong and ended things a while ago. We both understood that the relationship went downhill in February. We had been fighting over me asking for time to spend with her, and she wanted to spend time with her friends because we’ve been together for a month. (December) I was quarantining at the time and found out that my brother had covid. I couldn’t help my family out or anything because I wasn’t allowed to leave my house. I was spiraling out of control, and just simply asked for comfort even though we were in a fight. She didn’t give me any comfort other than, your brother is going to survive he’s a healthy guy. That red flag, should have been the end because I realized she couldn’t empathize or gain understanding of what had happened. I’ll miss her but, I won’t miss this heartbreak. Im husband material

It’s over, it’s really over. I cannot believe that it’s over.

My heart is heavy but, if she wants this then, who am I to stop it.

At this point, I want her to be okay with or without me

One day at a time, we’ll get stronger