"I feel like I only started living after I met you." ಥ⁠_⁠ಥ

I wish veils are as in fashion in real life as it is in Ahrensbach. Preferably one that I can wear to something as mundane as grocery shopping or in a public transportation. One that I could wear everyday without it being seen as something bizarre or whatnot?

I'd be like Aurelia and let no one see me. Maybe I could try? I wish I was bold/brave enough to do that... It'd be really handy to avoid eye contact and for people I know to not recognize me and not engage in small talk. 😄😔

Hi!

I just wanna greet you a Happy Birthday. I know it's useless as you can't see this and I haven't conveyed such words to you today. I spent yesterday making some sort of digital art for you and I suck at it so there's no fruit in that. Last December, I thought hard of what to gift you but I also haven't really bought or made what I thought you'd like because most of them are rooted to what I like. I realized that I don't know enough about you. We've been friends for years and I've changed so much that our ideologies don't align anymore. We talked recently and I still can't be fully honest with you. I'm not sure if you knew bout my dishonesty and everything I hid from you all but I hope you do know that I care about you and I feel guilty for everything I couldn't do and admit to you. I'd hate me if I were you but you still care about me enough to spend time with me despite my avoidance and everything. Did you know that you're the first person to greet me on my birthday apart from my only family? Did you know that I almost cried when we met downtown by the sea with J? Did you know that I'm more honest and open with him than with you? Did you know that I feel guilty about it too? Did you know that I feel like I don't deserve to be your friend anymore because of all my self-hatred and such? Did you know that I've become someone you could hate? Did you know that I wanted you to get rid of me? Be rude to me? Did you know that I always second guess everything because I don't really know you and me? Did you know that I want to be friends with you for as long as we live still? Did you know that I'm such a shitty selfish person?

Ahhh I should just be greeting you will all the happiness you deserve but here I am wallowing🙄

But seriously, I hope you had a great and happy day today. I wish you accomplish everything you've been working hard for. I'd also wish to know you again but I don't want to surround you with my negativity rn so I hope you can be happy and comfortable in my presence when we meet again. I'll write you a letter as I always did (I'm still not sure whether I should be fully honest there but I'll keep it as positive and happy as I can. If ever I do write something that will only burden you, I'd write it in a code you can't decipher so you can still have the option to be blissfully oblivious about it lol hahah.

Anyways, I truly wish for you to experience life the way everyone wishes for such as but not limited to: having a rich, sincere, kind, beautiful person to spend life with; having a comfort place, having a purposeful and fulfilling job; everything.

I may not say this often but I do love you. I just don't really know how but I love you and everyone in (*,,˃ ᵕ ˂ )✰*｡

You'd probably recognize that kaomoji so I'm glad you don't have a Tumblr😄

Also, what do you want as a gift? I still freaking don't have any idea. I even second guess your favorite color at times you know that?

Happy Birthday!! That's the gist. Ignore everything~🙏

I asked someone for a book/movie recommendation and I told them that I like Sci-fi especially dystopian, post-apocalyptic, and probably the hint of survival fiction that comes with it. However, I also told them that can't stand horror or anything horrid, gory, or extremely and descriptively violent. Then they then told me that it's kinda weird that I like what I like but don't like what usually comes with it? (Nonverbatim but that's how I understood it)

I mean— I can and have read The Maze Runner series but I probably wouldn't be able to read Lord of the Flies because I can't stand some of its themes. I just can't.

Dystopian fiction are highly descriptive and I'm imaginative enough... I won't be able to stomach reading something with that one particular theme akin to Lord of the Flies iykwim.

Not every dystopian, post-apocalyptic, or survival fiction have to have extremely gory stuff right? Or at least not every bit of it have to have extremely descriptive gory violence... right?

What I usually like about those sub-genres is the slice-of-life that comes with it in between. The dread and the hope, the nostalgia, the atmosphere, the quiet and stillness, the chaos, everything. Sometimes it's just filled with so much contrast and I like that.

Happy New Year to my all friends. I hope they have a great year, a great life ahead full of happiness, success, purpose, and abundance.

Happy New Year to my grandma. I hope she's always happy and fulfilled. I hope 2024 and the years ahead will bring her happiness, love, contentment, peace, abundance, and everything she wishes and prays for.

Happy New Year to everyone who hasn't forgotten about me and would love to know and understand me. They may not currently exist but I hope 2024 and the years ahead will be kind to me and I hope that I can get the courage and the confidence to show myself to the world, to the people who matter most to me. I also I can find my purpose and stability in this coming year 2024.🤍

(シ_ _)シ (｡v_v｡)

My Favorite Songs from My Favorite J-Artists/J-Bands

Omoinotake

2. Yorushika

3. Official Hige Dandism

4. Aimer

5. King Gnu

6. YOASOBI

7. Kenshi Yonezu

8. RADWIMPS

9. KOKIA

10. Yuuri

most days I am a museum of things I want to forget.

E.E. Scott, "Every Day I Am Trying New Techniques To Make Myself Disappear".

Has anyone watched this TV series? ＼(٥⁀▽⁀ )／

Pretty Proofreader (Ep 9)

Often times, the more essential the job is, the less people know about it. They keep the world spinning without anyone realising until they stop doing it.

“It’s all messy: the hair, the bed, the words, the heart. Life.”

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

𝐼'𝑚 𝑜𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑒ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑟, 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑝 𝑚𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝐼 𝑓– ℎ𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑙𝑑, 𝑠𝑜 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑒 𝑎 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑊𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑢𝑝 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑒, 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦

𝑆𝑡𝑜𝑝 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑢𝑛𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝑜𝑛 𝑚𝑒 '𝐶𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑖𝑓 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑜𝑟 𝑎 𝑙𝑖𝑒

𝐼'𝑚 𝑜𝑘𝑎𝑦 𝐼'𝑙𝑙 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑏𝑢𝑟𝑛 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑒 '𝐶𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑚𝑦 𝑠𝑎𝑑𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑁𝑜, 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒

𝑇𝑢𝑟𝑛 𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑜 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑢𝑝 '𝑇𝑖𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑟𝑢𝑚𝑠 𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑙𝑜𝑑𝑒 𝐿𝑒𝑡'𝑠 𝑑𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑐𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝐼 𝑚𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑢𝑟𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑒 𝑇𝑢𝑟𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠ℎ𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑜𝑟

𝐾𝑛𝑜𝑐𝑘, 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑐𝑘, 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒?

Is it bad that I'm not buying a new phone just to avoid getting phone calls or text messages from people who cares? I'm being selfish, am I? I even deleted most of my social media accounts and haven't opened my personal email since about half a year ago. I've closed myself off and I hate that I'm not as guilty as I want to about it.

learning lately that a lot of confidence is about owning up. like "yeah i'm a little addicted to my phone right now" or "yeah i'm not really over this person yet" or "yeah i still get pretty anxious in crowds" just saying anything at all but then following it up w "but i'm trying to get better" and being super nonchalant and unaffected. so powerful. you would literally be undefeatable in the face of even the most judgmental person. no one can judge you for things you already know about yourself and are trying to improve on. the trick is to know yourself from the inside out, to hold yourself accountable, and to actively improve every day. like that is literally the secret to never feeling like you're at the mercy of somebody else's judgment