Fuck

Fuck friends, friends who betray your trust, talk about you behind your back and only talk when you’re needed.

Fuck people, people who judge you without knowing what you’re passing through, try to use you to reach their goal and underestimate your skills.

Fuck family, family that want you to be what they want not who you want, lower you self esteem and always criticize your actions.

Fuck society, society that kills dreams, shatter expectations and destroy your future.

Fuck relationships, relationships that break your heart, make you a weak person and leave a scar that lasts forever. 

Fuck social media, social media that invade your privacy, waste your time and feed you useless knowledge. 

Fuck everything that is what it shouldn’t be.

It’s weird how we can change in a small period of time. In just a couple of months I’m now a completely different person. New prospective, new actions, new ideas, new traits. I’m still in the process of changing everyday, If I look back one year ago, I wasn’t like that, I was a person I don’t even know now. 

Everything takes time. Working out takes time, being good in something takes time, falling in love takes time, making friends takes time. If you have enough determination and passion to keep moving on, you’ll eventually reach whatever you intended to do. But if you keep saying “I’ll do this and that and bla bla bla” without actually meaning it, you’ll end up finding yourself after a year or two at the very same spot. Just a waste of time. 

It’s magical to see what you really want the most right in front of you. You feel happiest person in the world and you can just stand there forever. However, nothing will happen until you get up from this illusion, get out of this world and trying to make at least part of this dream come true. 

I’m terrified of tomorrow. No specific event, I’m just afraid in general. Afraid of losing what’s left in me. Afraid of losing the small things in my life that keep me going. Afraid of not finding love. Afraid of failure. Afraid of ending up after 60 years in an armchair looking back and wondering why I missed an opportunity or didn’t take a risk.  

I'm supposed to be angry, things didn't end up like I expected, or actually wanted. However, I still want to be okay and feel optimistic. I'm not denying my disappointment, but I won't leave my emotions to it simply because it's not the time to feel down. Don't worry, Be happy, every thing has a good reason behind it, you just don't understand.

A couple of days from now I’ll be receiving an email that probably might change my life and future massively. The amount of stress should be unbearable but surprisingly it’s not. Worrying won’t make the email come faster or will give me the reply I’m waiting for. Waiting is hard, but when I look around I see people waiting for things which are more important and they’re getting through it, so why wouldn’t I do the same ?

Today I realized how life isn’t as unfair as it looks. For one whole year, and until this very moment, I’m going through the toughest experience ever, a brother having cancer. It’s still hard everyday to see how my family has collapsed and is on the verge of breaking down. Only today, I understood how God is actually rewarding me in other ways for my patience and strength, and that he never forgot me one second. It feels safe and hopeful, and very very self satisfying.

Never have I ever lived a perfect day. Never have I ever lost hope that maybe one day I'll do that

I got finals and projects and assignments and..... I’m sleeping

I'm waiting for summer vacation so bad that I already stopped studying from now. I want to do so many things actually, but the most important thing is to stop talking to the people I know. Take a break from them if I can. I'm not hating on them or anything, I just think they're not giving me the chance to stay note with myself and understand what's going on in my head.

Ever felt like you want to do something new, something productive. I feel that every single day, and I literally end up on Youtube watching a video for like 100th time. Never regretted that once.