My heart is silently breaking. I've been working on moving on with my life. Everyday has been okay. Today when I got home, I looked at his Facebook and felt a little tinge of sadness.. I turned my Amazon Echo on Y2K on Sirius XM like usual and a song came on while I was in the shower. I started feeling every emotion I've been trying to push back for the last month and a half. And there it was.. flooding back in. I started crying. I don't know why I care so much about him. We weren't ever in an actual relationship. It was four months. What's wrong with me. How can these feelings be so deep? My heart is breaking into pieces. I pushed him away completely because I was so hurt. He pleaded with me to still be friends and I told him no. I knew I couldn't, than I just got mad. Why do I miss someone so much that has hurt me so bad? I've never felt this way about someone in 28 years of living. I feel crazy. I feel stupid. But all I want is to hear his voice and look in his eyes. At this point... I'm sad about the fact that we will never be anything.. but i miss his friendship. I'd rather have him as my friend than nothing at all. But I think it might be too late for that.

Another night of not being able to sleep due to stress and anxiety. Fighting with your S.O while you're out on the road is so hard. I'm one of those people that can't sleep until its resolved. He doesn't want to discuss it. I doubt I'll get any sleep tonight. Gotten 2 hours of sleep in the last two days. My life 😞

A truck drivers song.

A positive selfie, reminding me that this isn't forever (driving a truck) just a temporary thing.

Depression is a real thing.

A lot of Truck Drivers have depression, I am one of them. Spending endless hours/days/weeks/months in my truck with only phone calls/video chat & small talk at the truck stops with cashiers and fellow drivers really wears on me. Most days aren't bad.. but sometimes when I'm sitting in my truck at night with nothing but my thoughts it can get pretty bad. I'll start thinking about what happens if I don't get to go home.. what if I lose my life out here and don't get to say goodbye to my family/friends. What if I'm raped and murdered. What if I'm robbed and murdered at gunpoint. These are real things that happen out here to my fellow drivers. There are so many scary things that I easily trail off and think about. It's a very dark and scary place to be.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life trapped in a box on wheels.

I just want to go home.

I knew I shouldn't of left with a run to Upstate NY. But my mother told me to go, that everything would be okay. I got to NY and got the phone call from my mother that my grandma had passed away... I was almost 800 miles away and drove straight home, but she was already gone. I never got to say goodbye. 😭

Family emergencies are incredibly hard because we (truckers) can't just drop everything and make it home like if we were home everyday. Hundreds to thousands of miles separate us from our families.

I know a lot of people think truck drivers are nasty, on drugs or total assholes. But a lot of us are good people, we are just providing for our families.

I'd like to start off by saying...

HOLY SHIT. I haven't posted on here in forever!

I can't believe I've been driving a truck for 6 years now!!

It never gets easier though.. my life has been a roller coaster ride full of happiness & pain. Lots of stupid choices and lots of heartbreak. I'm 28 now, on a better path in my life. I wouldn't change any of the bad because it got me where I am now. I found my soul mate. But this job makes it even HARDER than I EVER imagined it would be. I HATE being away from him. I hate video chatting everyday instead of being there with him. *sigh*

Thank you Mom & Dad for your genetic makeups. I sure do age well. :) (at Bridgeview, Illinois)

Livin' the dream! Finally got a BEAUTIFUL Kenworth!!!! #dream #kenworth #truckerlife (at OrTran)

Look decent in this photo. Right after I started driving truck

Chillin' at home.... #bored #blueeyed (at West Cedar Rapids, Iowa)

I can go from beautiful and innocent to mud, guns and big trucks in 2 seconds flat. #tomgirl #countrygirl #lovebigtrucks #loveguns #curlyhair #dontcare

Beautiful!

Tahiti. Half and half. videog maassen 

I really miss my little sister Tay. I'm hoping one day we will make amens.

Knoxville, Tennessee.

Sitting at the Petro Stopping Center outside of Knoxville. Derrick let me sleep in... so I'm going to grab some breakfast. He just fell asleep lol. After i get breakfast i need to deliver the load 40 miles away... pick up in Alabama and than we will be heading to Davenport, IA than home. I'm excited to go home for a few days. Kinda tired. And sick of fast food lol.