Last Seen Blogs
bizzzarik
bizzzarik
nyimas-blog1
Untitled
banditkinsupportnetwork-blog
BanditKin Support Network
sunnyaliceart
Sunny Alice Art
Text
Haven't posted in a while but im just gonna drop some of my meals and snacks
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#just ed things#ana coach#ftm ana#mealspo
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yesterday's meals: 450kcal
Today's breakfast and lunch: 850kcal
Plus dinner that I couldn't take a pic of but it was chicken and fries and sallad....I had to eat like...more than I wanted to today because I was with family...anyway I estimate it to 383kcal.
Total:1234kcal
Borrowed a bunch of books yesterday from the library. Read a 300page book about anorexia yesterday and during the night. Cried a bunch of times and broke down into a compleat mess all by myself in the middle of the night.
Ive never read so much that is so correct and sounds exactly like me. That book really did something to me and I don't know if it's good or bad. I havent cried before this in over like...a year at least. Probably due to medications and shit but this book broke me.
The last drop that made me lose it and break down, to go from just crying to an absolute depressive, panic and mental breakdown episode was when I read "people with anorexia are pale, have dark rings under their eyes, their nails are dry and ruined and their skin is dry, especially on their hands".
Let me tell you, it was spot on and after having read for hours and cried back and forth, I was exhausted and that last piece made me realize that I'm actually sick. Like I'm like "but I'm not sick enough tho" and yeah I still think that but this book made me realize that I actually like do have an eating disorder. I'm not just faking, I can't just stop, I can't control it and I'll never get out of this without help. Now am I looking for help now? No, I'm not ready for that. My journey isn't done yet and I need to do it my way but I think I for the first time actually accepted that I do have a more low self esteem than I usually care to admit and I validated myself and the fact that I do have real issues with eating.
Just...shit I don't even know how I feel now. Exhausted but also like...hopeless, worthless, like nothing matters and like I'm helpless and powerless. My feelings also kind of have me in a calm state right now. Like, I'm just accepting that I'm powerless and therefore, there's no reason to try.
And I mean like powerless and all in the way that I can't go back and make myself not go through this, I can't make the world that much safer for everyone, I can't change things that have already happened. I just have to live with how my life has been and go from here. It's scary, numbing and freeing at the same time
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#just ed things#ana coach#ftm ana
1 note
·
View note
Text
Im down to 74kg today! So I like binged(aka. Ate normal) last week. Yesterday i ate under 600kcal and somehow, I lost the weight I built up during a week.
Took some pics yesterday and I lowkey love them so im gonna change my profile pics and stuff!
I dont have much to say, just wanted to document express my excitement!
Here's my breakfast:
Didn't eat all the sticks though
It's a strawberry, banana smoothie with coconutmilk. Total kcal is 174.
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#just ed things#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts
1 note
·
View note
Text
I kind of binged on nuggets last week and then I kind of ate pretty "normal" because I was doing a lot of stuff and needed energy, except when I was stuck in hyperfocus but yeah then I also hung out with my sister and she's a teen and uhm well she's fucked up too so I wanted to eat in front of her because she didn't eat for a whole day and then she ate more in the evening but anyway...like she's fucked up too so I don't really want her to see how fucked up i actually am...
Yesterday I was going to buy doughnuts but somehow I came home without them and bought a bunch of greens, chickpeas to make hummus, diet drinks and protein "milkshakes". I don't know whether to thank my adhd or not, like yeah I was supposed to get sweet and shit and somehow my brain jumped ships AF???
Thanks i guess😅
The 3 first pics are from last week, the last pic is today breakfast
Gonna try to be productive today
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts#just ed things#mealspo
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Haven't posted in a few days. I have sort of been able to just half track my intakes and outgoing calories but here are a few of the recent meals I've had.
Including corncakes, ham, corn"bread", cucumber, jalapeno creamcheese, glutenfree pretzels, chicken, seaweed, kvarg and the last pic is rice with soy sauce and a sallad with a bit of chicken kebab.
I've been down on 74.2 I think, I was 74.5 today tho but i feel good and I absolutely love eating many different things as a meal. Low cal or not, mixing and making food that complement each other and satisfies my cravings is no much better.
Like instead of eating a bag of chips, I eat some chips, some fruit, a piece of chocolate some veggies and so on. Way more satisfying and I feel energized instead of feeling like shit!
My family kind of cooks with a lot of fat in their foods so when I was at my parents house and me and my sibling made food, we cooked everything without fat. Just a tablespoon of butter when we fried some greens but other that that, no added fats and we both ate pretty much and despite being like really full, we didn't feel like shit.
You know the feeling when you eat and get very tired, heavy and slow after? When you get bloated, almost a bit nauseous. Nope, none of that. In fact, we had some like Saturday snacks, fruit and candies like an hour after.
Now fat is absolutely needed and very good for our bodies but I usually cook with natural fats or get fats from nuts or avocado but I think my family like has forgotten how to cook and eat...like you don't need to use butter or oil if you cook sausage, you just cook it on low heat until the fat comes out of the sausage and then you can turn the heat up to get a crispy texture.
Anyway...that was my rant😅
Thanks if you're still reading! Have a great day and feel free hit me up if you want to chat about whatever!
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#just ed things#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts#mealspo
1 note
·
View note
Text
Breakfast already posted(163kcal). Lunch was a bit of pasta and like ham and broccoli sauce. I messured and everything so I know it was 158kcal.
Dinner and 2 snacks(snackplate and fruit) combined was 529kcal.
My total today was 850kcal
And i burned 526kcal
So my net is 324 kcal left to burn.
This was dinner.
And this was my snack
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts#just ed things
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Haven't posted in a few days, been way to stressed and busy with work. Had a small binge on monday anyway and went up for 75.9 to 77kg. I'm down to 76kg now. Been tracking my calories tuesday, wednesday and started today aswell.
Haven't taken a picture of everything I've eaten but some of it I took pics of.
Like this was breakfast yesterday 252kcal.
This was breakfast today! Absolutely loved the cucumber and ham "spagetti". 163kcal for everything.
Also bought Pepsi Max today. I usually don't drink sodas due to saving money but I've barely bought anything for like 1.5-2 months because I've been saving money.
Also thought I could treat myself...before I can't afford it anymore because I kind of got layed off from work yesterday so I'm gonna work today, tomorrow and Monday and then I'm...gonna be getting a bit of money from my unemployment insurance while I look for a new job...but like...fuck...
I was so close to them actually having to hire me for real, not just as a substitute...
Anyway, might try another career now. Anyone got tips on careers I can have while having a dog with me?
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#just ed things#ana coach#ftm ana
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okey so update on my day. I had the brunch in the earlier post, which was great, then I ate pizza with my sister for dinner. I didn't eat all of it, I left some but I definitely could have stopped before getting as full as I did. I do however have a bad relation with food and money so it's like...I can't not eat it when I've paid so much for it, you know??? It's weird and stupid and I got pretty full but im proud I could leave some of it instead of forcing it all down.
Later on we had some candy and chips but the both of us were so full that we only had a few each which feels good aswell, to be able to just have a few and stop there!
We also went shopping for breakfast so tomorrow we will have baguette with some toppings for breakfast. I'm exited and I know I'll be gaining from today and tomorrow but when my sister leaves, it's back on track. Got to keep up some kind of appearance infront of her. I don't want her to get a ruined relation to food like me so I encourage her to taste things but that it's okey to not eat things you don't like and like when we were picking the candy(like lose candy you pick the kind you like and put in a paper jar), she was like "I want that one" and I asked how many she wanted of each kind and she thought about it and then we got like 3 of the once she liked and maybe 6 of the ones she loved and only 1 of the ones we wanted to try. Kind of inspiring and impressive of her to be able to just feel and be rational about it.
Most kids get greedy so im glad that she's building a good relationship with food and such and that I can start rebuilding my relation with food. As in, stop binging. Maybe not entirely stop starving because like...just no but maybe later. But if I stop binging I might not have to starve as fucking much.
Alså I somehow managed to get in a lotnof steps and therefore burned 577calories!
Sorry for the rant but it felt good and I'm feeling pretty good!
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana shit#tw ana diary#just ed things#tw ed mention#ed#tw ed thoughts#disordered eating tw#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts
1 note
·
View note
Text
Down to 75.9kg!
Since I'm going to eat more food and more calorie high foods today with my younger sister(she's just a kid so im spoiling her), I'm not gonna count my calories today.
Amanda since I'm not gonna count my calories today, I wanted to see if I still count make a breakfast that would give me energy, nutrition and satisfaction without binging on foods I used to eat for breakfast and never feel full, like soft bread.
So I made a smoothie in the shape of icecream, made more sausage that usual but I did end up leaving more than half of it, some banana, some lettuce "sandwiches" with a bit of cheese, ham, radishes, tomatoes and black pepper. I also had some peanuts but I did end up just eating like 5 or 6 of them.
I feel very satisfied right now, I feel very full and I'm proud of myself for stopping instead of forcing myself to finish it all when I didn't want to!
This was going to be breakfast but when I made it I realized it was going to become a brunch. Since it was going to have to fill me up until dinner, it felt okey to have more than I usually have so I made more food but like I said, I didn't eat all of it.
Overall, I feel very satisfied, proud and hopeful!
I feel like the starving part is still very much of a thing that no one will probably get me to stop with permanently...it just feels impossible and right now, I don't want to stop.
I do however want to stop binging and this new thing with eating many small things and/or foods that compliment each other is working so fucking good.
Like physically and mentally, it feels so much better than eating shit and forcing myself to keep eating even though I don't want to.
I really recommend walking at least 30 minutes, 2 times a day and listening to health, lifestyle and fitness pods. It feels so good, I've learned so much from just listening, I've realized things about myself, about people in my life, about my childhood and how it all fits together.
Sorry for the ramble, here's a pic of the food I had and now I'm going for a walk with my dog!
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed mention#tw ed thoughts#disordered eating tw#just ed things#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okey so you already know my breakfast but I'll put the pic again.
250kcal
For lunch I had some rice and chicken. Only 121kcal
Aaand this was dinner
I made kind of an asian soup that I hated but ate anyways to get enough greens and stuff.
Then I had some ginger, radish, lettuce, rolled up rice paper cut up in a spicy soy sauce aaaand a lot of pineapple!
290kcal. I'm so full and satisfied right now it's like weird
Ate:660
Burned:342
Net:318 kcal left to burn
Today was a rest day for my legs that are always walking.
Tomorrow I'll be babysitting my sister so I'm sure I'll be walking in the morning and when I hang out with her, we'll probably eat some candy and snacks which I probably won't be documenting the calories on all to much
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts#just ed things
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Down to 76.3kg today! Yesterday i was 77.4kg so i lost 1.1kg from yesterday to today!
Started my day with breakfast which was 250kcal
Avocado, sallad, sausage, clementines, corn, pickles and lettuce.
After I ate my breakfast with chopsticks, I stod up quickly and nearly passed out. Not like when you stand up quickly andnget a bit dizzy, no like...actually my face got all tingly from the blood going away from it, my ear got blocked, blurry vision, dizzy and my mind went kind of confused.
I managed to take a deep breath and luckily I had water in my hand. Water has always helped me before when I've been close to passing out so.
Anyway, I then went on a 30 minute walk with my dog and now I'm going to work
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#just ed things#ed#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Started my day with a big breakfast of 250kcal. Some banana, avocado, hardbread, pickle, radish, sausage and dark chocolate.
For lunch I had a homemade 140kcal chicken sallad with salsa as sauce.
And dinner was kind of just me giving myself my ceavings in controlled portions. I'm trying to eat the things I want in good amounts and also with things that will make me satisfied.
My dinner was 360kcal and I ate most of it with chopstics
Ate:750
Burned:755
Net: 5 kcal left
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#just ed things#ed#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts
1 note
·
View note
Text
Don't have much to say, only posting to have it documented but yeah
Ate:476
Burned:613
Net:137 calories left
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#twt ed#ftm ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#just ed things#ed#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts
0 notes
Text
Okey so I had to eat pizza and Ice cream with my family on my birthday and the day after I had the rest of my pizza. I then had a banana, drank a lot of alcohol. Had chicken pasta as a birthday dinner with friends, drank more, threw it all up and went to bed. The day after was just eating nothing and then hangover food so I kind of went up from 77.5 to 79 in 2 days but this morning i was down to 77.8 so im back on track!
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ana shit#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#just ed things#ed#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okey so today was both good and bad. I ate chicken soup for breakfast and lunch. 99kcal so 198kcal in total.
I then ate grapes for 173kcal I think. That may be an exaggeration.
I had about half a calzone for dinner as my birthday dinner which I estimate to be 885kcal and then ice cream with strawberries that I estimate to be 350kcal.
In calories, it's way to much. I can only hope my body will take it as a metabolism day.
Tomorrow will be calorie filled aswell though...due to ordering in with friends, drinking and probably snacking. I'm gonna try to get in as many steps as I can before that.
Anyway...happy birthday to me!
Eaten:1605
Burned:556
Net:1049 kcal not burned....fml
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#tw ana shit#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts#ana#just ed things#ed
0 notes
Text
77.5kgs today!
Which means I've lost 2.9kg in 4 days!
Probably am going to count it just as 2.5kgs because when I started over, it was really rocky up and down.
Anyway, I've started taking B-vitamins again! I cannot tolerate myself if I don't do what I can to save my hair!
Especially since I might go on T later and you never know what that will do to my hair. My hair is kind if long now. Like, long for usually having a short hair cut. I don't dare cutting it now, I'll save that for later in case it needs a healthboost.
Today when I woke up, I didn't even feel hungry. I'm gonna have to cook something that I can bring as lunch to work because they are serving fish at lunch at work and I'm allergic. Perfect for me! I can make something low calorie so that dinner at my parents house tonight won't be a total disaster
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw ed thoughts#tw ed mention#disordered eating tw#ana coach#ftm ana#ana thoughts#tw ana shit#ana#just ed things
0 notes
Text
This morning i was down to 77.9kg
I had a larger breakfast with some banana, tortilla chips, salsa, mashed avocado, sausage and sunflower seeds 201kcal
For lunch i had some lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, 25g of pasta and some ham with sauce 141kcal
Dinner was kind of like breakfast. Some mashed avocado, banana, tortilla chips, sausage, chocolate and grapes 408kcal
Had a headache yesterday and today but yeah, I took a melatonin at 18:30 so I'll fall asleep soon.
Its my birthday tomorrow which means celebration which means dinner at my parents house tomorrow and drinking with friends on saturday. Fuck my life, why did I have to relapse just now? And my mom can like tell if I've lost only 2 kgs. She'll be like "Are you losing weight?" And then I have to eat to prove that I'm not or whatever.
Anyway...
Ate: 750
Burned:612
Net:138 kcal not burned
#anorexi#disordered eating mention#eating disoder things#ftm ed#twt ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary
3 notes
·
View notes