zeemiee
A series of stuff covered in stuff
This is where humor comes to die.
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People like to talk about Soulsborne protagonists and their superhuman stubbornness, but I think we also have to mention their nigh-suicidal levels of curiosity. Off the top of my head:
Dark Souls - When the Chosen Undead finds a nest belonging to an enormous crow, they decide to curl up like an egg. Luckily, this convinces the crow to transfer them to its other nest.
Dark Souls - The Chosen Undead finds an enormous magic painting, and obviously has to poke it. When they do, a magical vortex begins to pull them into the painting. Despite having several seconds to react, they don’t take their hand away.
Dark Souls - When the Chosen Undead finds what they know full well is the grave of the legendary Artorias the Abysswalker, they can’t help but put their grubby hands on it, which pisses of its ancient and powerful guardian.
Dark Souls - When the Chosen Undead loses their good friend to a cave dwelling parasite, they remove the still living parasite from his corpse and wear it like a hat, since it works as a convenient source of light, evidently assuming that it won’t also infect them.
Dark Souls - The Chosen Undead finds an open sarcophagus in a haunted crypt full of necromancers. Naturally, they decide to take a nap in it. When skeletons carry the sarcophagus deeper underground to the chamber where the God of the Dead resides, the Chosen Undead decides to join his cult and gets a cool sword.
Bloodborne - The Good Hunter touches a beast skull resting on the altar in Yharnam’s Grand Cathedral, which causes them to have a flashback of it’s previous owners memories. Later, in a warped nightmare version of the Grand Cathedral, they find the warped nightmare version of the same skull, and touch it AGAIN. Luckily it’s just the hidden trigger for an elevator, but still.
Bloodborne - In a research hall where the patients have enormous bloated sacs of fluid for heads, the Good Hunter finds a severed still-wriggling head sac. Naturally, they decide to wear it like a hat.
Bloodborne - The Good Hunter goes to loot the corpse of a woman sitting in a chair along in a big room. Unfortunately, she’s still alive, and grabs them, then chastises them ‘a corpse should be left well alone’ and kicks their ass with dual flaming swords. They continue to loot corpses after this incident.
Bloodborne - The Good Hunter finds three pieces of the umbilical cords belonging to ELDER GODS, so naturally, they decide to EAT THEM. As it turns out, this is arguably a good idea, but the Good Hunter has no way of knowing this.
Bloodborne - The Good Hunter finds a note on a door that says ‘don’t come in, hunters not wanted here’ naturally, they go in anyway. A man on a tower threatens them and tells them to leave. They keep exploring. He tells them to leave, and goes so far as to obliterate them with a mounted automatic weapon. For no reason except curiosity, they keep exploring anyway. While hiding from machine gun fire.
Bloodborne - when the Good Hunter finds a corpse frozen in a strange position with it’s arms out, they decide that corpse must know how to communicate with eldritch beings. This insane troll logic happens to be correct.
Dark Souls 3 - In a graveyard, The Ashen One finds an enormous armored man with a coiled sword through him, naturally, they pull it out, which causes him to come alive and attack. Later, when they travel through a shadowy version of the exact same graveyard, they find a shadowy version of the same sword stuck through a shadowy version of the same armored man. They pull it out. Despite all odds, the shadowy armored man comes alive and attacks again.
Dark Souls 3 - In the deepest chamber of the Catacombs of Carthus, there is no sarcophagus or undead king or anything. There’s just a skull goblet on a pedestal. Naturally, the Ashen One pokes it, causing black haze to seep out and flood the room. After a short delay they are warped into The Abyss and attacked by an enormous skeleton.
Dark Souls 3 - In Archdragon Peak, there’s a big lever with several warning signs carved into the floor that say ‘warning: do not pull this lever’. Obviously, the Ashen One pulls the lever, causing a magical thunderstorm and drawing the ire of the Nameless King.
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They’re talking about themselves but they think they’re talking about each other I love these arrogant golden kings
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Dancing Moon Night Aigis for a raffle prize on twitter ~
Her design is so cute <3
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It was my birthday earlier this month, so I figured why not share how some of my favorite servants say happy birthday. Vlad’s a real bro.
#fate grand order#Vlad iii#ozymandias#shuten douji#kiyohime#cu chulainn#bedivere#lancelot#sakata kintoki#jing ke#santa alter
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I’m so glad Gilgamesh isn’t Santa. But even tho we can all agree he’d be a fucking awful Santa, whenever I think of it I just picture the dude waltzing around with a fuckin sack, yelling “Merry Christmas, you fucking mongrel” before just chucking a fucking literal lump of coal at someone’s face
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