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fuck life.
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Here again. Since I don't have a person that I can cling onto, to share my thoughts, to share things I'm happy about, to open stuffs that I'm not gonna be judged, I'll just share it here.
I notice you before from the time I asked if that day is your birthday (don't remember the date) others will refuse to believe you're pogi, but not to me. You are the person that I can say pogi from the heart. From the time I saw you, you're not that "maporma" type of man, you're so humble na in a way na parang hindi mo alam na pogi ka and sobrang lakas nung appeal mo sakin. I'm the most shy person when they're teasing you na crush daw kita (which I'm not intending to disagree kung tatanungin ako) pero nakakahiya. Nakakahiya kasi di mo tinatanggi aaaand!.. Di ka rin sumasakay. Kaya lalong mas nakakahiya.
I'm just happy dati na nakikita kita minsan, napapansin, na napakaconsistent mo. Sa mundong puno ng gel at gatsby, here you are just a type of man na parang hindi confident sa kaguwapuhan niya. I'm impressed as always.
This time, our current TL dropped us off. Since hindi na talaga okay yung monthly scores namin, I felt so close to you na. Yung nakakapag usap na tayo nang walang teasing, we're comfortable the way we are. Tapos I am excited kasi I have a crush on my workplace nga. So napapaaga yung pasok ko (di naman literal na maaga like dati kasi 55 or 58 na before shift tsaka palang ako nandon) mga 15-20 mins before shift na ganon. I am that blissful person na pag kakausapin ka, mata sa mata. I had that joy when we're talking. I had that hope someday na kung ipagkaloob naman ng Lord, I will try and take risks.
Fast forward, August 24. I just find the moment na magcheck and stalk. Although may nagsabi na sakin noon na nagpropose ka na or may fiancee ka na, since the people whose saying those is not that too close sayo, I somehow didn't believe. I checked and stalked you and that's the time I felt shocked and yes, sad.
Last Aug 6 you tie the knot with your girlfriend for 3 years. And I'm sad kasi I feel na we're not gonna even be close enough (more than friends) kasi you have a wife na. I take a gap syempre as a respect na rin sa wife mo. We are what we call nalang na as a kuya and as a bunsong kapatid.
This day, Aug 26 we had a lot to talk about kasi I opened nga na bagong kasal ka na nga. And you share how you and your ex broke up, tas nashare mo rin yung wife mo na napakawife material, and me? Kung tatanungin ko sarili ko kung gusto ko sirain yun? No. May regret oo kasi napapatanong talaga ako bat agad sya nagpakasal. I mean, he already prayed for it. He prays for her before they even get there. From the time he says he prayed for her, napangiti nalang ako. Masaya ako sayo TK. Thank you sa konting kilig na naparamdam mo sakin kahit di mo alam at di ko meant na kiligin. And now I knew na may wife ka na, I'm just happy for you. I'll take gaps or I'll just be here as a little sister for you. Thank you always.
Stay strong to you and your wife. 馃
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*You've changed*
This one stuck on my mind when the things you used to do, laugh and share with people stopped. Yes, indeed, you've changed. You are not the one now I used to value anymore- a jolly person. If I can be someone who you can cling onto if things were hard then I will. I will be here for you.
You stopped caring for others, you stopped hanging with us and you stopped joining for fun..
You used to mind what things will be coming out from your mouth if you say something unexpectedly, but no, you've changed.
You've been cruel. Your jokes that can harm my feelings are not even funny, you don't even care. You're not the same man that I used to hang out with.
How I wished you say that you wanted not me being close to you, I'll understand. But then yes, "I understood the assignment".
Yesterday, I started not looking at your sparkling eyes. I don't even wanted to look at you from eye to eye. It can make me low down my guards and again, be close to you.
I don't want this but if this is what you want then I would be happily accepting the fact that, we can't be in each other's worlds. We're just here to get the spice of life so we can enjoy every bits of it.
This is day 2 not even looking at your face and that reminds me everytime that I'm not for you. Enjoy your life without me.
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"You're still my favorite character in my untold story."
"Enjoy your life without me."
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This day I find it odd that you're pale, you're blue and you find no interest in things. I want to insist knowing why but you might think I'm a nagger. I'm just no one to you. If there will come a time that you can be open to this person that values you, I want to know you more. I want to know what makes you happy, I want to know things that can make you trigger in all different things but it still gives me the impression to stop since you already set up a gap between us.
It's alright. We should really set our walls up to people that can hurt our relationship. But I still miss you. I miss that person who is fun to get along with, and a gentleman to all people he met.
I miss looking your lips smiling, your eyes that shining and your face blooming whenever we talk about things. I miss the real you.
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I don't want anything to messed up but I'm confused. I have a lot of things to say but I'll just keep this. I want to respect who's with you this time and I wanted to just be your biggest supporter and a main foundation in everything from afar. I still care for you and I will be here if you need a helping hand.
I will always root for your progress, and will clap for your every little achievements, Nyeng.
Sincerely values you the most,
Yey.
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I like you. I want you here. I don't want you to go. I want to see your strengths, your weaknesses nor your daily struggles. I want to support you. I want to give everything to make you feel you're worth it. I always want to check on you. I always want to see your glowing smile, your pink lips and your flaws. I want to hold your hand as much as I can. I want to always be close to you. I'm always yearning for your stares that says you value me. I want this warm feeling that I'm always safe with you. I want the best for you. I want everything to be perfect as it is, and I hope in the right time, we can be as this feeling that I genuinely wanted to feel again. I'm scared and thinking that if I take that one step, we're already over.
I'm in the verge to take risks and also take chances to see if you would do the same, if you would feel the same way like I do, and if you feel like I'm always here with you.
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Paano maiinggit nowadays?
- Maintimidate ka tas ipagkalat mo na ginagaya ka niya HAHAHAHA
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Ganito, minsan kasi hindi matatawag na judgemental ang isang tao. Ang kultura kasi ng ating bansa ay iba. Kaya kung may mga bagay kang ginagawa na bago sa mata ng iba, malamang titingnan ka nila.
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You let it and it made you hurt. You we're happy but you know that it was all wrong. Now, you're sad, don't you think it is right to point your index finger to someone when you knew at first it should be you?
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My heart always broke when you used to reject my calls for just some silly things you play with your phone.
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I'm so mad falling and keep falling inlove, and hurting and keep hurting myself at the same time, and with the same person. I feel like I'm ready to gave up.
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Guess it's about time to reflect and evaluate yourself. Think thoroughly and focus. Are they wrong? Or is it you?
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I have this weird attitude, when I want to change myself to an angry lion mode, I will stalk my ex's feed. 馃う鈥嶁檧馃槅馃ぃ
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