Dear Unexpected Lover,

I really miss you. I miss your voice & the way you called me baby. I miss the way you loved to stay up late with me & just talk about life. I loved when you called & woke me up with your voice so cheery & happy. You always went on and told me about the fun adventures you went on that night. I always enjoyed hearing about the little things that made you feel content. I miss everything, Esteban. I miss the conversations about silly things that would make us laugh and smile with each other. I miss the conversations where you’d open yourself up to me knowing that you have trust issues and it isn’t easy for you at all to do. I miss the conversations where you’d get all flirty, sweet & extremely smooth. You always secretly made me blush and smile like a little idiot. I enjoyed every single conversation we would share just simply because it was with you. Your voice was so calming to me. It made me feel good and made everything feel at peace. I haven’t felt that comfortable with someone for the longest time. Whenever your name popped up on my phone, my heart skipped beats. I loved hearing from you. I loved every single word you said and texted no matter what. Just the fact that you actually talked to me made me feel alive. Even your laugh makes me laugh when I am struggling to even smile. You are so incredible, sweet, funny, caring, kind & you’re rebellious. You’re a bad boy with a sweet soul. You have this sweet thing about you that turned me on from the beginning. I love everything about who you are as a person.Inside and out.  Your looks were never a main concern for me ever. I didn’t even care what you looked like, your looks were just an extra bonus. It’s just crazy how much I like you because we didn’t even talk for very long, but I fell so hard for you. I don’t know how it even happened. I thought it was all just a joke.. but things got real & they felt so real. So fast. You were the first thing I thought about when I fell asleep and the first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning. You never slipped my mind, but I ended up slowly slipping yours. I totally understand though. You jumped into something way to fast and way to quickly after you just got your heartbroken from someone you really liked and thought you had something real with. You deserve the very best. You deserve to be woken up every morning being told how much you’re appreciated and how worth it you are. You deserve to be showered with gifts, hugs, kisses, cuddles, and love. You deserve to have the whole world in your life & you deserve everything wonderful life has to offer you. You’re someone I trust and would do anything for. I would swim oceans for you and that says a lot because I don’t even know how to swim that well. I would do anything for you. I know you’re not quite ready to be back at where we were or what we had & heck at this point I am not even sure if that’s what you even want anymore or if you even want me in that way anymore, but please know that I still really like you. I still think about you day in and day out. I think about what it would be like if we still were talking and where we would be. I think about your voice & all the little things you used to tell me that would leave a stupid, huge smile on my face plastered for hours. I will always be here for you. No matter what. Whether you are stranded on the side of the road, are crying in the middle of the night, need someone to play with for Fortnite, or just a little pick me up advice. I will be there for you through anything you need. It doesn’t even matter the distance or the time. All day, 24/7, I will do whatever I can to be there for you to the best of my ability. I hope one day things between us get better & so much closer. Right now, it feels so distant & honestly, I get scared to even know what to say to you anymore because I don’t know how not to flirt with you because you are so incredible. I don’t want to imagine you with anyone else or thinking of anyone else the way you once thought of me. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thanks for the laughs, the phone calls, the times you let me know when you got home late at night cause you knew I’d worry, the times you taught me Spanish & how to properly play Fortnite, to making me feel like I was beautiful & worth time to someone, and for most importantly, being yourself & trusting me. I actually felt happy & at peace with myself being with you. 

I just wish you missed me too and I hope you’re wanting it all back, eventually.

You’re always on my mind.

I will never forget how you made my heart flutter & how hard it was to fall asleep without your voice calming me.

Your almost was,

Abby Louise Simota

Dear high school senior, Welcome to your last year of high school! This school year will teach you so much and will go by super fast so make sure to take all the possible opportunities you can to get involved and know when you need to take a step back to allow yourself a deep breath to help with not becoming too stressed out. You want your senior year to be memorable because it’s the last moments of your life you’re going to have with the class you grew up with all your life. The class who helped you through tough times, taught you about yourself, who made you mad but made you laugh. It’s going to be so exciting, but yet so emotional. Take your classes seriously and make sure to stay organized and on task. You’ve been working so hard for this diploma to get out of school so don’t blow it your last year just because you hear “Senior Year Is Easy”. Take in every moment and memory such as football games, volleyball games, dress up days, dances, field trips, teachers and their little jokes, band concerts, choir concerts, hockey games, basketball games, prom… etc. Breathe those moments in. Truly take the time to take them in. Don’t spend your time on your phone at these moments. Take it all in with your eyes and mind because these will be your last moments as a high school student with classmates that you will hardly get to see much of anymore or maybe never even at all after that diploma becomes theirs. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but if you can’t remember much about the picture or what was happening behind it, is it really worth taking? The feeling of being a senior is great, but it becomes a big responsibility. You have to remember you’re now head of the school and every grade looks up to you as a class for everything and anything. Be a good role model class for the ones in your position next. Look out for them and teach them things about the position you were in. Be helpful, kind, and caring. Senior year flies by. It seems sketchy to say, but it is true. I feel like I just started yesterday but here I am already half into my summer with a diploma. It’s hard to think about life after high school the more deeper into the year you get. It becomes hard to accept on the day of graduation commencement that it is actually happening. The day you have all your classmates in the same room feels so bittersweet. Everyone there with you is celebrating the same accomplishment with you & it’s a big deal. You get to sit and listen to all your peers get their names called and it makes you feel glad to see your classmates you grew up with starting great futures for themselves & then when they call your name to get your diploma your heart may drop to your stomach and that’s okay. It’s a good feeling to know all your hard work paid off. As the ceremony is wrapping up and you’re getting ready to throw your hat in the air, you begin to feel excited.. but it’s not the getting ready part that's most exciting.. it's really letting it fly high on the count of 3 when you feel most alive. You'll feel more accomplished than you’ve ever been. I wish you nothing but the best for your senior year. I hope you discover yourself, who your true friends are and that you never give up till that diploma is in your hand and you’re getting ready to take on the world. Stay true to yourself and treat others with respect. Kill them with kindness. Make your senior year one to remember forever because once it’s gone and done.. that’s it. Best of luck to you high school senior! I’m cheering for you! -Abby Louise Simota

Days keep going by and by but you are still always on my mind. The things you used to say to me and the way you made me feel... makes my heart ache for more of you tonight. It’s hard for me to think that no matter what I do, you aren’t there anymore. You disappeared on me. You walked out and you left. You told me the last time we spoke that you had no emotional connection towards me anymore and that destroyed me and broke my heart into tiny pieces that will never be able to be repaired. The things I told you, did for you, and how much effort I put into you nearly killed me. I really felt like I was falling in love with you. I felt like you were the one who was going to piece me back together on my dark and lonely nights. I thought you were going to be the one to help me through my depression and help me with my anxiety. I thought you were going to be the cure for me to realize how great life can really be.. But it turns out you were actually the one who ripped my heart into smaller pieces than before, made my depression and anxiety much harder on me, and made me realize life actually sucks. I miss you telling me how you care about me. I miss you telling me I am beautiful because I never heard it before. I miss your voice on the phone and how calming it was to hear. It’s like my world feels so empty since you left. I ran from you. I admit that I did. I ran for a good reason though. I am afraid of people leaving me. I am afraid of people finding me so hard to love. I am hard to love. I am hard to take care of. I am hard to truly understand. I remember you telling me all that was worth it to you… But here we are.. In different worlds and different places. I wonder how you are everyday. Wondering how summer is treating you. Wondering how things are going. You may hate me. You may be holding a hell of a huge grudge on me for walking away, but it was for my own heart. You see, I loved you. I really thought I loved you. You telling me you lost all emotional connection towards me and everything we used to do and be… hurt. It really really hurt. Like I changed as a person because of that. I cry all the time thinking about the ONE guy who gave me more attention and care than any guy I know is not attracted to me anymore and it was ALL my fault. I’m sorry you lost emotional connection. I’m sorry you didn’t like me anymore. It made me think something was wrong with me. Like, am I ugly? Did I say something wrong? Did what I do really ruin something? Sometimes I think, did you really even ever care? I guess I never really know. I guess I never will ever know either. I had to protect my heart. I did the one thing for myself. I did it because I couldn’t stand having conversations with someone who I liked so much and knowing that things weren’t the same. I couldn’t flirt with you because you wouldn’t answer me back. I couldn’t have normal convos with you because we never started with them, so it made me think you were getting bored. I couldn’t stand having conversations with you when you just didn’t seem interested. The only time you were ever interested in me was when we were talking like we were. It seemed as if I bored you. I didn’t know what more to do. My heart hurt to hear that you weren’t about me anymore. It hurt to know how much I gave to you and how much you just threw me away. I guess I was never really anything to you. You claimed you liked me once upon a time and you even felt like you were falling for me and that is the one thing that held me up. Knowing I was at least important for some while. I’m graduated now. Life is becoming a little bit better now that I am beginning to accept your hate. Life is still sad and gloomy without you, but day by day it’s becoming easier for me. I wish you no hate. I wish you no harm. I wish you nothing but the very best this summer and continuing into your life. I will always care for you. I will always remember you. Things will always be a little less brighter without you here by my side to tell things too… But for your sake and mine, I will try my best to let things be the way they are. I miss you. I care for you. I even feel like I still love you. It’s wrong. I was wrong…. But I am keeping my head up and my faith stronger.

You don’t understand how much I would bend over backwards for you. I would take a bullet for you or even risk my life just to see you smile. I’m not even the best swimmer, but I would swim oceans for you. I don’t usually run miles or walk very far, but if it was for you I’d do it in a heartbeat. I sit in my room hoping one day you’ll text me or call me & tell me how much you can’t live without me. I sit in my room wishing for just a chance to be able to tell you how I feel, but I know to you it doesn’t matter. You want to see me happy with someone else because you feel like you’ll never be enough or that you won’t be able to make me happy. Look around, look how long we’ve talked. If you weren’t enough, I would have left a long time ago. If you didn’t make me happy, I wouldn’t have put up with you for so long. If you weren’t worth it, I wouldn’t be talking about you right now. I would have dropped you like a bad habit. I find more in you then you ever see for yourself. I love everything about you. Every crack in your skin, every little “imperfection”, every tear you cry, the light in your eyes, the sparkle in your smile, I all see it as one big perfect person who I am lucky to even know as deeply as I do. I am not the same. I am commited. Once I am for you, I’m for YOU. If we are together, my focus is you. When we are away, I still will be focused on you. You will be my priority. I will make time for you everyday. I will fix you into my busy schedule and I will always make sure you hear from me everyday. I will not ignore you, hold you off or go to bed on you when I am angry. I will be honest, loyal, deep down and show you the world. I will take you places, show you things, go on crazy dates with you, laugh with you, show you off no problem. I will sing crazy songs with you and for you even though I’m not the best singer. I will shower you with hugs, kisses, gifts, smiles, selfies… Anything that makes you happy because all that matters to me is making you happy and making you feel like you are the only one I see. No other guys matter. Just you. Only you. I will fall in love with how you fall asleep, how you cuddle me, and how you say my name. I’m difficult to love as I often am sad, but I will love you like nobody else because I’ve seen the dark side of life and with you, I’ll always make sure you are on the bright side and will work my ass off everyday just to keep you there. If there ever is a moment you are finding yourself in a sad or dull situation, I’ll pull you out of there as best as I can even if it means me getting hurt instead or you. I will do anything and everything just for you. I will always provide you with the compliments and the caring sweet side of me. Wake you up in the morning with a sweet message and send you off with just the same. I will tell you often how much you mean to me so you don’t forget and I will never lose sight of how amazing you are and make me feel. You may feel like everyone else… But to me you stand out in the crowd of millions and you catch my eye right away everytime. You may feel like you can’t make me happy, but you always have and you always will. You may think I’m gonna forget you, but with a smile as cute and as bright as yours, that isn’t possible. You may think you’ll never be enough for me, but you are. You give me all the right parts of you and I will adore them to pieces. You don’t NEED to be perfect. You are enough. You were born being enough. Nothing you say or do will ever add or subtract from who you are. You can’t be good enough for everyone and you will make mistakes but for me, you will always be the best no matter what because I care and cherish you that much. You could hurt me day after day, but I know for a fact you wouldn’t want to do it on purpose. You care about me, I know you do. You’re gentle hearted, & you care for how I feel. I know you’re afraid of me, but I’m someone you’ll never find. I’m one on a million. I’m not the same as every other girl and I will lose my life for you. Stop making excuses to not talk to me, if you don’t want to talk… Be honest. If you make promises, keep them. If you give me your word, keep your word. You keep making me feel like I’m the last person in the world you ever want to speak too. You make me feel in last place and like I’m always gonna have to be the first one to ask to talk to you. I feel like I’m the one with the effort and you just go along with it. If I’m not your priority. Don’t tell me that to make me feel good. I want to be told the truth like I am worth something to you. If you don’t actually want to talk on the phone, tell me. Don’t make excuses, be straight up. I will always respectfully be straight up with you. If I am busy and can’t talk, I’d say it straight up. I sometimes feel like you don’t want to talk and like you just keep thinking I’m gonna eventually walk away. I’m not going to just get up and walk away. I have a huge heart and I stick with people until the end. Friends or not. I don't like feeling used and like I'm only wanted for one thing. It drives me crazy to think through all I've done for you and said to you, all I get respect for is my body. It's like crazy to me how all these qualities are being looked passed. You're giving up on me way to easily and way too soon and it's making it seem like there was nothing ever there. If I meant so much to you like you said, this should be hurting you too. I get that I'm bigger than usual girls, I don't look beautiful every hour of everyday & when I wake up I look like death. For real. I am silly, I swear a lot, I make mistakes.... But, there is no doubt that I can move your heart with words, make you feel better when you need it, make you laugh when you can't even smile, & make you feel pleasured like you should. I will run everyday to lose weight just to look perfect for you, if that is what you want.

Being here, 1,304 miles away from you.. Hurts. We agreed to take a break and the break seems so damn easy for you. Why? I am here thinking about you more than I ever have. I keep thinking about what you're doing and how you're doing. I find myself looking for your name to pop up on my phone everyday hoping someday you're gonna message me and tell me you miss me. What I did wasn't easy... I cried for days. There is so many days I find myself wishing I could call you to hear your voice or facetime you to see your face. I find myself going crazy over how easy you ignore me. It's like I feel like you're slowly forgetting me. Slowly fading away.... I know that is what the plan was.. But I don't want it anymore. All I want is to be able to tell you about what I'm going through and to have your support again. I miss you and I don't see how you don't miss me. What if you never come back? It's all my fault.

I get it. I messed up. I pushed. I got attached. I'm sorry that in that moment of special feelings you got me wrapped up and thinking something of this was real. I'm sorry that in that moment I didn't let my mind wander thinking I would rather be doing this with someone else. I wanted it to be you. YOU. You put words out there that made my heart skip a beat and caused me to lose my breath. The words you used that gave me the most incredible feelings were now flowing through my head making me wonder how lucky I am to be going through such a special and intimate moment with someone so amazing. It felt like a dream. You feel like a dream. You're perfect. You have no flaws when I see you, when I talk with you. You may have them because everyone does.... But the flaws are just as perfect because they make you who you are. I don't see the flaws because they blend in with everything that makes you so special to me. I love everything about you including the flaws I do not notice. Your confidence is so attractive and so heartwarming. You aren't afraid to express yourself. You aren't afraid of being yourself. You take control of what you want and you stick to it. I love hearing about your big dreams. I love hearing about all the little things that make you happy and things that make you who you are. I love how you want to be president one day and how you want to feel passion for what you do. I can't say I met a guy so passionate about something before and that I actually want to hear everything about. You voice on the phone calms me and brings me peace. Just you asking about my day and how things are brings me so much happiness in my heart. It's hard to explain. But, I'm being silly, right? Thinking this between us is going to ever get anywhere besides behind a screen. When will I ever get to see your sweet eyes besides through an app? When will I ever get to hear your voice without it being over a phone? When will I actually get to see you in real life in front of me? If I could have one wish today... It would be to have met you. I know the age, the distance & everything is a problem... But with a connection like ours... All the problems like that just don't even cross my mind. I guess I'm in deeper than I ever thought I would be. But, you're so special to me, I don't regret a thing and I don't think I ever will.

she didn't want to say goodbye to him because of how special he was and how great he made her feel... But she was slowly losing hope and she felt like he was pushing away.

Relationship Survey

1. Are looks important in a relationship? No. 2. Are relationships ever worth it? Yes. It teaches you a lot about yourself and helps you find out what you truly deserve. 3. Are you a virgin? Yes. 4. Are you in a relationship? No. 5. Are you in love? No. 6. Are you single this year? Yes. 7. Can you commit to one person? Yes. 8. Describe your crush. Confident, Sweet, Caring, Kind, Cute looks and a great body are my extra bonus ;) 9. Describe your perfect mate. Someone who can accept me for me. I’m not skinny. I have a lot of stretch marks, I cry a lot, I get worried a lot and I have depression problems. I suffer a lot with it and I just need a partner who can be there for me and help support me. They need to be trustworthy, loyal & committed. I want to be able to trust them and not need to check up on them like a babysitter. 10. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. 11. Do you ever want to get married? Yes. 12. Do you forgive betrayal? Yes. Although it’s hard, I don’t like holding grudges. 13. Do you get jealous easily? Yes. 14. Do you have a crush on anyone? Yes. 15. Do you have any piercings? Yes. My ears. 16. Do you have any tattoos? No. But, I do want one :) 17. Do you like kissing in public? I think it’s cute if it’s a peck or something quick, but like if you’re gonna mac on each others faces please save that for when you’re not in public. 20. Do you shower every day? Yes. 21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I don’t know. 22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Probs not. 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Yes!!! Why be in a relationship with someone if you don’t have feelings for them??? I wouldn’t ever cheat. I’ve been through an experience that changed me forever. If you don’t commit to me, don’t even ask me to date you. 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? No. 25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? I mean, I always feel like I want one, but I don’t like rushing things. I want a relationship when it’s right. The time will come when it comes. 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes. 27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? Not that I know of. 28. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes. 29. Have you ever cheated on someone? No. 30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? Well, no… But if I did it would be my belly for sure. 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Yeah. 32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yes. 33. Have you ever had sex with a man? No. 34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? No. 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes. 36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Yes. 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Yes. 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes. 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes. 40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Yes. 41. Have you had sex so far this year? No. 42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Like 10 seconds from when I hit their lips, my hands will start going through their hair and holding their face. 43. How long was your longest relationship? 4 years, although it was at a young age. 44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 8 I think? 45. How many people did you kiss in 2011? None. 46. How many times did you have sex last year? None. 47. How old are you? 18 48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? I’d be disappointed and be super upset obviously. I have feelings for them? But, if they don’t feel it and someone else makes them happier, what more can I do? 49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? I don’t, but my favorite thing about my crush is how amazing he makes me feel and how honest he is. 50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? No. 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes. Always will.. 52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? No. I can’t do that to people. I believe everyone can change and realize what they do wrong. 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Yeah. Some sleez ball who won’t tell me who they are.😂 54. Is there someone you will never forget? Of course. 55. Share a relationship story. Never get invested into someone who doesn’t care about you deeply. Never ends well and you’ll get heart broken. 56. State 8 facts about your body. Stretch marks, double D’s, thick thighs, pretty eyes, not a lot of ass but a little, lips are nice shaped, nose is kind of awkward, double chin kind of 57. Things you want to say to an ex. I hope you’re doing well and I’m always here for you if you need anything. 58. What are five ways to win your heart? Chinese, compliments, trust, late night messages while I’m asleep, accepting me for myself and not making me change. 59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) Eh. 60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 4 61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? How much they care 62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Take charge. Definitely. 63. What is your definition of “having sex”? In my opinion, it’s fun & exciting but shouldn’t be thrown around like it doesn’t mean anything. Sex is something deep. 64. What is your definition of cheating? Not being loyal? Talking to other people in a sexual or flirtatious way when you’re in a relationship. I’m fine with my boyfriend having friends that are girls, as long as it’s not TOOOOOO friendly. Like no. You’re mine for a reason. You commit yourself to me the moment you ask me out. 65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? Touching 66. What is your favourite roleplay? Spontaneous combustion 67. What is your idea of the perfect date? Going somewhere dark, quiet & romantic and have a late night picnic watching the stars and laying with them laughing and talking about our lifes goals and dreams. 😍 68. What is your sexual orientation? I’m straight. I like men. 69. What turns you off? Selfish, constantly using “hot, or sexy”, no deodorant, long & dirty fingernails, when they are rude to other people 70. What turns you on? when guys are good with kids, when they take control, compliments, dirty talking, touching, smell good, sweet, caring

71. What’s your dirtiest secret? Now wouldn’t you like to know?… ;) 72. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? I always do. I feel jealous of happy couples and girls with thin bodies. 73. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Today! 74. Who are five people you find attractive? a guy named Jace, a guy named Cole, a guy named Grant, Austin Mahone, & a guy named Sam 75. Who is the last person you hugged? My mom 76. Who was your first kiss with? Trevor Block. 77. Why did your last relationship fail? Didn’t feel it the same way I did, trust.

100 Questions about me ❤️😇

If numbers skip, it cause I didn't want to answer those questions, so I deleted them. 1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? Yes.❤️ 2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? Yes. I forgive easily. 3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” A cat 4: What’s something you really want right now? Chinese & a hug 5: Are you afraid of falling in love? Always. 6: Do you like the beach? Yes. 7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Yes. 8: What’s the background on your cell? Me holding hands with my best friend Esmi & palm trees. 9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? Mine, my moms, Esmi's & Courtney's 10: Do you like your phone? Eh. It has cracks. But, it works and I have one so I'm luckier then most people. 11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? With life, no. Haha. 12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? My friend Molly 13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? Poodle 14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Emotional 15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Zoo 16: Are you tired? Always. 17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Since birth 18: Are they a relative? Yes. 19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? No. 20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? Last night. 21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? No. Too young, not ready. 22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? No. It was a mistake. 23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None. 24: Is there a certain quote you live by? "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." 25: What’s on your mind? A lot. 26: Do you have any tattoos? No, but I do kind of want one. A small one. 27: What is your favorite color? Aqua Blue 28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? Who knows. Probs a long while. 29: Who are you texting? Nobody. Everyone is sleeping. 30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? No. 31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? Yes. 32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes. 33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I know of one person For SURE. 34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Yes. All the time actually. 35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? Good for them. 36: Were you single on Valentines Day? Since 7th grade, yeah. 😂 37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? Yeah. 38: What do your friends call you? Abbz & Abigail (even though I hate that) 39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? Yes. 40: Have you ever cried over a text? Yes. 41: Where’s your last bruise located? My leg 42: What is it from? No idea honestly. 43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? Just like 2 days ago. 44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? Esmi 45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? No. I wear whatever I'm comfortable with and that look nice. 46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? No. I own my bad hair days. 47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? Yes. If my friend got cancer I would rock it with her. For sure. 48: Do you make supper for your family? Nope. I don't really have anyone besides my mom and we usually eat out. 49: Does your bedroom have a door? Yes. 50: Top 3 web-pages? Facebook, Tumblr, & my online school 51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? No. 52: Does anything on your body hurt? My head always hurts. 53: Are goodbyes hard for you? Yes. 54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Coffee 55: How is your hair? In a bun, cause I should be asked. 56: What do you usually do first in the morning? Check my phone 57: Do you think two people can last forever? Yes. 58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? No. 59: Green or purple grapes? Purple. Green is sour. 60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? Probably tomorrow. I love hugs!!! 61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Yeah. 62: When will be the next time you text someone? In the morning. 63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? In my bed still. 64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. Sleeping 65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? A guy named Austin 66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Yes. 4 people. 67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? Yes. 68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? "I hope my mom is going to be okay." 69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Yes. Usually often I put too much of myself into things and they get out of hand and I ruin things. 70: How many windows are open on your computer? 3. Facebook, Tumblr & YouTube 71: How many fingers do you have? 5 on each hand, 10 (; 72: What is your ringtone? Closer - Chainsmokers 73: How old will you be in 5 months? Still 18 74: Where is your mom right now? Sleeping peacefully, hopefully in her room. 75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? Because I can't trust him enough. He played me hard and the trust just got lost. 76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? Yes. 77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? Yes. 78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? Cody Blair & Jesse Kaelberer 79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? Yes. My dad and an Xbox buddy! 80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? Yes. 81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? 2 82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? No.. I don't think so. 83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? Haha. I hope so. I would like to think we could talk all day! 84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? Esmi, Courtney, Nae-Nae, Danny, Kylee, Austin.. Uhh my besties. ❤️ 85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? I mean, if it got out of hand, yes. But I have done some twice, and I don't find myself really into it anymore. But I sure can't judge no. 86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? The movie? 87: Who was your last received call from? Esmi 88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? No! :( 89: What is something you wish you had more of? Confidence 90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? Sadly, yeah. 91: Do you sleep with your window open? Sometimes. 92: Do you get along with girls? Yes. 93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No. I don't think so. 94: Does sex mean love? No. Love is deeper than sex. 95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? No. We wouldn't do anything but talk. 96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? No. 97: Did you sleep alone this week? No. I slept with my friends and my mom. Tonight I am alone. Finally. Blanket hogs (; 98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? Yes. 99: Do you believe in love at first sight? No. 100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? I honestly have no idea. But I made a swear vow with some friends at a party that we wouldn't tell things. * 1. Last kiss - Austin * 2. Last phone call - Esmi * 3. Last text message - brother * 4. Last song you listened to - shape of you - ed sheeran * 5. Last time you cried - yesterday * HAVE YOU EVER: * 6. Dated someone twice - Yes *roll eye emoji* * 7. Been cheated on - yes * 8. Self harmed - yes * 9. Lost someone special - yes * 10. Been depressed - yes * 11. Been drunk and threw up - nope 😇 * THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: * 12. had sex - no. I'm a virgy! * 13. How many people have you had sex with this year? None. I'm a child of God. * 15. Made a new friend - tons! * 17. Laughed until you cried - oh yeah! * 18. Met someone who changed you - yeah. :) * 19. Found out who your true friends were - yeah * 20. Found out someone was talking about you - yeah * 26. What did you do for your last Birthday - went to a fancy dinner buffet at Mystic Lake and gambled! * 27. What time did you wake up today - 10:40ish * 29. Name something you CANNOT wait for - graduation * 30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time - today * 31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life - not be so depressed all the time and to live a little * 32. What are you listening to right now - my fan making noises * 33. When is the last time you had sex? I haven't had sex yet. * 34. Who's getting on your nerves right now - no one. * 35. Most visited webpage - tumlr * 36. Favorite colour - aqua blue * 37. Nicknames - Abbz or peanut * 38. Relationship Status - single but not available * 39. Zodiac sign - aquarius * 40. Male or female - female * 44. Eye color - grayish blue * 46. Height - 5'3" * 47. Do you have a crush on someone - Yes❤️😇 * 48. What do you like about yourself - I'm easy to talk too and approach! * 49. Piercings - Ears * 50. Tattoos - no but I want one * 51. Righty or lefty Righty * FIRSTS: * 53. First piercing - my ears * 54. First best friend - my mom * 55. First hookup - I'm a virgin * 56. First Bestfriend: my mom? * RIGHT NOW: * 59. Eating: nothing * 60. Drinking: nothing * 61. I'm about to: go to sleep * 62. Listening to: my fan making noises * 63. Waiting for: this to be done * YOUR FUTURE: * 64. Want kids? Eventually. * 65. Get married? Yeah. * 66. Career: Nurse or Mental health counselor * WHICH IS BETTER: * 67. Lips or eyes: eyes * 68. Hugs or kisses: both!!! But hugs * 69. Shorter or taller: taller * 70. Older or Younger: younger * 71. Romantic or spontaneous: romantic * 72. Nice stomach or nice arms: neither really matter, but stomach. * 73. Sensitive or loud: loud * 74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship * HAVE YOU EVER: * 76. Kissed a stranger: no * 77. Drank hard liquor: yes * 78. Lost glasses/contacts: no * 79. Had sex: omg no * 80. Broken someone's heart: yes * 82. Been arrested: no * 83. Turned someone down: yes * 84. Cried when someone died: yes * 85. Fallen for a friend: yes * DO YOU BELIEVE IN: * 86. Yourself: yeah * 87. Miracles: yeah * 88. Love at first sight: no * 89. Heaven: yeah * 90. Santa Clause: omg yeaaaahhh.. (kidding) * 91. Kiss on the first date: if the moment feels right, goes with the flow, yeah! * 92. Angels: yes. * 93. How would you label yourself? dope asf' * 94. Someone You Pray Everyday For: I don't pray everyday, but if I did, everyone. * 95. Did you sing today: yess * 96. Who From All Your Ex's have You Cared The Most About: no really an ex but, Jayce * 97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? 2001 * 98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For: that my children have a great life and my parents get everything they deserve in life. * 99. Are you afraid of falling in love? Always. * 100. Do you like the way you look? Sometimes. But not really. I like my face & just not the chubby flubbery face and body.

1. What is you middle name? Louise

2. How old are you? 18

3. What is your birthday? January 26th, 1999

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? Aqua blue

6. What's your lucky number? 26

7. Do you have any pets? No. Sadly. I used to have a lot though.

8. Where are you from? Minnesota

9. How tall are you? 5′3

10. What shoe size are you? It depends. It’s weird how it works. I am like a size 8 in high heels, but a 9 in regular shoes.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I would say like 8 pairs?

12. What was your last dream about? My last nap, I didn’t dream.

13. What talents do you have? I am sort of a good writer, Eating, Good with people, kind of good at dancing, and understanding things easier.

14. Are you psychic in any way? I don’t think so. 

15. Favorite song? Moves - Big Sean

16. Favorite movie? 21 and 22 Jump Street or Frozen 

17. Who would be your ideal partner? Someone sweet, trustworthy, can accept me for my depression, care for me, and give me space when I need it. 

18. Do you want children? Yes, eventually. 

19. Do you want a church wedding? I don’t know. Kind of want a beach wedding tbh.

20. Are you religious? Yes. 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes. I got into a car accident once.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? No, but almost.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? No.

24. Baths or showers? Showers usually, but hot baths when I am depressed really are the best things ever.

25. What color socks are you wearing? White

26. Have you ever been famous? No... I mean I have wanted to be and I have a YouTube channel, but honestly, no and I don’t really think I want to be. You get so many people in your business and it would get annoying I feel like. 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? No. ^^^

28. What type of music do you like? Rap, Pop, NO COUNTRY AT ALL. SKRRRRRRRRRRRRRT.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Nope.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

31. What position do you usually sleep in? A comfy one :)

32. How big is your house? Eh. It’s an apartment. It has two levels. It’s pretty nice. It’s more like a town home. :)

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Nothing, but if I do it’s usually water and a protein bar.

34. Have you ever fired a gun? No.

35. Have you ever tried archery? Yes. Didn’t go too well.

36. Favorite clean word? eunoia

37. Favorite swear word? fuck

38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep? 2 days

39. Do you have any scars? Kind of...

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Yes.

41. Are you a good liar? Eh. It depends on what it is. But, I usually don’t lie cause I feel guilty. 

42. Are you a good judge of character? Yes.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Yeah dawg, street (Ca$$$h me ousssideeee, how bow dah?)

44. Do you have a strong accent? No.

45. What is your favorite accent? British or Australian

46. What is your personality type? Caring

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? $125 Nikes

48. Can you curl your tongue? I like to think I can but I don’t think so

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? Yes

52. Favorite food? Chinese, Oreos, Celery, Omg.... anything. 

53. Favorite foreign food? Chinese!!

54. Are you a clean or messy person? A little bit of both

55. Most used phrased? “What up dawg?” “Rain Drop, Drop Top” 

56. Most used word? dick

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Depends. If I want to look good and like do my hair or make-up usually an hour and a half, without the effort, like 10 minutes lmfao

58. Do you have much of an ego? Sort of. Negatively usually.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?  Suck 

60. Do you talk to yourself? Lmfao. When I play video games, yes. 

61. Do you sing to yourself? Yes.

62. Are you a good singer? Eh. I mean, I hit the right notes, but I wouldn’t say I am good at it.

63. Biggest Fear? Losing someone I care about, elevators, sock monkey’s and sausages.

64. Are you a gossip? Eh. No. If I do talk about someone it’s usually not rude. Just concerning.

65. Best dramatic movie you've seen?  Cyberbully

66. Do you like long or short hair? Short on guys, long on girls. I am not a big fan or man buns...

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Yeah. Thanks World Geo ;)

68. Favorite school subject? Biology or English

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Extrovert!!!

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?  No.

71. What makes you nervous? Being too clingy, my body, and when I am around people who don’t like me.

72. Are you scared of the dark? No.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Sometimes. It depends on the mistake.

74. Are you ticklish? Yes. 

75. Have you ever started a rumor? No.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? No. 

77. Have you ever drank underage? Yes.

78. Have you ever done drugs? Yes.

79. Who was your first real crush? Cody Blair.

80. How many piercings do you have? 1

81. Can you roll your Rs?" YES

82. How fast can you type? Super fast. Speedy fast.

83. How fast can you run? Like a white girl who has a story to tell.

84. What color is your hair? Ombre

85. What color is your eyes? Grayish/Blue

86. What are you allergic to? Fake hoes.

87. Do you keep a journal? Yes.

88. What do your parents do? My mom does hella bomb customer service for a yearbook company and my dad does dye cast set-up. 

89. Do you like your age? Sometimes. I like the casino.

90. What makes you angry? Not much really. I am pretty mellow and understanding. I don’t like getting angry or in sticky situations. I guess when people cheat though or when people are rude to people.

91. Do you like your own name? Sometimes lmfao

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? Not really. I do like Caroline though. Boy names, I don’t know!

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Either one. Precious little angels. 

94. What are you strengths? Helping people, overcoming tough situations, Making friends, and flirting

95. What are your weaknesses? I fall in love too easily, I eat a lot, I easily get attached, I have depression, I get sad when people don’t talk to me, I overthink a lot and I think I am ugly. 

96. How did you get your name? My mom?

97. Were your ancestors royalty? No.

98. Do you have any scars? Kind of..

99. Color of your bedspread? Purple

100. Color of your room? White

Open letter to my crush...

Dear crush,

I just want you to know I am crazy when it comes to guys I like. I want you to know I am super protective and I get jealous easily. I have an insecurity and I have a lot of flaws. I am not skinny, I am not the most gorgeous girl without makeup and I sometimes have days where I don’t feel right. I sometimes can overthink myself and overthink my relationships. This happens because of how much I have been hurt in the past. I get shy when I see my crush in person. I get shy when I am around my crushes and I get really insecure about looking them in the face or in the eyes for too long because I am nervous they will find a flaw in me and how I look and they won’t be interested anymore. I have a huge fear of being too much and I have a huge fear of losing someone I really care about. I want you to know I don’t want you to ever feel like you don’t matter if there are days I don’t answer or if there are days I seem sad. I want you to know I care a lot about not only you, but everyone. I have a caring heart. I care because of how much I have been hurt in the past. I never want anyone to feel the pain I have been through. It was something I would never wish on my worst enemy. 

Here is when I first noticed you were someone I wanted to get to know:

  It all started from the moment you snapped me back with that cute face with that cute sweet smile. You seemed so interested in talking to me and I never have experienced that before. For some odd reason, we just met but I had this funny feeling in my chest that you were going to make my life something incredible. 

I love your smile. I love how smart you are and how confident you are. It’s super attractive how you lead our conversations and how you aren’t afraid to be yourself. I love how you just listen to my stories and you actually remember them. (Even if they are annoying) I love your caring heart and your sweet ways of making me feel comfortable. I love how open you are and how you care about how I feel. I love how you understand me and you don’t want to hurt me. I love how you are so happy with taking things slow and slowing things down to get to know each other first. It makes me feel like you actually take me seriously and you respect me and how our relationship turns out. 

When we first met I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to know everything about you. I craved you in the most innocent way. I wanted to spend my hours up in my bed just talking to you. I wanted to just listen to everything about you and all your little things, like your favorite color & your favorite subject. I wanted to know you like the back of my hand. I wanted you to just talk and talk about yourself and spoil my ears with all the things that make you happy because they would make me happy too. 

When we first talked on the phone I nearly died hearing your voice. It was one of the cutest things ever. I was so nervous to speak to you. I even told my friends before I called, “I am so nervous, what if I sound like a man and I am not attractive sounding enough.” I remember running to the bathroom and shutting the door, until you answered. Hearing you say Hi to me for the first time, I smiled so big. I got chills. You have such a calming voice and it makes me feel so homely. I feel like I can open up to you and you won’t judge me. It’s been so long since I have had someone who actually CARES about what I have to say and it honestly makes my day when you ask me how my day was and how you always seem to want to hear about it.  It’s those little things that get me. 

In you I see no flaws, I see pure perfection and everything wonderful. 

It just sucks with the age. It’s the age thing that kills me every time I think about you. 

It scares me about how me being how old I am gives you a bad feeling and it scares me how I might not be able to meet par for what you want. 

I do have fears. 

Like meeting you for the first time, face to face. 

I do have fears.

Like being too much way too fast.

I do have fears.

Like losing you and letting you go.

I want you to know I care and I really can’t wait to see where our friendship leads us. It’s like I trust you so much already and I hope my feeling about you making my world feel incredible is true.

-Your admirer,

Abby Louise Simota

Most people don’t understand. Most people do not see. I may be smiling and laughing happily but deep down inside are many broken pieces and fresh cut scars.

My story is long, hard and rough and most may not understand. I started out so strong and outgoing. I was ready to take on the world. I was preparing myself for after high school and discovering who I really wanted to be. I was taking chances, opening up and taking huge leaps and opportunities. I joined many sports and participated in many things. Every Sunday morning I would wake up early and sit in the home of my Father. I would worship him, pray to him, love him and believe in him. I was for him. I attended weekly youth groups with fun games, friendly church friends and amazing sermons. I grew deeper with God and experienced wonderful works by him. I was in my happy place.

Just when things started to feel great. I slowly started drowning. No one saw. No one noticed. My mouth was sealed and I wanted to make sure everyone always saw me as that happy, fun, and super outgoing person I have always been. I didn’t want people to feel pity or sorry for me. I wanted to keep myself held up, but I didn’t know how. I wanted help. I just wasn’t so sure how to ask for it.

I grew sadder and became more to myself. I became insecure. I wasn’t sure if it was just the pressure of being in Middle School now and being surrounded by new people and a new environment, but I shut down. I changed. I felt fear everyday going to school. I felt like I was being shut into a corner. My mind was always on the worst thoughts and always had negativity. I couldn’t run from it. I ended up hating myself. Everything about me. My voice. My face. My hair. My body. I was just not who I used to be. I became more confused on how I changed and why this was happening. I was closing myself off.

Night after night I would cry in my room. I would turn all the lights out and lay in my bed going through all the thoughts of the day and I worried about everything. I would wrap my arms up and curl into a ball. Sometimes I found myself falling asleep to the sound of my own sobs and to the feeling of teardrops falling off my face and onto my pillow. I could put my finger on what made me feel so crappy.

One day was harder for me then usual. Kids were brutal to me. They said mean things and pushed me around. I figured it was a joke, but I couldn’t take it. I hated myself and it felt like everyone around me didn’t want me around. I started growing sick.

I came home that day from school with a plan to end my life with a rope. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it, but I knew it was something I had to do and wanted so badly.

Thinking like this scared me. I felt wounded. I wasn’t sure how this wound was being created and why I was being brutally mind beaten to be put into this horrible situation, but a huge part of me didn’t care. I wanted nothing but death. I didn’t attempt death once. I attempted it twice. Both in which failed.

I was lucky. The old me was buried inside screaming “Don’t do it.” The old me was thinking of my Father and was praying for the strength to let myself heal instead of jumping so fast into a decision that I could not change.

I was lucky to be saved.

My parents never found out about my attempts till almost 4 years ago and my first attempted was almost 6 years ago.

I kept my mouth shut. Quiet.

It wasn’t until 4 years ago my brother found a suicide note I had written. It was from when I wanted to do it my second time. I had wrote little things to those I cared about most to let them know it wasn’t their faults. It was my own. My mind was dark and I had planned to take my life.

I got help. Finally. After my parents started catching on to my changes and my sad phases.

I was taken to several doctors to find help. I remember it being hard to find someone at first for me to talk too. I went through 2 counselors before finding a 3rd one, and then a 4th one and now I am on to my 5th one.

I was diagnosed in March of 2012 with Severe Depression. I was started on medication and was being treated with counseling on the side.

That year changed me. It made me feel like I was weak and needed extra help. I didn’t like feeling like that. I didn’t like feeling like I was never going to get better and that my world was flipped upside down.

I felt lost. Alone. Scared.

Until now.

I fought through 5 years of depression. I have stumbled. I have cried. I have wanted to rip my face apart and wanted to just sleep forever most days through the battle, but today I am very lucky I was able to be saved and was able to seek help.

I am so beyond thankful for being who I am today and for receiving help, care, & love from so many people.

I have great friends, family & adults around me who care about me and who want to see me become successful.

I have seen myself at the worst. I have seen myself fall.

But, I now know how to get back up and never stop trying.

Because of my weakness and my failures I was able to find the strength I never knew I had.

God bless me. God bless everyone.

So thankful for my life and for being alive today.

*Never take it for granted.*

I'm super excited to start my senior year journey. Cannot wait to see where this year takes me. #ClassOf2017

love life. explore. dream. believe.

Growing up, I had no idea the world was so big. I used to think every little problem I had.. It was the end of the world as I knew it. Truth is, the world is so big. There is so much adventure, so much life and structure out there. Everyday I'm used to waking up to my small town and seeing the same old things and doing the same old routine. Sometimes I even forget about any other town or place when I am in my same old routine and place. As I discovered more about myself, I knew I was ridiculous to think that everyone was gonna stay the same, everyone will always be apart of my life, every building in town is going to stay that way forever, I'll always be here stuck in this town... I was so prone to change that when the change hit me, I fell apart. I realize that this world is full of surprises, adventures, more and more people and the world just keeps going. Life is going to change. You're gonna lose people, lose precious memories, lose yourself, lose your favorite restaurant you used to love going to as a kid, lose your sense of life.. It's all apart of growing up. This world is too big to be focused on one part of it. Sure, what's his name from down the block said something mean about you and now everyone seems to be against you..... Then screw those people who treat you like you're nothing and like you're worthless. Friends bring each other up higher and higher and help them when they are feeling knocked down. They aren't friends if they make you feel that way & it may feel like they are "only people you have" but that's not true. You have millions of opportunities to go out and make new friends. The world is huge & full of all sorts of people. Plenty of people out there. Don't lose yourself just because of one, two, or 3 people. You're stronger & way better than to let people control you and your outlooks. Stay strong & go out and seek adventure. It's out there! Don't hold back.

An open letter to the guy who hurt me.... Dear guy who hurt me, When I first met you I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. The way you talked to me & made time for me was incredible. You worked a lot & were busy, but you never made me feel any less important than moments before. Everyday getting to text you or talk to you was the highlight of it. I loved getting messages from you and every message with your name popping up made my heart skip a beat. I couldn't control how I was feeling. You made me fall hard. So fast. I wasn't sure what it was that made me fall so fast for you. I could sit here and say it's because you accepted me for things I couldn't accept myself for or I could sit here and say it's because of the way you made me feel that wasn't normal but somewhat special, but I honestly think it was because of the way you expressed yourself to me. Days went by, things got silent. I waited on you to message me. No messages. No replies. You left me hanging. Weeks past & I found out you had found another girl who got to appreciate your special qualities. I couldn't help but feel sad & upset at myself for thinking someone like you could be with someone like me. Your girlfriend was gorgeous & she looked like she made you hella happy & that's all I wanted to ever make you. I wanted to make you laugh, smile, and feel as if you were the luckiest man ever. I wanted to spoil you and show you how much I cared for you. I wanted you to wake up every morning and fall asleep every night with a smile on your face and I would have loved to never stop reminding you how much you mean to me. I just couldn't see myself happy without you. I tried for months to get over you. I let myself go out and try new things. I let myself make new friends. I did so much things and even went on plenty of adventures. I was starting to feel wonderful. I was forgiving myself & trying to keep myself distracted. One day, it just randomly happened where you two were no longer together and we just started talking again. I felt like I was falling back into you again. I felt so close to you but so distant. I didn't know how to tell you how I was feeling because I didn't want to get hurt, but once I was brave enough to tell you.. It turned out you didn't feel that way. It was never your fault. It was never mine either. I just fell too hard, too fast, & too strong for a guy who couldn't help me. I couldn't stop myself. I fell for you for something so much deeper than your looks. I fell for your heart, your passion, your inner-self. I fell for how you made me feel and for how you made me want to be a better person. I fell for who you were and what you had on the inside. Your outside was just something extra special. With you I felt so lucky. With you I felt so on top of the world. I felt alive. Colorful. Vibrant. Glowing. & like nothing could ever go wrong. I was glad to have you. I never wanted to lose you. But, I lost you. I said goodbye to you. I had too. You see... Inside of this wonderful crush I had for you. I was hurting. I never knew how to tell you, so here it is. I cared for you. I wanted the best for you and I wanted you to know how special you were. But, you never once cared about me. You never wanted the best for me. You never once wanted me to feel special. I get it. You didn't feel that way. I can't blame you. It's not the way your heart wanted it to be nor the way it felt. I can't help the way you feel.. But as a friend even.. You never reached out to make sure I was okay when I was hurt or when I needed someone. You didn't take the time to listen to me or get to know me. You didn't take the time to really understand anything from my point of view. It was always about you and what you wanted. You joked around with me because that's what you do.. But I took a lot of it too heart. I took a lot of your comments into my brain and it destroyed me and changed me. I felt so stupid too because I felt so trapped by you. I felt like I had to do everything for you because you used so much against me. You were joking but I care too deeply to not take it seriously. I felt hurt by you and how you ignored me all the time. You never had time for me suddenly anymore but yet other girls were always right there. It's not even about the fact I liked you & you were doing it... It's the way you presented it to me. It hurt how you felt it was okay to disrespect my feelings and how you felt it was okay to use my feelings against me. I was trapped inside a mindset of thinking you would one day see the great inside of me and you'd maybe fall for me too. But.. I was wrong. I had to save myself from the pain, the hurt, & the rejection. I want you to know, I'm better now. I've moved on with my life and have found better things to set my mind on. I'm starting summer school to get my credits for graduation & I'm working a lot more to get money to maybe go on a roadtrip. I've reconnected with old pals & have been working out again. I'm hoping to lose a lot more weight this summer to start my senior year off well in September. I've been keeping off your social media sites, keeping your number off my mind & out of my recents, I've been trying not to go out of my way to see you & I've been trying to not think about you. Sometimes I do. I admit. I wonder how you're doing & what you've been up too.. But... It's not my concern anymore. I care for you. I do. I always will. But, at this point in life, we met at the wrong time in the wrong place & It's unfortunate. I can't say I don't miss you because I'd be lying, but I can say life is getting a little easier now that I'm starting to move on from you. It's what you wanted, right? Finally letting you go, Abby Louise Simota

Happy Graduation!

Hannah Nicole Wilmes, one of the brightest, loving, caring people I know.

To be completely honest Hannah, I really don’t think any combination of 26 letters could truly describe everything I love about you, every memory we’ve shared, or how much of an incredible person you are but I am going to try my very hardest and I can’t guarantee this will be a short letter to you.

Throughout all the years I’ve known you I have gotten the privilege and the honor to watch you grow up into a beautiful, strong, hard working lady and have been blessed to call you one of my closest friends. You’ve taught me so much about everything. You’ve helped me grow into a stronger more dependent person. You’ve lifted me out of the deepest waters and I consider you one of my lifesaving life lines. You always have had my back and you’ve always knew how to help me laugh when I didn’t even want to smile.

You’ve graduated. You’ve got your diploma! It’s not just a piece of paper my dear Hannah. It’s much more. It’s your ticket and your key to the free world. It gives you the chance to dig deeper within yourself and open yourself up to more opportunities in life. You’re free to study and do whatever your heart and mind believe is right for you. I still remember that time you were upset and crying about being worried about where you wanted to go and what you wanted to do after high school and I remember how scared you were. You have no reason to be scared about what you want to do or where you want to go. You have plenty of time to decide and most people never know where they want to go or do. That’s why life after high school is so great. You get to open yourself up to more and more things and decide for the first time where you’re meant to be. You get to explore and do fun things. I know you’re going to find your path Hannah. I really do. You’re going to be incredible in anything you want to do whether it be a teacher, an artist, or a musician of some sorts. The world is yours Hannah.

I am so unbelievably proud of you. You’ve handled life’s challenges so strongly and you never let them get you down. You always had the outcome of a giant smile on your face. I might not have been able to be physically there for you every minute of everyday, but I take comfort in knowing that you trusted me and could have came to me if you ever needed any sort of advice or cheering up. After moving to Saint Peter we became distant and our conversations were so short in person. I felt like I lost the most important person in my life and that I had lost that one missing puzzle piece to complete my life. You were always there and just one text or call away if I needed it and lately it’s been so hard to get to you anymore.

I do miss you and I do wish things weren’t so distant for us but, you’re happy and your life is going to start for you and that’s all i’ve ever wanted for you. I always wish you’d be happy and have life come to a good point for you. I have always wanted nothing but the best for you and I know you’re going to go far and do amazing things for yourself and this beautiful world.

Thank you for being my friend throughout life and throughout high school. Thanks for teaching me so much and for giving me a sense of what true friendship was like. It’s not easy to lose a friend after high school and after creating so many wonderful memories with them, but they will always be super close to my heart and they will always be known to have shown me so much about who I am and how strong I need to be,

You’re incredible and I wish you nothing but the best in your bright future. Thank you for making me proud to call you a friend and proud for knowing such a wonderful, beautiful person.

You’re a blessing Hannah Nicole Wilmes and don’t let yourself go into this world thinking anything less.

I love you.