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willedwoods · 4 months

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It should of made him happy to some extent, hearing Emmet say how stupid he was. Admitting to all the things he messed up.

Alex didn't say a word as his former boss began to break down once more. He didn't make a move to try and comfort him either, listening to him ramble on about all the things he had done wrong since Ingo left them. If this had been months prior he would of offered some sort of comforting words to console him but but of him was still frustrated with himself and the man in front of him.

Standing without a word he turned to retrieve the fallen hat, leaning down to pick it up and lightly dust it off. Turning it in his hands to stare at the front of it in silence. The memory of Elesa handing him the neatly folded uniform, the very hat sitting stop of it. The Gear Station symbol that was once on it now removed. No matter how much he wanted to throw it out he could never bring himself to, leaving it safely tucked away in his new home back in Agate Village.

It wasn't a position he wanted. But he never wanted any sort of fancy title. Even on Mt. Battle he had no desire to become the Mt. Battle Master. Simply being here and apart of it made him happy.

It would be easy to just tell Emmet to turn back around and leave to not come back to Mt. Battle just as he had been told never to return to Gear Station. Unless Emmet could get passed him he would start back up at 71 over and over again until he could take him out.

Though he found it doubtful Emmet would try again anytime soon.

"I could of told you no." He spoke flatly. He just wanted Emmet to leave but also he didn't want to leave him alone either. Fingers brushed along the front of the hat before it was secured onto his head. Could he have really? Rarely had he said no, and even then it was usually to some annoying request that sometimes had nothing to do with work. Or just something Emmet found simply too troublesome. It was usually in jest--- Telling his boss he had better things to do than fulfill a task Ingo had more than likely given him.

But Alex always ended up leaving and completed it to the best of his ability.

Not just because Emmet was his boss, his supervisor--

But because they were friends. Emmet was someone he idolized. Alexander might of never coveted the title he kept but seeing how hard he worked, how skilled in battle he was, and how much he cared for people and Pokémon, It didn't leave him much to genuinely dislike.

"Challengers who fail will have to return the way they came. You may start your challenge again from the start of the area, which for you would be 71." He could walk Emmet up just past level 80. A far shorter walk than heading back down between 70 and 71 to take the lift from there. Why did Emmet even want to be escorted out anyways? Their relationship had been derailed and came crashing to an end.

"Celebi, good work. Return."

The Friend Ball had been removed from his belt, withdrawing the mythical back inside. He'd properly apologize to her later for everything.

He wanted to leave. He wanted to to head to get on the nearest lift, wishing in the back of his head the whole way down that it would malfunction badly enough to crash, but never admitting to himself what the end result would be if it did. He didn't want to die. He just wanted to be done with it all. He just wanted all of the racing thoughts and gut wrenching feelings to stop. He just wanted this whole thing to end.

Somewhere in his mind he knew that they were all the same thing, he just couldn't admit it. Admitting to it would mean he'd given up. He could never just give up on his brother like that. He already knew he wasn't a good person, but he if he was truly a bad brother too, it would be his heart that killed him before anything else.

It didn't even sound right when Alex spelled it out the way he did. It felt like Alex was putting words into his mouth, despite it being clear what Emmet was implying by his statements. But he hadn't said it. Alex had, and he'd rattled off a series of consequences that would arise if Emmet were to take that route. That's exactly what Emmet didn't want to think of. That's exactly why Emmet found himself stuck on this thought to begin with. Shaky hands clapped themselves against his ears in an attempt to block out his words.

"I never intend to do something stupid." He choked out. His eyes felt far too dry and worn out to produce any more tears, but somehow they started falling again anyway. "But I always seem to do them anyway. Running away was stupid. Forcing you into a position you were not prepared for and did not want was stupid. Yelling when I first entered Celebi's domain? Stupid. Ignoring calls? Stupid. Coming here when I should have known better than to try to have fun while he's missing? Stupid, stupid, stupid. I don't think before I act. I act impulsively, and worry about the consequences further down the track. And I regret it. I regret it every time. I always regret it."

That was perhaps one of the more enticing factors whenever he considered making his final stop. For once, he wouldn't have to face any consequences. He could just make one more stupid decision, and not have to worry about the aftermath of anything ever again. He wouldn't regret anything because he wouldn't be capable of regret anymore.

"I don't know, Alex." He held his eyes closed as tightly as he could in an attempt to stop crying, but he couldn't. "I don't know. I don't know what would happen, and I do not want to know. That's the whole point! I can't keep going like this. I can't keep going knowing that whatever I do, whatever I choose, I am only going to keep making things worse. For me, for Ingo, for our passengers. For you. For everyone. I want it to stop. I want everything to stop. I just want to go, okay?" It was unclear in which way he meant that statement, but he clarified a bit once he'd caught his breath, if only for a moment.

"Just help me depart from this stupid mountain. Please. I just want to return to my inn. Please."

#ic #suicide mention #wrongtrain

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willedwoods · 4 months

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BRO WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO HIM?

#❁ooc

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willedwoods · 4 months

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Of course Alex would never understand those feelings. Emmet was right, he wasn't a twin, he didn't even have a sibling. And there was no one in his life who could even compare to that. Maybe Altaria? But if something happened to it would he feel the same? He'd be devastated for sure, but this hopeless? It was hard to think about but the one thing Alex was sure of was that he couldn't relate. Not fully. What he was sure of was that his Pokémon would be disappointed in him if he ended his own life just because theirs did too soon.

His anger subsided, if only a little at Emmet's words and it had taken some sinking in and only for him to far more directly state ending his life would be better than continuing on. Alex couldn't help but feel foolish and stupid. It made him mad, confused and a little bit helpless. Despite his previous words implying they weren't friends anymore. Back when they were both still at the station he thought he understood Emmet well enough. Out of all the Gear Station staff he thought-- He wanted to be the person who understood Emmet. Alexander did genuinely worry about him but there might have been some greed and residual feelings still lingering that made him want to be the one who would help him find Ingo. To support him when other people eventually gave up and wanted to move on.

For just a moment he felt like he was staring right at Ingo. The frown that came to him without trying, despite best efforts and assure others he was smiling. But the elder subway Boss never showed his exhaustion this much. Emmet was hanging on by a thread. How long had he been like this? His former boss' state wasn't this bad. But how many months had passed? Nearly a year since they'd seen one another at least.

Even if time wasn't a factor it made him wonder if Emmet had actually been opening up to him. Or if it was just part of the charade he pulled off daily? When Gear Station was left in his hands was it really out of trust and friendship? Or did Emmet just see him as an easy target? He'd joked about that before. That Alex was easy to mess with and too nice and agreeable too often. When his friend had broken down in front of him after the weight of everything became too much, Emmet hugged him and cried... It didn't seem like it was intended to deceive him, that was genuine, right? It wasn't used as a ploy to get him to take over the station out of pity and loyalty... He didn't want to think that to be true. Even if he did abandon the place in the end.

Alex still wanted to hit him but he just sat there under the blazing sun, his head felt hot from the mostly white hat absent from covering his dark hair. A quick glance to the edge of the platform where the hat sat. "What do you want me to tell you?" How was he supposed to respond to something like that? and was he supposed to just let Emmet go?

Normally people told others they wanted to die when they wanted to be saved. but with how prideful the person in front of him that might now be the case. It might just be said as a fact and nothing more beyond that. Regardless he probably wouldn't let Emmet head down the mountain alone. He paused, trying to gather the mental fortitude to even say those words. Emmet could be entirely direct one moment and make no sense the next so confirming this was necessary for himself. To be sure of the fact Emmet really wanted to leave... If Ingo could not be located. "Do you really--" His gaze turned towards the rusted ground. "Do you really intend to give up your life? Your Pokémon, Ingo's... Even if no one else in the world matters. If Elesa isn't worth living for then I doubt I am. Not like I expected our relationship to be that deep. But the Pokémon you raised together are living creatures. Gear Station staff can move on with their lives. Someone will take over managing the commuter lines fully. Losing you will still be hard for them, just like it was when Ingo disappeared. But Pokémon can't do that, just like Ingo is to you-- You are their whole world. Who will care for them if you aren't around?"

Maybe it was a small way to guilt him out of doing something irreparable but it wasn't like he could tell Emmet he didn't want him to die.

Emmet had guilted him into that supposed temporary Subway Master position. So maybe he could guilt him into not taking his own life, even just for a short time.

He liked him. He was his friend. Past tense. He was losing everyone, one by one. How long had it been since he'd answered one of Elesa's calls or texts? If he were to return home now, would she refer to their friendship in past tense, too? Did he have anyone worth going home for? Because Alex sure made it sound like he didn't.

He remained silent as the other spoke, though it wasn't exactly because Alex had asked him to. He was just too drained to remain verbal without taking a break. He stumbled backwards and fell to his knee when Alex pushed him, doing his best to keep himself upright and balanced, but beyond that, he didn't bother to move for a while. He just stared vacantly towards the sun as Alex berated him. Part of Emmet felt like he deserved it, but the other part of him just wanted to shut down until it was over, like he used to growing up whenever he would get into trouble at school or home.

But he felt something in him snap when Alex brought up the possibility of Ingo never coming back. He felt his heart stop beating in his chest at the implication that his brother could be dead. Alex could say whatever he wanted about Emmet, but for him to act as if he knew what Ingo would think or feel or want Emmet to do in his absence was crossing a very clear line. His somewhat blank expression flipped like a switch as he refocused on Alex, glaring him down with a cold stare as he scowled, teeth showing as he felt himself start shaking with rage. He still felt both physically and emotionally exhausted, but he used every last, tiny bit of strength he had to explode in retaliation.

"You don't understand! You cannot understand!! Most people go through life as a single car train. But not me! We are NOT the same, Alex. The emptiness I feel cannot possibly be comparative to however you have ever felt. Not now, not at the station after I departed- not ever. You are not a twin. You are not even a sibling! You cannot possibly, ever understand!" His voice cracked as he reached his maximum volume, like a microphone malfunctioning as it was unable to handle such a high amplitude.

"Why am I not allowed to falter? We both departed on short notice, so why am I held to such a higher standard than you are? Just because I was the boss? Maybe I am not the boss you worked alongside. Maybe you don't know your former friend as well as you thought. A part of me is gone, Alex! I cannot be strong all of the time. I don't want to be! I do not want to be my own person anymore." Ironic, considering he spent decades upon decades trying to establish himself as an individual as he felt like he was perceived as little more than his brother's shadow, but he meant it. He didn't want to be 'Emmet' without 'Ingo'. He'd much rather stay a shadow if it meant he didn't have to be alone.

"I have been pretending my whole life." His shouting seemed to have run its course as his volume fell back down and any remaining rage drained out of him. "I pretended to be strong- to be invulnerable. I pretended to understand people. I pretended to smile. I thought if I kept pretending, I would believe myself someday, but I am all out of steam, and I still do not believe myself. I just want to stop pretending." A loud, exhausted sigh, hand frustratedly running down his sweat and tear stained face.

"You really. Do not. Understand." He huffed between heavy gulps of air, sounding out of breath as his voice came out with a distinct scratch like he was starting to lose his voice. "If Ingo never returns-" Uttering those words out loud were enough to knock the wind out of him and make him feel like he was suffocating. He took in a desperate gulp of air, as if to save himself from drowning. "If he never returns, I don't want to either. I don't want to go home. I don't want to operate the subway. I don't want to continue pursuing our dream without him. And I do not care what you think about that. If that part of him is truly gone forever. If he is truly gone forever, I would rather-" He choked on whatever words were meant to follow. A glance towards the lava below.

He wished that thought would stop crossing his mind, but the track just kept looping back around. He continued to stay off the train that kept passing him, but every time it doubled back around, he considered boarding it a bit more. He didn't feel like pretending to be strong anymore, but he didn't want to be this pathetically weak, either. The train stopped in front of him, door open and waiting, just for him. Maybe no one had to know. He didn't have to pretend to be strong, he just had to pretend to not be weak. He just had to pretend for a little bit longer. He could make it look like an accident. He could just pretend to trip. He could egg Alex into punching him like he clearly wanted tom and he could fall backwards just a bit too far. No one had to know that it was Emmet's choice to arrive at his final terminal, and if Ingo ever did return, he wouldn't have to feel like he was somehow responsible. Emmet didn't know how long he stared down through the metal grating before he finally ripped his eyes away again. He pulled his hat down with both of his hands as far as he could, using it to cover his eyes, just for a few moments as he forced himself to breathe.

"Are we done now, Alex?" He asked, his tone having settled down and falling back into a flat monotone hum as he readjusted his hat back to its usual position. "I would like to be done. We are not getting anywhere with this. We are at a dead end. No tracks forward. Do what you want. Think what you want. Be what you want. Just allow me the dignity to do the same. Can we at least agree to that before we go back down our separate tracks?" He tried to shoot Alex another glare, but he just looked tired. Between the exhausted gaze, the bags under his eyes, and the stern frown that had settled onto his face, it almost seemed like he'd gotten his wish of not having to be his own person. Other than the white on his clothes, he didn't look like Emmet anymore. He looked like Ingo.

#❁ic #wrongtrain #suicide mention

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willedwoods · 5 months

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@wrongtrain

Alex was about to turn his back to head back to work, and hopefully before Emmet checked out the contents of the bag. But it was too late, that all too familiar tone telling him he was dead. Was it worth it for a little payback? Yeah it was.

It wasn't like Emmet could fire him if he wanted. And his boss wasn't actually mad. Right?

"How'd I know?"

He thought for a moment. Forgive me Cassie.

"I asked a friend to do a bit of research." He was already starting to take a few steps back in preparation for Emmet to come after him. Even if it was just a joke "I wanted to make sure I gave you exactly what you wanted because I value you very much Mr. Emmet. So I had them watch you from the security cameras."

#it was actually the best thing #ic #lmao #wrongtrain

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willedwoods · 5 months

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Despite being far more social and what the world would deem normal, or at least normal in comparison to Emmet. Alex probably wouldn't know just how harmful the comment in itself was. Regretting being harsh and being disrespectful would bother him later but as much as he liked to think he understood Emmet a fraction more than other people they were still very different people. Different ways of expressing themselves and going about things.

The tonal shift had caused Alex to lift his head and stare at Emmet who had seated himself on the sofa. It was unsettling, upsetting even. All the times Emmet had been seriously mad at him it wasn't even like this. The words now were devoid of interest and just left him feeling beat up inside. Alex wasn't devoid of fault but it still felt shitty for Emmet playing it off like he could control his emotions 100%

A sharp inhale trying to gather himself and push the very fresh memory of Emmet kissing him, that wouldn't stop playing over and over again, far out of his thoughts as possible. Crawling into a hole and never climbing out sounded pretty good right about now. There was sure to be some abandoned tunnels he could walk into and never have to show his face to Emmet or any of his coworkers that had been talking about them behind his back.

"Emm-- Sir." He corrected himself, avoiding looking at Emmet once again. It was probably just Alexander over thinking things but he couldn't help but worry those words were telling him to not just leave the office but the station entirely. Based on his reaction it didn't seem like that was too far off. His boss who he could normally get a good read on just made him feel stressed and confused. and not in the usual funny way where Emmet had requested something stupid and out of left field. When the younger of the twins would keep asking him to do things outside his pay grade. Not like there was any fighting that now.

"No I can take care of that Subway Boss Emmet. Now if you'll excuse me." He could plead for his job another day when he wasn't full of so many conflicting feelings. It wasn't like he couldn't find work elsewhere, but this job was something he enjoyed and was good at. Not to mentioned the pay wasn't anything to complain about. But right now he wanted to get out of the increasingly suffocating room. Out of the gaze that reminded him too much of Ingo's.

His back turned to Emmet's reaching for the door handle, turning it, or trying to.

Right--

Instead of just unlocking it and leaving as instructed Alex stood there staring at the handle, grip tightening.

"I meant it when I said I never wanted you to find out. I liked my job, the people I worked with. You were a good boss."

A little sigh of relief at Alex's apology. It felt like his employee's first appropriate reaction to this entire situation. It was Alex's first response that didn't simply frustrate Emmet further. It felt like the first step to putting this whole thing behind them and finally just continuing on. But as Alex continued speaking, Emmet realised that he had been completely off track with his initial assessment. His attempt hadn't fixed anything at all. All it'd done was escalate the issue.

He flinched as Alex blew up at him, referring to Emmet without his usual level of formality. While the blood rushed to Alex's cheeks, Emmet's face was paler than usual as the blood drained from his. He was at a loss for words. Maybe it was foolish of him, but he really thought that would work to put an end to this. The logic made sense to Emmet, but as Alex had so impudently declared, 'that wasn't how people worked'.

Hearing that hurt more than anything else had thus far. He'd learned and come to accept over time that most people were different than him. Other than Ingo, no one ever seemed to really get Emmet, and even then, there were some things not even Ingo could relate to him about. It was just something he had to deal with, and he was okay with that for the most part. He had to be. There was no point in getting all upset over something that was impossible to change. If he fixated too much on that, he would never be happy, so he just chose to divert his thoughts whenever it crossed his mind.

It was impossible to do so now, though. 'That isn't how people work, Emmet.' Unintentional as it might have been, those words were particularly alienating. It was in moments like these that he felt so excruciatingly alone, because that was how Emmet worked, but not how people did. The statement drew a very clear line between Emmet and everyone else. Taken at face value, it implied that Emmet didn't fit in the category of 'people'.

He wanted to yell and shout and ask why that wasn't how it worked- demand to know why Alex couldn't just stop. But instead, he just stood in silence before despondently replying with a distant sounding "yes".

"That was the idea." He shrugged, trying to act nonchalant and indifferent, but the exhausted disappointment was evident in his voice and vacant gaze. He moved to take the seat Alex had turned down before and allowed himself to collapse onto the sofa in the corner of his office. He held his hands together and in front of his face as if in deep thought, despite there being very little running though his mind at the moment. He wasn't smiling anymore, but he wasn't frowning, either. His expression was more or less just blank.

"Obviously, it did not work as I had intended. I will not do it again." His statements were especially short and straight to the point, voice coming out in a monotone pitch that lacked his usual energetic inflection. "...you can depart now, Alexander. I think I would prefer that you do. Immediately. Please have someone inform the passengers that I will not be greeting them for any win streaks today. Can you do that, or is that too difficult for you as well?"

#❁ic #wrongtrain #kings of misunderstanding eachother #worsties and besties

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willedwoods · 5 months

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The soft touch to his hair was soothing, helping him regain a little bit of his dignity and keeping him from just full on sobbing. He was grateful to the mythical but also felt stringing regret. She had come to him willingly, she was the one who dropped the Friend Ball in front of him. But still he felt like he dragged her into this even further. The Pokémon clearly didn't want to be involved or it would of shown itself to Emmet.

Still he used her to strike down Emmet's final Pokémon. And in a rather cruel fashion, Mythicals and Legendaries already had an advantage. He didn't have to damage Garbodor so badly. Revenge taken out on it that was meant for Emmet.

"I liked you. You were my friend, Emmet."

Why did the continuous apologies bother him so much? He said he was sorry but yet he still didn't take ownership. It was like the former Subway Boss just wanted to be pitied. Saying he couldn't do anything own his own. That without Ingo he couldn't function? Lonely? How did Emmet think Alex felt?

"Please shut up." His voice chilly and direct, the last few remaining tears finally falling.

"How do you think I felt?" Hands let go of his former boss' shirt, letting him fall back, though had he slightly pushed him? Who knows.

"You don't think I felt lonely and isolated? Please take a second to think about how people would feel if some nobody was handed the promotion of a lifetime? Someone who had zero drive to move up-- I was happy where I was. As long as I could double battle and pay my bills I didn't care."

"People who I thought were my friends started acting cold towards me. I can't say I was the best boss. There was no time for casual fun battles between friends. If battles weren't for official business they didn't happen at all. Not for me. I didn't have time to hang out with friends. I hadn't seen my parents since you departed. I rarely went home to my apartment."

"I was all alone and had no idea what I was doing! When it comes to Ingo you act like no one else has people they care for! That no one feel depressed and alone when the people they love aren't around!" A fist came down, inches from hitting him square in the face as his voice raised. Something entirely out of character for the trainer.

"No matter what I think of you I don't think you're the reason Ingo is gone. But I also think he'd be pretty damn disappointed with you! Neither of you are better than the other. So stop acting like some pathetic little kid and own up to your responsibilities. Gear Station was so important to you both so why toss it away? Toss everyone who looked up to you to the side!"

His fist raised, slamming his knuckles into the metal once more, but with far more force than moments prior. It hurt, he'd probably curse himself later for deciding to discard the gloves from his Subway Master uniform. "I looked up to you! I thought you were the coolest person I'd ever met! You got to double battle as much as you liked! I didn't know much about the subway system but I honestly thought the Battle Facility was amazing! I hadn't been able to fully enjoy battles how I wanted until I went there! Seeing it-- See the amazing battles you showed us-- It reminded me of when I watched people battle here on Mt. Battle back home on TV. I don't think I can even describe how exhilarated it made me!" Words only stopped for him to take a harsh inhale, throat burning.

"I never wanted to leave Orre! I wanted to stay here-- I wanted to stay where Celebi was. Where I could hopefully live my dream but that was taken from me! I don't blame my parents for moving us away. I get it now-- I know they moved so we could have a better life but it didn't mean it wasn't crushing! I didn't have a reason to try super hard. I was given whatever I wanted for the most part but it didn't fill that part of me that longed for those kinds of battles!"

"I liked training Pokémon. I don't think that would of stopped. But I doubt I would be as strong as I am without Gear Station, without the Battle Subway. When you asked me to join the Double Battle line I don't think you know how happy it made me. I don't think I realized how much I would like it. It started out as just a replacement for what I couldn't have but I really enjoyed it there."

"Emmet."

"If the Battle Subway means that to me then I can't even fathom what it means to you! You're not Ingo! You're your own person! Someone I admire more than anyone else! Who helped me have amazing double battles. The Subway Boss Emmet I worked alongside all this time isn't someone who would just crumple up because they were scared and lonely!"

"Being alone sucks-- but what happens if Ingo never comes back?! Do you just expect someone to watch over your home, the Battle Subway forever?!" He punched the metal grating again. There was definitely some cuts on his knuckles now, and it was sure to bruise. "Tossed around by different people until the stress and pressure suffocates them?! I did the same as you so I don't have much room to talk but-- I'm pretty sure you'll feel shittier if you allow what you built with him to just crumble. If he never comes home-- Or if he comes home 50 years from now! Don't you want to keep that part of him alive?!"

Don't blame Celebi, he insisted. He had to blame someone- something. He needed a reason this had all happened, and a reason why he couldn't fix it. He hated feeling so powerless, like everything was beyond his control. Things weren't supposed to be like that. He was supposed to be back at the station with his brother where they made and enforced all of the rules- where they kept everything working exactly the way they wanted it to. It was funny, in a way, that someone who regularly traversed the entire region of Unova could be trapped in such a little bubble like that. The world beyond the subway- beyond Unova- without Ingo- was so much bigger, emptier, and unpredictable than he ever could have imagined.

Emmet didn't flinch or budge or struggle when Alex grabbed at his shirt. He just looked down at the other's hand as he spoke, thinking about how stupid it was to wear a black shirt in the hot sun. He didn't try to get up again as Alex pulled him to the metal grating with him. He simply opted not to move at all. It was obvious he was having trouble doing so, at this point. He'd been pushing himself so hard for so long. Even when he tried to dedicate himself to self-care, it was all too intense- all battling or traveling to see the sights. In a way, it almost felt nice to finally just stop.

"The first several trips, I was very loud." He admitted after a long silence. "I probably sounded rrreally angry. I was angry, but not at it- not at her." He corrected himself for the first time. "I was scared. I still am. I have not been able to see a light at the end of the tunnel in so long. I have never been good at asking for help. But I tried. I tried to the best of my ability. I tried really really hard. Harder than I have ever tried at anything. But it was not enough for her. I was not enough." He repeated. I have never been enough for anyone. Except maybe for my brother. But without him here, I am not enough for anyone that remains."

What would Ingo do if he were here in Emmet's stead? He wouldn't be behaving like this. Perhaps he'd get heated or emotional. Maybe he'd yell and shout as Emmet had, but there would have been more reason behind it. He would have been more rational. He would have been able to give a genuine apology and leave it at that instead of dragging the argument out even further.

"Someone has to be at fault." He whined, desperately trying to explain his perspective to someone who seemed incapable of understanding it. "Someone has to be held accountable. If there is no one else to blame, that only leaves me." Everything people had told him back home started cycling through his head for what felt like the millionth time. As long as he could blame someone- something- anything else, then he could prove them wrong. Without a scapegoat to direct his frustration towards, his mind started to wander down risky tracks.

He couldn't believe his brother to be cruel enough to leave on his own accord without saying a word. He did his best not to listen when people said he'd left because of him. Even if Emmet really was that terrible of a brother, Ingo wasn't. Ingo could never be. But if there was truly no one else to blame, maybe it was Emmet's fault somehow. Everything happened for a reason. There had to be a reason that Ingo vanished, and without any other answer, with everyone saying it was because of him, maybe it was. He didn't know how, or why, but maybe, somehow, they were right. Maybe it was Emmet's own fault he was alone like this.

"It has to be someone's fault." Emmet insisted once more in a small, cracked voice, as if he were pleading. "And it is not my fault." He knew that several things were his fault. Alex fled the station because Emmet had put too much pressure on him. Alex thought so little of him because of Emmet's own past actions and behaviours. He could admit that. Perhaps not out loud, but he could admit that to himself. But Ingo still being gone? He would willingly take the blame for anything else, but not for that. He couldn't. It would destroy him. Please, don't let it be his fault.

He only looked up when he heard the subtle buzzing of insect-like wings, and he watched as the Pokémon he'd desperately been searching for perched itself on Alex's shoulder. He watched as it ran a small hand through the trainer's hair to comfort him, like Ingo used to do for him. They made eye contact for a brief second, and Celebi's eyes looked almost apologetic- as if maybe helping him was something she couldn't do, even if she did want to.

"I'm sorry. And I'm serious this time. I mean it. I know neither of you are to blame. I just want something to blame, and I'm scared- terrified. I don't understand why any of this happened. I just want everything to go back to the way it was before, but it won't. I do not know if it ever will, and I am very not okay with that. I can't stand it. I want to go home, but I cannot bear being home without him. It's so empty."

#wrongtrain #❁ic #replies a month and a half later like a pro gamer

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willedwoods · 5 months

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Of course Emmet hated it. He expected nothing more and nothing less. While Alex didn't think he'd be fired over such a thing. HR would probably have something to say about that in all honesty, if continuing to work under Emmet didn't pose to be a horrible experience after today. Though all he could say in response was that he was sorry, head lowered, eye contact that was normally not an issue for him becoming unbearable for the time being.

Now that Emmet was very much aware of the employee's feelings it meant he could leave right? Alex would keep his feelings to himself even if he never fell out of that crush phase. Life at Gear Station would soon go back for the both of them. and hopefully the rest of the Depot Agents that were talking behind his back. Soon another rumor or interesting topic would grab their attention and Alex's weird crush on his boss would be old news. A thing of the past that probably only Cassie would continue to bug him about. But as long as she kept things between the two of them there wouldn't be an issue. Aside of him wanting to smother her with a couch pillow when the hung out.

At least the tone that came out of the Subway Boss wasn't as vile now. It wasn't as full of disgust as his previous words. Not that they were pleased sounding by any means. But maybe it meant there was saving himself, his job, and what friendship they had prior. Not like Alex was given much of a chance to respond, barely lifting his head fully before both his hands were clasped between both of Emmet's gloved ones.

"Huh.....?"

Whatever response his brain had cooked up was completely fired and discarded leaving him dazed and confused. Those six seconds felt like an eternity but he still couldn't bring himself to respond, but that could of been his mind fighting with itself on HOW to respond. Does he kiss him back? Or just stand there and let it happen and hope he could leave the room as quickly as possible afterwards? Even if this clearly wasn't Emmet kissing him out of any sort of affection. Was this some sort of hate kiss? Who kisses someone to prove their feelings aren't real? Alexander knew Emmet had weird ways of going about things but this was too much.

This is not happening.

But the small struggle of his hands trying to break free proved his hopes wrong.

Even after Emmet had freed him, standing far too proudly in front of him over his little stunt, Alex stayed in place just a little longer. Not responding to the request to go back to work. How was someone supposed to just go back to work after their crush-- or anyone for that matter kissed them. And just to prove a point to make it worse.

Emmet was sure to fire him or maybe something worse if he told him that his plan backfired. But minutes prior already proved the fact the Subway Boss would see through his lies. Cons of having a good and positive upbringing. There weren't many reasons to lie and hide things. Only when it was a surprise to show the person later. His family never gave him a reason to hide things he did or lie about where he was. Their biggest fight was when they moved from Orre and he was pretty young. But what little kid wouldn't be upset moving away from the place they grew up? Away from their friends? And far away from Celebi--- Ok maybe he still had bitter feelings about that.

"I'm sorry." Another apology that was sure to just annoy him. His now free hands reaching up to grasp at his dark hair, pulling on it before covering his face. An annoyed groan following, if his face wasn't burning red before he hide it, it sure as hell was now.

"How can you just go completely back to normal after that?!" Words muffled by his hands. "Do you really expect me to be like 'WOW I HATED THAT?' I'm not like you! that isn't how people work Emmet!" Dropping the usual Boss or Sir he'd put before his name or call him instead. "I can't just make myself not like someone! I'm sure I'll get over it eventually but--"

"Please don't do that again."

Whatever answer he’d been expecting from Alex it certainly hadn’t been that. He hadn’t prepared himself for Alex to unload it all at once like that, like a runaway freight train spilling cargo as it raced down the tracks. It was so overwhelming. Emmet took another step backwards, grasping at his desk behind him in an attempt to steady himself. He felt lightheaded and dizzy and sick. He felt his heart racing in his chest as an instinctive fight or flight sort of feeling pumped adrenaline through his veins.

If Alex had told him that he admired him under any other circumstances, Emmet might have actually felt happy. He’d never really had someone who looked up to him before. To be admired the way Emmet admired his brother would have felt really, really special if it hadn’t been muddied with all of this. Why did people have to be like this? Why did Emmet's life have to become complicated because of feeling other people had- because of feelings Emmet couldn't even understand!

He didn't want people to look at him like that. He didn't want people to think of him like that. He didn't want anyone to feel that about him, and he wished so desperately that he had some sort of control over it, but he didn't. 'I can't promise I'll stop feeling anything for you,' Alex had said. Emmet wanted to ask why not? Why couldn't he just be happy with what they had? Why did he have to make things weird and awkward? Why was it easier to Alex to imply that their friendship was a lost cause instead of even trying to stop feeling that way about him?

Emmet pulled the brim of his hat down to obscure his face as he attempted to compose himself and collect his scattered thoughts. He could feel himself shaking, and he wasn't sure if he was really angry, or really upset. Perhaps it was both. When he looked back towards Alex, there was a different type of smile on his face than the one that had been there before. It was more intense than it was before, all crooked and shaky like he was having a hard time maintaining it, but forced himself to anyway. The brim of his hat cast a distinct shadow, partially obscuring his eyes and making them appear to glow.

"I really, rrrrrreally hate that." It was a pretty obvious statement, but all he could manage to choke out without starting to yell. He did his very best to swallow down the rage burning in the back of his throat. If he were to scream and shout and berate Alex over this, he wondered whose side HR would take? Emmet took another deep breath in through his mouth and out through his nose after another ten seconds had passed.

Alex said he wasn't sure, right? He could just be mistaken then! Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe Emmet could fix this! All he had to do was prove Alex wrong. Emmet loved proving people wrong! Just think of it like a game, he told himself. Just play it like a game. And win, no matter what.

The conductor clapped his hands together. "All right, Alex. Here is what I think. I think that you are wrong. You do not feel that way. Nope!" He insisted, as if saying the words out loud would instantaneously make them true. "Actually! I know that you are wrong!!! And I will prove it to you, so we can both get back on track!!!!!"

After he was sure he was no longer too dizzy, he closed the distance between the two of them. Without giving his employee time to react Emmet Reached down and grabbed Alex's hands in his own so he would be unable to push him away. With a final deep breath, Emmet leaned down, and pressed his lips against Alex's. He felt a shiver run down his spine in visceral disgust, but he remained on track. He held himself there for exactly six seconds before pulling away, releasing Alex's hands.

Yeah, this was definitely going to be some kind of HR violation, wasn't it? But in Emmet's mind, this was the only way to prove it to him. He could tell Alex over and over and over again that he was wrong and he still might not believe him, even though Emmet was sure he was right. He had to show him he was wrong.

Emmet wiped at his lips with the back of his glove. "See?" He asked, his voice much calmer than before after having dealt with the situation. The smile on his face had returned to one of contentedness, and he signed 'finished' by holding his hands in front of him and twisting around his wrists so his palms faced Alex for a moment before lowering them. "You were wrong. Now back to work!" Let's get back on schedule, okay?"

#replies exactly a month later like some clown #tbf dec and early jan were SUPER busy for me #but u know that #i feel bad for both of them tbh #ic #wrongtrain #morty is the only person im rping with during hiatus #he gets me

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willedwoods · 6 months

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Was it really going to be just one more question? If the question was anything relating to what he thought it was there would be 100 more questions to follow. He knew things would never work out which was why he tried so hard to push those feelings into the back of his head and chest. Avoid Emmet helped with that. Maybe as a small reminder that if he actually brought it up their friendship would come to a crashing end.

At least with his newfound freedom he took another solid step back, if he reached back he could probably touch the doorknob. Thoughts and options raced through his mind, finally deciding against fleeing no matter the outcome, outrunning Emmet was probably not possible. As mild tempered and what most would consider timid that he was he didn't like running away from things. Should he just rip the Band-Aid off? How much longer would his boss drag this out? If he admitted to Emmet's suspicions whatever repercussions would probably be more mild right?

"Look-- I'm sorry. I really am and I never intended for you to find out. Not from the other Depot Agents talking. I suppose I did lie. I told Cassie, but I swear that was the only person! She promised to keep it between us!" A poor choice on his end. Who could keep something like that to themselves? He'd give her a piece of his mind later, if he didn't die of embarrassment in the next few moments.

A deep inhale, holding it for a bit to long so he ended up choking somewhat when he breathed out.

Just bite the bullet Alexander.

"I was never going to tell you because I'm sure it's making you feel really uncomfortable."

Alexander felt the tips of his ears grow warm with embarrassment. Not just for basically being forced to confess to his employer but having to do it in such an awkward way. Something that wasn't on his terms. Before he could really think things through and solidify his feelings, whatever they were.

"I can't promise I'll stop feeling anything for you-- But it isn't like I'm desperately in love with you or anything. I'm not great at deciphering my feelings between people I really admire and if I have a crush on them, but I do know it isn't the same as before. I never wanted to make you uncomfortable and I really am happy to work here and I don't want to put that at risk. And whatever relationship-- Friendship we do have I don't want to ruin that. Though, it's a little too late for that huh?"

He kept talking until his lungs ran out of air, struggling with the last few words before finally coming to a stop.

Why wasn't he telling him? What could it possibly be that Alex was so hellbent on keeping a secret that he refused to divulge even when Emmet was pleading with him (albeit in his own unconventional way)? What else did Alex need from him? Did Emmet need to threaten to fire him? Ingo had never let him go through with it over trivial reasons before, but maybe his older brother would change his mind if he could see how viscerally upset this was making him. Did Emmet have to actually utter the word 'please' instead of just implying it? Why was this so uncomfortable, and why didn't Alex care enough to fix it when Emmet was trying so hard to arrive at a conclusion?

Among their employees, Alex was the closest thing Emmet had to a friend. A friend that was his. A friend he'd made all on his own, without his brother's help. But any enjoyment that Emmet derived from being in Alex's presence had all but dried up recently because Alex had just been so weird. He didn't understand. He couldn't understand.

Emmet searched Alex's eyes and expression for any sort of clue, but trying to decipher someone's face for even the slightest hint of what they might be feeling was a skill that Emmet had never even come close to mastering. He wracked his brain trying to make sense of it, flipping through years- decades of memories desperately trying to pull from any past experience that he could compare his current situation to, but he couldn't. He just felt like a stupid kid again, getting mocked and laughed at behind his back because he never seemed to understand as much as everyone else.

When Alex looked away again, a small memory resurfaced. There was a girl he'd been friends with once, when he was younger. Other than Carine and Ingo, she was one of the only kids at school who'd ever talked to him. She would listen to him talk about bugs and rocks and trains as she drew little pictures in her notebook. Sometimes, she'd share some of her lunch with him when Emmet's parents were especially neglectful. He liked her. She was his friend. He thought she was, anyway. One day, some of the other kids started teasing her, saying she had a crush on Emmet and then, all at once, it was over. Just like that, she wouldn't even look at him. She stopped talking to him, and avoided him whenever possible. It was like they were strangers all of the sudden.

Emmet released his grasp on Alex, taking a few steps backwards in an attempt to allow himself some personal space so he could process the situation. Was that really happening again? Why? And why now? If it was anything similar to what happened with the girl he'd known as a child, why did Alex even care? Alex was an adult, and his employee. Something like that shouldn't affect him this much, especially if it was getting in the way of having a normal conversation with his boss. He took a deep breath, and held it in. He counted to ten in his head, and let it back out.

"Alex," He repeated the employee's name once more, folding his hands together in front of him and holding them in front of his face. He did his best to stay calm and keep his voice relatively low. "I am going to ask you one more question. I need you to answer me honestly. It is very important that you do. Can you do that? If you can, I need you to promise me that you will." He really, really didn't want to have to ask, but he would like it even less if he wassn't sure whether Alex would try to keep lying to him or not.

#wrongtrain #kdjljgf hahaha its time #i need to get to the orre reply before DLC consumes me #i had to reply to this before bed cause thast all im gonna think about #im so sorry for both of them lolololol #throws Ravs OC under the table lmao

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willedwoods · 6 months

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Even if Emmet hadn't raised his voice, anyone would flinch hearing the sound of hands slamming down on the desk, hearing a pen or two roll onto the floor from the action. As stiff and heavy as his body felt there was still enough in him to take a step back and towards the door. Trying to remember what kind of lock was on the Subway Boss' door, what kind of handle so he wouldn't have to think much of it when he turned around. Every second would count if that was the route he took. But the repercussions might be too severe.

He felt guilty. All the stress that had building up over the last few weeks, or had it been months? He couldn't even remember when exactly things started to feel weird. He could make eye contact with passengers and other Depot Agents just fine. It felt normal but with Emmet it just got harder and harder.

Alexander had been too lost in his own mangled thoughts to make a move and try to leave before Emmet was already far too close, hands clamping down on his shoulders causing him to look upward abruptly.

He just wanted to come and go to work and live a normal life. Now his only desire was to crawl under a rock and never leave.

"I--- can't."

No matter how much he wanted to tear his eyes away he was stuck in some awful staring contest with Emmet. This was just making things worse. Say nothing and Emmet would just get closer and keep him in this death grip and if he admitted even slightly what people were talking about he'd never see the light of day. He wanted this just to stay a small fleeting feeling that would come and go and be long forgotten.

He made mistakes. There had been too many instances that gave himself away that were seen by other employees. Alex and Emmet had always had kind of a funny relationship. His boss would pick on him and be annoying but it was just a dumb game. They were friends, or at least he thought they were in some compacity, so it made sense for them to act as such around each other. There had been a few weird rumors at the start of his employment but they were shut down pretty quickly. However as of late... The one too many times he stopped to just watch Emmet from a distance when he wasn't paying attention. Maybe it was the look on his face that gave him away. Either way just keeping quiet about it hadn't actually stopped people from making assumptions, right or wrong.

The reason he started working here was because he admired his skill and double battles reminded him of where he grew up, something he never thought he could do consistently that wasn't the colosseum or Mt Battle back in his home region. To find someone so passionate about it felt like a blessing in some sort of way.

"I'm sorry. I swear I didn't say anything to anyone but--"

He finally allowed his gaze to cast downward, his eyes burning from not blinking for so long.

"I also would never speak poorly about you to anyone, in the station or outside."

Eye contact wasn't something Emmet had always been very comfortable with. Growing up, he'd hated it. He felt these prickly, uncomfortable shivers down his spine whenever it happened for even a split second. He'd taught himself to put up with it, though- forced himself to make intense, direct eye contact with people so they would feel uncomfortable instead. But Alex hadn't seemed to have any issue looking at him before, so what changed?

Alex insisted he didn't know what Emmet was talking about- that he wasn't saying anything about him- that he hadn't noticed anything different. Though Emmet had always been terrible at knowing whether people were being truthful or not, he was sure Alex was lying. He had to be. He just didn't know about what, and that was what frustrated him the most.

He was treating Emmet like he was stupid or like he was being the irrational one instead of Alex, and he hated feeling like that. He hated feeling like he was being looked down on, like he was somehow less than the people around him. He wasn't the 'freaky twin' he was in school as a child. He was Alex's boss and he felt so utterly disrespected.

"Alex-" Emmet insisted, standing back up and slamming his hands down on his desk in an attempt to let out his frustration without resorting to yelling. He was trying so hard to be professional about this, and Alex was making it so hard. He didn't want to feel like this. He just wanted to figure out whatever had changed and fix it. Why was Alex fighting against this so much?

"As I said before. The schedule has been changed. I am Emmet. I am a Subway Boss. I am your boss. So you should rrrrreally be treating me with more respect." His heels clacked on the floor as he made his way back around his desk and back over to Alex, standing unnecessarily close as he gripped him by his shoulders in an attempt to make him look up at him.

"I am not stupid. So stop acting as if I am. You are really. Really. Really. Really. Rrrrrrrreally. Starting to make me upset." Normally it was hard for him to admit things like that, but he was so frustrated that he felt like he was on autopilot, spitting out his thoughts as they came to him without allowing his mind to filter them like he normally might. "You shouldn't make promises you cannot keep. It's not nice." He parroted the phrase his brother would often tell him in an attempt to calm down and feel more stable.

"Something is happening." He insisted, looking Alex dead in the eye with an intense, unblinking stare. "Just tell me what it is. You can resume work afterwards. But you are not leaving this office until you tell me what is going on. Do you understand?"

#wrongtrain #lmao u thought i was in bed but #ahahahaha i WAS ABOUT TO TURN MY PC OFF THO #now i sleep #ic #ahhahahaha

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