Benediction

“May you always have a hand to hold Out there in the darkness When you're feeling cold When everything is hurting And nothing's really working May you find the courage to still be bold May the sweetest things be all that you can taste And when the hardest parts are laying you to waste When you're sitting with the feeling That you don't want to be living May the angels bring their grace May you keep the dreams you had when you were young And when your feet are getting tired I hope that someone that you love, looks you in the eye And says, "Darling, you'll be fine Darling, you're all mine Darling, I'll be there with you on the other side And may the sweetest things be all that you can taste When the hardest parts are laying you to waste When you're sitting with the feeling That you don't want to be living May the angels bring their grace”

- Dirty Guv'nahs

*can’t hear this one w/o feeling you in my heart.

If you meant it

My biggest fear was you meant to text someone else. If not, please know: I love you too. My best to you baby girl.

“The old dreams were good dreams; they didn't work out but I'm glad I had them.”

- Robert James Waller

Boxes

“I need a family to drive me crazy Call me out when I'm low and lazy It won't be perfect, but we'll be fine Cause I've got your back, and you've got mine You got mine We'll have tiny boxes for memories Open them up and we'll set them free There'll be bad days and some hard times But I'll keep your secrets, if you keep mine

You can cry away all your complicated memories That keep you up so many nights But darling save your apologies Cause I know that you're scared, But I swear you'll be alright When the answers escape us when we start to fade Remember who loved you and the ones who have stayed Cause my body will fail, but my soul will go on So don't you get lonely I'm right where you are You are the memory that won't ever lapse When twenty five years have suddenly passed Wherever you take me, it's clear I will go Your love's the one love that I need to know“

- John T. Rzeznik

Dice

“Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and swear your love’s for me”

- Finley Quaye

Loved and Lost

I'll end up that old guy at the bar rambling on about love: "Have I ever told you about this fucking amazing redhead I met one night..." Just saying babe, you're a once-in-a-lifetime kinda love, trust me! @complexspirits

Everything Else

I still know being next to you again That when the world ends and everything else falls away No matter where we are I'll be looking for you

Give Me Love

"Give me love like her, 'Cause lately I've been waking up alone, Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt, Told you I'd let them go, Give a little time to me or burn this out, We'll play hide and seek to turn this around, Give me love like never before, 'Cause lately I've been craving more, And it's been a while but I still feel the same, Maybe I should let you go, You know I'll fight my corner, And that tonight I'll call ya, After my blood turns into alcohol, No, I just wanna hold ya" - Ed Sheeran

Gates of the Country

"...July, what's going on? What are you running from? Why are you sleeping alone on the floor? Some people change, others hang on till they can't anymore She's much better without me She walks through the gates of the country, her hands at her side And I smile as I watch her walk by And somehow I see there are ships in her eyes, yeah, she is better off now She walks through the gates of the country, her hands in the air" - Black Lab

Soon

You'll be smiling and laughing, You'll feel beautiful and wanted again. You'll have what I always want for you. I can't be angry about following your heart and finding your way to these things on your own. I can't be angry with myself because I loved as completely I knew how; it's hard to fight fate. We'll always know spaces in each other's hearts. We'll smile to ourselves at old memories. I'll be able to ask how you are w/o choking up. I'll see past my ego and realize the beauty of what we shared for so long (thank you). We'll be more like the people we once were. We'll miss each other's idiosyncrasies. We'll know what to compare real love to. You'll be amazing again. Then again, you always were to me.

Yours if you want

I have to go, baby. I’ll never be that person again and I’m so sad. This Blog is yours to check in on if you want. In a moment I’ll stop following you; I can’t exist in the headspace of seeing your preferred intimate and sexual desires knowing I’m not the one you want to share it with.

It’s not personal, it’s for my personal preservation. At times my sexual connection and chemistry w/ you was a direct connection to my soul and I could never go back to it being casual again after that. I can’t process the thought of you, whether the intent or not, catching that kind of fire with anyone else. I’m tragic.

Heartache or intoxication will compel me to probably still write maddeningly desperate, compassionate, angry, loving, nostalgic letters to you here over the years, so this memorial to us will be here if you ever want to think of me.

I just really have to try and stop thinking of you right now especially how much I still burn for you, so I love you, everything we had and I have to go. See you again when we’re both cats.

All 9

If you laid out all nine of my lives in front of me and told me to choose, I’d always pick the one with you… I just wish the ride would have been longer! 😽 You’re the best, S, always will be. Just sayin’ 😼

Delicate Procedure

It's harder than I'd imagined, blocking impulses and reflexes that still fire when I'm near you. Separating love from itself; making it two things and having to settle for the lesser. Not lesser because it's not valuable, caring about you will always have its rewards because many of the memories are priceless. Lesser because it's what my mind rationalizes it's the way things have to be rather than the way my heart still wants it to be... and this heart won't shut the fuck up about you! It can't block you out, it still races when you're near and it wakes me out of dreams when it's alone and hurting. It wills me to try and hold you 'one more time'. This heart will always want 'just one more time' So please be kind as many times as you can when I have to hold back this crazy, love-sick, irrationally dedicated part of my heart that wants to leap carelessly into the feelings you used to inspire it with. I really am trying to win out over this reflex, but making the heart do something it doesn't want to can be a delicate procedure.

Until it Passes

"I can't stop the storm right now, but I will hold you and try to keep you warm until it passes." - Nick Vujicic

If

If you ever look at me that way again, If you would lean into me that way again, I'd kiss you with the passion of a thousand suns. I’d savor the second our lips touched and, If knowing it was just one, I’d be fine with dying in that moment.

Romance

"Romance dances just beyond the firelight, in the corner of your eye. She flees from the cold light of logic. If you persist in trying to study her, she dissolves into nothing at all." - R. Waller I'm so guilty of this. I hope you felt, when we had our passionate moments waking together or holding each other when my mind was quiet and not analyzing any doubts, that we were one; complete in every way. You are my great Romance and someone I'll always want. In time, let me know if you ever feel like you may want to dance together again beyond the firelight.

Please remember

Don't hate what we've had because of this; there's been more beauty than pain, More to feel grateful for than hateful toward. It's up to you, but that's how I'll look back. Thank you for having me and for being you!