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actually. more on another thing. I don't regret my actions that night. I had my autonomy stripped from me. My decisions about my body and what I could do were suddenly no longer mine, and I never gave you the permission to do that. I was panicked, terrified, because I was given the impression that I suddenly needed to have fucking permission to do what I wanted as a grown adult. suddenly you're an animal that's been thrown into a fucking cage. yes you're going to lash out. yes you're going to be fucking mad. you've been terrified for years that one day your autonomy is going to be stripped from you because of medical reasons, and then that fucking HAPPENS. BY PEOPLE YOU TRUST. it did not feel like care; it felt like control. i was a person in one moment, and then i was a thing that needed to be contained, that couldn't make decisions for himself. somehow a danger to society if left to my own devices.
If your hangup in all of this is because I used a word you didn't like, that doesn't change the fact that that's what you did. If you deny someone something, and then physically block them from leaving, yes that does mean you're holding them captive. The overhanging threat of consequences if you do leave are still present. That's still a threat. If you didn't appreciate "captor", what word would you have preferred for "someone who's made choices for another person and is physically stopping them from leaving"? was "coercion" a better fit? what word would have made you more comfortable with your actions?
sure yes, you did your best in a situation in which you were unsure of what to do. but god if that's your go-to instinct. I'm not sure what to say. Disregarding the rights of mentally unstable people to make their own decisions when they're not a threat to themselves or to others should NOT be your go-to. Or at least evaluate and quantify what "a threat to themselves and others" actually means, what those risks actually are. and hearing about other situations in which you disregarded someone's autonomy, to the point of escalating the crisis, isn't more reassuring that you grasp the concept of consent and autonomy. if someone tells you to get the fuck out of their house, and you DON'T, you've trapped them in their own house. you decided that you know what's best for them in that moment, rather than respect them and their decisions.
we still have rights to make decisions for ourselves. I mean, now I know that things got triggered in both of us. But that situation should never have happened in the first place. You're welcome to suggest things, to lay out some evidence and let the other person decide. It's still their lives, their decisions. and you're upset by a word that I used, by the fact that I thought you were in the wrong in that situation but it's somehow okay because you thought you were doing the right thing. I told you it wasn't the right thing to do, and I was the person with less power in this situation. If I'm telling you the way you treated me wasn't okay, that's not a thing that's up for debate because your feelings were hurt from doing the wrong thing and facing consequences of that.
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shocked that he's still mad at me about this, which doesn't actually concern him in any way but I guess one must find a reason why the person they don't like is the "bad guy" in the situation. jesus christ. it's just. does he feel guilty and ashamed for not being able to provide the same base level of care others do for my disability? does he realize he's the one in the wrong? does that eat him up to the point that he has to find any of my wrongdoings to justify denying me basic care and empathy? is he just ableist, and will always throw others aside once they're not fun, once they actually show any symptoms of their problems? was I just supposed to get the hint at some point, but I didn't so he kept pretending that things were okay?
there's nothing I could have NOR would have done differently. I reached out, communicated openly, tried to find ways to fix things. And all I've gotten in return is someone incapable of confronting the situation, incapable of telling me upfront that he's not willing to change his behavior to be a better friend to someone who mattered to him at some point.
were they all empty words? was any and every "it was really nice to spend time with you" a lie because being polite is more important than being honest? when did that change- or were you always like that and I just didn't pick up on it. It's not like your actions always aligned with your words to be fair. wonder why I thought I must be the exception.
why does he try to pretend things are suddenly magically okay because of an apology? as if saying sorry somehow changes the material conditions, wipes away the past? what if I'm not sorry? what if I wholly agree with the choices I made given the circumstances I was in?
I mean I both do and don't give a shit about the words. Like yes it would be nice if he could own up to being unwilling to change, to make basic fucking accomodations and just be nicer instead of getting frustrated when someone has symptoms of their disability. when I ask you to slow down because I can't walk that fast, I shouldn't be met with a huff and grumbling. I shouldn't have to ask a million times to slow your pace so you aren't just walking 10 feet in front of me while still trying to maintain a conversation. when you invite me to an event, it'd be nice to take into consideration that I don't fucking function like you, that I'm having to drag my aching crumbling body around. Yes, sure, people are allowed to not be friends with people who are disabled because they can't cope with it and they can't accommodate them. But at least be honest with yourself and said disabled person about that fact.
Does he think he tried to change things between us? That because he'd remember to text me once in a while to invite me to something, or come if it was convenient for him when I needed support, that was his way of trying to fix things? But there was a problem in the actual communication and things said when spending time together: you can fucking tell someone that btw. Forcing yourself to spend time with them and then expect them to pick up on your nonverbal hints while you constantly reassure them that it's not them, it's just that you're having a hard time. Like what the fuck am I supposed to do here? I don't know which behavior annoys you. If you don't want to know about how I'm doing, because you know my life is hard, it's as easy as not asking! If you don't give a shit about hearing about my problems, don't ask me to tell you about them!!! It's not bad to be incapable of hearing rough shit, but it is your job to tell people so they don't fucking TELL YOU THAT SHIT. trying to change or ignore the person talking is rude, you can't avoid confrontation forever. Or I guess you can, but god what a miserable life you'll have.
I never asked you to fix my problems, my problems don't have a solution. I wanted support. I wanted to know that despite my struggles, I was still loved. I wanted to feel heard, to be validated. But all you could see was that you were powerless to help me, and I guess, you felt generally bad anytime you saw me because you felt like it was a personal failure that you couldn't do anything to help. I mean there were ways to help, but they weren't how you wanted to help. Helping others isn't about how you want to help them, it's about what that person needs to feel helped. Deciding that this type of help is superior to another doesn't magically change that a person is still not receiving your help if you're not giving them what they're asking for.
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MAN this shit is rough. and I obviously can't be like "I always got weird vibes from him" NOW because I felt super weird in the beginning of our friendship but then we got closer and I felt safe and I needed that so desperately. But then the distance came, and it grew and grew and grew and I'm back to not really trusting him. They're just at different points in life and it really seems like he's following a charted out course for his life- either that was set by his own expectations or fuelled by others'.
And it's hard because I obviously don't want to see them throw away something good, but I think it's also vital to grow individually and that's hard to do when you've only ever been in long term relationships and the one you're in is heading towards even more stable and fixed and committed to solely functioning as a unit, forever. And they're both still so young, and I think neither of them actually want the stability and mundanity that they're headed towards, but changing that trajectory is also terrifying. Idk how you can manage to grow individually while being together.
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I get ur going thru a hard time and are sensitive and things are hard but like. it's also the consequences of your own actions that you're suffering from? and actually while it would be nice of me to be patient and understanding, I warned you this would happen, I listened to you about the situation for weeks and you're taking out your emotions on me so I'm not really very empathetic to your struggles, especially when I'm supposed to be the one relying on you for help in this period? just like damn maybe not everything I say or do is a personal attack on you actually! if ur not reaching out about the situation yourself, I'm not sure how much you want me involved in it since you know that you fucked up and that it's your fault things are going this way. don't think I really want to be the one to reassure you when the reason you're upset is because your boyfriend is mad at you for cheating on him !
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let's try to not experience righteous anger when your friends go through a hard time similar to what you've gone through. and that you feel like you know better than them how things are going to play out.
would love to just feel plain old empathy but there's definitely a struggle where it's a lot of "I told you this would happen and you didn't listen and now here we are". like I'm angry at them for not listening to me I guess? or for complaining to me about it when I said that this would happen? but that doesn't mean that they aren't allowed to get my sympathy and attention. It's just hard when they actively did fucked up shit that I didn't agree with but it wasn't against me personally so who am I to be offended and hurt on behalf of others?
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Yeah these are my age regression supplements ^.^ it's Vitamin Be 12
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Personal protection doesn’t have to be complex or difficult. I rarely do any kind of elaborate working to cast protections over myself and my energy. Instead, over the years, I’ve adapted the mundane everyday activities in my life into a net of protection that I naturally renew every day or so.
Here are some of the things I do to protect my energy every day:
My dresser and closet are warded and charmed so that I can easily choose an item and activate the protection of every item I put on. (I’ll publish a post about the method for charming a piece of furniture at some point.)
When I add sugar and milk to my coffee, I am adding sweetness and richness to my day. Before I drink it, I offer the first taste to my house spirits in return for their protection for the day. (You could do this with your deities, ancestors, etc.)
If I’m looking for a boost to my protections for the day, I’ll have a hearty breakfast to keep my energy up. This usually includes eggs, toast with peanutbutter and a jelly of some kind, and turkey bacon since these are things I associate with a good day and extra energy. You can replace these with whatever you like as long as you’re cooking and eating with the intent of protection and boosting your energy.
Greet the house plants and rub the leaves of the plants whose energy I would like to carry with me (usually this is rosemary, basil, and the spider plants for me).
I rarely leave the apartment without a hat on. As I choose one (to match my outfit, of course, but also to match my mood and goals) and put it on, I will trace a circle around it and activate the same protection that my other clothes hold. This is my version of veiling; you can use scarves, headbands, bandanas, sunglasses, or even the hood of a jacket or hoodie to the same effect.
The best defense, in my opinion, is a good offense. When I know I’m going to be around someone I can’t stand or who has a history of invading my boundaries, I’ll carry a nail or screw that’s been anointed with something spicy - often pepper-infused oil or spicy pickle juice, since that’s usually what I have on-hand - to mark myself as “Not An Easy Target, Asshole” and repel their efforts. I recently added an anointed clothespin to my favorite denim jacket that’s holding a patch in place (a heart that says “nope”) for the same effect.
To help absorb extra energy, especially in crowded environments, carry something absorbant. Usually this is a piece of kitchen sponge for me, but you could do this with a small potato also, a la @lazywitchling!
I don’t wear perfume, but I will occasionally make a simple herbal spray to spritz my coats and shoes with protective energy. I have a recipe for this coming soon!
Speaking of shoes, to give myself another boost of protection, I’ll place a sigil in the bottom of my shoe. This could be a piece of paper or a pencil drawing directly on the inside, depending on the shoe.
These are just the everyday things. It’s important to me that I use what’s around me in my home so that I bring a little bit of home with me everywhere I go. It’s my main source of comfort and power as a hearth witch.
Pretty much everything I’ve mentioned here will have a separate “tutorial” or recipe post at some point, so keep an eye out for those things! :)
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What to ask tarot
So tarot card questions are actually a lot different than asking a specific question. You wouldn’t say, for example, “Is my dad going to graduate?” because if you got the 3 of cups, you would be utterly confused as to why I did not provide a yes or a no. So below I am going to list questions that are good to ask the cards.
• I’m at a fork in the road. Which way should I go?
• How do I weigh out the choices I have? What are the Pros and Cons?
• What do I need to know to make the best decision? What do I need to know?
• What do I need to know about a situation with a family member?
• What do I need to know about my love life?
• What do I need to know about my career?
Moving forward
• How do I move forward in my career?
• How do I move forward in my relationship/ love life?
• What is coming forth in my life?
• Which foundation is the strongest to build on in my life?
* What should I do?
• What should/ shouldn’t I do about a situation with my job?
• What should/ shouldn’t I do about a situation with a friend or family member?
• How can I restore my hope for the future?
• What overall positives do I bring to my life?
• What positives do the people in my life provide me?
• Is there meaning in my life?
• Is there love in my life? Hidden Elements
• Are there things I am ignoring that are important?
• What am I not seeing?
• What is holding me back?
• Are there truths that I am denying?
• Are there things that I see that are untrue?
• What important things have I forgotten?
• What could get in my way?
• What is most important for me to get done?
• How will a certain occasion or event turn out?
• What will be the best way for me to communicate with certain people?
• What should I learn from my past?
• What is the impending future telling me?
• What cycles am I stuck in?
• What have a learned from my past?
• Where am I strongest?
• What should I look out for?
I hope this helps!!!!
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If you think about it, bath spells are just potions in which you are an ingredient
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good things will happen 🧿
things that are meant to be will fall into place 🧿
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A Bath Spell for Self-Forgiveness
Carve the below sigil by @severne-witchcraft into a candle. If it’s too complicated, you could substitute a heart. Good colors for the candle are pink or brown.
Light the candle and place it on the rim of the bathtub.
As you fill the bath with water, imagine that it washes away all guilt or shame.
As you remove your clothing, imagine each article as a burden being lifted from you.
Add some pink Himalayan salt into the bath water.
Add a splash of rosewater.
Get into the bath and repeat in your head “I am free of guilt. I love myself.”
When you feel ready, drain the bath, again imagining all troubles going away.
Optional: Moisturize your skin afterward with sweet almond oil.
As always, feel free to change the spell up a bit based on what you have!
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