THE LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy ↳ Iconic lines

Cravings January 1st 2014

Grunge style clothes/accessories.

Get all stuff I need & move into my new place.

90s clothes/accessories.

Wolf Twin hang out time.

New material to make stuff.

Go thrifting for furniture & home decor & DIY projects.

Tartan dresses & skirts.

Overknee socks.

2014

It is time to start living and enjoy life on some level. And to do that I need to learn to love myself. Because if I am so hateful towards myself how am I suppose to live? In my mind I am not worthy, I am not worth the air I am breathing, I am not worth to have the amazing friends or my amazing job. I am worth shit and deserves to die alone in a ditch somewhere. That has to change.

2014 is going to be about me. Because in order to love life and others, I have to love myself (or at least like myself). I don't know how or when I will get there but I know that I am too damn stubborn to ever give up.

So New Year was suppose to be dinner with awesome people + movie night and all. Of course I woke up with a fever and couldn't go...Made the best out of it and had dinner with my parents + my sister, didn't eat much but...yeah. Gonna watch a movie soon!

Little more than 1 hour left and I am thinking of last New Year when I had my Wolf Twin visiting. We ate thai food and watched horror movies, being so creeped out by the movie we missed the new year! xD I really miss her, so much.

I feel so guilty for everything I'm missing, people who want to hang that I just don't have the time...There is so much going on and it has been fucktard crazy the past few months. And now the year starts with super busy month at work + I'm moving to a new apartment while working full time. Like I know I shouldn't feel guilty (or should I?) but I do so fucking much that it hurts. Because it feels like I'm letting people down when they need me the most and can I just crawl up into a ball in the forest and stay there?

And I want to point out that no one is making me feel guilty, this is all me having life issues and not knowing how to live life like a mentally healthy person. So no one dare feel guilty reading this, ok!

Talking walks in the rain. Looking at gardening supplies (for my balcony when Spring arrives). Browsing through magazine & www for home inspo. I should be so motivated and happy and I don't know but I'm not. I mean yes I am so happy that I am finally moving to my own place again but I have no energy or life motivation to like..."be" it...does that make any sense? My whole mind is just one big mess and I wish to hide from the world and sleep it all away. Hopefully it'll get better once I settle in at my new home. It has to get better, I will die if not.

I need this in my life.

I wish it was socially acceptable to wear whatever we want and I’m just not talking about revealing clothes I’m talking about togas and full on Victorian dress and evening gowns for the hell of it. I mean imagine if people went around dressed like elves or dwarves from Lord of the Rings it would be fabulous I mean have you seen how hot that stuff makes you

Was going to start packing since I start moving in a few days only to realize I forgot (?!) to buy stuff to pack in...Now it takes skills to forget that and not realize it until you lack things to put stuff in...like how do I even...shit.

I forgot to mention I have time off work until Thursday! I'm so used to not having days off when others do that I forget about it...well shit xD

Once you get this, you have to say 5 nice things about yourself and send to ten of your favorite followers! Love thyself. :)

Oh lordie…you know how bad I am at that…hm let’s see…

I try to see the good in everything, even the bad.

I am creative (?).

I have grown a lot and am still growing…

I am extremely loyal.

I have decided that I am too stubborn and have been fighting too long to ever give up, no matter what.

Moving January 2nd!

I finally (!) got my paws on an apartment and I get the keys January 2nd. Contracts are all signed and I have found the most important furniture I didn't already had (ready to be delivered when I start moving in). I have no idea how I am going to manage to move all my stuff + work full time and survive...but I will make it because I seriously need this.

Other than that I've started watching The Vampire Diaries (on S4 right now) and...well work. Also preparing for the move that starts soon.

I'm just trying to hold myself together until I get my own place again where I can "come home" at last. See if I can pick up all the pieces of myself I have lost this year...all I know right now is that I am too damn stubborn and I have been fighting for too long to ever give up, no matter what.

Casual Harley Quinn Cosplay // Yesterday

So I had an awesome (and long) day yesterday during the sci-fi convention! Found some stuff and skipped around as Harley Quinn. Getting filmed + photographed and yes.

I felt so "at home" cosplaying and feel I have really found my thing. It's great actually. Already planning & working on new cosplays, so need to find more conventions to attend during next year :P

Sneak Peek of Harley Quinn Cosplay make up!

Focusing on work & cosplaying while trying to take care of myself. Doing what I can to survive another Winter. The whole world freezes and I freeze to ice with it. And how can it hurt so much when you're frozen? I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up when Spring arrives...Why is Winter the hardest? Is it because the world seem to slowly die and you witness what goes on inside of you all around where ever you go? Is it because the tons of clothes to keep you warm builds this wall forcing yourself to isolate...? Why does it hurt so much and why is it so hard to breathe? Why so many questions and no answers? Let me die.

I can't believe November is almost over. Then it will be December and after that a new year (time move so fast and I am panicking). Drinking hot tea and coffee to keep my insides warm in the winter cold. Wanting to buy new crystals and find back to my witchy part that's been lost for so long now...My heart ache to travel and see the world. What will my 26th year bring me in life?

October instagram @howlingwolfheart

Hey ho!

So not even gonna type down what I've been up to while I've been gone because it's mostly been working. October was fucking crazy at work!

Dad's in the hospital after having his 6th heart attack this weekend. Work is still crazy. Winter is pretty much here, no snow yet tho thank godstiel. Oh and I turned 26 last week. Old lady walking...