Abuse, An Adult Survivors' Poem

It won't ever hurt me ever again! I know how to fill my own cup again and again. My emotional intelligence quotient is going up up up. I deserved thier patience. I deserved thier time, protection and maybe some luck. They loved and cared for me to no avail. Yes they did in thier own way. They too suffered from rings of abuse not that far behind. With war, sacrifices and human woes. They paid for it dearly in blood, sweat and tears. We were so closely intertwined. Unfortunatly the balance back then was conformity all the time. Round hole and a very square peg me.

The five amigos out on a trip. That would of been nice if they were accepting of all of me and supported my creativity. I always felt loved and torn at the same time. They left me gifts. Alright fair enough they may be things that glitters thats gold when left in the sun. Like fadded artwork, little knick knacks and dried up gum. Left in an airless cript for all time to come. No dust, no light. I know one day I'll shine again bright. Change is enviable despite our human plight. It's the journey from here to there. The unknowns in the dark, stark bleak ahead. The bridge of acceptance, understanding and needed perseverance and care. Adulting up I'm facing everything as I go. The final resting place for all time "Repeating Patterns of Abuse for the very last time". If only like a Medusa I could freeze them all. Examine, calculate and respond in kind, like a huge cleaving mallet leaving barely nothing behind. Strange way to love by causing others pain or neglecting them altogether in a sinister game. It may be ugly and inconvenient for you, I understand. No Judgement here, I see the damage at hand. No more power in its wake, I've got me. Go with the flow. Now calmness, breathing deeply in and out. Whatever it takes. Counting down, you can no longer hurt me to the core. I take my power back. Regardless the rings of abuse and neglect still ring out at least once more. I know I need to behave differently to change my fate. Being needy and a victem just brings more grief in its wake. I mourn something that I never ever had an unjust justification of what "parents" do that damage thier children so bad. Its the group you never want to join. Cover it and bury it for all time. Hide it with a glorious smile and fresh clothes for all to see for a clear mile. Not a smuge of dirt on me. Shamless. Grit. Great impeccable me. Under the dominion of my mother's suffering tongue. The rings of abuse splashed on and on. For far too long. I let it define me so I could live a bit in the hollowed out hole. A void so empty, expanse and deep. I wondered if anyone cared enough to safe guard me. So I apologized to the little one on the inside. Im sorry I left you behind especially after everything you've done. You did deserve the time and anything they could muster. Peace I could barely give that to myself yet I knew better. I worked long and hard on it on my time. I lost my drive, my space. I normalize and over compensated. I knew the score. Packed it all in too tight when I thought I was traveling light. This journey with my offspring and now I've undermined myself once more. Its not my fear and might that I fight. Its my own cup to fill now that is indeed is my plight. I learnt to do well on my own and gratefully so. I am after all the master of my own soul. I am free...out of the closet of weighty labels of judgements and hate. I am enough, just as is. No need to bother forgotten promisses that leaured me here. I now know nothing could ever force my parents from stop loving me well. Where do I fit in self critical victim citizen? Its your fear and less self worth adequate here? Comfy? No responsibility? How convenient.

We are where we are, there is no doubt. Labels are 2 dimensional and an easy way out. Make your concessions and confessions as you might, whatever helps you sleep at night. Certainly a way to narrow and confining a space for me. I am all the colours you can barely imagine or even see. I am the hero squinting back at me. The most common tale, boring and long winded and now growing very pale. Don't take from me what I give to you. Give me something different, soulful and plenty like a prisoner's last meal. To live, love and laugh inspite of it all! That can be the most self defining moment and the most powerful transformations of all. Forgiveness, Peace and Love 💘

Childhood trauma=Adult Survivor

The things we tell ourselves. Be careful for what you wish for. Its really important to stop crying over shit you can't change or control.

I know its hard. Don't do this don't do that etc. Suffering is necessary especially if your a Buddhist and certainly if your human.

The Sercret, The law of attraction, the latest buzz words, you'll catch more bees with honey, that's a fact. Act now! Try this! Find the easy way out? Is there an easy way? No decision is still a decision. Stay, go, turn in circles, pondering the all of its entirety. All vying as your solution. Yes like attracts Like. FACT Belief overules like. Thats why "This shit of attracting is all wrong!". " Hello? Belief is everything!" Its our level of personal experience that is my "now" domain. I'm the God here in my life in this body today. I believe what I believe till I believe otherwise...I say the human experience should be all-inclusive, empathetic, understanding and supportive. Most people and humanitarians would agree. That's not how nature works. Survival of the fitess. Do or die. Like attracts like and I get tackled and body slammed to the ground. Why? Am I a bad person because of "xyz"? Nope. Did I do something to someone else? No. This time it was all because I was mad, triggered and I exploded; had a verbal melt down. The neighbor was disturbed by my authentic emotions. No nukes were sent, no one is getting hurt here. Just venting and trying to work out my anger. Not to hold shit in and to stop the rings of abuse. Clearly the other person in the room was overwhelmed too. Im trying to solve some issues instead I get yelling and fuck yous. I know this is not my fault!!!??? I know the whatever happened to me. "Insert major life changing event here" I am changed there is no doubt...nothing worked out as I hopped or wished it. Even so I took all steps necessary and just the same outcome. Still void, suffering and unremarkable. Yet I am where I am. No further along or better or worst off. Cha cha cha! And I must do without and put up with injustice. Denied!!! All my emotions are tied up in a neat, tight, the most perfect, best ball of raw ugly emotions on a kitchen timer ever ...I can't talk to anyone about anything, thier shackles get up and they go on the defensive, then arguing and me walking away because again I am unable to communicate what I need and overwhelmed again by my situation. Unable to communicate what is necessary for us solve our issues to move on together or apart. Grrrrr This is so common for us with brain injury, PTSD and many other host of mental health issues. There is so much that needs to be said that it gets left unsaid. Often its too late for those in need. Its very difficult to relate and communicate effectively beyond our frustration with others. We don't have the copping tools or vocabulary to express it in times of great frustration or in dire situations specifically. Am I doing something wrong? How do I change it? I must also learn to protect myself as well. So I try to diffuse with humor. So hey dial it back a thousand buddy, calm down~ me im doing my breathing exercise "listen I got high blood pressure" in hopes they back down and talk calmly and nope. Another deep breath counting on the in to 5 hippopotamus hold 6 out 7 or 9 hippopotamus depending on my stress level at the time. Look I got a Brain injury, cant we get along? Meet half way? Can we talk later? When were not angry? No? Then just leave me alone and finally I get to walk away having dealt with someone within conflict as effective as possible. Progress for me even though nothing was resolved ~ yes theres more pain and more frustration. Live and try again tomorrow or move on. When being in a place of anger thats all you can relate to, you are not able to understand anything else? Some can some can't. Im working on my flexibility, trust, bettering my health, down to my now moment. They want some kind of resolution and they end up dragging me back under again with things that aren't helpful for me, no truth, no resolution and just more critism and blaming. Not productive. Toxic people thrive in thier emotional power. Next step then. If they can not find the same patience you need to work on "issues" then work on improving your boundaries. Refuse to discuss issues when angry, make time to talk to suit

everyone. Agree to listen and then be heard. Set a timer. Be open, be reserved to be more distant from other people emotions and be more grounded with your own. Recognize and hone in on your own emotions. Practicing mindfulness, meditation, a healthful regime, socializing that benefits you too is necessary to being a good human. Im so tired of the fucking ripples that keep all my family apart already...All of it stems from the abuse and damage to the core of my soul that left rings on my childrens' lives as well. My Maternal Grandmother was in the Holocaust that tends to mare your parenting skills and the ripples expand. 3 to 4 generations of children no longer speaking to thier mothers. Im sure thier mothers were not to blame. No one protected me either. I was given up for adoption. I was abused. It happens.Thats ok I'll work with what I got. It can end there. No need to add to a bad situation. Maybe the 1person I sent off had my back. All because I promised Daddy Warbucks to make sure my best friend got on that plane. I understand I haven't been as good a friend to myself than I have to others. I was very self sacrificing like everything was my fault. Ive turned that bus around. At the end of the day you may think nothing matters. You matter! This world is nothing without your unique personality in it. Yet here you sit alone in fears with tears streaming down into rivers...I don't know about you but Im tired of wet feet. A lifetime of abuse and suffering very often at the hand of others. I over compensated for everything. Even my language supported it. It did surprised me on the face of Oliver that day. It was painful and it revealed more of the abuse of self to me often forgotten in the past similar moments of thier upbringings. Aha! PTSD, ADHT, me with Dyslexia no doubt I suffered along with my children. 11 years later we are finally starting to do the work that should of been done back then. No one was ready. I would of made my son sit at the table during dinner. Pressured my husband to enforce our agreed rules. Took time to feel and deal with the loss of Pearl, our marriage and business ...trying to understand our feelings, deal with our mental health issues Before seemed impossible, I never gave up on my family. i gave them the space they needed. Now theres Covid restrictions and passports. This stupid ass greedy human world. And now geography is still in our way. Its a lot and still only a fraction of what some humans suffer from the hands of other humans. Very sad. Friends will come and go. I know its what needs to happen. The toxic people have to learn thier lessons too. Next step is slow down give yourself some space and peace. Deep breathing till you feel you can respond when dealing with conflict. Or make another time to work on it. Do things at your own pace, no excuse needed they will wait, they feed off of it. Practice beneficial things. Like being self sufficient, its a struggle worthy of the time and effort. Im working to overcome my issues. I now know that's not the way that love or friendship should work. I ask why me what did I do to deserve such torture? I remind myself, it's only 1 part of the journey. Everyone hurts, cries and dies. Love should bring out the best. Not the worst. They are a lousy mirror right now. Thats ok we can still move forward. I can forgive them for what they were not capable of. I love them inspite of it all. As is, as it always has been. They were only capable of showing the negative even when I worked so hard to stay positive and be a good example. If not me then who? Critisim everywhere. No solutions only problems. They beat me down at every turn...I'm still breathing. Everything's a contest and no one ever wins. If you can't do this, then how are you going to do that? Why are you judging me and why do I care so much? I care not to be in conflict and this is what is driving or rather coloring my reality. I avoid conflict like Covid. My childhood trauma that I thought I dealt with years of therapy and moved on from was rearing its ugly head yet again. How

do I slay the beast for all time? My limiting behavior needed more help. So I needed to build a better foundation for myself. One built on everthing in its own time with practice, patience,acceptance, learning and more growth. So I won't have to walk away from conflict ever again. I can lean in and help us grow together as a couple or as a family or be what the other human needs positively in thier now moment. Sometimes its not about us, its about giving back with what we have learnt. I know it sucks that we have been thrown to the odds of fate to do better apart. Its not thier fault, or mine either. Yet heres me litterally paying for all of it. With my resources, energy, health and sanity. History has a way of slapping you in the face. Yes Im woke as fuck! Your opposition yes they too pay with thier blood, sweat and tears. Perhaps never on the same page or kiss or moment. At times my heart is so broken. Doubting thoughts need correcting. Like I want nothing much to do with the whole entire human race right now, I mean you no ill will. The Talliban kill with impunity, chaos and destruction in thier wake. Do they have no wants or desires but only destruction for what they can't have? Cant we teach them how to live, love and listen? Do they not want the same as others? A healthy family, a roof over ones head and food in our bellies? Are we not all from this world? I was told this duality is healthy. The human condition needs to see destruction to appreciate growth. I still don't know how this all will help that woman with the gun pointed at her head or to watch your family be slautered in front of your eyes. No human should know this. Violence has always been a part of being human. We are a human animal. I protect my life and those that I love. Life and death I choose to fight for my life and thiers. I also choose to fight for others ...when in reality we are just fighting ourselves. I appreciate everything I lost and have. So I sit in what will be my art studio and den...I know my worth and how lucky I am. I look about all the things that are still here. Stuff holds space. Illusions fade. Love can hold space for others. Did they loved me enough to say your beautiful or even I love you? Or cared enough to be by your side during your worst moments. Perhaps a we'll get through this together? Good thing I never needed any of that. I was always able alone. I did need kindness, empathy, support and understanding. It was devastating to be met with violence. Everthing was a fight in my life. But isn't that the nature of living? Personally Im tired of the abuse. They throw it back in your face every chance they get. So it seems the lesson is to look at who Iam or are. After reflection its our belief of who they are and who we are in conflict that decides the winner. Can they learn to look beyond winners and loosers? Meet us half way? Walk a mile in my shoes. I know I can. Its going to take lots of patience, proactive support and some serious housework and cleaning to shape up humanity on this world. I'm doing my work. Im not on this rock to police or please others. What about these toxic people? Where are thier lessons? They need help too, no? Society and my answer to that, is you have to go! Then the police say no. Due to Pandemic Conditions; I am in utter disbelief but I do understand. Past abuse that was not legally recorded. Yadda, Yadda shwing shwing. What about my rights and issues? Legal up Baby! Money and the boys club is still king. Harsh as it was, there are many other moments in my life that hurt me way more. I will survive this and move well beyond. I will not let others narrow mindedness change who I am. Openess, understanding, no judgements here. Yet my generousity was used against me and in the worst way by people I love like no others. Betrayed again. 》Tip off here. Recurring themes. Betrayal can be healed. At the time you could have punched me in the stomach, I wouldn't, couldn't even feel it. There was nothing but numb and delayed reactions. "Let's face it, the best is never good enough when you

have suffered abuse and neglect." Its a deep riff and or trauma that someone else may be responsible for in your psychological makeup that makes and moulds us too. It happens a lot. Unfortunatly its more common than not. Childhood trauma. I get that. As an adult I know it's my cup to fill. Unknowingly I may have inflicted it onto others, for that I apologize. I'm still a work in progress, working on myself here. I'm the one falling, stumbling and then I get back up. The damage has been done. Please walk away, I got this now. They had affected everything I did. At the sink, the powder room, the work, the garage.....mess here and there, important things left undone...here's me trying to get them all done and save the world too in one breath. No wonder its too big, too heavy and we all need to lift. The first step is admiting ill be ok, I've got my back. I'll get through this like everything else with tears, journaling and a hot beverage. I send strength and courage to those in need. You will find a way to cope, help and move on. Believe! I'll leave that guitar right there as a reminder of my shit and thiers. Along with the 7k check and your ego at the door. Let go of all expectations, broken words and promises. The stuff they said they would do...that they never did. You want something done? Do it yourself. Can't do it all then get the professional that you need.

I understand you are broken, we all are. The catch is you have to fix it and fill it. Talk to someone you trust or write it down, talk it into a recording app...whatever help you need you deal with it in a positive way 7f you can't then look that shit up. Own your shit and get on with living! You can do this! If you live in fear find a way to empower and protect yourself. Just remember we are just human here, right now. No super powers, no agents for the world or our times. Be humble, be open, heal yourselves and then help heal others. 1 person and 1 step at a time. Like the green grass that's brown in the spring, with water, care and nutrients in the fall it will be a sea of green. Small steps add up to big changes over time. Break it down. Carve out time for happiness practice. 15 minutes a day just you sitting in peace and quiet. Every step you take from here on will go in a positive, proactive solution oriented manor or not at all. It's what you choose to do《Tip. Choose better thoughts and food choices. Work on 1 thing at a time. This is what micromanagement is good for; on yourself. Yes we can be success and happy in life without anyone, that doesn't mean we should. We need to trust eachother and work together. We learn so much from conflict so don't fear it. Its what helps us grow and learn when we become stagnant.

We are what we think and eat Challenge ~ make better choices or try something new.

Finally got to my family doctor. Man what a sucky wake up call, very high blood pressure is serious stuff. So no more caffeine, one of the last dark horses and more exercise needed, still on my journey to better health. I will doge this bullet as well hopefully. First no more coffee thats a given. Ive knocked that habit before. I can surly taper back to 1 or 2 cups. Then herbal tea, juice, water from then on maybe a tea after dinner or b4 bed.

Instead of 30 minute work outs Im adopting small exercise breaks through out the day for 5-7 minutes. Its Quarentine after all. I need to stay in shape, that means walking, swimming and some kind of aerobic work. My ankles and knees are complaining so instead of walking I must get creative.Theres no swimming right now. I do have a mini indoor bike and tension elastics. I guess its time to get into more of it but in a different way. There's only up to go, really. Someone told me the reason I'm on my own right now, is because I can do it on my own. If you find yourself alone know that you can help yourself. You can take control and make a difference. We all feel powerless at some point or another on our trip. I do know how to get into good health and its worked for me so far. I know its by supporting all the parts of me that my journey will be most enjoyable.

Exercise now benefits future better moods. Platies are great low impact exercises designed to strengthen your core. Your on your side back front etc. Do what you can. Sets of 8 and start slow and work your way up. Yoga too is so beneficial. I have my go to moves that are just for my current physical state. Its considered Adaptive Yoga. Thats the beauty of it, you can be in almost any state of health and still do yoga and it keeps you flexible as well as works with different breathing and stress management technics. Good for your lungs and overall health.

Low physical strength, enjoy the various recovery posses. The misconception about yoga is that you need to be able to stand on your head to be good at it. Myth busted. So far from actual truth. Yes yoga does require practice even when using the recovery positions. You need to go at your own skill level and pace. The last 6 months or so exercising has been difficult since one of my wipe outs. Now under investigation by my Familly Physician. Still now knowing about the high blood pressure it makes sense. No more salt either. Small sacrifices in the name of longevity and good health. More meditation to have more calm to offset all that cortisol being released in my injured brain. I feel like my personal alarms are are going off 24/7. Always superstressed out. Yes I've had a lot of improvements with mindfulness training however under severe duress its really rough. I was triggered oh max by a health questionaire about Covid was in order to see my doctor. Sometimes I still need my safe space no joke. Often when knee jerk reactions happen its very difficult to hold all that water back. I've been offered a 24h slow release mood suppressant, Im always wary of new medication. I always rather try the homeopathy solution first.

We are what we think and eat. I have to remind myself of that every once in a while too. I'm not powerless. I can improve my health. Better food choices, no fat too or rather, leaner choices. That is one area where I can still improve. Less meat fat will be easy. Half the same amount of protein will now come from plants. I think I will take cues from none traditional Canadian customs. The biggest meal on our Continent is dinner, when we are usually least active. My biggest meal with be mid day. It will be comprised of all the necessary food groups based on availability and nutritional needs. Dinner will be soup, bread salad type kinda meals. Mutually beneficial. Sometimes during Quarentine I'm able to get Mangos for example. What a treat, nutrient rich from the other side of the Globe. Finding local and fresh produce can be difficult in the winter. Being under this Pandemic really puts all of us to the test. I've really come to appreciate local produce as well as imported. We are capable and we are not alone. Hang in there💚 When in doubt keep at whats working

Things I learnt from Quarentine. Be a fashion Mavis Its ok to take scissors to clothing you bought because the dreaded "what was I thinking" syndrome. You've seen the transformation videos not the 5min crafts ones those don't work. Then you cut the sleeves off and make it into a v neck, boom! Now I never want to take it off. Truth. I also made sweat pants into shorts best decision ever, my yoga pants are next. Now I see things through New Quarentine eyes. I'm looking to convert everything. Declutter, zen there,craft here, now time to customize! Make a schedule It may sound boring and anal, you would be surprised at what you can accomplish when you schedule it. Schedule everything, all the things you love as well as the chores. Following a schedule is not just for busy families. Being scheduled does not mean you can't be spontaneous, you could leave a block somewhere here and there. We all have things to do for ourselves and often for others. Sometimes we need to bend like the reed in the wind. You won't sweat the small stuff cause its all manageable and doable. Dislike chores? Think of it now as a ritual that do for those you love; including yourself. Example as a child my mother was known as the Dragon Lady. Our beds and rooms needed to be clutter-free and spotless always. As an adult I have chosen to let slide a few things here and there. Making my bed is a testament to my complicated relationship with my mother that made me who I am today. She is no longer living, still I feel close to her. When I did try to let it slide, it was so strange not to make it, I should leave myself a chocolate too 😋 How to Follow a Schedule The key is to break down larger tasks into 20 minuts segments. To manage energy better toggle rest, activities, work and play. Include coloring, puzzles and crafts, things that are fun. Remember to schedule some quiet time and exercise as well. Having certain activities planed on different days will give you something positive to concentrate on and look forward to while your cleaning out the fridge or microwave. Not while driving, please watch the road. So you want to get into better shape log it on your schedule and know that your helping your brain too during these stressful times. Sometimes we have to be our own best friend and activity director. Prioritize

Everything has its time and place. Plan for tomorrow for today. Basic needs first. Time for cleaning, organizing short or long term projects. It can also include time for reducing stress, thats good for everyone. Reducing social media time, computer gaming and online/screen entertainment. I have found less is best for me. I replaced the time spendt on those things with baking, learning a new hobby, doing crafts, small home improvements and music. I also limit my Social Media exposure time. I suffer from a list of medical symptoms so max 2 hours over the course of the day is plenty social interaction for me online. If you are a SMI(social media influencer) social media is your job then its even more important to have boundaries. As an x graphics designer often I'm on a social media purge. I'll go a day or 2 without my phone on me. Then I limit to what is a healthier amount. I pay for it with swollen eyes, migraines and more stress. Whether we accept it or not the news affects us all. We need put things into a healthier perspective too with all the miss information that goes on out there online. Cultivate a sense of humor With all the doom and gloom that comes with this world, my brain,body issues, the Covid out there with my self isolation. Comedy and tradegy have never been closer. Watch some Dry Bar, its a hoot! Being human we have the ability to laugh. Humor is healthy for us in many ways. It can help change a bad mood into a better one. Laughing actually causes a positive physicalogical response in our brains and bodies. As does music. So get busy laughing, singing and dancing.

Old dogs can learn new tricks. Where our bodies may fail us as we grow older, we do become more resilient and wiser. We adapt, learn and convey. Yes some better than others. As we are what we eat, we are also what we think. Joy, contentment, peace and happiness is available to all no matter the situation. Transcendental meditation is key, a healthy lifestyle, good diet(no processed or fake food) and balance in all you do. Not as easy as it sounds. Like anything else worth doing, it takes time, practice and patience to juggle all those balls and keep them in the air. Quarentine taught me how to express my thoughts and be heard. Yes, I still have something to contribute to the world, Mr.Monologue, regardless of my mental health challenges and physical issues! It feels so good, to shine and bust out of all that negativity. I choose unlimited and not to be a waste of space. I will not let my loved ones death be in vain. I am hopeful that my encouragements have the capacity to heal, grow, adapt and flourish for others as well as for myself. To not give up, to fight the good fight. Some people are so wrapped up in self pity and they can't see past thier pain. They don't see the opportunity to grow from it. From a place of fear there is only fear. If you are optimistic and open to knowing you can feel better, won't you then try? From a place of love, theres more if it, it's easy to see. Stanby and take a deep breath-reconize the signs of your triggers, choose a different outcome. Challenge yourself to understand your triggers and affect them positively over time. That was me about 3 years ago. My moods running me. Practicing mindfulness does help. Now my anger has a shelf life. My sleep has improved greatly and so has my overall attitude and that keeps me chugging along. At some point I get more results which then motivates me further to follow my schedule, because there are results cha cha cha! Accidents happen when you are handicap, I'm learning it comes with the rough terrain. Knowing when its time to let go... It took Roll with Cole and his life partner and caregiver Charisma for me to understand that I was still engaged in a toxic relationship; while trying to survive brain / spinal injury etc. To rebuild my life. The very last thing that I needed was a negative Nancy or fearful Fred monologuing outside my head. I got enough on my plate just trying to be autonomous and in the best health possible right now. At one point our "relationship" took a turn for the worst it got very physical in a dangerous way. I took a huge step back. Silly me I thought we could help eachother out, it worked so well before the car accident. No so, ya its not working and not for a lack of trying on my part. I don't have the physical energy or the capacity to "work things out" anymore, nor waste my precious time. Thanks to #RolewithCole and Charisma for being great examples of what is working and how they make it work. Thank you for sharing. Its more than encouraging to stick to my rehab program understanding what Cole and his family has been through together. Thanks for your beacon of positivity. It so does help. I know I will find my way now even when I'm on my own. Be safe and kind out there ❤ pass it on.

When nothing is working and your depressed feeling low, take control.

Find 1 thing that is working, looking good or even something you mildly like about yourself. My hair looks beautiful this morning, my nose and bellybutton feel fine. Complete truth.

The little things

Aspire to be in good health. As we head into another year under Covid, it's even more important to take care of yourself. The benefits of a healthy immune system are insurmountable to keeping illness at bay. Eat foods with a higher nutritional content. Generally brighly coloured fruits, nuts, legumes and veggies are good for most people. Like pineapple, avocado and pomegranates offer a powerful punch. A moderate schedual and exercise plan will keep you motivated and doing something that is good for yourself. You don't have to run a marathon. It can be a few easy yoga positions, a walk and some stretching. Try to find activities that you enjoy, arts and crafts, maybe learn how to play a musical instrument? Dancing is also great for some low impact cardio and its fun too. Challenge your friends online into friendly competitions to help motivate and support eachother during these difficult times. Have an online pajama party. Don't underestimate a simple act of kindness. Set aside time just for you. Perhaps it's a walk outside before or after dinner. Sudoko with a hot beverage maybe. We all need time to decompress, regardless of our situation. Try to do nothing. It can also be a challenge to find how to entertain yourself. Feed your brain the good stuff, get on the floor and play with your children. Teach your pets tricks yes even your goldfish can do tricks. Read a good mystery novel, do a puzzle, maybe read some poetry or philosophy. Time spent flipping through a magazine while listening to your favorite tunes can whisk you away from any stressor or trigger. Be open to learning something new. Look up on YouTube things that you've always wanted to try like cake decorating, sword smithing or glass blowing. You never know where that may lead. Please follow all safety rules and professional instruction. Do some charity work. Sometimes the best moments are when we are helping others. We never stop learning. Who knows you may meet people who offer a different perspective that changes your world. Life is all about striking a balance regardless of the choas that you can feel and experience in this world from wherever you hail. Stop and smell those roses. Acknowledge those things that are working well in your life. Be thankful and appreciative of where you're at and what you have. It may not be much but its something to build on. Be solution oriented and have determination for the things that aren't working at this time. Examine, research and try again. You may have to get creative in order to inject some fun back into your life. As we age we don't just get old we also become resilient, thoughtful and confidant. Some even wise. Learn from your mistakes and make new ones. Just step a tad outside your comfort zone while following CDC Covid guidelines. And finally treat everyday as if it were a holiday. You can still act responsibly and have a good time. Hang in there!!!

Left in a lurch

You can't even begin to know my pain but sure as fuck I know yours... brain injury survivor.

I work so hard at everything. My house of cards fall because a friend has a sore throat. Yes I wished him to feel better. The issue turns out was not his sore throat at all but having to explain shit to me. Well fuck you Buddy!!!

It completely enraged and triggered me and I'm still upset. I feel insulted, friend turned traitor in the end. I so wish he wasn't stuck in my house because of no job and a Pandemic. Im certainly doing way more than my part in helping out.

Verbal Communication is hard for me. Difficult to talk clearly and loud enough to be heard by others . As well as difficult to pay attention and be a good listener. That's kinda hard when your brain is missing like 90% or maybe more rather like hears like swiss cheese. I miss so much. By all means keep bitching and complaining about you having to help me understand what we are seeing on your computer. He did that before the sore throat too. Fuck that noise. I don't need friends that rub my disabilities in my face. I don't need people that add negatives and issues. #mental illness with I'd rather be alone and I left. Still super angry, some friend he turned out to be. How hard is it to say sorry Im not feeling well today and move on. No it has to be this drama and stress triggers for me like derailing me for hours and even days. Screw you toxic buddy!

The Answer...

Since my last entry I've managed to give up all processed sugars, a very worthwhile and achievable goal. We need a healthy health minister here in Quebec. Its so depressing watching his cholesterol go up with the Covid19 cases. This Pandemic is a night mare. None of us can escape. We have to protect our health, our relatives our neighbors. Watch our nerves and stress levels. With meditation, yoga Im keeping as a level head as possible. I'm so glad I stuck with my goals and made the changes that I did. The benefits are astounding. I'm sleeping better. I feel stronger for all the good things that I do for myself and others, even under these Covid Skies and gruesome revolt against this Pandemic stuff speared headed by #45. I do this all for myself and everyone else. I'm in my constant moment, they should be free of pain and more constructive than they were and that they are. I have come a long way. I successfully replaced the cutting for exercises, good diet and journaling. My moods are not as erratic anymore. The sugar and process foods were a constant trigger tilI I could give those up. So 3 years now process food free and 2 years sugar free. I went from from not being able to eat to being ravenous for healthy food. My brain likes it better too there is no doubt. Im also following a standard sleep hygene model now. After the car accident I was lucky if I could get a few hours a night. There is a pay off for all of it. I swear! I didn't get to this place overnight. Took feeling better about my body, situation and prognosis to get past all the nastiness. You have to keep at it, get at it from all sides, full suport for your health. You must respect and listen to your body and go slowly. Slow and steady wins this race. One day I will be in remission from Chronic Fatigue and pain. My brain Sybil with all the drama, turns out she was crying out for help. I am helping myself as best I can. Good diet, energy management, self massage- do not neglect your tendons especially if you suffer from Chronic Pain and fatigue. Self care should be a top 1 priority. On the opposite end I've had a few bad falls and head injuries since too. I'm no rookie to repetative injuries either as a result of walking with crutches, vertigo and a 75% numb body. It always amazes me how tough I realy am. I get back up, dust myself off and carry on. Like an energizer bunny. Its challenging. Physically, mentaly and even spiritually sometimes. Illness and permanant handicapes are no laughing mater, till I'm finally the one laughing. We think we know everything. One day you realize that its a whole different ball game. Cause and effect. The real game changer for me is knowing that we are always growing, healing, changing and learning; no matter what. Acceptance is key.

Once we've got ourselves sorted. We have to take a stand for what is right. Peacefully Demand Humaitarian Treatment across the Globe. The weak must be protected. That's our at risk people like 1st Nations, the elderly, the young and the infirmed. As a human on this planet. We all should have Basic Personal Rights and Freedoms. Access to clean drinking water, education, nutrients rich foods, equal wages and equal treatment regardless. We all should be engaged in Ecological and Agricultual Preservation. Climate issues are just as important. These are human global issues. I say... We all need to take a proactive roll and work together despite our uniquness and be united by our sameness. Humans of Planet Earth! Let us rise above the bull shit and fix this broken ass world by us and protect nature and humankind from this moment on!!! Follow the golden rule, look to solutions rather than violence. Chances are they are more scared of you. Step into your personal power, it knows no gender, shape or color. Yes 1 person can make a difference

I'm going to try giving Sybil some space

Total self acceptance is needed for healing. Why am I having anti humanitarian issues towards myself???Why do I feel so trapped? I'm secure and safe while social distancing. I do not need someone's empathy or attention. I am a grown woman. I am not a prisoner or a victim. Then why am I beating myself up? Let it go! Move on already, stop killing the cat over and over Schodreiger???!!! Being triggered from the heat feels like defeat. Ah to crawl into the nearest, coolest hole. I'm physically spent, its was morning and all I did was make my head hurt more, bodYsmiving so slow. I make my bed and feed the animals. Thats it the smooth ride way over. Noooo, theres stuff that needs to get done. Need to eat something, I'm not hungry but in pain, cant take meds on an empty stomach equals misery no matter how you cut it. Still need to do groceries, also to send a couple of things registered mail. My house is disgustingly dirty and very hot by my standards. All the price to pay for independance, autonomy and sleeping in my own bed. Sybil wishes she didnt care. She gets so belligerent and often tests me. Come on Sybil, not today or ever maybe? True to her name 22 personalities and all Marvin the Robots whishy washy response to almost everything. She's so annoying and a total buzz kill on anything remotely enjoyable. I never get to go there, so sad, stupid ass world!@#$%&* 7 billion rants later. Sometimes you need to get real with yourself. We'll see if naming my brain injury will help my current issues. A nice young woman from B.C. did it and she's having a much easier time for it. I figured it was worth a try. So Sybil is very selfish. Shes a cling on and never leaves me alone. She likes to toy endlessly with my emotions especially when its rough sailing then she rears her ugly medusa head. Then its help me now, quick do something!!! Take me to emergency! I'm having trouble talking and walking. Didnt you notice theres a Pandemic out there? You tried to get a doctors appointment and failed 3xs! Hello? Put Newton on. Here's what I'm kicking myself for not getting all this resolved like before the Pandemic! Silly brain injured me! Like my brain injury is something so simple that it can be resolved by getting up earlier. Maybe with more meditation, rest or sleep or better exercises or maybe force myself to eat on a time schedule? Supose It takes all of that plus being consistent with everything. Somewhere deep down I find the strength, courage, patience, to keep doing the work, the repetitions and I may as well not have a clue. Crazy I wish I knew the answer. The right combination that would fix me as I was before. It doesnt exist anywhere but in my mind as a distant memory. Theres a great sense of lack luster of what is my life right now. It's just a moment, it will pass. Eventually. It's easy to let the woes of the world today crush my optimism and hope. No health care, no emotional or mental support just a bunch of I'm sorry I wish I could help you. Wheres my posse to help defeat Sybil? Just me and Sybil. Sybil you win today. I cant deal with your hysterics and my need to be calm, balanced and centered for a better future. Sybil stop rattling my cage! No I wont give in and start cutting again!!! You cant make me do it, Sybil!!! And I didn't. And I really could use a drink, or to go for a walk, put some distance between Sybil and me. Not today, too painful and difficult in my current physical state. Dont mind me, I'm just great. I'll just sit outside fir a while and breath some air because it's free and available to me. That's all I can do to ease my own pain. We have to learn to vent, be realistic then apply problem solving tactics. This is the brainstorming part, when you say what's the point in anything? Point is I wont always be pathetic, or so sad or feeling raw or so injured. I've been happy before, I will be happy again. I'm having a rough time, that's ok it happens. I'll have better days too. I have to save myself from Sybils frustration and rage, it's all I can do. Hopefully this helps

When nothing helps.

It's so hard sometimes I scream, stamp my feet, and pace like a caged lioness. I have to let that bullshit out. I cant keep my anger in, it will only get worst and explode often embarrassing me if I dont. Theres no harm is screaming or crying as long as it doesn't go on for days and doesnt make the neighbor call 911. Since my last post there is no job waiting for me to get better to go back to now. I had always hoped to go back, no more not, thanks to some clause at work. The future is just an unknown blobby nothingness to me. It can be scary. Meanwhile I'd like to be able to be completely autonomous as well as be able to cook for myself without burning, injury or rage. Cooking should be fun right? What's fun? I've forgotten. I'm not really in any shape for anything. Before the Pandemic it was already tough enough for me. I was working hard on getting somewhere. Then I had a nasty couple of falls and I'm back to square 1 again. Brush myself off get up and start again. Im still pushing it, when will I learn? Slow down, life is not a race. I have to be careful when I'm spread to thin. The part of my brain that controls my gimbals is broken if I move too fast woah wipe out. Sometimes I cant help myself andI get stuck on a subject for hours till I've worked through my emotions. I dig into the chores not realizing that it may be too much for me during a heat wave. What's up with my brain that it feels like I have to pull up the slack to be considered human. I am enough as is!!!! Everyone is suffering and feeling the pinched in these hard times. After 5 years you would think I've gotten used to being miserable with pain and many limitations sure heap on this crazy ass, heavy, sick world. Clearly It is no place for me right now. Crazy shit been happening out there and good stuff too. So no cooking pancakes or bacon for me. If I'm hungry, Ill grab a fruit, some vegies; nevermind cook anything its too hot. I'm trying to see the silver lining; at least the weather is nice. That seem like something a "Karen" would say. Kay? I have to put on a mask to go for a walk isnt my life worth it? Every one else doesn't seem to think so here on my island, I get weird looks for wearing one. Sometimes it's so depressing that I feel like a Pokemon Psyduck, migraine and all. Just Explode! I hit my head on the ceiling coming down the stairs, I'm tall and on that little shelf in the bathroom again. Grrr. I stuck a pingpong ball on the corner so the next time it happens it wont hurt as much. I guess that's learning and adapting of sorts. I'm not hungry and it doesnt matter that all food smells horrible, nothing new just another awkward moment of being brain injured. I cant take meds unless I eat. So cut fresh veggies, some cheese and fruit. Or a smoothie its all good. Ive been worst and I believe I will get better. I wish I could go more than 3 days without injuring myself. Almost went flying down the stairs yesterday. This AM I tripped, twisted my ankle, the wall catches me right on my sore rotator cuff because I lost track my phone. Oi! Enough! Maybe a padded house? Or just a padded room? I'm feeling so raw, bitter,feed up and beaten right now. Everyone does I guess. With my balance and everything being so bad, all I can do is rest. Its either kill the air conditioner cause it's so noisy or melt because it was 36° out. I'm not in good shape at this moment, the heat wave got to me, dare I say. It will pass. It will get better! I must remain positive. Even though my head and body are not feeling happy, at all. I've given up on waiting to get an appointment with my doctor. People who have TBI, CPFS and other auto immunity health issues thier bodies are not so good at metabolizing for the weather. Often when we get sweaty we can actually began to shiver. We can be hot and cold at the same time because certain systems are messed up in our brains and body. So important to be good to yourself and dont do stranous activities when it's too hot. Still too hot, have a cool bath with an iced drink. Rest,read,grab an ice pack and relax

Predudice alive and well

Montresl Media Outlets https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/race-covid-19-montreal-data-census-1.5607123

Is it me? Or maybe I didnt understand all of the article? Or maybe I was confused by the "Montreal island graphics"? Personally I find this article to be racist and predudice against low income earners and "blacks" I quote. To eradicate predudice first we must start with language. Media outlets- shame on you!!! These numbers are people's lives you're talking about flippantly. So disrespectful and during the worst time in the world ever. Excellent way to go to ignitinging race diffrences and adding to our growing issues. Why? Obvious, they don't know how to tell a good story because peace doesn't sell news. Hello? Is this thing on? We all have the same human genetic codes.

We are a human animal. Yes it is harder in crowded living arragements and public spaces for anyone to achieve hospital clean hygiene. Virologists wear hazmat suits, just saying. These are difficult times. Perhaps this is what the journalist was trying to say? The language and thinking for this article clearly belongs to the Trump era of outdated thinking better left unsaid the 50s. Get it through your heads, skin colour doesn't matter to a virus. Us Jews have bigger famillies too are you going to call us out on that also? All lives matter here, we all are at risk here!!! We all are the human animal on this planet. Please share responsibly and be kind for a better tomorrow for us humans and our planet. It's going to take all of us, together! Don't play the sensationalist blame game to get your articles read! Be above the bureaucratic bullshit for once! Have some resolve, stand up to your boss and the miss managment of power. Take a stand, have a plan! Yes "the pen can be mightier than the sword" in the right hands.

Free Speech is right here!

It's TRUE, racial profiling has been happening in Montreal, ever since I can remember. Life is tough everywhere, I'm still thankful to be Canadian. However I am absolutely disgusted with the Montreal police. They started the violence by taking a knee like the police did in Miami except they fired on the peaceful protesters with gas grenades and rubber bullets; there was no need to. I'm so heartbroken by the violence that I can barely function these days. I'm sad for my hometown and for yours too! Thier brutality was no better than Trumps. Unfortunatly it seems we are no different than our U.S counterparts. In the fray of change under Covid skys. I too have been on the receiving end of injustice and predudice in my life because of my learning disability, gender, height, last name, health and freckles all apparently made me an easy target. I'm also a stronger person for it too. A close friend in high school fled his country to come to Canada, his village raised money to send him so that he could bring back his new skills and knowledge home. We are all a part of that very same village, the human village. We have a morale responsibility to do the right thing. We must breath for those who can't. I have witness enough violence as it has erupted throughout my life. Even prejudice in my own family. It started young. My friend Heather from school. I made you a birthday present, I didn't even know your last name. I never got to stay at your birthday party or get to hang out with you because you were from the Phillapines or something. And at the time Jewish people only have Jewish friends. Hogwash! It always made me feel terrible fighting with my mother, even at 5 years old. We did that a lot over the years, argued. In my heart I knew I was right to do so. She said some horrible things that I care not to repeat, ever. My answer to her predudice was to say I will fall in love and marry who ever that person is! Regardless of skin colour, religion, money or sexual orientation! She never bothered me much about that stuff after that one. Out of repect I accepted and loved my mother for who she was. The good, the bad and her best of intentions. Despite it all, I have all kinds of friends, from all over the place. I never did see color or different, I see human. Equal human to me unless your an elder. You've lived a lifetime of experience, it counts for something; I respect that. Montreal is more Multi-culturally Diverse than the francophone community would like. We know this because they seem to operate from a place of fear of losing thier culture. Ah je me souvens,Ah pastagate and no face covering for government jobs, teaching etc. We learn so many good things from all our ethnic communities. Food, music, family life, lifestyle, philosophy etc. Understanding many perspective is a good thing for us "human" creatures. Montrealers are good people! We all are sons and daughters of immigrants. I'm not so sure the "Pure Laine" would agree. I remember 1976, eruption of violence, car bombings, gang wars, murders and all that news of violent injustice from all over the world at my dinner table. I was just ten at the time. As a result of fighting for what I believe in, I know non violent solutions exist. No real problems, but real creative solutions needed. Mediation can be a wonderful process. It allows for all parties to be heard, gives structure for positive changes and healing to take place. I've always stood up for the "little guy" and I hate labels too! I've been bullied all my life for all the same kinds of reasons. And I will stand for and uphold basic humanitarian beliefs again if I must. These people were trying to hold peaceful demonstrations and were met with violence and proof of how cruel the Montreal police can be.

Day 76 of Quarantine

These are trying times for everyone. I'm doing my breathing exercises, yoga poses and trying to keep everything in perspective. Going to my safe spot often in the past 2 weeks. That's alright it happens with brain injury. Yes it's rough when your emotions are driving you. Anger can be the worst making me belligerent and over dramatic and even dangerous. Often I must exercise to get rid of this negative energy. That's a bigger challenge these days; when theres all these people outside putting my health at risk. I can't even go to the store by myself, maybe with backpack on but I'm too unbalanced as it is. The last time I was there and in better shape and I still managed to drop stuff; its frustrating and maddening. Words don't come out right either. My language skills suddenly are none existant. Turns out my brain is a scrambled egg on avocado toast under Covid19. Humor aside. Physical frustration is a huge part of being handicapped. It's necessary to acknowledge my feelings, or I'll literally explode. It's important to take time to myself for reflection. I feel them all, then question the why, rationalize the reasons for it and my situation, then let them go or do things differently to try to adapt Or at least let go of the things I can't control or change. Trying to remain centered and grounded from all of this can be difficult even during the best of times. With practice it does get better. I no longer cut myself its been almost 6 months, not even missing the release, I'm very proud of myself and how far I've come. Often life with brain injury is like dancing the cha cha. 1 step forward 2 steps back and on we go. Its difficult to learn new steps, I keep trying. Don't give up, give in and try a different way. Also learning to cope with a multitude of issues while still under quarentine but open. Its a rough balancing act for anyone. Literally for me sometimes. I'm learning to be gentle with myself and others. For example I knock stuff over all the time. No biggie I wipe out too. Its not easy to get used to it. Your hurting yourself unintentionally, spilling things, knocking things about and losing your shit to boot. All because of my brain, not my fault, most beyond my control. It's fine when your 2 or 92, its a big adjustment when your 53. Yet I remain hopeful and positive despite it all. And I write for you! I obliterated my coffee twice yesterday. The other nights cooking fiasco left me with a few blisters. Yet I persist. I got to let go of yummy leftovers and delicious baked treats ready to eat by my offspring. Life changes, I can't do any of this right now. That's ok. One day. So now I always have my mask handy when out and about mostly because others don't. I get that they have different priorities. Meanwhile I take precautions because my health is a priority and worth it! And so are you! I'm all big on offense, doing the best I can. I have a bottle of sanitizer in the car and at the front and back doors of my home and lysol handy there too to spray down stuff that's not supposed to get wet. I try to be solution oriented rather than listen to that negative Nelly head talk. It's an internal constant battle when you have a mental illness, no one really sees or understands our pain. Its exhausting for us. We needed a whole sanitizing process for all things coming into my home including my offspring. Am I ok with all of this, the cooking, cleaning and the dishes? I'd say yes but no I'm not really ok with all of this extra work for me. It can be so tiring for those with chronic pain and fatigue to beging with.The extra steps of washing and drying and putting away leaves me to leave other tasks undone. Like rinsing off the dishes I just washed. Nope no more energy, rides over get the fuck off! Just too much pain to remain standing and in physical action. It's either I lie down or fall down and hurt myself. If it wasnt for the other occupants, I'd just leave everything in the garage for a few days. Not now for sure with a heat wave. It must be done. I do what I must. Short fuse I do my best. I still collapse into my bed by 9:30pm.Sleep? Usually meditation till I drift off. Emotionally and physically spent. Doesn't matter how much rest I get. It's a balancing energy game and everything zaps it up. Phone call poof -1000 juls gone. Get ready to go outside _ 975 juls. As the infirm we must take care to guarantee our health and obtain a continuous supply of nutrient rich foods. A week without the potassium I get from a banana a day makes a huge impact on my moods. I'm way more grumpy and edgier without them. We're also out of nuts that's another good food source for potassium, vitamin e, protein fiber rich food to have on hand. I have to wait until I can order all my provisions again, to avoid going out more than 2x a month. It's most definitely contributing to my mounting stress as if late. I'm not going out for a few items or sweets, others do and that is stressful for people like us. We are still in the middle of a Pandemic. Now theres these merchants that are trying to charge a Covid tax, that's disgusting or only taking credit no cash too? Simple, its the cost of being a business owner during these times, we're all feeling it, don't add to it. What do the cash only people do? I guess it's "The great circle of life Simba". Not funny, why are we the only animal on this earth that has to pay rent? I'm having a rought enough day physically and emotionally without those types of jerky people. Meanwhile the numbers are mounting and people are dying for consumerism. That's ok, patience, it takes all kinds in this world, this too will pass. Been doing this for 6 years now. The last few weeks me brain is all over the map and can only take so much. It happens. No point in complaining. Moving on. Remember Priorities, rest now, order online if you can and buy provisions later. Plan for tomorrow today. Use the word no when needed. It's not a weakness to ask for help. Today my head has trouble getting past the jar. It won't always be so.💞 Hang in there!!!

#dealing with depression #surviving quarentine with mental illness, #dealing with chronic fatigue and pain

Enjoy

Day 19 of Canadian Quarantine.

Ground breaking method for managing stress. The Min Hoff Technic below.

These days I count myself as lucky.

I'm lucky there's food in the fridge. I live in Canada. My meds are up to date. My family and those I care for are safe, warm and dry. No one's sick so far that I know personally. 😀💕

We all really need to appreciate all the good. Especially when things seem so bad and there's clearly more suffering in the world. Let's not add to it. The news is sensationalized there is no doubt, the truth is somewhere in the middle.

I know it's difficult to believe that there is a silver lining here. Change is happening all the time, you never know when the tide will shift again, maybe on better winds.

Being proactive about anything like health is worthwhile. Whether it's by staying home, being more self reliant, organized, getting more rest or doing less, meditation, eatting fresh produce, exercising and maybe even following a "lifestyle" schedule, or you could be learning something new like painting by Bob Ross to Taichi or a Yoga pose will be beneficial to you the reader. Under the stress of what we are all experiencing in some in epic proportions.

We all need some beneficial distraction and support. I'm here!

All we need as individuals is to manage our lives as best we can in the right now moment. True some humans are better equipped than others. Everything we do now as humanity will have the butterfly effect and will potentially ripple for years to come.

No pressure... lol

Some people are dealing well under the circumstances picking up better health regimes, learning new skills, working together as a business, as a family unit or helping out in the community. Then there's others who have lost everything. We all must pitch in and find a way to pick ourselves up and feel out our way together as we stumble out of the darkness. All of us will experience this at some point or another. Life is difficult, never predictable and we are always learning and adapting.

Everyone needs to learn to accept their fear of the unknowns. I know its really scary with all that's going on. We must learn to face our fears so we can still see and find realistic solutions.

How do we find some peace with all of this? Keep power in the facts. Have a level head. Choose to table brainstorming with your co-inhabitants. Weighing the pros, the cons, possible solutions and possible draw backs will always have better results in the long run, opposed to knee jerk reactions. Agree to disagree in the wake of what is a priority. Contact your relative branch of the government to support and maintain humanitarian efforts. We all bleed the same. Above all stay positive or at least adopt a more neutral attitude not depended on a certain outcome. Change your vocabulary. There's no such thing as perfect or normal. When we change our thoughts and vocabulary we have the power to transform our lives. Face it, we are responsible for each other now. Our very hygienic habbits and isolation abilities depend upon it. It's not through hate, fear or gluttony that humanity will prevail but in spite of everything else we will overcome, grow and adapt.

The world is changing and so are we. We can decide how to build our future. As a human animal we are evolving from this Pandemic whether or not we choose to accept it. 9/11 changed how we live in this world. It only stands to reason that this too will show us humans what we are really made of.

When lightening strikes a forest, it burns and smoldiers often causing fire, havoc and destruction and loss. In the wake of the destruction of plants, trees and animals they will return to grow and flourish again as nature dictates.

Any positive changes made to amuse our bodies and minds has serious pay outs under these global stressors. Suddenly we are forced outside our "comfort zone" for the 1st time in hundreds of years. Adversity can make you stronger. The human animal must choose to flee or stay. To support or destroy. We have time to ponder and it's never been more vital than now. How do wish to go on from here? What will we prioritize and choose to celebrate will mean so much more in the future. All that is more precious will be protected to remain.

We have time to listen, to discuss and change. Above all accept some certain hard truths about faith, science and personal beliefs. To take a leap and to choose to trust in others, to be a part of a better coalition for humanity and our planet this is important. How will the human in the future look back on us during this time. What is our message for them?

This is our wake up call people. We have the power to make this a better world, one moment at a time.

Yes our livelihoods have crumbled under the pressure of what is essential and necessary to human kind. Those who can are paying it forward, it's a beautiful thing to see. Yes some humans run from the fire, some dive underwater. Some also learn to fly. Those who lead by good example show us our gifts like inclusion, compassion and empathy. With hard times ahead we will need altruism and all kinds of usefull skills, like clear communication,creativity, patience and lots of wisdom too. We can learn so much from each other when we are not divided by prejudices. We can choose this "time" we have been given as a gift or a curse. It's all a matter of what perspective that you are experiencing it from.

I've always assumed that this world would never stop for anyone. I guess I was wrong. I used to say stop this world I want to get off. Now the world did stop. I don't have to pay my taxes till September. Maybe there's no death too, or it will be waylaid in some miraculous fashion. The human brains' perception can be tricked and fooled too so who knows. We haven't had to run or fight our "foe" for a long time. Now it's microscopic. We can still strive for greatness while serving ourselves and our neighbors good health. We can learn to become stronger, co-create more mutuality beneficial solutions. In the end we will more resilient and less fearful of the unknown because we can take care of our right now. So let go of what you can not change, accept what you can and go boldly forward into the unknown with peace in your heart.

THE MIN HOFF TECHNIC

Breath in and out as deeply and quickly that is comfortable for you, in through your nose and out your mouth to the count of 30, it's exhal and hold it untill your are comfortable to inhale and hold and then breath normally. Please note you may experience some lightheadedness as well as the ability to think clearer under situations of duress. As it helps your body to make better use if oxygenation during a stressful event or situation. This guy stoped himself from getting frostbite from using this type of breathing method. All situations were scientifically measured. Conscious breathing can be a miraculous amazing thing.