Its Time To Cry

love was never a feeling for me

it was always

a place,

a book,

a pair of eyes,

a person,

a friend,

You.

when you stormed into my life,

i didn't know what to do with the

riffles inside my chest.

you stood at my door and i didn't

mind you blocking the way.

i thought love meant believing.

so when you lit the matchstick,

i gave you my heart and we turned

our bodies into flames -

frenzied and intense and dangerous.

we went to shards every night just

to let the sun find us whole when the day cracked.

heard love stayed, so i did the same.

witnessed the sun burning a hole on your

side of the bed; the uncreased sheets

fazed by your absence; the coffee mug

craving your kisses more than me.

running away would've been cowardly, so i stayed.

now i know,

love will break us into painful memories

if we'll try to find it in bodies and hearts.

because it can't be contained.

Heartbreak is not a feeling for me,

it is

A place,

A book,

A pair of eyes,

A person,

A friend,

You.

Salvation

I know its gonna be cliched now, but u said only I can make u happy.

I couldn't figure a better way to do it.

We have been through a lot, i know ever since we got hitched we started falling apart. But funnily, I wanted exact opposite. Even then, i sensed that we are having a rough time and i was scared i would loose you. 

I wanted to bind you with me. so i proposed you. 

No. this wasn’t a decision to get something off me. I wanted it .. I needed you for life. It was my way of offering myself to you. 

and i wanted you to be assured. 

And believe me, wen i say i have decided on you, i speak the truth. That night I have given up myself to you. Offered my soul and no matter what i do now, i cant have it back. I don’t want to have it back..

Also, i never told you, but i wanted that wedding, I wanted that naked picture to make sure that we have ruined ourselves together and none of us can ever take back what we did together. and i want you to hold on to that picture forever. I want you to have that power over me. Its weird i know. cant express this better. 

Anyway, I am telling you this just to make you realize that i am not gonna go anywhere without u. 

I know I am blabbering, I don’t know what to say, how to make it right with you. 

I miss you. 

Memories of that night is so fresh with me. It was the most special night together. Our FIRST night. 

Remember we had planned so much for it. I was so so excited. We talked about holding on before the ceremony. But ofcorse, we cudnt. And that i feel defines us. That we can even get married stark naked, and I felt so damn happy we did it that way. I would like to believe you dnt regret doing that. (if so, lets get married again, this time in clothes) 

You had given me the most sweetest proposals in the world. I remember evry single page of it. and Thank You for it .. 

I dont know if u did, but i vowed myself to u, with evry thrust i gave into you i have given up my entire being with each of them. I remember each time we made love, I felt happy, I felt we are finally complete together. 

I am incomplete without you. I have always been, always will be. 

Standing in the corridor today, I was so frustrated, desperate to make you realize that I m the same person, that i still love you. Nothing had made me more sad in my life but to realize that the woman for whom i can get the moon if she asks for it, isnt happy with me, that my action has scarred the most cherished day of her life. 

I really dont know, what to do. I just hope my undying love would be enough to salvage. I know even i have said too many things to you, but i need your forgiveness ur love to survive this life. I am obsessed for your love.

I can give my life for you.

I promise on my soul that I would be the man you want. 

I would always be a beggar to you. Begging for your love. 

I know we are at our bottom, but I want us to be on Top again. I want us back at our best. 

PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to... 

My love, my life, my wife, my bff, my support, my soulmate. 

May you have everything in life. God is my witness when i say I want the best for you, the very best. Not even me should ever come in between you and happiness. 

I Love you.. forever and ever. And nothing is world would ever be complete without you. 

Enjoy this eve... freak out this day... coz its urs.. n that’s an order from your husband. LOL

Signing off 

"My Human"

"It’s 11 in the night.

I’m reading a book when you

come down and lie on my lap.

Burying your face in my thigh,

just like I used to do with my mother

after coming back from school.

Your head feels heavy.

4 meetings, promotion letter,

the leather chair.

Electricity bill, the broken geyser,

dentist’s appointment.

A childhood friend who’s no more,

son’s grades, mother’s sugar reports.

I run my fingers through your hair,

easing the 9-5 knots.

I feel your warm breath through the fabric,

as I hum a familiar tune.

They keep comparing lovers with ocean, wildfire,

constellations, musk,

and Gods even.

But right here, right now,

there’s this human lying on my lap.

Snoring lightly, as a drop of tear slips from the corner of his eye

and soaks my skirt.

I can’t feel my left leg.

But his head feels light."

Happy Birthday Sun of my life ❤️

In few minutes it will be your birthday . Birthdays have been always special to me , cause its a blessed day which brought you to this world and eventually to me .You existence is needed for so many others and of course me. Its a day to celebrate You . I always want to celebrate the day , do something extra for you than what i do everyday , something out of the way , something to make u feel how special you are to me . But I cant , not just because of the distance or the obvious messed up situation , but also because I don't have enough to give u except for my love and that also I have given it all ! I have given you my heart, body & soul . How do I keep giving u the things u already own ? I thought I could give to you a fancy watch , but it wont tell you how many days,hrs , mins & secs i wait for to see u, it wont tell u the urge I have to see you everyday n every minute. I thought I could get u a nice summer coat , but it wont tell you how handsome you would look in it and how I feel proud when u take my hands in yours and walk. I thought maybe I would write love letters for you , you know actually scented love letters but no words can actually even tell you how much i love you. Its never enough. So in short , I have nothing to give you , nothing extra ordinary , except for the very ordinary Me and my love. Happy Birthday My Love !!

Memory Line

Its been quite some time, we have been odd these days, I feel there has been a void between us. I am sitting here, with myself after some long time, sipping on the whiskey that you had brought me back from your trip. Smiling to myself as my mind brings back the joy to be yours. 

I dont tell you much, but I have missed you, a lot. 

I remembered we had promised each other to write about our feelings of the trip. To be frank I had thought about jotting them down a few times, but today this whiskey suddenly reminded of you. It tastes good. It tastes just like you. 

But then, I have had this feeling from some time that you wont need me again. May be that was the last time I had you with me.  

Is it odd if i tell I miss the sex with you. May be you will be lil offended. I know you want me, sexually and emotionally, somehow I feel guilty that these days i am not able to give myself to you. But am i too bad to miss sex with you every night. 

I remember the first we did on our trip. There was such urgency to it. I had butterflies in my stomach as soon as i saw you at the airport. Believe I wanted to take you to a corner and do it to you there. 

I could feel the tension between us in the car. In my mind i had undressed you probably a million times til we reached that hotel. I lost patience as the damn clerk fiddled with the amount, I could tel even you were anxious. 

The moment we checked in, I couldnot describe my thoughts. I was hard. weirdly even without touching you, I was rock hard, impatient and tensed. should i just jump on to you, I knew we had a lot of time, but i was impatient, i sensed so were you, you fiddled around, not looking at me. As i closed the door behind the guy, I stood at the way for a few minutes, checking and rechecking the bolt as you said something to me. I didnt hear. I looked at you, I knew we had a long day, both of us, and probably it would have been better after a shower, I was at the verge of losing it. LUST is all I can think. I didnt bother if we were with a days sweat, smelling everywhere, I wanted you. 

I went close to you, you practically froze, we kissed... hw i wish i could put words to that feeling... i think time stopped for me.. everything happned.. we kissed.. undressed.. fucked... i was in a trance... the next thing i remember was i moment my dick went inside you.. the burning of our most private skins together.. then again i lost track .. I have no damn idea how wel we fucked or how long it lasted.. i was lost in you.. I was lost in that smell.. in that feeling. 

One thing i remember, I dont know who said first, but as our bodies were one.. we said .. I LOVE YOU.. n it kept on ringing.. on and on .. 

Coz we truly Made Love .. We had united.. we were one.... 

I was thinking of writing you something .. n den last nite I found this stashed in a book.. it’s old.. it’s torn ..  I as I read it .  It echoed my feelings. Every word is so perfect .. so .. wid a memory that I fondly hold in my hand .. my love .. And I will find my way back to you .. I will wait for you .. I will crawl into your loving arms .. and whisper into your ears .. I LOVE YOU .. I LOVE YOU .. as long as I breadth .. as long as you breadth .. I will love every breadth of you .. You are mine .. Eternally mine ..

Blind love

"It's just another moment ..My mind conjures up his face, his hypnotic voice haunts my ears. I can almost smell him.The scent consumes me. Every last fiber of my being throbs for just one kiss, one embrace. Is that too much to ask for? He is the storm and the sunshine, summer and winter, fire and water. A living paradox. Light years apart from anything as trifling as earthly, he is the analgesic to my wretched soul. And sometimes, it's okay to not move on, to be consumed by the past, to weep for a person. Sometimes, just sometimes it's okay to get run down and be broken. No one-liner, no epiphany, no amount of motivation can touch you then. It's just you and your thoughts. The same thoughts you won't fight. Sometimes, it's okay to be blind."

A lusty morning:Imagination..Wish

After a night of passion ..they both had slept off only in the wee hours of the morning .. He was always an early riser (in every way :-P) as compared to her. He woke up to saw her sleeping next to him ,her back turned towards him , with only her tee on.One leg folded next to her tummy and one stretched out.He could see the folded lips of her slit..he could see her love hole ..Somehow ..he wanted her right then ..he wanted to feel that love hole again ..!! He traced his fingers from her waist to the end of her inner thighs..She shivered from his touch but didnt wake..! He slowly turned her towards him ..! She woke up..opened her eyes only to look at him looking at her with all the love n lust in his blazing eyes...She muttered a hoarse "good morning" and closed her eyes again! He couldn't wait any longer..he pressed his lips on her's and with one hand pulled her tee up. He always loved her boobs..As he fondled them ,pinched the nipples ,she moaned in his mouth.He already had a hard on .. His hands go down to her slit. She was so damn sleepy ..but this man was doing wonders to her body .. She sucked on his lips hard..bit on them. Felt his hard dick ready fr her..felt his hands on her already wet slit. He is amused when his fingers touch her wetness .. He wants to go down on her..taste her flowing juices.. But not now..not now.. He needs to be inside her.He gets up and puts his hard dick into her with a deep push.And she opens her eyes with the jolt. With the hard push she felt him get deep inside her. Everybit of drowsiness left her as now she could feel him fucking her hard. He could see the same hunger , lust he had , in her eyes and the more he fucked ..the more she wanted. After what felt like eternity..they came together..and came hard..He lay down on her totally spent but with a smile on both their faces .

Despair

Despair.. that’s the word which comes to my mind. My mind is filled with echoes of our scratches, our bites and punches. And it shakes my very existence.

Funny thing is .,.. I am such desperate to bleed that my mind replays the feelings over and over. The more is burns I get more desperate to be burnt.

The Distance

It's been almost 4 months , since I met you , saw that handsome face , smiling back at me , but why does it feel like it's been ages ! Like many other things in our relationship , this distance was unexpected too. We had thought that we would be able to manage this long distance , but we were wrong , cause this distance is killing us both , the wait becomes intolerable sometimes, the pain of not being able to see one another makes us miserable , but still we hold on to each other desperately . It's amazing how the distance has changed us and the relationship we share. We have become more insecure about each other, we are fighting almost every other day , we are not even sure how long we would last like this but we love each other more now , more fiercely ,we crave more for each other both sexually and mentally . The distance has made us realise that the time we have with each other is limited , that we are no longer at the beck and call for the other person. Weirdly , as the miles increased between us , we came more close, and now although we are practically miles apart , we have never been this close. And maybe that's why we keep coming back to each other , after each fight. I just hope and pray that you never stop loving me and no matter how long the distance , how difficult it gets in future , you never give up on me , on us , cause I won't . And I hope , we don't have this distance between us all our life . Till that time , keep me in your heart and love me this crazy always .

A Love Note

There are few moments in life when you realise the worth of someone’s existence in your life. The last 48 hours in my life has been the same. I know we had gone through a lot in our time under d sun. And there had a few occasions where it seemed we had fallen apart. And yet for unknown reason we got back with more zealot , swimming our way back to each other's heart But these were not the same, these ws a time wen it seemed we r ready to give up on each other. Yes, I know what happened, we kept on hurting each other, kept on and on, until we broke us down into pieces, jus coz we wer afraid to admit our defeat, in vain belief tht this wud calm us down, push us away. But I know something else.. tht we r defeated , shattered to each other.. coz long before dis happened we had lost our heart to each other. The last day we started fire , to burn us down, but to our astonishment our love became more pious .. became purer.   We had stood the test of time again Coz we are in love totally, crazily, and we have submitted our souls to each other. So dear… again.. I love you .. with all that I have i loved you…

A Quikie... A fantasy.. A Dream

It's an usual day, usual boring things in office happening around us which somehow manages to stress us .. When the evening draws near the usual moronics in office gives away to the hope of meeting you. So as per every alternate day I ask u out and you readily agree. We plan to meet up at our usual place. And hence we meet .. Meeting you gives me a flutter of energy.. And I can feel the feeling is mutual.. We sit there chatting our heart out about our days and a lot of crappy things holding on to each oder as always. As the clock ticks by, our conversations never ending . Then as of on cue we decide to walk through to your home, simply to b with each odr a little more. By the time we start both of us keenly aware of sparks in us n the flutters between our legs that nearness has almost alwys brought. We keep walking arms around each other, feeling our closeness, savouring each other's arouma. But we keep talking, flirting with each other all along just dropping even subtle hints, almost obssessing on the longing but none of us would give in.. As if it's a war of wits.. We come near to your home.. Intentionally I lead you to a longer route.. A more deserted route.. You instinctively know .. I saw you catching a glance towards me.. But you follow my lead.. We walk slowly.. Entangled with each other almost hugging.. My elbows brushing with your boobs.. We keep talking more n more sensual now.. About our sessions.. Sexual tension is palpable in both our voices.. You catching glance at my crotch n realising the obvious.. My bulge is prominent. We come our fav patch of this road.. A deserted area with some big trees… we almost cross it.. You give a look.. I can see your eyes sparkling with raw Lust. I take your hand and run behind the big bark of the tree.. Almost panting in passion.. And we kiss .. Like hungry tigers.. We bite on.. Me groppling with your jugs. Your hands move down and grop dick. We continue to kiss feverishly… my hands go inside your kurti push up your bra and fondle your boobs. My hands roam downwards.. to the edge of your leggings. You look at me a lil suprised.. I tug loose your leggings n reach down.. You almost scream at the first touch of my fingers.. I kiss you … and keep fingering you .. Just den someone passes by.. We almost froze into our actions.. The people pass by and we look at each other n smile shamelessly.. N resume.. U manage to pull down my zipper n manage to get out my fly.. I put my fingers inside you n start rockin myself to n fro .. You holding my dick in your hnd keep moving it up n down.. It is as if we r fucking each other.. Slow rocking movements n crazy kissing.. N something happened to me.. I decided I need to taste you.. I stopped n pulled down your pants .. You r shocked n utter no.. By dat time I was down there.. I pulled your legs apart n burry my tongue inside your love whole.. Oh .. How sweet you taste… after recovering from your initial shock you respond.. You start fucking my face .. With my tongue burried in you.. I put in my middle finger .. Flickin your clit .. And you cum.. Press my in your wetness as pleasure washes over you.. I keep lashing those honey till the last drop.. After some breadther.. We you let go of me.. Still twitchin n smiling like a possessed  woman.. I get up .. Start adjusting myself.. Then it's my turn to be shocked.. You turn the tables .. In a flash you pinned me against the bark n kiss.. Opening my dick n stroking it up n down.. U let go of my lips jus to say.. I m not done with you.. Den you go down on me .. Taking my dick sliding inside your mouth.. Licking it hungry.. Stroking it .. Licking it up n down.. Faster .. Faster .. I look down I see your head popping on my dick .. 1 min.. Max.. I m at my verge ..v,fI look down .. Say.. Baby .. I cnt hold any more .. U look up n wink at me.. Ur eyes blazin with lust.. U increase ur speed .. N ahhhhh.. I cum .. U take me in .. Evry drop.. Wen m finished .. U let go… cum dripping .. U spit out .. Loads of cum.. Smile at me .. M mesmerised.. V get up ..cleanup ourselves .. Come out from behind d tree .. Passer by look quizzically at us.. We walk the rest in silence both of us rilling with thots of wat jus happend.. We reach ur your home.. Just as you go in.. U look at me lovingly n say.. Thnks .. N my night is blissed ..

Reasons of d reason

Wel.. u had to ask it.. my first reaction. Den I asked to myself… do I even know the answer. Realized .. I dont.. wel.. I just do.. I know.. I do.. n I hope u know.. I started racking my brain.. my heart.. to come up with some smart ans.. to stump u .. But den.. gues m nt dat smart.. al dat are coming to me r stupid ones .. What to I do tel u.. Dat itz jus coz u r “u”.. the bubbly.. smart.. the cute u.. Dat jus coz u do dat thing to me.. u look at me wid dos eyes .. make me squabble for words.. Dat somehow.. u make me go crazy.. everytime to come near. Dat for some weird reason. . I wud hope u wud c me evry oder day.. Dat jus seeing you gives me happiness.. Dat I jus love wen u scold me for somethin silly like umbrella.. Dat I crave for u .. Dat love wen u pout abt somethin..

Dat I stil get intoxicated by ur smell.. Dat I get big at d mere thot of comin close to u.. Dat I love the smell of ur sloppy lips lingerin on aftr one of crazy kisses.. Dat I love u ... simply jus coz itz d onli thin dat defines me.. N I m simply n outrightly.. hopelessly in love .. with u..

Morning shows the Day

"You have aquired me.. body, soul and mind" .. That is the first thought whisked thru wen I woke up this morning. As a habit, in my slumber I took my phone ti check. And my heart leapt . There is msg frm you. Thinking of which is strange. Its onli a msg.. few written words.. but then as dey say.. words can have great impact on you.. n who betr can believe dat dan me. Rather us.. our whole realtion started in dat corridor in one rainy afternoon.. n the words we had spoken frm den on.. prolonged relentless conversations we had.. r merely "words" My slumber gave awy with sense of heartfel desire.. desire to be with at that moment as there read n re-read the txt. And I realised that I m smilin.. discretely longing to take u in my arms.. n a good morning kiss.. Come to think of it.. there r very few things in life that one grows a habit of.. and it seems we have somethin in common. We have grown into a habit of each other. Even your late nite msgs.. as I read your msg. I realized I hv dis habit of checkin my inbox as I wakeup... n it struck it just to check my love hs a msg awaitin my atention.. n somehw fr some unknown reason havin dat makes my day.. So.. it is safe to say.. that today.. again so nth time.. u had jus made my day.. wel.. Good mornin my love. A very very good morning.. N very discretely I hope that this post will bring a smile to you.. n somehw.. it makes your day as wel.. With love frm some1 whos heart you hav completely..

Leter of intent

Ok. here I am. travellin in d train jus to meet you. from kolkata to varanasi with mountains of deception on both of our parts just to spend this time with you. As I started writin dis it struck me how crazy it is. I mean I have never imagined in my life I would so drawn by some1 that I could get to travel dis far jus to spend time alone with that person. Dis is as if u hv possessed me. Makes me realize how crazy a relation we have. I have heard many people travellin long distances to get to see one glimpse of their loved ones. Seen Raj travel n suddenly becoming stupidly indian for his Simran. Read an IIT guys bunk an entire field trip n fake his fracture to get to his love. But I have nevr done any of dem. After 2 more days I cnt write dis. I wud rather say "been der done dat".. n courtesy to d craziest lover I have. As this train hums its way towards the destination I cnt but think the moments wen u wud come to me at the station. The moments we wud have after we safely check in. The sleepless nite that I xpect to spend in ur arms. The soreness that wud grip us nxt day. N the thots ripple inside me. Making butterflies go in stomach. Expectations wash ovr my parts. Makes me twitch in anticipation. I cnt wait to close that door n pounce on u. I cn almost c u ridin me n blowing me as a possessed woman. I cn almost feel the moist heat of ur mouth grippin in my cock. Oh. I so wish dis nite goes away in a flash. And the moment comes wer u r mine. Til den .. adios amigos !!

Time-fly

Time flies !! Dts the thot dat was running in my mind as I got dwn frm the metro in the eve My mind ws flashing me the memories of all the moments dat we hv hd .. the good .. the biter n everythin in between Mind works stupendously.. In that crowded metro as we talkd away our dys.. I ws keenly aware of ur closeness n d gentle grip on my shirt as I ws comin closure n closure to u as d metro swayed.. ur intoxicatin smel n d site ur breasts heevin close to me ran chils of pleasure thru me.. my mind telin me . I wil get u.. I wil get u on me soon.. n fr d 1st time widout any naggin thot of time or place... In the same breath I ws wishin I hd a time travlr.. I wud hv gotten to ur clg dys n make some crazy way to meet u .. n get u.. my mind scoldin me fr nt hvin d crazy idea of meetin u in malda.. Thinkin of ol the times we hd spent talkin .. we didnt evn gotten off wid each odr .. N in d same time thinkin hw beautiful u looked today.. unravld .. work-exhausted .. but u luked at ease.. n somehw in a weird twisted way I find dt sexy.. I knw .. u wud say .. both of us wer sweaty.. n smelly .. n yet I wud gladly gone to bed wid u.. But again.. time flies !! In dat confusion at gitanjali.. a shrp pang made me aware of the lil moments I hv left... n I suddenly wntd 2 kiss u .. looonggg... so dt u wud miss ur stn .. n I get a few more moments wid u.. N I felt... "I Love U" N d amusin look on ur face n d glitter in ur eyes as u blurted "Love u too" made me believe... U do... N until d time we meet again .. dat knwin wud keep me goin ... For Time truly.. Flies...

And you have kissed me damn “right” cause I seem to be yours forever ! ;)