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Vinnie Hacker ~ Cowboy Like Me
Warnings: mentions of drugs, swearing (If I missed something pls lmk!!!!)
The start of an ‘unexpected’ romance between y/n and Vinnie.
Chapter 1:
I stared blankly at my reflection on the sliding glass door that was caused by the contrast of the darkness outside and brightness inside.
“I didn’t even realize he was home.” Turning my head to Jack.
He’s not paying attention to me, he’s hunched over leaning on the kitchen island. “Huh?” He then looks up from his phone unknowingly
I look back at the doors, but this time through them. Now focused on the back profile of him. Sitting on a patch of grass behind their pool that overlooked the Los Angeles skyline and the cliff they resided on. I figured he was upset after the whole thing with Alexa, but I didn’t really know what happened, so I can’t say I expected such melodrama.
I grabbed the handle and slid the door open, stepping outside. I closed the door behind me, muffling the 21 savage that was playing in the living room. It was brisk outside, brisk for LA. The last time I was in the city it was August, so I had gotten somewhat used to the heat. Then in September when I returned to New York for school I was hit with 35° at 12 pm. Safe to say, it was a familiar October breeze, one that reminded me of home.
I walked towards the pool and looked in it for a while. Then I made my way to the hot tub and finally to the grass he was seated on. I took a deep breathe and looked out at the view, then down at him.
“Seat taken?” As I went to sit down. We both knew he wasn’t going to avoid my presence.
He was silent, except for a few small shaky inhales. After I adjusted on the cold ground, I placed my hand on his upper back and tried to soothe him. He rubbed his eyes with the bases of his palm, looked at me for a second, then back out at the view.
I started to rub his back and he laughed. I followed with my own laughter because we both know how insufferable I find comforting people to be. He’s an exception every once and a while when he’s really upset though.
“I’m sorry,”
It took him a second to associate himself with the conversation blooming.
“What for?” His words were incomprehensible from his crying. And they stung a little bit.
“I don’t know, that you’re upset?” I didn’t mean for that to sound impatient or insensitive, and I know he wouldn’t have taken it like that. He was one of the only people who could see through whatever tone I accidentally exercised.
“I just thought it was different this time.” His voice was unsteady, and it sounded like he still had some tears in him. He sat up straighter and looked at the sky, forcing my hand off his back. I pulled it back towards myself, and contemplated then caressing his cheek. But I didn’t think it was the time.
“I know,” I looked down at my lap, “it’s gonna be okay dude, you know it is.”
Alexa and Vinnie had been together for no longer than a few weeks. They had hooked up sometimes during the summer, and decided to make it official. But today in the afternoon they got in an argument about his “emotional presence”, not only in their relationship, but their previous friendships… I guess Vinnie hadn’t been super focused on it.
Anyways, later at Sound in Hollywood, he made the faulty mistake of drunkenly barging in on Alexa and another guy in the family restroom doing…well I don’t actually know. I wasn’t there, but from what I’ve observed about intoxicated Vinnie, he probably didn’t take it very lightly.
At 11 pm I got a text from Eamonn saying what happened, and how he had to drag Vinnie, at that point barley sentient, back home. I guess Alexa soon followed and told Vinnie that he should’ve ‘expected it’ and that he ‘has no value’ for her other than his looks. I don’t think Eamonn told the guys though, as no one seems to notice Vinnie’s physical and emotional absence.
“What do you think I did? I swore she liked me! Like actually liked me.”
“She did!”
“She thinks I’m a loser y/n. Everyone does.” His face dropped.
“I don’t,” he didn’t answer me.
“You’re not a loser Vinnie. That’s such a stupid insult like I’ve only ever had the urge to call a politician a loser. You’re just a little nerdy sometimes who cares?”
“I don’t think ‘nerdy’ is any better,” he huffs. “It’s like every time I start to think I’m worth more then what I am on the outside I’m very much proven wrong.”
His words lost emotion now, no more sadness, but not anything positive either.
“Oh come on. You are,”
“Like what? What am I good at what do I do?” He looks at me, allowing eye contact for the first time tonight.
“Don’t do that Vinnie, don’t let other people blur how you view yourself. You know who you are. Don’t be ashamed of that.” I pause
“You’re so smart Vinnie, and you’re compassionate and understanding. I don’t think I know a better listener, or someone more considerate. You make everyone in a room feel welcome, you have a natural confidence that makes everyone want to be around you. And what you think you’re a loser? People love you Vin! Everyone inside does, I do.” I have to look away from him, I don’t like eye contact.
“So what you are a little nerdy,” I let out a giggle to ease the uncertain tension. He still has no answer.
To fill the silence I say, “Yeah you like anime and manga and whatever. And you spend 6 hours a day on your computer. You know every detail of the Star Wars lore and stuff. You love Pokémon and Nintendo and video games…”
“Okay I think we get it, I’m a degenerate.” he sniffs and shuts his eyes tight, freeing some tears left in his waterline.
I continue, “Oh stop, those things make you you. I think they’re quite charming yknow… it’s nice to see how passionate you can be. I don’t know. And hey you are a good looking guy, don’t get me wrong, but as far as I know, that’s like at the bottom of the l reasons you’re fucking awesome…I don’t know, I don’t think you should turn against yourself because some bitch thinks you’re too nerdy.”
I look at him to meet a longing gaze back at me. It’s silent for a little, too silent. Before I can break the awkward silence he leans in to connect our lips. The saltiness on his lips from his tears stun me, and suddenly Vinnie doesn’t appear to me how he did when we first met.
In 2021, I was in Miami visiting my ex boyfriend. I was at a party with some friends and Vinnie was there, apparently he had a boxing match later that week. We didn’t have much of a one on one conversation though, just a mutual introduction and group discussion. He was so shy and focused, so unlike the Vinnie I grew to know.
After that though we didn’t talk for an entire year. Except in June 2022 he followed me on instagram. Then in November of that year he was in New York for a modeling gig. I was at my friend Annabel’s place and she was throwing a housewarming party, she had just moved into this beautiful 800,000 Brownstone in Brooklyn. Obviously I wasn’t going to turn down that invite, despite my rather distaste for parties. That caught up to me through the night though, I ended up traveling to her fire escape on the second floor to roll up and escape from the networking occurring on the first floor. That’s when I saw Vinnie again.
See, you had to go through a bathroom window to get onto the fire escape, so I was also taking up a second bathroom.
He walked in and I was startled, mostly because I thought he was a stranger.
“Oh! I’m sorry I didn’t know anyone was in here.” He went to leave.
“No! No, I’m not using the bathroom. Sorry…I’ll leave.” I scrambled to get my things, so I didn’t further disrupt him.
“No, please it’s alright.” His voice finally clicked, that night in 2021 hit me, and suddenly I wasn’t in such a hurry.
“Vinnie?” God please remember me.
“Hey, oh wow y/n I didn’t even realize!” He put his hands in his back pockets.
“How are you? I thought you lived in LA.”
“I do, I’m here for work and stuff.”
“Oh okay,”
“I was just gonna smoke out here so I’ll go, don’t wanna you know stop you from using the bathroom or whatever.” God why am i so awkward.
“No, no it’s okay! I was coming up here to kind of escape the party anyways haha.” He lets out a laugh.
After a small silence he asks, “I mean, could I join you?”
Truthfully, I didn’t want him to. Not because I don’t like him, I just enjoy being alone. Something made me say yes though. We went out on the fire escape and lit the joint I had rolled before he came in. He was so different physically from the last time I saw him. His whole right arm was blank, and now it’s covered in ink like his left. His hair is longer, and he’s bigger, maybe leaner?
We talked about how life had been the past 2 years and whatnot. I opened up about that ex boyfriend, he told me about his grandmother and his brother. We talked like we had been friends for those two years. After that night he left again for LA, but we stayed in touch. By in touch I mean we called I think every night for 3 months straight, whether it was to play Valorant or just to talk. When we didn’t call every night, we texted every day. And whenever I was in LA, which was now a lot (for reasons totally other than to see him!) we hung out everyday.
Anyways I recall these experiences with a friend. Maybe even a little brother, okay not a little brother. Maybe like a hot family friend. Point is, this image of him was smeared all over my brain during this kiss. I’ve never even considered the idea of Vinnie liking someone like me. So maybe I just suppressed any possible feelings towards him…force of habit?
Coming too, I realized what was happening. I quickly removed myself from the kiss, causing him to inhale with hesitation.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to do that,” he said frantically, opening his eyes wider then before.
“No Vin, it’s okay,” I tried to convince him.
“I’m sorry,” “it’s fine, really!”
He looked at me one more time, and then got up and walked away in less then 5 seconds. In less then 5 seconds he was gone. I watched him enter the house and looked back out at the view. I couldn’t kiss him, he’s a mess! He’s so vulnerable and sad, he only kissed me because I was around and comforting him. That’s why. Holy fuck.
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