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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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Sleepingways

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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June Prompts 🌼

Word prompts to use for doodling or writing

fairytale

garden hose

fruit stand

radio

block party

tattoo

ice cream

postcard

festival

skating

barefoot

night walks

pride

fries

stream

flower crown

outdoors

cocktail umbrellas

playing cards

sailboat

karaoke

dandelions

buttons

pearls

midsummer

universe

neon sign

dragonfly

birch tree

peaches

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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Coming Out on the First, or, Ramblings On Why I Adore That Big Elf Nerd

Spoilers to 6.1

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What the heck my tumblr has apparently turned into Urianger Thoughts sooooo let’s lean into it and go! I imagine someone else has probably written this already, but again I’ve been sitting on these thoughts for a year and what is tumblr for if not to scatter ideas like glitter stars across the just-swept floors of fandom? Yes, Urianger’s my favorite character because he is the most empathic and emotionally intelligent of the Scions. He reads as an hsp, neurodivergent, and aspec af kinkeeper like me. Yes, on meeting him I immediately went THIS NERD SHALL BE MY WOL’S BFF because we both escaped from bullying to books, picking up language quirks from our reads (he fantasy-Shakespeare, me Wodehouse) and he is eminently extraverdoptable. Anyone who is excited to gift me a free lecture on interesting topics at the drop of a hat is my kind of people, because this is also how I show affection. I relate to him a ton. And the very clever way the Scions are written encourages you to project yourself on the ones you relate to. But I still have questions.

Where is he from? Who is his family? While the Sharlayan segment of EW was gorgeous and immensely satisfying, I feel like I don’t know any more than I did before. Did Moen’s parents and Louisoix raise him? Is he a Sharlayan orphan? Was he raised in a wealthy family like the Leveilleurs, or more modestly? And how in the heck did such a sensitive soul begin a career in espionage?

I haven’t played 1.0, but according to the wiki (bold mine): “Urianger was involved in the reestablishment of the Grand Companies of Eorzea, which continued to combat this threat. Urianger acted behind the scenes, having been branded a heretic by the Garlean Empire, and their pursuit of him distracted them from doing greater harm to the city-states. In spite of his seclusion, Urianger appeared at most Circle of Knowing gatherings, and even accompanied their leader, Louisoix Leveilleur.” Soooooo he’s been Roadrunner-trolling Garleans then shouting MEEP MEEPETH and running away??

Math time: if 1.0 starts 5 years before ARR, and Urianger is 29 in ARR, he’s roughly 24 in 1.0. In the clips I saw on youtube at any rate he sounds like he’s already experienced in running interference, so I imagine he’s been at it a couple of years or so. And if he finished up puberty with his growth spurt at age 20 (maybe lasting a year or two?) it sounds like pretty much his entire adult life he’s been on the run from the Empire.

It didn’t sound like he had a spymaster, either, which could explain a lot about why he tends to act on his own without telling anyone, why he was so confident playing double agent with Elidibus, and why he managed to pull off the incredibly high-stakes things he pulls off. He’s literally a pro. It also implies that in addition to being reserved he wears the outfit as part of his role, and is just heckin Method about his acting (like when you first meet him and he realizes he doesn’t have to put on the Mysterious Prophet act for you and corrects himself.)

And then there’s the First. Suddenly he’s whisked away to another world with zero Garleans. No one is hunting him. No one knows his face. For pretty much the first time in his entire adult life, he’s not on the run. And he blossoms. As he starts his 30s he finally has the chance to figure out who he is and what he wants. I don’t know if it was Louisoix who gave him the spy assignment but while he was good at it, it wasn’t a good fit emotionally. We start to see him pull away from it more and more in this beautiful arc where he sets aside clothes that hide him from identification, and magic that can be used as a distraction. He goes full nominative determinism with astrologian (augury = telling the future) and becomes not a spy, but a healer, embracing the soft heart at the center of his character. As he relaxes more we see more of the things that make him him, like that dry, quirky sense of humor. This also reads for my headcanon as the timeframe when he accepts himself enough to fall in love with Thancred. When Obergefell vs. Hodges came down, I was 30. While there was still more work to do, things felt….different. It felt like a different world full of change and optimism, kind of the sensation of opening a window in a stagnant room. And in that fresh air I was able to come out to myself and start the process of coming out to everyone else. And like… when you come out as LGBTQIA2S+ it sounds like you’re coming out as a category (for me, demipan) but in a lot of ways you’re setting aside the mask society’s pushed on you and saying here I am, I’m just me. And that’s what Urianger does, and one of the reasons he’s so precious to me. For the first time, he accepts and celebrates who he is, fully, as a person. And his loved ones do, too.

When you meet him on the First he echoes his Mysterious Prophet introduction to you and then reintroduces himself, confidently and mischievously asking how you like the true him. He knows you love him and will accept him, and when someone comes out to you in the knowledge that you’ll celebrate them it feels like such an honor, y'know?

And when he returns to the Source, Garlemald is in such a state that it’s safe for him to drop the assigned prophet act and be his true gnc astrologian self. His struggles with “honesty” really sound more to me like struggles between the expectations of this obligatory spy role and his authentic self. I’m still annoyed that when he is excruciatingly hard on himself I can’t just wrap him up in my arms and tell him he’s okay, he did the right thing. Then in EW we see his rejection of spying and of being who other people ask him to be come full circle, where he honors his own needs (”I followed my heart”) and learns to place healthy boundaries with the Loporrits. (I literally hollered to my wife “OMG Urianger learned to set boundaries!!” and we cheered, haha!) Moen’s parents affirm and validate his growth in That Scene. It makes me wonder again who put him up to spying and why he went along with it. Ultimately he comes of age at 32 by accepting himself, asserting himself, and learning to be gentler with himself. And that’s beautiful.

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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AND ANOTHER THING I love how embarrassing it is in Heavensward that you show up to Hraesvelgr's with a party of

a precocious 12 year old

Estinien Wyrmblood, known dragon murderer

a woman who spiritually identifies as his dead wife and expects him to agree that she is really his wife in real life for real

his dad, but really tiny, so he can't see him

And he has an extremely reasonable human reaction to this which is "fuck off out of my house"

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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SHOEBOX II

but I think that’s sort of the point, isn’t it? to survive. to have a little house and fill it with flowers, to have a little cat, some small soft creature that you dearly love, to have a vegetable garden in the backyard, to spend your summer evenings prying carrots out of the ground and eating them right there, hands still covered in dirt. what do you want to do with your life? don’t ask me. ask the magpie, ask the mouse. ask the dandelions bursting through cracks in the pavement. you’ll get the same answer: all I want to do with my life is survive and that’s not nothing.

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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gh♥st.

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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Welcome to the May Writing Challenge! This month is themed around dark academia and filled with prompts to be interpreted into any form of writing you desire.

Meeting someone at the dead of night

A chess game

“You can’t just crawl to me because they didn’t want you”

Misdirection

A reluctant dance partner

Old diaries

An unsent letter

Candlelight

“I just wanted an excuse to wear this gown”

A pen used as a sword

Stacks of tea stained cups

“You’re going to have a fate worse than execution”

Family heirlooms

A torn out page in a book

Obligation

“Do stay calm, daring. You don’t want to make a scene”

A mysterious new professor

Intertwined

Pouring over old books and pages

A forgotten language

“I love the sound of rain” “I know you do”

“Let me have this dance, once last time”

Telling stories to the stars

Running down stone halls barefoot

“Just imagine the old ghosts that fill these rooms”

Ivy concealing a hidden entrance

A childhood swing

“I never thought I’d come back here”

A hidden cigarette

Studying abroad

Withered flowers

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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family outing 🌳🍃

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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An Alphinaud Leveilleur (of FFXIV) fanmix - 8 tracks [mostly indie, a little punk, a little misc.]

[Spotify]

Tracklist:

A Comet Appears - The Shins

Maybe Sprout Wings - The Mountain Goats

Take Your Medicine - Cloud Cult

Your Hand in Mine - Explosions in the Sky

Level Up - Vienna Teng

Homesick - Sleeping at Last

Tragedy + Time - Rise Against

Stargazing - Kygo

Selected lyrics below the cut!

1. A Comet Appears - The Shins

Close your eyes to corral a virtue

Is this fooling anyone else?

Never worked so long and hard

To cement a failure

2. Maybe Sprout Wings - The Mountain Goats

A bad dream shook me in my sleep

And I woke up sweating

Ran through the dark to the shower

Already forgetting

Try to think good thoughts

Trying to find my way clear

Let the room fill with steam

Trace pictures on the mirror

3. Take Your Medicine - Cloud Cult

Suck up, suck up and take your medicine.

It's a good day, it's a good day to face the hard things.

Pulled my fist from my mouth.

I beat myself for a quarter century.

4. Your Hand in Mine - Explosions in the Sky

[instrumental]

5. Level Up - Vienna Teng

Begin again.

Dynamite the dam on the flow.

Your body feels the tock tock tock

Of time as it hammers.

Lord we are all cinders

From a fire burning long ago,

But here it is the knock knock knock

Of your own heart that matters.

6. Homesick - Sleeping at Last

When the world was flat, we dreamt of its edges

If love's elastic, then were we born to test it's reach?

Is it buried treasure or just a single puzzle piece?

It's poison ivy beneath our brave and trusting feet

7. Tragedy + Time - Rise Against

And nothing matters but the pain when you're alone

The never-ending nights when you're awake

When you're praying that tomorrow it's okay

There will be a time to crack another smile

Maybe not today or for awhile

But we're holding on to laugh again some day

To laugh again some day

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Nothing matters when the pain is all but gone

When you are finally awake

Despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came

8. Stargazing - Kygo

You're saying it's hopeless, that I should hope less

Heaven can help us, well maybe "she" might

You say it's beyond us, what is beyond us?

Let's see and decide

We've been meteoric, even before this

Burns half as long when it's twice as bright

So if it's beyond us, then it's beyond us

Lets see and decide

And I will still be here, stargazing

I still look up, look up

Look up for love

#alphinaud leveilleur #ffxiv #fanmix #ffxiv fanmix #alphinaud

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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“There is a Tiger in my House”

A short comic about Generational Trauma, and not feeding the tiger.

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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“i’ll shake the ground with all my might, i will pull my whole heart up to the surface. for the innocent, for the vulnerable, i’ll show up on the front lines with a purpose. and i’ll give all i have, i’ll give my blood, i’ll give my sweat- an ocean of tears will spill for what is broken. i’m shattered porcelain, glued back together again, invincible like i’ve never been.”

— eight, sleeping at last

#hopepunk #lyrics

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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Please make a post about the story of the RMS Carpathia, because it's something that's almost beyond belief and more people should know about it.

Carpathia received Titanic’s distress signal at 12:20am, April 15th, 1912. She was 58 miles away, a distance that absolutely could not be covered in less than four hours.

(Californian’s exact position at the time is…controversial. She was close enough to have helped. By all accounts she was close enough to see Titanic’s distress rockets. It’s uncertain to this day why her crew did not respond, or how many might not have been lost if she had been there. This is not the place for what-ifs. This is about what was done.)

Carpathia’s Captain Rostron had, yes, rolled out of bed instantly when woken by his radio operator, ordered his ship to Titanic’s aid and confirmed the signal before he was fully dressed. The man had never in his life responded to an emergency call. His goal tonight was to make sure nobody who heard that fact would ever believe it.

All of Carpathia’s lifeboats were swung out ready for deployment. Oil was set up to be poured off the side of the ship in case the sea turned choppy; oil would coat and calm the water near Carpathia if that happened, making it safer for lifeboats to draw up alongside her. He ordered lights to be rigged along the side of the ship so survivors could see it better, and had nets and ladders rigged along her sides ready to be dropped when they arrived, in order to let as many survivors as possible climb aboard at once.

I don’t know if his making provisions for there still being survivors in the water was optimism or not. I think he knew they were never going to get there in time for that. I think he did it anyway because, god, you have to hope.

Carpathia had three dining rooms, which were immediately converted into triage and first aid stations. Each had a doctor assigned to it. Hot soup, coffee, and tea were prepared in bulk in each dining room, and blankets and warm clothes were collected to be ready to hand out. By this time, many of the passengers were awake–prepping a ship for disaster relief isn’t quiet–and all of them stepped up to help, many donating their own clothes and blankets.

And then he did something I tend to refer to as diverting all power from life support.

Here’s the thing about steamships: They run on steam. Shocking, I know; but that steam powers everything on the ship, and right now, Carpathia needed power. So Rostron turned off hot water and central heating, which bled valuable steam power, to everywhere but the dining rooms–which, of course, were being used to make hot drinks and receive survivors. He woke up all the engineers, all the stokers and firemen, diverted all that steam back into the engines, and asked his ship to go as fast as she possibly could. And when she’d done that, he asked her to go faster.

I need you to understand that you simply can’t push a ship very far past its top speed. Pushing that much sheer tonnage through the water becomes harder with each extra knot past the speed it was designed for. Pushing a ship past its rated speed is not only reckless–it’s difficult to maneuver–but it puts an incredible amount of strain on the engines. Ships are not designed to exceed their top speed by even one knot. They can’t do it. It can’t be done.

Carpathia’s absolute do-or-die, the-engines-can’t-take-this-forever top speed was fourteen knots. Dodging icebergs, in the dark and the cold, surrounded by mist, she sustained a speed of almost seventeen and a half.

No one would have asked this of them. It wasn’t expected. They were almost sixty miles away, with icebergs in their path. They had a respondibility to respond; they did not have a responsibility to do the impossible and do it well. No one would have faulted them for taking more time to confirm the severity of the issue. No one would have blamed them for a slow and cautious approach. No one but themselves.

They damn near broke the laws of physics, galloping north headlong into the dark in the desperate hope that if they could shave an hour, half an hour, five minutes off their arrival time, maybe for one more person those five minutes would make the difference. I say: three people had died by the time they were lifted from the lifeboats. For all we know, in another hour it might have been more. I say they made all the difference in the world.

This ship and her crew received a message from a location they could not hope to reach in under four hours. Just barely over three hours later, they arrived at Titanic’s last known coordinates. Half an hour after that, at 4am, they would finally find the first of the lifeboats. it would take until 8:30 in the morning for the last survivor to be brought onboard. Passengers from Carpathia universally gave up their berths, staterooms, and clothing to the survivors, assisting the crew at every turn and sitting with the sobbing rescuees to offer whatever comfort they could.

In total, 705 people of Titanic’s original 2208 were brought onto Carpathia alive. No other ship would find survivors.

At 12:20am April 15th, 1912, there was a miracle on the North Atlantic. And it happened because a group of humans, some of them strangers, many of them only passengers on a small and unimpressive steam liner, looked at each other and decided: I cannot live with myself if I do anything less.

I think the least we can do is remember them for it.

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unto-the-dawn · 2 years

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This is his year.