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undefineddestination · 2 years

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Recommendation: The Lost Tomb Show Franchise

** Listed in chronological story order, not by release date!

** No movies were included.

The Mystic Nine (Series Prequel)

** No prior series knowledge needed

In the 1930s, Changsha was under the protection of nine upstanding families known as “The Mystic Nine” or “The Old Nine Gates”. Pillars of society, these nine families followed strict codes to help one another and protect the people of the city.

Who would have guessed that those nine families were also the most prolific tomb robbing families in China?

When a ghost train filled with corpses pulls into the station at Changsha, the head of the Mystic Nine, Zhang Qishan, is sent to investigate. The tracks lead in a distinct path to another well-known city, but Zhang Qishan finds an area where the tracks have been altered for another, secret route.

The train came from a mine in the mountains- a mine atop a mysterious tomb of unknown origins.

To solve the mystery of the Ghost Train, the Mystic Nine will have to first come together to find a way to save one of their own from a terminal illness, survive the tomb within the mine, and race to stop a dangerous plot that could destroy Changsha and its people forever.

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The Lost Tomb (10 eps)

** No prior series knowledge needed

Wu Xie is fresh out of college and already causing trouble.

Young and idealistic, Wu Xie steals back a stolen artefact and flees back towards China, intending to turn it over to the proper authorities and ensure it is not in a private collector’s hands, but those of a museum.

When he finds half of a map hidden in the artefact, things start to get weird fast. Wu Xie’s home is ransacked, assassins are after him, and he has no choice but to join up with his Third Uncle (the one he’s closest to) and follow the map to a long lost tomb.

Joining them on their journey is a man with questionable morals known as “Pangzi” (Fatty), and the mysterious Xiao Ge- Zhang Qiling. An elite warrior who carries a sword around with him, Wu Xie runs into him twice- once when he first found the map, and again when assassin’s attacked him. Xiao Ge rarely speaks, his hand has been mutilated in a way common of ancient tomb robbing families, and no matter what horrors the tomb throws at them, it’s as if Xiao Ge already knows every trick and trap.

Who is Xiao Ge? Which side is he on?

And what is hidden inside the tomb that so many people are willing to kill for?

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The Lost Tomb 2: Explore With the Note

** Should first see: The Lost Tomb

Wu Xie has found a photograph among his missing uncle’s belongings that raises more questions than answers.

The photo depicts those who departed long ago to explore a rumored deep-sea tomb off the coast. Of those in the picture, only a very small number were ever seen again.

Including Xiao Ge- Zhang Qiling. Except if that was him in the photo, he would be middle-aged now, not in his early 20s.

The Tomb of the Sea was a disaster for the Mystic Nine families that participated in the exploration. Many were lost forever, and those who came back came back… haunted. To find his Third Uncle, Wu Xie will step into the tomb that should never have been disturbed.

When Xiao Ge suddenly appears on the way to the tomb, Wu Xie is apprehensive. Zhang Qiling appears to have no memory of being in that tomb before, but he is in the photograph of the expedition, knows all the tricks to survive inside, and as they make their way through the tomb he remembers one single thing: Wu Xie’s uncle becoming strange, vanishing, and then attacking them all.

Whatever happened all those years ago cannot stay buried for long, and inside the Tomb of the Sea they find clues that points to another long lost tomb. Wu Xie, Xiao Ge, and Pangzi once again band together to survive the tombs and solve the mystery- but with Xiao Ge’s penchant for vanishing they can’t even be sure if they’ll survive the journey.

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The Lost Tomb 2.5: Heavenly Palace on the Clouds

** Should first see: “The Lost Tomb”; “The Lost Tomb 2: Explore With the Note”.

While previously 2.0 was referred to as “Explore With the Note”, that title has been applied to each of the Lost Tomb 2 shows. I chose to differentiate them thus.

The iron triangle: Wu Xie, Zhang Qi Ling and Wang Pang Zi find themselves on a train headed for the mountainous Korean border in search of a mysterious, mythical palace in a world of glaciers, avalanches, and blizzards.

They have no idea why Wu San Sheng has sent the message that brought them all together again, but they soon discover that they are not alone in their search for the peak that holds the palace, A-Ning is on the same trail with a team of foreigners. Not only that, Chen Pi A Si has his own interests to look out for and so brings along Monk Hua, Lang Feng and Ye Cheng.

They are joined by a guide as well, Shun Zi. As they move deeper within the maze of mountain tunnels, all of them begin to wonder if this adventure will be their final quest.

** While this does begin a bit before the end of “The Lost Tomb 2″ (leading up to Wu Xie waking up in the mountain village), the main focus is on events after the end of “The Lost Tomb 2: Explore With the Note”.

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The Lost Tomb 3: The Ultimate Note

** No prior series knowledge needed. It begins with something resembling a “Previously On”, but does not tie in to the previous shows so just ignore.

Wu Xie, Pangzi, and Xiao Ge/Zhang Qiling are now well schooled in dangerous tombs (well, as the 70+ year old scion of the semi-immortal Zhang family, Xiao Ge was already pretty well schooled), and Third Uncle is… still a mystery.

Curious about his uncle’s past, Wu Xie watched a strange videotape, only to find himself accidentally mixed up in an elaborate conspiracy.

In his adventures he is joined by a new group of allies, including Xie family scion Yu Chen and Hei Yan Jing- a smart-ass elite mercenary well over 100 years old (thus one of the few Zhang Qiling responds to).

It’s time to solve the mystery of Zhang Qiling’s chronically lapsing memory. Originally the team thought the old Zhang family manor might hold some clues as to why Xiao Ge suddenly re-sets, but they are stopped in their tracks by enemy forces.

What secrets do the Zhang Family Crypt hold? And to what extent will a semi-immortal dynasty of tomb raiders go in order to protect their secrets?

Even Zhang Qiling may not be safe from the dangerous road ahead.

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Tomb of the Sea // Sand Sea

** While it does tie in to Ultimate Note, no prior series knowledge is needed as this came out nearly 3 years BEFORE Ultimate Note.

Li Cu was nowhere near special. A below-average student forced to repeat high school (along with his best friend), trapped with an abusive father after his mother fled home, and had little to no ambition in life.

Then his friend returned from a trip to the desert and gave him a metal box. When he opened it something black pooled in the center and then struck him in the head.

That was annoying enough, but soon after a man attacks Li Cu in the street, chokes him to unconsciousness, and then takes a jagged shard of glass and fillets his back before taking his own life.

Li Cu wakes up in the hospital in agony, and is promptly kidnapped by a dark and dangerous man named… Wu Xie.

Wu Xie is the renegade of the Jiumen alliance families, he goes where he wants and does what he wants- this time that means entering the desert and seeking out Gutongjing. A place so evil that the Mystic Nine themselves forbade anyone from ever traveling there after hundreds perished in one fell swoop.

The desert holds a secret many would kill to claim as their own, but the real fight might be back home, where Zhang Rishan himself seeks to take advantage of Wu Xie’s latest scheme and use it to flush out the mysterious tenth family, banished from the Mystic Nine long ago.

Li Cu is only 18, but he’s trapped in the desert, held hostage by Wu Xie, and that filleted back of his? Well it turns out Wu Xie’s friend was the one who did that to him- and in the skin of a young man he left a map that will lead them to the black heart of Gutongjing itself.

**Story follows Li Cu, with Wu Xie and the Iron Triangle playing supporting roles.

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Reunion: The Sound of the Providence

** No prior series knowledge needed, but it helps to watch “The Lost Tomb” just to be familiar with who is who.

Wu Xie, “Fatty” Wang Pangzi, and the quasi-immortal tomb raider Xiao Ge (AKA Zhang Qiling) have faced many dangerous tombs together over the past twelve years. Now it is time for them to go on their last grand adventure as the so-called “Iron Triangle” before Wu Xie sets off on the one journey all must eventually make: death.

He always thought his end would come in a dark tomb, but instead it will be lung cancer that claims his life. With only 3-4 months left to live, Wu Xie hides the truth of his illness from most of his friends and family- with only Xiao Ge knowing the truth.

Once upon a time, Wu Xie was told that when a man meets his death he should do so with a clear conscience. But something has been weighing on Wu Xie- the disappearance of his Third Uncle long ago. Right on cue, a message from Third Uncle appears, sending Wu Xie on a desperate mission to find him before the cancer eating away at his body takes his life.

This will most likely be Wu Xie’s final journey, but he will do anything to make sure his family and friends will be safe long after his time is up. In the final months of his life Wu Xie will seek to unravel the mystery of “Thunder City”- starting with the most dangerous tomb he’s ever explored, the South Sea King’s Tomb.

Some believe the sound of thunder carries in it the voice of Gods. It is a belief men have killed for for millennia, but is there really a way to hear the words of god? Could Thunder City be a real place? Someone clearly thought so, but who? Is Third Uncle still alive, or is someone in the shadows manipulating Wu Xie to solve the mystery for them?

Wu Xie’s enemies thought he was dangerous before, but now he is a dying man with a mission. There is no telling what lengths he will go to in order to achieve his goals and bring his uncle home.

Wu Xie might just manage to die in a tomb after all…

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Moonfall Echo

** No prior series knowledge needed, but this show features exclusively characters from “Reunion: The Sound of the Providence”.

Liu Sang and Li Jia Le have been assisting Wu Xie’s team in his Wu Shan Ju antiques shop since surviving the terrors of Thunder City. Dispatched to an archaeological project far away, the two will return to their roots working in their capacity as archaeologists.

Within the site Liu Sang and Li Jia Le come across a mural recording the story of the Moonbend Princess Qi Xia and a young person named Jiang Wu. Within the story on the mural appears to be two figures that seem… familiar.

Near the archaeological site Liu Sang and Li Jia Le come across a peculiar meteorite. While investigating this special jade meteorite, they are sucked into the world and times recorded in the mural and forced to live the parts assigned to them.

Can they make it back to their world, or will they find a new life in the story?

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undefineddestination · 2 years

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The Lost Tomb Franchise: Show Character Guide

** Only includes characters who appear in 3+ franchise shows no matter how many actors portray them in said shows.

Franchise shows in order: The Mystic Nine, The Lost Tomb, The Lost Tomb 2, Heavenly Palace in the Clouds, Ultimate Note, Tomb of the Sea // Sand Sea, Reunion: The Sound of the Providence, Moonfall Echo (No characters from this qualify for the guide).

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Wu Xie (Main Character; Iron Triangle Member)

Appears in all franchise shows save “The Mystic Nine” and “Moonfall Echo”

Only heir of the Wu family, near the middle of the Mystic Nine Families.

Son of the eldest of the three Wu brothers, often referred to as “Young Master Wu”.

Goes on adventures guided by his grandfather’s notebook- a guide to tomb robbing.

“Robs” tombs in order to learn the history, trip any traps, and then hand the site over to government archaeologists for preservation.

Strict “No Looting” rule.

Constantly cleaning up after // hunting down his Third Uncle.

One of only 4 people to ever see Hei Yanjing // Black Blindman’s eyes and survive.

If a snake bites him, he can see its memories. I… I don’t know what to tell you. It’s a thing in one show and that’s it.

Brings in an unwilling student named Li Cu in on one of his adventures despite having no apparent connection to the boy. Li Cu and Wu Xie both deny any relation, but even the Wu family suspects Li Cu may be Wu Xie’s illegitimate child due to an uncanny resemblance Li Cu bears to young Wu Xie.

Xiao Ge // Zhang Qiling (Main Character; Iron Triangle Member)

Appears in all franchise shows save “The Mystic Nine” and “Moonfall Echo”

70+ years old

Has a Qiling (Divine beast) tattoo across most of his left breast/arm/back that only appears when his skin is hot.

From the Northern branch of the Zhang family.

Some form of cousin to Zhang Rishan (of the Southern Zhang)

BARELY speaks.

Has two extremely long and strong fingers *hold for giggles* that can be used to trip any traps in a tomb.

Carries around a black-gold sword.

Tends to get amnesia, barely remembers anything ever other than how to be a bad ass tomb raider.

Tends to just wander off on his own for long periods of time.

One of only 4 people to ever see Hei Yanjing // Black Blindman’s eyes and survive.

Wang Pangzi (Main Character; Iron Triangle Member)

Appears in all franchise shows save “The Mystic Nine” and “Moonfall Echo”

An actual tomb robber who Wu Xie keeps in line.

Though Wu Xie and Xiao Ge are extremely close, Wu Xie spends the most time with Pangzi.

Nothing he does ever goes right XD

Constantly trying to steal from tombs. CONSTANTLY tripping traps. CONSTANTLY being caught by Wu Xie.

Extremely loyal to Wu Xie and Xiao Ge // Zhang Qiling.

Is often partnered with Xiao Ge // Zhang Qiling if the Iron Triangle separates on a mission (mainly because he got himself into something and Xiao Ge had to rescue him).

Wu San Xing // Third Uncle // Uncle Three

Appears in all franchise shows save “The Mystic Nine” and “Moonfall Echo”

The third son of the Wu Family (in his name “San” = Three; Wu Xie only has 2 uncles)

Though he’s Wu Xie’s Uncle, he basically raised the boy since his eldest brother didn’t seem to care.

Wild and crazy, gave Wu Xie a taste for adventure.

The first Wu to work with Xiao Ge // Zhang Qiling.

A tomb robber Wu Xie guilted into going straight.

Friends in low places, lots of mercenaries and ex-military.

Most of Wu Xie’s adventures start off with Wu San Xing going missing.

Xie Yu Chen // Xiao Hua

Appears in all franchise shows except “The Mystic Nine” and “Moonfall Echo”

Head of the Xie family- one of the strongest and most wealthy in the Mystic Nine Families.

Became head of the family at a very young age.

Likes to perform traditional Chinese opera (including full costume/makeup).

Friends with Hei Yanjing // Black Blindman. One of only 4 people to ever see his eyes and survive.

Due to his delicate looks as a child, many assumed he was female.

Appears to be solemn and overly-serious, but does in fact have a sense of humor.

A complete master of disguise, can even pose as his female companion Huo Xiu Xiu convincingly.

Extremely close with Huo Xiu Xiu.

Huo Xiu Xiu

Appears in all franchise shows except “The Mystic Nine”, “Reunion: The Sound of the Providence”, and “Moonfall Echo”

Heir to the Huo family- another exceptionally strong branch of the Mystic Nine Families.

Her grandmother’s right hand since her mother died and her aunt disappeared on an expedition.

A trained acrobat who often sleeps in a nest of ropes suspended above the ground.

Regal and dignified, but willing to get her hands dirty if need be.

Often the go-between for Xie Yu Chen // Xiao Hua and Wu Xie.

Extremely close with Xie Yu Chen.

A-Ning

Appears in all franchise shows save “Tomb of the Sea”, “The Mystic Nine”, and “Moonfall Echo”

Tomb robber under the employ of Hendry Cox ( AKA Qiu De Kao).

Hired to work against Wu San Xing and Wu Xie, typically working with ulterior motives.

Deeply respects and admires Wu Xie for his integrity and loyalty towards his friends and family; also admires Xiao Ge // Zhang Qiling’s fighting abilities.

If Hendry Cox wants to invite Wu Xie on a mission, he sends A-Ning to ask.

Can be considered a romantic interest of Wu Xie’s.

Pan Zi

Appears in “The Lost Tomb”, “The Lost Tomb 2″, “Heavenly Palace in the Clouds”, and “Ultimate Note”.

Wu San Xing’s right hand man and best friend.

Formerly a soldier.

Takes the big hits- being shot, stabbed, etc.

While Wu San Xing is flighty and mysterious, Pan Zi remains by Wu Xie’s side on his behalf. Is often left behind by Wu San Xing to keep an eye on Wu Xie and protect him.

As unquestionably loyal as Pan Zi is to Wu San Xing, he’s just as loyal to Wu Xie. Though if Wu Xie asks him to go against an order from Wu San Xing, he will resist.

Has a deal with Wu San Xing to live together with him in a nursing home when they are old.

Wu Er Bai

Appears in “Ultimate Note”, “Tomb of the Sea”, and “Reunion: The Sound of the Providence”

The second son of the Wu Family, Wu Sanxing’s older brother.

Younger brother to Wu Xie’s absent father.

The brother who represents the Wu Family when his elderly mother is unavailable.

Sort of the enforcer of the family, which often puts him at odds with Wu Xie who seeks to misbehave.

Tries to maintain the Wu family’s place within the Mystic Nine and not allow the more powerful families to push the Wu out.

Despite his stern and sometimes combative nature, cares deeply for Wu Xie and treats him as a son.

Wang Meng

Appears in “Ultimate Note”, “Tomb of the Sea”, and “Reunion: The Sound of the Providence”.

Wu Xie’s right hand, who manages Wu Xie’s store for him while he goes on adventures (and arranges said adventures).

Wu Xie never remembers to pay him, so he’s constantly trying to get money out of his boss.

FIERCELY loyal, it is impossible to drive a wedge between Wang Meng and Wu Xie.

Loves Minesweeper.

Not that great at telling real antiques from fakes.

Easy to trick.

Zhang Rishan

Appears in “The Mystic Nine”, “Ultimate Note”, and “Tomb of the Sea”

At least 120

Despite appearing in 3 separate “Lost Tomb” franchise shows, exclusively portrayed by actor Zhang Ming En.

Has a Qiongqi (Demon) tattoo across most of his right breast/arm/back that only appears when his skin is hot.

Some form of cousin to Xiao Ge // Zhang Qiling.

Head of the Mystic Nine Families, he keeps them all in line.

Though Zhang Rishan is the head of the Southern branch of the Zhang family, he does not interact with Xiao Ge // Zhang Qiling, leaving him to do as he wishes without interference. Works closely with Wu Xie when necessary.

Lieutenant to Zhang Qi Shan in the 1930s. Even in modern times is fiercely loyal to the memory of Zhang Qi Shan.

Does not have the elongated fingers of the Northern-Zhang, but seems to possess a form of super-strength.

A superior strategist and tactician.

Hei Yanjing // Black Blindman

Appears in “The Lost Tomb 2″, “Ultimate Note”, “Tomb of the Sea”, and “Reunion: The Sound of the Providence”.

100+ year old mercenary.

Has some unspecified history with Xiao Ge // Zhang Qiling.

Not a member of the Mystic Nine Families, but is affiliated with the Xie and Wu branches mainly.

Hints that he became immortal after consuming a pill found in a tomb.

Hyper-sensitive to light. Blind in the day without his sunglasses, but sees perfectly in the dark.

Only 4 living people have ever seen him without sunglasses: Xie Yu Chen, Wu Xie, Ya Nv, and Xiao Ge // Zhang Qiling.

Superior at all forms of combat.

Took on Wu Xie and later the teen Su Wan as his students.

A broke-ass bitch, he carries around his own credit card reader and tries to nickel and dime everyone for anything.

Addicted to fried rice with pork and green pepper. When Xie Yu Chen lost a bet to him, the Xie family erected a food stall that serves only that- and he gets to eat for free.

Chen Pi A Si

Appears in “The Mystic Nine”, “The Lost Tomb 2″, “Heavenly Palace in the Clouds”, and “Ultimate Note”

(Eventual) Leader of the Chen family, one of the Middle Clans of the Mystic Nine (along with the Wu and Hei families)

One of the original Mystic Nine heads, though often at odds with the rest.

Originally a disciple of Mystic Nine member Er Yue Hong, though he resented that the Er family went legit rather than robbing tombs.

Was deeply in love with Er Yue’s wife Ya Tou, though it was entirely one-sided.

Hendry Cox // Qiu De Kao

Appears in “The Mystic Nine”, “The Lost Tomb 2″, “Heavenly Palace on the Clouds” (actor not pictured), and “Ultimate Note”

The main antagonist of the DMBJ show franchise.

An American businessman (originally scholar) who became obsessed with chasing immortality.

Uses A-Ning and an army of mercenaries to raid tombs for relics.

A-Ning considers him as a father-figure to her, and he refers to her as his most precious asset.

An enemy of the Mystic Nine families.

Willing to compromise only if he sees a benefit to himself in it.

A collector of Chinese antiquities, he is a natural opponent to Wu Xie, who believes cultural historical relics should belong to their country of origin rather than foreign collectors.

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undefineddestination · 2 years

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I watched KinnPorsche and now I feel like a miserable, miserable, horrible shit

No, please don’t get me wrong. This is not at all a hate post because I have nothing but respect and praise toward the series. Everything is amazing, the cinematography, the acting, the setting, the plot and premise, the dialogue, the actors are super lovable, the chemistry, the soundtracks, the pacing, the romance, actions, comedy, even the figurants were all great. It’s fun, dark, super easy to love, and all. My heart, eyes, ears, and brain are all well fed and satisfied but yet after I woke up from watching eps 6 last night I felt like shit, super horrible, miserable, lonely, and I ended up crying my whole heart out for half an hour. My heart hurts, my chest tight, this is my first time crying horribly after quite sometimes (I remember exactly when the last time I cried like this, and it had connection on why I cried this time, I’ll explain this later)

So I’m writing this post in my attempt to detangle this messy feeling and hopefully I won’t feel as horrible after. I’ll write some alternative for things I probably could do.

First, about the series & it’s connection to my own work.

I’m a BL novel writer too. From Indonesia. Now, that’s important. Indonesia and Thailand might be neighboring SEA country, but we have totally different circumstances about sexuality and gender. I couldn’t go into detail on the situation there, but I assume it’s so much freer than here in Indonesia where the majority of people are Muslims, homophobia run rampant, and we might have to face even worse future if an evil and stupid law were going to be passed on July. The situation is not good, for short.

Now, the thing that made me interested in KinnPorsche from its trailer last year was because Kinn & Porsche feels similar to the two main character of my BL novel, Aga and Wara, and when I did watch the series, they are like, 70-80% similar indeed.

Needless to say, I was super salty. I can’t describe my jealousy. This isn’t about me thinking ‘oh my work is better than this and its mine that should be made into series’, oh no. Even though the characters are similar, they are still different, with different premise and plot, and the setting of my novel is uniquely Indonesia. It’s jealousy because I know it’s nigh impossible for my novel to be made series with all of it’s uniqueness. It’s jealousy because where could I find actors, directors, and people in my country working together in a passionate and excited project about a gay series. It’s jealousy because even if it could be happening, there’s no way there would be a big, nationwide tour, promo, and advertising. It’s jealousy because no matter how good my BL novel is, it could never be a national bestseller.

It’s one thing to have another novel be made into a series/movie because they’re relatively better or more popular than yours. If its like that, you could maybe just pour it into writing something else, something better than that, then no matter how small the chance is, there’s still a chance for you to pry into it. But if the whole system, the whole nation, made it impossible, then...I remember once ID had this small LGBT web series, nothing well known, super fucking niche and obscure, and it already incurred wrath from majorities and it was cancelled asap for everyone’s and community’s safety. There’s a huge backlash too toward a culture heavy movie about a feminine male traditional dancer. It was scary. It was sad. It was bad and in the end we have to put everyone’s safety and survival above all.

Please note that I don’t really want literary award or anything like that. Aside from enriching queer literature in my country, I want my work, my characters to be loved by a lot of people, to have their own fandom. I simply want them to be known and loved. Lookie here I’m crying again.

I know Mile had big role for making KinnPorsche happened and be successfull. Apo, Bible, and the others had love for their role. Kinn and Porsche (and of course, Mile and Apo) had me fell in love at first sight because of course, now I think of them as my own child. I cant help but projecting my own love for my own character for them because my own child might never had their own face, but knowing they are, of course, not mine, made me super miserable.

The last time I was ugly crying like this was actually about my parents not wearing double mask at the height of covid but it was unrelated www, ah, but the second last time I was ugly crying. It was few years ago, couldn’t remember what year but it was definitely before the last novel released. Me & my beloved co-author began to write our novel at 2012, the first one came out on 2015, the second one on 2017, and the last one on the last quarter of 2020, long, long before I know about KinnPorsche. I was imagining about one of ending scene, where Aga and Wara danced slowly with one of Vienna Teng’s song, Eric’s Song, how loving and soft and intimate they are after going through so many things, against all odds, finally being a lover. It felt so vivid and tender I couldn’t help but crying, thinking how much I love them, how much I love their love, how much I want other people to know about them and love them, and how much I want to make my novel to be known and well loved.

Dear, KinnPorsche writer, you are so damn lucky. I tipped my hat for you for writing them, but please know that I am super fucking jealous at you.

But even though I’m jealous at KP’s writer, I’m in no way angry toward them. My seething anger is, of course, toward my own homophobic nation, the religious fanatics and money-power hungry politicians and capitalists that made them that way, and of course, colonialism. I hate them to the core of my body. This mix of anger, hatred, and jealousy made me miserable, part 1.

I private messaged Mile and Apo on Instagram yesterday, knowing there’s only small possibilities of them reading my message, but I let them know how thankful I am for making this show happened, and how their role resembles my characters. I felt a bit better afterwards.

Secondly, regarding my own feeling about my body, my sexuality, my inclination, and my situation.

I am currently thinking of myself as a non-binary in aroace spectrum. I used to date men quite a lot, met some I thought I loved and comfortable to be with, but in the end I thought it was all because I was lonely, desperate for companion, and validation. I don’t date anymore since maybe 10 years ago, but I have a very dear bestfriend slash co author, which I could already understand the life pattern, and we have good compatibility. We chat everyday, and my relationship with my family is kind of better than before. I think to myself that I don’t have another friend I could talk to this close, and I don’t feel any problems with that. I’m bad at keeping connections and communications, and this is one of my major problems. I don’t have any network at all.

But daaamn, today I personally feel so fucking lonely and sad????

Of course, I still chat with my bf like usual, but this feeling is unusual, truly. So of course, it was because of the KinnPorsche I watched yesterday lol

So, now. What made me sad and lonely?

Is it because I want a loving romantic partner? Is it because I want a loving romantic and sexual partner? Is it because I specifically want a loving man for myself? Is it because I want to be one and love another man like them? Is it because I want to be able to feel the love like they do but I can’t? Is it because actually I can but is afraid of the feeling itself? Is it because I love them so much already but they are fictional? Is it because their story was so exciting, so equal, so freefall, and it’s impossible to get that kind of love in my own normal, boring life? Is it because I’m not able to love like that? OR IS IT BECAUSE I ALREADY FEEL TOO MUCH LOVE INSTEAD AAAAHHHHHH IM GOING CRAZY SRSLY FUCK THIS FEELING SHIT

OK let’s answer these question one by one.

Do I want a loving romantic partner? If someone love me romantically, and attracted to me sexually, I might accept it, but would my feeling resonate? The most important thing here is my feeling, right? Would I cry because I love them so much, or because I love our love that much? So I do want one. I do want one that’s so compatible to me, the right one for me. It doesn’t matter how unrealistic that is, I still do want one. I don’t have any problem doing sexual stuff with people, as long as I care about and comfortable around them enough. I do love to kiss and hug, though. I love skin to skin contact.

Is it because I specifically want a loving man for myself? A man. A man, huh. Well that’s no problem as long as they’re compatible. I do like men’s body even though I don’t wish to have sex with them.

Is it because I want to be one and love another man like them? Well, I do realize the kind of love I want might be difficult if its not same gender and, uh, maybeee not between men love but, I never consider myself a man or transman, so not this either.

Is it because I want to be able to feel the love like they do but I can’t? Yes.

YES YES IM IN SO MUCH LOVE WITH THE LOVE ITSELF. WITH THE KIND OF LOVE THAT’S UNEXPECTED, EQUAL, FUN, COMPLETE WITH EXCITING CIRCUMSTANCES AND ROMANTICALLY PLUS SEXUALLY LONGING FOR EACH OTHER BUT ITS PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME IN THIS HETERONORMATIVE SOCIETY, MY BORING LIFE, WITH MY SEXUALITY???

Am I scared of taking chances, taking free fall to love someone romantically and sexually? Like, please, I literally have someone who matched in a lot of things and I do love her platonically, but there are no romantic and sexual attraction either. The man I thought I love and comfortable with, well, they’re just comfy to begin with? My companion standard is too high now me think, like I wouldn’t want to be with someone I can’t talk about BL about, but how can I find someone, or specifically, a man, a Catholic man, like that, if I want to marry?

I just realized when I see another ppl’s twt on KinnPorsche’s romance scene and they say, “gdi KP dont have to rub it in my face that Im single, I want a gf/bf hhh’ and I never once think like that. What I want is not specifically having someone as gf/bf even though the relationship might be similar to KP.

I do want to spend the rest of my life with someone I love, but more in a sense of companion, peaceful life. But I also want that exciting and thrilling feeling?

And so I could only feeling that love, loving that love too much, too much I couldn’t bear it anymore.

Am I scared of feeling the feel? I think I do. Feelings are scary. This much love, anger, sadness, loneliness is scary. It hurts to feel stuff. It hurts to bottle feel. It hurts to feel the feel.

I realized I didn’t consume a lot of media starting years ago, especially the media that could possibly making me feel feels. I don’t read books, watch movies or series, I only read comics that could pass easily, play games, or even when I watch series, I stopped watching when the problems escalate. I don’t communicate with people again because it could be too overwhelming. Feelings are overwhelming. It’s scary, I don’t know what would, or should I do when it overwhelms, I might do something I shouldn’t. I don’t know where to channel or to cope it. It’s miserable. I can’t operate normally but can’t just lying around either because that would make me even more miserable.

I already, already feel too much love, for my own novel character, for Kinn and Porsche, for their kind of love that I love and I’m fucking miserable because of it because I want it for myself but it’s also impossible to feel the same kind of exciting, thrilling, romantic, sexual love like that. Please help me so I dont feel too much love. Its scary.

So the things I propose to get rid of this horrible feelings, especially when KinnPorsche will end 3 weeks again and I know I would be reduced to a mess when it is, are

1. Write more bl

2. Write more bl in english

3. Move to thailand, learn thai, and write more bl in thai

4. Force self to consume media and get used to feeling feel

5. Cry as much as possible until eyes swelling, face puffy, tears dry, and cant anymore

6. Maybe annihilate this Wakanduh’s country government centers, wish them to perish soon, or uncurable diarrhea

7. Rework my novel and pitch it to Gramedia for major publishing

8. Or pitch it to Joko Anwar

9. Or Mile Phakphum

10. Doing something useful for distraction

11. Make money by whatever

12. Learning something to make money, internet marketing or programming or sumn

13. Make money

14. Save money so I can somehow go to Thailand and hug Mile & Apo bcs I love them who play Kinn & Porsche

15. Meeting new person? Idk? Church route? *blerghhhhh Tinder? Bumble? As much as I dislike mass religion I don’t want to leave my own since they’re cultural legacy from my parents and a couple elements of it is my source of comfort. DEAR JESUS CAN YOU ENLIGHT ME IN THIS MATTER, THOUGH? PLEASE???

#KinnPorsche #kinnporsche the series #personal feeling-detangle

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undefineddestination · 5 years

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ZenTan / TanZen Week 2019

Welcome to ZenTan Week 2019!

Hello ZenTan/TanZen and Kimetsu no Yaiba fans! From October 28th - November 3rd, 2019, join us in celebrating the relationship between Kamado Tanjirou and Agatsuma Zenitsu!

PROMPT: We have three prompts + one quote of a book per day. The quotes are also the prompts, you may use it in your fanworks (fics, arts, poems, etc.) You can choose any that you like to create anything from it!

Day 1: Tangle Your Hand with Mine // Nostalgia // Slipping Through My Fingers

“Wearing your clothes or standing in the shower for over an hour, pretending that this skin is your skin, these hands your hands, these shins, these soapy flanks.” — Richard Siken, Dirty Valentine

Day 2: Flowers in Hair // Singing // Broken Promise

“I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.” — Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Day 3: Tracing Your Scars // Prayer // Regret

“I want you always to remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this?” — Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

Day 4: Waltz in The Meadow // Snapshot // Second Chance

“I’m blown away by how happy you make me. Thank you for being there for me when I’m stupid enough to think I’d rather be alone.” — Adam Silvera, History is All You Left Me

Day 5: Moonlit Night // Box of Happiness // Vulnerability

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” — Neil Gaiman, The Kindly Ones

Day 6: Carrying you Home // Sunrise // Lonely

“I wanted to kiss you then, when you were happy. And I want to kiss you now, while you’re sad.” — Nina LaCour, The End of Love

Day 7: Free Day // AU

***

RULES:

Please put all NSFW fics under a “read more” and include a basic description of the content. However, for NSFW art, tags and warnings will suffice.

If you are making an edit/graphic/video that utilizes art created by other artists, please make sure you obtain explicit permission to use their work. We will not reblog any submissions that contain plagiarism. (Using someone else’s work as inspiration is allowed).

Remember to tag your submission with #zentanweek2019 and #day [number] so we can reblog it! However, please keep in mind that if we don’t reblog a submission, it will be most likely because the mods missed it in the tags.

Please tag any genderbends with #genderbend. This would allow anyone uncomfortable with the concept to blacklist.

Note: Even when the event ends, we will still be reblogging your works until November 17th, 2019.

Happy creating!

#zentan week

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