i wish i knew how to make everything okay. I get so jealous when people know what to do with their emotions. it frustates me so much that you cant ask people how to deal with emotions. Everyone makes it seem like it is so easy. I push everyone away and I am actively working on pushing away those around me. my life is so good. it is so much better than what it used to be. I have a sweet girlfriend that is always so nice to me no matter what. and her friends are so sweet and nice and always make me feel so included. I live in a house where i no longer have to walk on eggshells. sure i have a lot more responsibities now but at least not every aspect of my life is micromanaged like crazy anymore. WHy cant i be happy ? why do i push people away ? why do i get so angry when people are sweet with me and have so much patience. why do i always try to ruin everyting for myself. why do i always settle when i know there could be more? still ? at the same time why nothing ever enough for me ? how can i deal with this ????????? everytime i try to look for the answers somewhere theyre always the most dumbass stupid basic ass duh ass answers inthe world. like yes obviously i need to love myself more and have more fucking compassion for myself but how do i even fucking do that?????? im so fucking mad right now so fucking frustragted i wish i could smash this computer in to pieces. i wish i couild die its not worth its not worth its not worth its not worth its not worth it. it genuienly doesnt matter how much i fucking try to make things better all my progress is always dilluted in to fucking nothing. i cna never have fuciogh as;l ;rvseagfdtgrfjgrjji73