Alright bros. I'm gonna share some wisdom with you. This is some science shit that took me years & years to learn so consider yourself lucky. Buckle up.

Guys, we don't like to admit it hardly ever, but we are dumb as shit sometimes, particularly when it comes to females. And mostly, especially when we're young, I'm talking like under 30, it's not entirely our fault. We mature much later in life than they do, & we have a hard time understanding their emotions and shit. That's just facts, we're just made very different & we will never entirely understand them (at least I won't). But that's where we go wrong when we young, we think that because they don't make sense, they crazy. Or we are right and they are wrong. Bro, you will never understand how much some shit you do can affect her. Imma tell you some things you need to understand, some shit I sincerely wish someone told me before I fucked up. The goal here is to help at least one dude not make the same mistake.

My girl & I had been dating for bout 3 years. We started off amazing and, as I didn't realize always happens, we went through some really shitty times. The last year was full of miscommunication, arguing, and frustration. But neither of us wanted to leave the other. My guys, this is the first sign. If no matter how annoying, frustrating, and sassy your girl is, you still love her enough to not be able to leave her, that's your sign that you shouldn't. If she wasn't worth it, you wouldn't still be here putting up with her attitude. Which brings me to the next thing.

No girl is perfect. And certainly no dude is. And dudes and chicks are already so different. This is literally a recipe for disaster. Thanks, Mother Nature. She's gonna make mistakes too, but the thing is, her mistakes are usually genuine mistakes, or attitude problem when she mad, or maybe she can get real crabby. Your mistakes? Doing shit behind her back. Lying. Ignoring her, making her feel bad about herself. Not listening, not trying. Those are classic young dude mistakes. I loved my girl but man could she push my bottons. Instead of working on them, I turned to other things. Partying, hanging with my dudes. Friends are important, and you need em. You need dudes to have dude talk. But if you think for a second that dude friends you make, particularly after being with her for so long, is the stronger bond? You wrong. And imma show you why.

I did my best friend of 5 years wrong 1 time. We always had the best of times, when my gf and I were having lots of fights. So I started to blow her off for him. My girl has forgiven me for mistake after mistake, she has loved me even when I did stuff she didn't need to forgive, and shit most girls woulda walked away from. Long story short I went behind my friends back one day. He flipped out, and he had every right to be mad, and we never made up. Pretty sure he hasn't forgiven me. That was like, a year ago. My girl? She forgave my young, dumb ass on the weekly. The stronger bond is the one that has been tested. The people who have never done you wrong and never argued with, that's great and all. But when shit does go wrong, you gonna find that no one has your back like the person who you've been struggling with, not the ones you've been goofing with. That's not to say she's more important, not what I'm trying to say. I'm saying that arguing don't mean weakness. Now obviously if you argue from the beginning and you can't remember the last time you two laughed, then that's diff. Might be time to let go. But for every long term couple I know, who had essentially "made it", they have had serious trials. Some time after the hunny moon phase, they had to figure out what works and what doesn't, and that is never easy. If you don't love her enough for this, let her go. Let her find a mature enough dude willing to do the work, while you grow up some. And I don't mean that negatively really, sometimes you just ain't ready for that great girl, but I can promise you, you gonna regret it when you are ready. This I know.

I met this girl through my buddies while I was dating the girlfriend I mentioned. She was funny and cute, and we got along. I thought, man, this is way easier than trying to understand my current girlfriend. I eneded up leaving my girl for this new one. Note, I don't mean cheat. I was dumb but not that dumb. I broke it off and then started dating this new girl. We never fought and I thought that meant it was better.

Of course, til I found she had been lying and cheating on me. See, she never harassed me. She never fretted about where I was or what I was doing, she never nagged me. I thought that was bliss. Come to realize, that's exactly the sign that means she don't care, cause she out doing shit she don't want you to know about. And let me tell you, that shit hurts. Even when I realized that, I never really loved her the way I had loved the one I left, but still, the lies and broken trust and the feeling of not being enough.

Well some time afterwards, my old girl and I starting talking again. I never asked for forgiveness, only apologized many times. She said she had healed and that it was old news. She said she was ok with talking and catching up and staying connected. I never in a million years thought she could come back to me.

But she did. It took a long time of course, but we got back together. She had trust issues and wanted me to call her when I was out a lot or come with sometimes when I was with friends. If you lie to your girl, this just what happens. Dude, you fucking hurt her bad (I would know, I been lied to in the worst way remember) but here she is trying to rebuild that trust. I never woulda forgave that girl for breaking my trust. Impossible. Trust is earned, I suggest you don't break it. After a while, she trusted me. As long as I make plenty of time for her, she don't care when I see my guys, she don't care how long I'm out, she don't harass me about it or make me call her like she used to. Know why? Cause I did my time for my crime, and now I prove to her, every day, that I love her and she don't have to worry, and if you want your girl to stop getting on your case, ask yourself, why is she doing it? If you are loving and affectionate and show her all the time how much you love her, she will not worry and your life & relationship will be so much easier.

Another thing about her & my friends. Whenever we would fight, they would be like "man that sucks here's this hot girls number though" or take me to a bar or smoke or whatever. They never had any insight, and they usually encouraged me to just leave her. They disrespected her, and she knew about it. When I would be having troubles with my friends or they would do something I didn't appreciate, or when they would bash her, she never said to leave them. She said she wanted to be respected and she wanted to be around them and a part of that part of my life, which dudes, makes sense but you ain't realize it til you grow up. She would give advice and she would try to help. They just tried to have fun. See the difference? Now I have better, more mature friends, and as long as they stay that way, I wouldn't trade them for the world. Some of your best friends come later in life, or maybe your current ones just need to do some growing up. Never let go of good friends, but make sure the friendship isn't disrespectful of her or her needs.

Last thing. Common thing ya'll young guys do. Is think that your girl is nagging or unsupportive. Listen your girl should in fact support your goals/dreams. But if she really care about you, she will really think things through and worry about possible things that could be bad for you. If you tell your girl "I'm trynna be a meth dealer", the response you should hope for is "why the fuck, you could do and be better and if you do that you could get in real trouble" if she says "go for it" she don't give a damn. Lemme show you the difference in language.

This the stuff that means she's wrong for you, when you tell her what you wanna do with your life and these are her responses:

I don't care, that's stupid, you're stupid, that's lame, the only thing you should do is what I want, etc.

Now, that, is very different than this:

Well what if this bad thing happens, maybe that's not a good idea because, I'm afraid this will happen, you could accomplish more, I'm worried that you'll get yourself in a bad place, etc.

If she says those things, don't you dare yell at her or tell her she ain't being supportive or she's being controlling. She is looking out for you, dumbass. Even if she isn't right or is worrying about stuff that's unlikely; she is still just worrying and loving you, and why the fuck are you complaining about that? Trust me, I been there. And then I had a girl who let me do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, and it was the worst thing ever because she didn't really care.

If you got a girl who don't lie, wanna see you all the time, wanna love you, forgive you until you treat her right, you shouldn't let her go. She down for you like nobody else, and she's willing to grow with you. That's rare shit because there are certainly girls that either don't care or have worse flaws than worrying, like actually being controlling where she don't want you to have friends or have fun or nothing, but you gotta see the difference between that kinda girl, and one that just wants to be respected and loved, and wants you to act right. If she says "let's go out with yo friends" instead of "screw your friends you don't need them", she a good one, and she's just trying to be a part of your life, without taking any part away.

I got lucky. Mine came back, and I didn't deserve it. You might want to ask yourself, do you really love her? Is she crazy, or just crazy about you and wants what's best for you both??