svgarrush‌:

You’re welcome for saving you from being boring. Or could be that I’m just enjoying my ride. I just like to drive fast, doesn’t always equal racing. Maybe you should give it a try sometime.

Should try driving faster? Sure, I’ll give it a go. I mean, I’m not exactly a speed-limit abiding citizen here in the first place, but I’m not up to your standards and how disappointing is that?

emmadcnati‌:

It’s sort of funny growing up and finally understanding a song’s lyrics and realising how wildly inappropriate they were for children! I don’t think too many of my childhood dance hits were that bad, looking back, but I may be forgetting a few… There was definitely some Kylie Minogue in the mix, Destiny’s Child, Usher was so good! Jumpin’, Jumpin’ and Waiting for Tonight and Oops! I did it Again were some of the earliest, I think. And I probably shouldn’t admit this publicly because, like, ew, super embarrassing, but I had a super sick routine to Bob the Builder’s Mambo No. 5 cover back in the day. I think I even put a costume together and dragged everyone into the living room to watch me perform it. Ugh, that’s such a lame first, we so need to change the subject! Like, first kiss is so much better because pretty much everyone’s was bad or cringey!

Same with rewatching kid’s movies, too. Like dang, no wonder my parents didn’t leave the room every time I tried to watch them, there was stuff tossed in to make it fun for them too. Oh yeah, all of that stuff was kind of fun. Country’s more my genre of choice so they didn’t really have enough tractors and pick up trucks and -- I’m kidding, I don’t actually like the songs about tractors and pick-up trucks, it’s just what people assume when you say country. Bob the Builder covered Mambo Number 5? Wow, can’t believe I missed that episode, it must have been a crack up. At least you were dedicated; I kind of ripped off my dress up outfits and threw them at my sisters half the time as a kid. I could be a bitch and say my first kiss was awesome... but I don’t even remember it, so you’re probably right.

allykingsleigh‌:

No, none are puffy enough, but Cookie Crisp is delightful enough that I forget! And you can’t kill the vibe of Fruit Loops, their color is fake from the start and what is dead can never die. Aww, thank you! I’m sure somebody else is on that and I’m not much of a writer anyway. I tend to go off on tangents you see and would likely end up making it either a crime story or a love story or both. I’m really quite feeling both lately.

What is dead has usually already died, so are you basically calling Fruit Loops the zombies of cereal right now? I mean, you call them tangents, I call them spin-offs. You could have a whole shark series, like what Baby Shark’s solo adventures are and who the person who got his arm bitten off was and why he deserved to get eaten like that. And hey, a shark mafia might be hilarious, if you have to go the crime route. Or a shark love story, how baby shark’s parents got together. Own the weird!

text ||@ torpania

Kekepania: Squeamish isn't the same thing as devastated, it's far from it :-P But hey, if your grandpa really would start sinking ships, tell me how to reach him and I will.

Tori: Hmm... I actually don't know if a human's ever tried to communicate with him before. Maybe tie a fishing weight to a glass bottle with a message inside? But then the ink would just leak when he opened it...

viperbubbles‌:

No one’s making you talk to me. It must not annoy you enough to stop talking to me.

I could stop talking to you literally this instant and probably never think about you again. You’re the one that can’t let go.

Text | Vori 👿

Viper: What other reasons would there be??

Tori: Beats me. I don't know your life anymore.

pennylanewilde‌:

I almost forgot that the Michael Phelps thing was real! It seems like a fever dream, why can’t we have stuff like that more often? And Shark Week will come soon enough, don’t worry. It took till I was like 18 to realize that Shark Week was an actual TV event and not just a weird euphemism for periods, fun fact! And aww, that does sound like a fun job! It’s so rare I hear something that sounds like a fun job. Adopt them all!

I think it’s because the world woke up one day and decided to stop caring about the Olympic swim team? At least until the next Olympics when people start to give a shit again, but by then it might be different guys and the old ones will have been like yeeted off the Earth’s collective memory or something. And I was totally the opposite, it took me forever to realize that people would diss on sharks like that by comparing them to periods. 

text ✉⁇ tandy

Andy: good ouxk with tat im totalky zen 🤷‍♀️

Andy: lol good bx I killed slmebody

Andy: jk

Andy: I reully qish I bad a date tk Blakes wedding. The juy i liked the mist in my life is a hudband, my besy friend has a guy daye, and I have??? What?

Tori: I'm not gonna say that's DUMB, but I'm maybe thinking it like, a little.

Tori: You've got like three months, you could still find a date if you're like, that hard up about it.

Tori: But aren't you a groomsmaid or something? You'll be busy and your date will be bored.

dylan-donati‌:

I honestly don’t know how anyone over the age of 5 could like that song but then again what do I know. 

Well, here’s hoping you don’t become a dad until after Baby Shark goes out of style, then.

boribjorgman‌:

That’s the beauty of memes! They’re not confined to a specific time, not really; all they need to do is capture the public imagination and woot, there it is. If you actually want someone to kill you before you have to do math, let me know! I wouldn’t be a good killer but I’ll do a lot in the name of sticking it to math. Do people still do freakshows? Damn, I thought those went out of fashion ages ago. And its tempting, it really is, but no one person can launch a meme. And it would have to be slightly different, like the same concept with a trap cover of Baby Shark instead or something.

Yeah, it’s hard to imagine you going on a murder spree. Like, I feel like you’d try to meme me to death first and that’s super ineffective -- what would be your backup plan when that failed you? I don’t know, I assume everything still happens somewhere, in some weird corner of the earth. Or they still have the same old stuff but under a new name -- rebranded to seem less offensive. Okay, what about two people? I’ll offer you up Kendall to help with your cause, two guys, one meme. 

TEXT ||@ SKORI

Skylark: I get that. Would you give up being a mermaid for the rest of your life to feel like you're not different? I'd give up being a fairy, easy. TORI TRITON, MASTER OF THE AIR AND SKY!

Skylark: You're welcome :-P OKAY THEN THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN. You're going to be the world's first old shark lady I swear lol. Or young shark lady since you're basically a shark lady already.

Skylark: Noooo please I love my spot on this list :( And the more options there are, the more likely I'll find somebody! Thus the annual pass is probably a good idea. But speaking of people that are on your good list, can you tell me some about Kendall Andersen??

Tori: LOL no. Being a mermaid's lit, I'd rather people just think of me as being half and half than never get to swim like that again ever. But I feel like I've got like... too much to not spill over and be both at the same time so yolo.

Tori: I ACCEPT THAT TITLE. CAN I BE THE SHARK QUEEN LIKE DAENERYS TARGARYEN IS THE DRAGON QUEEN? SHARK QUEEN SOUNDS BETTER.

Tori: Wow what a NOT subtle segue, why do you want to know about Kendall? He likes dad jokes and brunch and going with the flow and he loves his family but for premium information you're going to have to tell me WHY.

TEXT ||✆ KENRI

Kendall: IF YOU'RE STILL SMILING AT ME IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD :-p It would definitely be out of love, Sydney knows I'd never expose her baby pics! I'd also never expose any of her secrets, at least not on purpose. You're making me very VERY glad I'm not your little brother lol. IF YOU DO THAT I'LL TELL MY MOM YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND AND THAT'S WHY YOU WANT TO SEE BABY PICTURES, BOOM, CHECKMATE! It just doesn't sound good as a pun I meant lol but I'll definitely drink some.

Tori: EVEN IF IT'S A JUDGY SMILE? No way, you've got to have a weak spot. Like if I told you I saw a baby that looked like a miniature Sydney and you showed me a Sydney as a baby picture to prove or disprove my theory or something. YOU'RE EASY, KENDALL, SORRY 'BOUT IT. I'm glad you're not my little brother too, but mostly because I just really like being the littlest. WOW, HOW EMBARRASSING FOR YOU. I'm the one with the bad girlfriend rep, you're got big boyfriend energy, who really loses in that situation? THINGS DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE PUNS lol.

casperlocke‌:

I hid them! I cant be a part of the hunt. It’s all on you guys if they start stinking, so maybe you should throw them at yourself. Besides, have to catch me to smash eggs on me. AND THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN MWAHAHA!

What if someone hits you in the head and you wake up so disoriented that you don’t remember where you put them? Oh, or we could blindfold you and then you could still fumble around searching for them and seeing if your muscle memory sucks or not. Uh huh. What, you think you can outrun me? Hide from me? If I cared enough, you wouldn’t stand a chance.

ardenpendragon‌:

While I like the idea of making it fulfill some kind of purpose for me I’d much rather use those suggestions towards a song I actually like. I think utilizing Baby Shark would drive me up a wall faster than I would see any actual benefits. I’ll give you this though, I like the way you think.

Thank you, thank you. I may be the youngest in my family but I like to think I’m the sneaky-smartest. What song would you want to use instead, though? Like, what out there gets Arden Pendragon going?

(x)

melodybythesea‌:

Well I wasn’t sure, what with the way you’re so baffled that it’s high on the charts right now.

My name is Melody, of course I could do it to tempo. Also, the fact that I actually can read music and play instruments and all that. And hey, if it means we get some cut of the profits and you buy me a big bottle of ibuprofen, I’m down.

I thought charts were for like, pop hits radio only, I didn’t know actual cool stuff could infiltrate them!

Your name could have been ironic! I mean, I know it’s not, but wouldn’t it be much more hilarious if it were? You’d just be human percussion, and you could even pick what high-end headache meds you want. No generic stuff, you can have Advil, Aleve, Tylenol, whatever.

emmadcnati‌:

That…actually could’ve been a lot worse. The Beach Boys are so not great for cheer or dance routines, but there’s a time and a place when their vibes can be perfect. That time is summer and the place is the beach, because duh, and even that should be balanced with other artists from more recent years. But it totally makes sense for you! I don’t really know what I would’ve picked as, like, a small child, but I got into dancing pretty early and would try to take control of music in the house so I could come up with and practise more of my moves, so lots of upbeat pop music played way too loud.

I’d say that as I grew up I got more evolved as a human but there’s a lot of Jimmy Buffett and Kenny Chesney on playlists these days, so... I still love songs about sand and sex and getting drunk, I guess. I just understand what the lyrics mean more now that I’m older. Imagining a kid with dance music seems a lot less wholesome than Beach Boys, but maybe I’m pegging that all wrong. What were child Emma’s faves? Did you bust out Fantasy by Ludacris? I feel like everyone thought that was the coolest favorite song to have in elementary school.