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tobysthots · 11 months
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I want a boyfriend like a legitimate boyfriend. You know I wanna have a relationship that’s deep and sincere and challenging and scary.l want to be real, I wanna be someone that I have a lot in common with, ask him out and learn about his family on a park bench in the middle of the night, and if things go really well— invite him back to my place to listen to some music.
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tobysthots · 11 months
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Day eight of being alone. At moments I’m filled with joy and contentment. The next, I’m………..
What a moment.
That weed though…
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tobysthots · 11 months
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Single st thirty five… who would’ve thought. Single dog dad… I guess let the adventure begin. And like such a fucking cliche I’m going to rewatch Sex and The City.
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tobysthots · 2 years
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Thinking about simpler times. This is what happens when you get to this stage in life I guess. Your life is on repeat. You’re basically a robot. No one appreciates you. And then you slowly fade away with the sands of time…….. lol
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tobysthots · 2 years
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Watching Always Sunny from the beginning. Why is MAC my type now. Lol
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tobysthots · 2 years
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That feeling you get when you’re so fucking drunk feeling good and wanna fuck. Damn I miss that electricity in the air.
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tobysthots · 2 years
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Watching Looking again for the first time 8 years later… different perspective, different eyes. Watching it alone. But not alone. But maybe wishing alone? Fantasizing alone? Mourning alone. But not wanting alone.
Fucked.
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tobysthots · 3 years
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Seeing so many people be represented but where is my type? What type am I? Who is it being reflected?
Is this a conversation for an elevator mirror?
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tobysthots · 3 years
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When a plant is taken from its homeland and planted new, how many generations before it feels at home?
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tobysthots · 3 years
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Closing chapters.
How much of our lives orbit around the TV shows we watch? They sync up with the moments in our memories. They co-narrate our existence.
Like relationships, there are only so many good shows. They make us feel— remember— live.
I’m going to miss Younger.
I’m closing so many chapters of my life.
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tobysthots · 3 years
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For some reason tonight I’m sad. I can’t seem to out a finger on the feeling. Is it a sense of longing, of emptiness— of wanting something more? What good am I trying to fill.
Thinking about trying to save up for a retirement that is 30+ years away seems overwhelming........ will it even be worth it in the end? How will the end look?
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tobysthots · 3 years
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The city is reopening again. It honestly feels like a dream. I didn’t think we’d get here.
The early summer breeze dances through my living room as I’m filled with all these emotions.
I used to think I had such profound thoughts. Now I just write and delete— write and delete.
Life is so strange. Is it retrograde that’s making me think about all these things. What is it supposed to teach me? What do I need to learn right now?
If I’m being really honest, yeah— I guess sometimes I do think about my exes... not in a ‘I want you back’ kind of way— but in a ‘Wow, what a season of my life that was’. What season am I on right now? What are the ratings like? Who’s even watching?
It all started with the theme song to one of my favorite shows, Triumph in the Skies. Such an epic show. 40 episodes. Hearing those songs again made me think about my collage boyfriend. How he’d drive me around, spoil me with presents and sing to me in the car. I always loved guys who would sing. He hadn’t stepped foot in my mind in so long— 12 years maybe?
Then tonight, watching Special season two on Netflix. Seeing the looks they have each other, the giddy stupid things and the NRE. So real. Or was it? Whatever it was I felt it through the screen and now I’m all bothered.
It’s like the FRIENDS reunion special. Did we really need to go there?
Maybe thats what I’m asking myself. Do I really need to go there?
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tobysthots · 3 years
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Promising Young Woman, what a fucking ride.
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tobysthots · 3 years
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Just started watching It’s a Sin. So triggered. But also reminiscing about all the songs I loved in Queer as Folk.
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tobysthots · 3 years
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Pescoluse, Province of Lecce, Italy by Riccardo Orlando
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tobysthots · 3 years
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It’s so interesting glistening to Britney after watching the Framing Britney documentary on #Crave. I find myself searching for more behind the songs. I’m looking for sadness I didn’t hear before.
I know that it’s so silly, but I can’t shake it.
Everyone seems to be looking for clues to her real feelings. What does she really want? And when she’s free will she meet the expectations of all the people who’ve been calling for her freedom? What if that’s more pressure than what she is experiencing now?
My mind is all a blur (Blur, another great Britney song)
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tobysthots · 3 years
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Trust is something so special in a relationship. That feeling of safety is so comforting. It’s so easy to take for granted something that is invisible— but it feels so real. Am I living in a dream?
It’s a funny thing, Mercury retrograde. Your exes come out of the woodwork... you can’t help but wonder what could have been? Would you be able to paddle up a river that you’ve been up before? Would it be easier a second time around? Or would it be the exact same experience? What about who that person ACTUALLY is now? How can you measure the growth?
To be honest, I can’t really remember... but I remember enough. I can’t let my mind run away like that. But it does make me think of what I have now. Seven years.... seven years of ups, downs, but overall trust. Invisible. Valuable.
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