it does more harm than good to prop up the myth of the ‘neurotypical’ who completes tasks cheerfully with no issues. this person is a capitalist fantasy. the more you define yourself in comparison to this myth the more you justify social structures staying the same with minor accommodations to the ‘exceptions’ and the continued pathologizing of discomfort under hostile conditions

I think often women don’t realise, they don’t see it, and they likely genuinely believe what they’re saying about their men. Like, think of how ppl become complacent in their living spaces- there might be a mark on the wall but living there all the time after a while you don’t see it. You don’t notice, it’s just part of the space. Same with a male partner- these women defending them don’t see the misogyny, the compromises they’re making, the inequity of their relationship. Because they’re in it. It might only be post relationship, in hindsight, that some of those things will come to light. So, I don’t think they’re lying, but also don’t think they’re truthfully describing their situation. They believe what they’re saying because they can’t see it.

This is going to sound mean but I don't believe it when het radfems talk about how good their bfs are. They could be lying. This is the internet, they could be lying or they could be overlooking their bfs misogyny to make a good post. I don't believe your bf is a feminist alley and I think you don't believe it either. You're just telling that to yourself bc some people online hurt your feelings and made you question your decisions. And it's not a nice feeling so you get defensive.

And listen, I personally don't care if you call yourself a radfem and you have a bf. But if you have any knowledge about radical feminism you know we're critical of men, heterosexuality and marriage. Don't come to our spaces and expect full acceptance. We will question you, we even question our own choices. You can't complain about radfems criticizing your relationship when you know what you are getting into. Like coming to a vegan party with meat and expecting people don't look at you weirdly.

I think it's ridiculous some het radfem will come here, see others saying "yes all men" and jump to say "not my bf" because what are the chances you, a random woman, happen to find a good decent man. Come on. Be realistic. Don't expect others to cuddle you. You're heterosexual, if you don't like to be questioned then go outside! There's nothing people love more than a woman happily providing her bf with emotional and sexual labor and saying he's the best man ever!!!

literallyyyyy!!! i’m sorry but every het-partnered woman on here speaks high praises of her boyfriend/husband. like no one on here is like “yeah my boyfriend is somewhat misogynistic and he makes me do most of the housework and uses the word bitch and thinks the pay gap is a myth” or whatever… no he’s always the best man ever who does everything right somehow. i don’t blame them for framing their men in this way because as you said, they’re defensive. but i don’t buy that every het-partnered woman on radblr seems to be dating the same perfect most feminist male possible. i don’t particularly care either bc i’ll never know their amazing boyfriends/husbands anyways, i just don’t get why they have to claim to be radfems at the same time

Someone just reblogged this piece of history so update?! We got to 13.5 years. Then two years ago, he up and left for someone he met at work and OMG since living apart and having my own space life is 1000X better!! We share the kids 50/50 week on/week off and I work full time and somehow I do farrrrrr less housework yet still live in a much cleaner, more organised home than I ever did while married! I’m far less stressed, my anxiety practically disappeared (I’ve got a bit of PTSD from being married but the symptoms since being away from him are much milder!) and the freeeedom omg I can see whoever I want, do whatever I want, go wherever I want, eat whatever I want? It’s amazing how many little changes we make for our partners and think nothing of- pineapple was my favourite food right up until I got married. Then sometime after we were married he told me he hated it, so I never made food for him (or us) with pinapple in it again. Only having it when he was away “for work”. That’s a long time to go without your favourite food! 🥺

Anyway my favourite thing is not being gaslit anymore. The last 5 years of the marriage he had a best friend (his words) who he seemed to treat like a girlfriend, her family seemed to treat their connection like they were partners too. And I got really upset about it because he seemed to be cheating. Openly? But he convinced me I was imagining things, they were obviously just friends, even got me to see a psych and go on meds for my paranoia. Anyway when he finally left the kids and I to go live at her house, while I was initially devastated, it was a HUGE relief because I knew for sure I wasn’t imagining it. And knowing you’re not crazy is a massive big deal 💕

And people can look at this and think, “that’ll never happen I’ll chose a man who’s a feminist and does equal share of the housework and child rearing etc”. Well- so did he? That’s what he always insisted he did, and how he seemed at first too. And change was subtle, and slow. And he worked well to help me doubt my own reality, so when he said, even on the Census form, that we did 50/50 housework, I believed him. I believed him right up until I finally lived alone and realised how much less housework I needed to do now that he was gone.

So eye opening.

I wish every young woman a fully independent beautiful life where they never have to share their living space with a man. Dating and spending time with loved ones is different, but never intertwine your finances or living arrangements. They’ll make your poor and live in filth.

Be single, be rich, live in beauty 💕

piece of advice from an old tumblr person: if you are a woman and you are dating a man, do not settle down with, cohabitate with, or marry a man who needs you to do basic things to take care of him. like, if he can’t cook food for himself, go shopping, do laundry, clean a house, keep his own calendar, make his own doctors’ appointments, fill out his own forms, do his own taxes, etc. you are setting yourself up for a relationship full of you caring for another adult like a child.

partners help EACH OTHER. sometimes people have very valid reasons they can’t do those things, but they should also help YOU with things that are hard for you and easy for them, whether it’s basic emotional support, chores, paperwork, making phone calls, etc. if they say they ‘don’t know how’ to do something and expect you to do it instead of learning how to do it, they are not worth your time.

if your male partner’s parents did not prepare him to take care of himself, do not become his second mother. find a partner who can take care of you as much as you take care of him, and can take care of himself as well as you take care of yourself.

(via ztpr9zfkk38a1.jpg (JPEG Image, 850 × 857 pixels))

Just so you’re all aware, Australia’s news outlets use “US-style” as an adjective to describe extreme poverty.

That’s all.

#speaker’s corner

#radfem #TERF #violence against women #freedom of speech

This quote from the women’s suffrage memorial in Knoxville is as prescient as ever given the current climate.

If you've got a Twitter pls show her some love 💕

These are amazing!

I can pinpoint some exact moments of luck which afford me to no longer be poor. The differences in my life after each fortunate opportunity were so striking. Unforgettable. 🥺

Those of us who grew up in and around poverty were deeply affected by that and do not forget the particular problems with it and when we see people misrepresenting the poor and the issues they face, take it very seriously. Those who didn't grow up that way just cannot fathom it and so are easy targets for the capitalist virtue line that people can choose to not be poor. You know, rather than accepting the truth that people who were once poor are blessed to no longer be poor. No matter how much they'd like to claim they are no longer poor because of their own hard work, they know how lucky they are to have escaped the precarity of poverty, the precarity levied against poor people to protect the wealth and status of people who never were poor.

let’s say that being hot as a form of empowerment for all women could even be a thing. let’s say it’s possible to look hot for yourself and not for men. where did your idea of hotness come from? why is it important to you to look hot? who decides what’s hot? why must you change something about yourself or cover something about yourself to get hot? what makes you not hot at your most unmanicured state? why? how did you know what to do to get hot? do the people around you view hotness in the same way?