Having Depression and anxiety like it’s my first and last names today. Feeling so sick and tired of being broke, dependent on others, and fat. Still so fat. All the comments come back at me. I never realized it but I’m the fat girl. Idk why I thought anything else but that. I hate being fat. It’s like I have all the other stuff going on and am over weight? Interesting fasting would work if I could just stick to it. Fuck anything would work if I’d stick to it but I’m so soft on myself. I can only hold it together for a day? Follow my stupid rules for 12 hours and next day go back to old habits. I’m so over being sad. I’m over being poor. I’m over constantly thinking how could a guy like me . I want it to be a no brainer. I miss when guys chased me in a good way. I miss when I knew a guy liked me. Now… guys don’t like me. They mess with my feelings get me thinking maybe they like me but all reality they just mess with my feelings. This guy at work made me feel like shit today. I’ve always had a little crush on him and he knows it too. So what if I’m the problem. I know I’m the problem. I’m my own damn problem.

It’s weird being single. I’ve been single for 4 years now. It’s so embarrassing. No one wants to love me .im broken on the inside. There’s no fixing me. My heart is shattered, withered away. Nothing left but a hole in my chest.

I wish I could keep my mouth shut at work. I wish I was the mute girl. The girl we all ignored because she’s really not even there. I wish I didn’t care what anyone thought of me. I wish I could just be myself. I wish I had my friends around me. I wish I didn’t crave attention. I wish I wasn’t so dumb. I promise myself I wouldn’t talk about myself but I just have no way of feeling anything. Crying is my source of feeling. I’m afraid this is all I am. I’m afraid I will always struggle. I’m worried this is who I am. I’m not the woman I grew up believing I would be I’m my very own worse nightmare.

Summer vibessss

To just be casually pretty 🤩

Lily Collins thigh gap is unreal….

Just because it’s a “break” doesn’t equal “eat”.

I can’t wait to finish breastfeeding for the sole purpose of being able to really restrict. I obviously try and eat enough to maintain supply and also not be tired but it hard to balance that out.

I will miss breastfeeding. I will forever cherish the bond. If anyone experiencing this please let me know.

I can’t seem to lose weight on the scale… so I stop weighing myself early in the morning. The good thing is I’m staying between 149 and 152. My goal this month of March is to at least hit 145. I’m starting to work full time and as long as I maintain my calories during the day I just need to not eat everything in site for dinner. I think meal prepping veggies is my big priority this weekend. I don’t mind spending 20~30 mins cooking. It’s just hard with watching my kid. But I also loving cooking and making meals he enjoys as well. Tomorrow I’m making a chili. Last winter meal vibes. It getting so hot now.

Inspired ✨

Elisha___h on ig

Thin girls just have more fun…. Or so it seems.

Guadadia on ig

Okay come on…. The ribs 😭

@Yuuulieta on Ig

Hello! My name is Jan and you’re on my Weight Loss blog! ✨🦁

Female 5’4, 23 July baby 🌸

SW: 178lbs/80kg December 2022

CW: 150lbs/68kg February 2024 bmi (overweight)

GW#1: 145lbs/65kg bmi 24.9 (normal)

GW#2: 135lbs/61kg bmi 23.2 (normal)

GW#3: 115lbs/52kg bmi 19.7 (normal)

GW#4: 108lbs/48kg bmi 18 (underweight)

Body goals

- round perky butt, tiny waist, thigh gap, hips bones show, collar bone show, tiny arms, sculpted back thin face.

I need a game plan for March.

I maintain for the whole month of February. Which is good and I am happy for not gaining.

The past week I sorta gave up with counting and intermittent fasting. I started to dread making food in the morning for my son and not being to to eat it. Also sometimes he will like force me to eat some food, like to be sweet and I hate saying no.

Finally can post again

Sad news I’m still

Fat lol

In the mood to not eat for the rest of the day. Imagine seeing 145lbs on the scale tomorrow… it would be magical. Goal weight this month is 145. This morning I weighed in at 149:/. I think if I meal plan the rest of the month, go on daily walks, at least 6 hard workouts, I could get there. It really how bad do I want it? I finally booked my flight for vacy in August. That gives me 6 months to get to my ideal goal weight. Totally doable. Totally sustainable weight to achieve too. 115lbs. That’s my dream weight. To be skinny. Little legs, small arms, non existent belly fat. Longer hair, long nails, clear skin, white teeth. That’s my goal. It’s up to me and how hard I focus on this goal. One more bite or one more week of trying to lose weight? One more bite or another day of asking myself why can’t I do it? I want to lose weight so I can be proud of my body. Looking in the mirror and seeing what I see on tumblr, instagram, YouTube. The child in me would be amazed. Would be so proud to call me “grown up Jan”.

Wtf did my mom bring this home. I ate half. I mean I’m not mad at her but like literally why. She didn’t even eat any, so just me. Regardless I threw the rest away. Definitely not even worth the calories. I eat a lot. Cleaner now and can say that even when I crave “bad foods” I know when to stop. So I’m proud of my control.