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thewatermelloncat · 5 months

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Six Weeks and Stuffed Wombats

Week Three

Summary: Three weeks in and they reach another hurdle: they can’t make progress if Rosé is half asleep.

Author’s Note: In all honesty, I’ve mostly moved on from this fandom and I’m finding it really difficult to finish this. That being said I don’t want to leave it incomplete because I really did love this at one point, and it was going to be my favourite thing I would have written. I’ve got a chapter and a half to write, so I might pull something together within the next few months to tie it all off, but we’ll see.

Warnings: Themes of sexual harassment

Prologue Week One Week Two

The next week when Rosé walks into the room, Tamisha senses immediately that something is off. It’s not a particularly hot day but it’s not all that cold either. Certainly not cold enough to justify Rosé wearing a sweatshirt beneath her jacket and still seeming to shiver with heavy lines beneath her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Tamisha asks worriedly after Rosé had only given her the slightest hint of a smile in greeting.

“Tired” is all she says to explain, her voice scratchy and faint.

“And that’s all?” Tamisha checks.

“Hmm” Rosé hums and blinks slowly.

“Up late for an assignment hand in or…” Tamisha trails off for Rosé to fill in the answer.

“Just couldn’t sleep.”

“Bad dreams again?”

Rosé nods, running a hand lazily down her face.

“How many?” Tamisha asks, picking up her notebook from the table between them.

“Just one” Rosé answers, her eyes barely staying off the floor long enough to look at her. “Then I couldn’t get back to sleep so… I just didn’t.”

“Did you write it down in your journal?”

Rosé shakes her head. “I don’t want you to know.”

“Rosé, I don’t judge you for anything” Tamisha promises. “Don’t you think it would help you if you shared it with someone else?”

After a few seconds and a few more slow blinks, Rosé nods. “It was about the family friend I told you about last week. He was staying over last night and…” Rosé trails off getting distracted before she regains focus. “I was in my bed, like usual, and I couldn’t move again…”

“Do you need a minute?” Tamisha offers kindly after she had trailed off again.

“No, no. It’s okay.” Rosé suddenly blinks and pushes herself up straighter on the couch. Pulling in a deep breath that turns into a yawn which she covers behind an arm. “Sorry… he, um… I had my back to him, and he just stared at me for a while before he moved over to sit on the edge of my bed.

“It was so vivid, like I could actually feel the mattress sink when he sat down, then when his hand started trailing up over the sheets. I woke up before his hand could reach my shoulder, but I couldn’t get back to sleep after that.”

Tamisha hums as she writes a few notes down. “Did you panic at all?”

“Not really. Just like… heart racing” Rosé considers.

“Did you try any of the breathing exercises from last week?” Tamisha asks.

“I tried for a bit, but they didn’t really work, and I gave up.”

“Could you figure out why that was? Was there some kind of distraction?” Tamisha offers a possible option.

“No, I just… every time I closed my eyes, I saw that same thing over and over again.”

“Too anxious?” Tamisha simplifies.

Rosé hums a confirmation as she leans against the arm of the couch, pinching the bridge of her nose with a faint wince.

“Rosé?” Tamisha worries.

“I’ve just got a bit of a headache” Rosé explains.

“You’re exhausted, aren’t you?”

Rosé hums again, sounding close to a whine.

“Okay” Tamisha says more so to herself as she stands from her chair and moves over to open a cupboard against the wall. “I’m going to let you sleep.”

“No, it’s okay. I can…” Rosé protests before her voice trails off.

“You can barely string a sentence together” Tamisha points out as she pulls a blanket out from the cupboard. “We’re not going to make any progress if you’re only half awake.”

Rosé opens her mouth like she wants to protest again but she can’t think of anything and closes it.

“We’ll reschedule this session. I think I’ve got a free space tomorrow we can move it to” Tamisha says.

“I’m sorry, this is a waste of your time” Rosé says as she’s prompted to lie down across the couch.

“Shh” Tamisha quells as she lays the blanket over her. “I’ll catch up on some paperwork. I’m not wasting any time. Just get some sleep.”

Rosé hums contently, already finding it harder to keep her eyes open.

Tamisha smiles warmly at her before she looks behind her to the stuffed wombat on the table. Then she reaches back to grab it and hands it over to Rosé, who smiles as she pulls it under the blanket with her.

“I’ll wake you up near the end of lunch so you can still get something to eat, okay?” Tamisha tells her.

Rosé nods back, finally letting her eyes slip closed. Soon falling asleep, cradling the stuffed wombat in her arms.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“You still look tired, sweetheart.” Tamisha frowns as Rosé walks in the next day.

“Oh no, I’m fine” Rosé assures as she sits down across from her, seeming at ease. “I just had a really complicated class before this.”

“What were you learning?” Tamisha inquires.

Rosé can’t help pulling a face before explaining about a complicated maths formula which somehow converts an equation into a squiggly line graph. “…then we’re supposed to be able to do it back the other way as well, and I just don’t get where I’m ever going to need to use it.”

“I doubt you will. By my age I only need the basic operations” Tamisha says.

“Can I drop out then?” Rosé smirks.

“If you want to talk about what you want to get out of your classes, you’ll have to schedule a different kind of appointment with me” Tamisha teases and Rosé scoffs a soft laugh before the subject is changed. “I have an exercise planned for today, but I want to ask you some questions first.”

Rosé hums for her to continue.

“From reading through your dream journal, a lot of it seems to centre around some sort of intimidation. Have you experienced situations in relation to that?”

“My dad doesn’t handle anger well. I just have to be careful with him sometimes” Rosé mentions.

“And what does he do that makes you intimidated by him?” Tamisha prompts.

“He just yells and becomes unreasonable.” Rosé shrugs. “It’s hard to calm him down when he doesn’t listen.”

“Anything more?” Tamisha asks.

Rosé shakes her head, and she gets the sense that Tamisha knows she is still withholding things. Though for now she doesn’t push it and moves along.

“There is also a theme of sexualisation” Tamisha adds.

“I think you’d find it hard to find someone my age who hasn’t been” Rosé answers vaguely.

“Can you expand on that?” Tamisha prompts.

“You work here. Surely you’ve heard what guys say about girls every day” Rosé points out. “They start rumours that they had sex with a girl they’ve never talked to in the parking lot. Some of us get smacked on the ass by boys thinking it’s just a joke. One time I got catcalled three times by three different groups just walking across the Quad.”

“I do know about that” Tamisha admits solemnly. “But in your journal none of those people are kids, Rosé. They’re all adults - one in particular.”

“Well, I mean, yeah.” Rosé looks away, shifting uncomfortably. “Because I expect it from people my age, because they’re all idiots.”

“Can you tell me more about this family friend?” Tamisha requests, reenforcing the topic change. “Has he done anything towards you?”

Rosé chokes on words in the back of her throat, and she cuts sound off. Reaching forward to pick up the stuffed wombat from the table and holding it for comfort before she tries speaking again. “He makes comments here and there” she says, stroking her thumbs into the toy’s fur.

“Nothing more?” Tamisha prompts gently.

“He tries to hold my hand sometimes… but it’s the way he stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking.”

“Has he ever tried to enact anything more provocative with you?” Tamisha words carefully.

“If we sit beside each other he’ll put his hand on my leg, but nothing more than that.”

“Rosé, if something more has happened, know that it’s not your fault—”

“No, no, it’s fine. He hasn’t done anything else. I promise” Rosé speaks honestly. “It’s just…” she trails off, looking up and taking a deep breath before blinking a few times. “It just feels like I’m waiting.”

“Waiting for him to do something more?” Tamisha asks.

Rosé nods.

“And that’s why he is on your mind a lot?” Tamisha guesses.

Rosé nods again. “And I can’t sleep when he’s around. Because what if that is the night?” She swallows deeply, fighting against her voice choking up. “Sometimes, when I wake up, I think that maybe it really happened and that was it. I don’t have to wait anymore.”

Tamisha hums and offers Rosé a sad smile before seeming to stall the conversation. Frowning down at her page and leaving them in silence for a few seconds until she speaks again. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry to have to ask you this” she begins, “but does some part of you want it to happen? So that waiting feeling can be over.”

Rosé shakes her head. “I just want to stop thinking about it.”

“Okay, let’s talk through it and see if we can help you with that” Tamisha introduces. “Do you find yourself most anxious about nightmares when you are in them or afterward?”

“Afterward” Rosé answers.

“And why is that?”

“It’s just… they’re basically a bunch of what if situations really” Rosé considers. “Some of them are farfetched, but the worst ones are grounded in some kind of realism.”

“So, you’re scared that those same things could happen to you?”

Rosé nods.

“But the variables are different aren’t they?” Tamisha raises. “You’ve said before that in your dreams you can’t move, but you can move while you’re awake, can’t you?”

Rosé nods.

“Can you speak in your dreams?”

“I don’t know. I just kind of figured that no one would hear me.”

“But people would hear you in the real world, wouldn’t they?”

“I guess” Rosé answers although she knows that it is dependent on whether people would listen.

“Do you see what I’m getting at?” Tamisha asks and Rosé nods. “You’re more capable and rational when you are awake. Try to use those skills to rewrite the events of your dreams and they shouldn’t worry you as much.”

“Like invalidate them?” Rosé checks.

“Exactly.” Tamisha smiles at her. “And then over time, hopefully you’ll sleep better.”

#rpdr fanfiction #rosé #rosénali #rosenali #safe house au #tamisha iman

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thewatermelloncat · 6 months

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The characters are perfect and all, but we are really undervaluing this background. So much symbolism!

modern au crows

#the crown and the devil horns #the shadows and notebook lines!

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thewatermelloncat · 7 months

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hi !!!! i think you’re lovely and i love seeing you around <3 i get excited when i see you posting/interacting on here because i think you’re really cool, i hope you’re having a great day!!! <3<3

Aw this is so sweet! I'll be honest, it was a rough week at work but I have a day off today and I'm very happy about it. I love getting messages from you, they always make me smile 💕

#asks

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thewatermelloncat · 7 months

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Strangely, I have momentarily vibed with the pure unhinge of this.

If it were to be a rosenali Shrek AU, Rosé would have to be Shrek. Living with this fearsome reputation and thick Scottish accent in her swamp. Everyone stays away apart from Denali who would be Donkey because… ass. And it’s mostly just them causing chaos in surrounding villages for the fun of it.

Luna is bullying me

#send help

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thewatermelloncat · 7 months

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hi hello my dear, you ready for some questions? how many different fan communities/fandoms have you been in? how active are you in them? what was/is your favorite one to be a part of? do you say you spend a lot of time in fandom spaces, or is it something that you do occasionally as an escape?

Ahhh I’m so excited! The questions are back 💖 I’ve been in a few, so I’ll try and keep it succinct.

The Lord of the Rings was my first obsession, and is still on going. I’m not active in the fandom, and I don’t read fanfic about it because I love the world just how it is.

Disney’s Descendants would probably be the next. I just think that the idea is really cool, and it got me into writing fanfic. I’m not really active in it anymore, but I’ll go back and visit from time to time.

The Umbrella Academy is what brought me to Tumblr where I got more response for the fanfics I would write. They really liked my writing and I did too for a while, but a few people got really demanding about my free labour and I noped out of the fandom entirely. I just started to see the community as ungrateful and I didn’t want a part of it.

Drag Race is the one that has lasted the longest. I’ve still got lots of fic ideas but I’m taking a break from it for a little bit because it’s just gotten so overwhelming. Though I’ll definitely get back to it, it’s something I can see myself doing for a few more years at least.

My newest one is Shadow and Bone. I watched the Netflix series and I loved the Crows. I’m borrowing the Six of Crows book from my sister next weekend and when I say I’m going to speedrun through it, I am going to SPEEDRUN! I’m definitely going to write at least a few fics on that after I understand the characters more. I’m SO excited!

TL;DR

The Lord of the Rings, Disney’s Descendants, The Umbrella Academy, RuPaul’s Drag Race, Shadow and Bone

Honourable mentions: Percy Jackson, Shadowhunters/Mortal Instruments, Throne of Glass

#asks

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thewatermelloncat · 8 months

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Chapter Three ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

She hates the assumption that everyone made about her: that she isn’t okay. Surely Rosé should be the one to decide how she is. Her life is far from perfect, she knows that, but she’s fine with it because it’s all she knows. Being shut in a room and forced to talk about her feelings won’t change anything about that, will it?

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thewatermelloncat · 8 months

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Six Weeks and Stuffed Wombats

Week Two

Summary: There is a saying that things get worse before they get better. Only two sessions in, Rosé didn’t think that her friendships would already start to suffer.

Prologue Week One

“Yesterday I didn’t do all of, since I wasn’t really home” Rosé brings up one of the empty thermometers as she hands her book over for Tamisha to look at.

“That’s okay” Tamisha says. “Were you out late?”

Rosé shakes her head. “No, I stayed over at Denali’s.”

“Was there something that happened at home?” Tamisha frowns, remembering Rosé telling her last week about how she stays over with Denali when things aren’t great for her.

“No, it was just because” Rosé explains. “I had choir practice early this morning and her place is closer. So, it’s just easier sometimes.”

“Did practice go better than last week?” Tamisha asks.

Rosé grinds her lip between her teeth with a sigh. She should have known that her panic attack would be brought up at some point, but she thought that it would have been in the first week. The fact that they’d seemingly skipped over it made her feel like they wouldn’t have to talk about it. Except by now her luck has run out.

“Yeah, it went better” she finally answers.

“And your teacher apologised for last week?”

Rosé nods.

“Do they know how what they said affected you?”

“I don’t know… I hope not.”

“Do you have panic attacks often, Rosé?” Tamisha picks up her book, ready to write a note down.

“I don’t think so. I don’t really know what often means” she admits.

“One or more a month.”

“Then no” Rosé answers. “Only one or two every few months, maybe. It jumps around a bit.”

“So, you can’t find any patterns between them?” Tamisha’s pen hovers over the page. “No common factors, like stress or certain places?”

For a while Rosé sits in silence, far longer than it takes her to think of the answer. Then she finally nods.

“Could you share what they are?” Tamisha prompts gently, noticing Rosé’s hesitance to speak.

“I don’t sleep so well a lot of the time. I just... I don’t know” – Rosé sighs – “nightmares just seem childish.”

“Adults and children are just as likely to have them as each other. They’re a normal way of processing information” Tamisha assures.

“I always thought that dream reading stuff was mythical” Rosé frowns sceptically.

Tamisha smiles faintly. “Well, I don’t think they’re in anyway prophetic. But while we sleep our brain uses that time to process events and emotions. Just often in a way that doesn’t make any sense” she explains. “Can you tell me what normally happens in yours?”

Rosé takes a breath before she answers, “I’m normally in my room, in my bed, and I can’t move. I never know why, but I just can’t.”

“And how do you feel?”

“Stuck” Rosé scoffs a laugh, but her eyes shift uncomfortably. Her hand gripping onto the fabric of her jacket.

Tamisha stays silent, waiting for her to list more.

“Scared.” Rosé’s smile drops before she adds more quietly, “helpless.”

“And do you ever know why you’re scared?”

“Sometimes… sometimes it’s my dad, but there’s this other person… he… he’s not in all of them, but the ones with him are the worst.”

“And this other person, what does he do?” Tamisha asks gently.

“He… I’m sorry, I don’t” – Rosé cuts herself off with a sigh. Shaking her head before she looks away.

“That’s okay” Tamisha backs away for a moment. Then she notices Rosé’s hand gripped tightly at the edge of her jacket and reaches forward to pick up the stuffed wombat from the table between them. Handing it out for her to hold instead.

Rosé scoffs softly as she takes the stuffed toy from her. “I never had one of these.”

Tamisha smiles back at her reassuringly before she asks a different question, “do you know the person?”

Rosé nods, looking down at the toy as her thumbs stroke into its fur. “Family friend… of my parents anyway. Every time he stays over it’s a sure bet that I won’t sleep through that night.”

“Do your parents know how you feel about this friend?”

Rosé purses her lips sadly. “They don’t care.”

“And what about this friend, do they know how you feel about them?”

“I don’t think they care either” Rosé says quietly before she looks up again. “I’m sorry, can we move on?”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“More homework” Rosé huffs out a breath as she stops at the table in the cafeteria. Dropping her book on the surface and not caring about the few sets of eyes that get drawn her way at the loud smack.

“It’s to help you Rosie” Denali reminds her, looking up from her lunch.

“I know. It’s just” — Rose breaks herself off with a frustrated sigh as she drops into a chair. Then she leans forward to cradle her head over the table.

“What is it this time?” Denali scoffs a little at her dramatics.

“A dream journal” Rosé says, pushing herself back up again. “Which you can’t tell me doesn’t sound like the most childish thing to write about.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I’ve thought about having one since I think it would be cool to go back and read all the weird things I think of” Denali admits. “Except I’d have to write really quick since I forget my dreams super fast.”

“Lucky” Rosé grumbles, sinking her head into her hands.

“Did she say why you had to do it?” Denali asks.

“Something about not processing things fully when we’re awake - like how we just brush stuff off with reasoning. Then that affects how we sleep because we’re subconsciously still thinking about it.”

“You do just brush a lot of stuff off” Denali points out.

Rosé only hums because it’s kind of a fair statement. Except she still doesn’t want to write things down that she doesn’t want to remember in the first place. “She also gave me breathing exercises” she voices further complaint.

“Oh, those are fun!” Denali immediately smiles, sitting up straighter in her seat. “We do them sometimes in skating for competition preparation…”

Denali’s excited rambling continues but Rosé starts to tune it out.

She bets Denali wouldn’t think from such a high and mighty place if she had to do the exercises herself. A dream journal isn’t some ‘dear diary’ bullshit where she can write down the name of her crush surrounded by love hearts.

“… sometimes at training we get to lie on a bench for a couple of minutes practicing them while we visualise our routines…”

And for her breathing exercises are a break from an intensive training session, not some obligated task that she has to do within her own time.

“… they say it also helps with body awareness, but they’re really just fun to do—”

“I know how to breathe, Denali!” Rosé snaps. “I wouldn’t be alive if I didn’t!”

Denali cuts her spiel off and sits in a stunned silence.

Immediately Rosé knows she should feel bad about what she said - how she said it - but for now she can’t be bothered to apologise. She catches Denali looking at her warily, but she locks her jaw to keep herself from biting anything back about it.

Across the table Denali reads the warning glare Rosé holds toward her, but she catches that there is guilt in there as she then looks away. She could probably ask for an apology and Rosé would give it to her, but for now she won’t push it and she looks away as well.

So, they both fall into silence and no words are said for the rest of lunch.

#rpdr fanfiction #rosenali #rosénali #rosé #denali foxx #tamisha iman #safe house au

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thewatermelloncat · 9 months

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Chapter Two is up ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

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thewatermelloncat · 9 months

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Six Weeks and Stuffed Wombats

Week One

Summary: The weekly sessions start, and her counsellor seems nice enough. There is only one problem: more homework.

Author's Note: This chapter is a bit short and slow, but things start to amp up after this one.

Prologue

Six weeks was all it needed to be if she took it seriously and answered honestly. After that, if her counsellor saw her well enough to continue navigating life on her own, she could. Unless she wanted to continue with her sessions, which is something Rosé highly doubts she would want to do.

The system was supposed to be built on trust, which is why the school counsellor, Tamisha, had led the introductions before letting Rosé follow. Except Rosé has never been good at talking about herself, so she took prompting to answer basic things like her age and the things she likes to do.

“I see you’ve found your file.” Tamisha follows Rosé’s gaze down to a folder on a low table beside a stuffed wombat. “I’m not supposed to tell you what is in there, but I’m a little unorthodox. What do you think it says?”

“Fights a lot, self-isolating and talks back at every opportunity.” Rosé smirks a little.

“Nothing positive?” Tamisha inquires.

Rosé shakes her head.

“That’s what it did say,” Tamisha confirms her answer, “until about a year ago. Do you know what changed?”

“I uh… I made some new friends” Rosé answers. “Doing all that stuff didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore.”

Tamisha smiles warmly. “What do you think it says now?”

Rosé shrugs.

“It says that you’re intelligent but lack application beyond the subjects that you like” Tamisha begins. “But it also says that you’re resourceful and you show initiative, independence, and good leadership… There are also concerns about your homelife, but I don’t think I need to explain those to you.”

Rosé sighs deeply and shifts uncomfortably.

“I won’t lie to you, Rosé.” Tamisha folds her hands and leans forward in her chair. “From what I’ve read in this file, I don’t think it should be you sitting on that couch.”

“What do you mean?” Rosé asks before she can stop herself.

“A lot of this is speculation” Tamisha admits, tapping a finger against the folder on the table. “But from what it seems like, you’re not the one causing problems in your household.”

Rosé says nothing.

“I can’t promise you that after these sessions you’ll have a happy homelife” Tamisha confesses. “Though what I can do is help you find strategies to process and cope in uneasy situations. But I need you to trust me for us to do that.”

“I’m not a very trusting person” Rosé warns.

“That’s okay” Tamisha accepts. “We’ll start slow.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“How was it?” Denali asks as Rosé approaches the other side of the cafeteria table she sits at.

“Do you know they give out homework?” Rosé says bitterly as she drops a notebook and some papers she was carrying onto the surface. “As if I don’t have enough already.”

“What do you have to do?” Denali asks.

“Journal” – Rosé touches a hand to the notebook on the table before pulling some papers out of it – “thermometers.”

“Why? Do you have to record the weather or something?” Denali jokes as she looks at the graphics printed on the paper.

Rosé scoffs a laugh, shaking her head. “My feelings” she dramatises. “Have to fill out three a day: one for homelife, school, and just in general.”

“Oh, kind of like colouring in?” Denali smiles. “Fun.”

“Except I have to think” Rosé huffs. “And I have to cut three of these out and stick them in the book every day. Do you know how time consuming that will be? I don’t even know if I have a glue stick.”

“I have one!” Denali bounces in her seat and reaches down to pull her bag up on the table. “Why don’t we just cut them out and stick them in the book now, so you don’t have to worry about it later?”

“That’s actually not a bad idea” Rosé admits, and she begins to search through her own bag for a pair of scissors.

“Were they nice?” Denali asks about the counsellor as they set to work.

“Yeah, I guess she was” Rosé considers. “Apart from how I feel like a lab experiment every time she looks at me.”

“What about if I started looking at you like that?” Denali looks up to stare at her, still cutting the paper with her scissors.

“Stop it, you weirdo.” Rosé rolls her eyes before she nods to Denali’s hands. “You’re gonna cut yourself.”

#rpdr fanfiction #rosénali #rosenali #rosé #denali #safe house au #tamisha iman

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thewatermelloncat · 10 months

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thewatermelloncat · 10 months

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Had to share this here because you're right and you should say it. It's incredible how many people came out of the woodwork as soon as AO3 was down and suddenly had no compunctions at all about screaming how much they love and need fanfic--on the AO3 twitter. Is it so much harder to do in the comment section?

At this point I don't care anymore if people call me entitled or think I'm out of line. If fanfic is so meaningful to you that you cannot go half an hour without, let alone 24h, then you can get over yourself long enough to write a fucking comment. No excuses.

"writing comments is hard and scary" yeah well GUESS WHAT so is writing fanfics. fandom as a community is dying, because it is instead treated as a COMMODITY, a CONSUMER PRODUCT. We're not asking for much. We're asking for a CONNECTION. We don't want to sell, we want to share.

You've shown your hand. You've admitted you cannot live without us. Now ACT LIKE IT. Go write a fucking comment.

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thewatermelloncat · 10 months

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#rpdr fanfiction #rosé #denali #rosenali #rosénali #safe house au

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thewatermelloncat · 10 months

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My friend shocked me yesterday by saying she didn't learn to swim until she was 11 because she grew up in a landlocked state and in an area where pools weren't common either. For the purposes of this poll, let's say being able to swim counts as you being able to jump into deep water (pool, lake, river, whatever) and easily get out to dry land on your own.

And of course, if you learned later in life, I'd love it if you added why in the tags.

#1-5 #I was learning to swim before I learnt to walk

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thewatermelloncat · 10 months

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Six Weeks and Stuffed Wombats

Prologue

Summary: She hates the assumption that everyone made about her: that she isn’t okay. Surely Rosé should be the one to decide how she is. Her life is far from perfect, she knows that, but she’s fine with that because it’s all she knows. Being shut in a room and forced to talk about her feelings won’t change anything about that, will it?

Author’s note: I had planned to start posting this after I had finished it all, but in the spirit of having been working on this for a year as of today, I’m posting the prologue to celebrate. I still have two of seven chapters to go, so I’ll keep sporadically posting and hopefully I’ll finish it all soon.

Warnings: Panic attack

Keep reading

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thewatermelloncat · 10 months

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Six Weeks and Stuffed Wombats

Prologue

Warnings: Panic attack

The room was supposed to be sound proofed, but Denali could still hear the yelling muffled through the door. For minutes she waited out in the hallway of the music department, listening but unable to make out any of the words. At times there would be a gap, presumably when someone else got the chance to speak, but other than that, the yelling continued on. It was almost as much of a relief to her as to those inside when the surrounding went quiet, and the doorhandle finally turned.

Awkward laughs flitter between choir members as they file out into the hallway. A few of them wear shocked expressions, but overall, they seem to be in good spirits. Which is why it comes as a surprise to see Rosé leave the room pale faced, following the tail end of the group.

“What a way to start the day” Denali jokes by way of introduction as she pushes herself off the wall to walk beside her. “What was that about?”

Rosé shakes her head and keeps her eyes averted away.

So, Denali decides to leave it alone. Figuring that Rosé will explain it all to her when they’re further away from other ears. “I left something in my locker, you wanna come with?” she says before immediately setting off in a different direction from the rest of the crowd.

Rosé follows her without a response. Trailing a little behind with small steps and shallow breaths, staying abnormally quiet.

Everything about her feels wrong and just as Denali is turning around to press her about whether everything is okay, Rosé’s steps stop completely as she draws in a deep, stuttering breath. A hand is instantly clamped over her mouth to muffle sobs mixing with coughs, and Denali steps forward to remove it from her lips.

“No, no. You need to breathe baby” she protests, guiding Rosé over to sit down against a wall.

Tears spill from her eyes as Rosé pulls her legs up to her chest, shifting the hold Denali has on her hand to grip it tighter. Trying to fight against the numbness spreading through her fingers.

“That’s good, hold on to me” Denali commends before other comforting nonsense starts slipping from her lips. She doesn’t even pay attention to what she says, only the fact that her words don’t seem to be working, and she sinks her head down onto Rosé’s knees, not wanting her to see her curse. She knows Rosé will regain control, but she wants a way to fix it now, and time seems to stretch on and on.

Lifting her head again, Denali reaches out a hand to gently cup Rosé’s jaw. “Breathe. Slow down. Just breathe” she instructs slowly, moving Rosé’s hand to press against her chest. “With me. Come on.”

After a choked whimper, Rosé swallows with a nod of her head and Denali feels relieved that she is listening and willing to work with her.

Gradually, Rosé steadies herself. Her breath catching less and less and her heartrate slowing down. “I—” she tries to speak, though she isn’t quite settled yet.

“Shh” Denali quells gently. “Just keep breathing.”

Then Rosé says nothing else until Denali finally releases her hand from her chest, though she doesn’t let their grip go.

“I don’t wanna do it anymore” Rosé says, her voice faint.

“You don’t mean that” Denali sighs with a shake of her head. “You love choir.”

“I don’t” Rosé tries to insist. “I don’t want to do it.”

“You’re not thinking straight, Rosie. Let’s just give it a minute before we decide to pull out of anything, yeah?”

“Yeah” Rosé repeats before she sniffles and dries tears from her eyes.

“What’s happening down here?” the concerned voice of Miss Visage sounds as she rounds a corner and finds two of her students sitting on the floor.

Suddenly Rosé’s mind goes blank, and she barely registers Denali sitting back on her heels and saying something in answer to their teacher. Then gentle hands help her up from the floor and she is guided into a classroom down the hall. Her bag is slung off her back and her drink bottle pressed into her hands, encouraging her to take a few sips while a hand strokes over her shoulder. Soft voices speak around her, but she can’t make out what they say until one of them says her name.

“Rosie?” Denali prompts, looking to her before turning to Miss Visage who had spoken first.

“What’s going on, love?” her teacher asks when Rosé’s eyes focus on her sitting in front of them.

“N-nothing. I’m fine” Rosé answers and she makes to stand from the chair she’s found herself in, but an arm around her waist keeps her there.

Denali makes a sound of protest, and her grip tightens. “Stay, you’re still shaky.”

Then Rosé realises the walls of the familiar classroom spinning slightly around her and how her body still feels weak and fuzzy.

“Denali said you were off after you came out of choir practice” Miss Visage prompts.

“Yelling” Rosé says quietly but explains no more.

“I could hear it through the door” Denali adds. “Couldn’t make it out though.”

“Was it specifically directed to you?” Miss Visage turns back to Rosé.

“Everyone. We weren’t good enough… wanted to pull us out of regionals” Rosé explains vaguely. “I just…didn’t think it would happen again.”

“Again?” Miss Visage frowns. “They’ve yelled at you before?”

Rosé shakes her head and swallows thickly. “My dad already went off at me this morning. I’ve thought about it, and I didn’t even do anything.” She draws in a steadying breath, looking down as she pulls at the cuffs of her sleeves. “He was so angry for no reason, and he… and he had me backed against the wall, standing so close that I couldn’t even look up.”

“Did you panic then too?” Miss Visage asks gently.

“No. I just don’t think I processed it properly… and then at the end of practice…” Rosé trails off.

“No teacher should have spoken to you like that. I’ll take up the matter from here” Miss Visage promises before fixing Rosé with an assessing glance. “I’m also going to send you home.”

Rosé shakes her head before she can even get herself to speak. “Don’t make me go there. Anywhere but there.”

At the begging in her tone, the frown Miss Visage wears deepens. “You’re overwhelmed, love. Going to class isn’t going to help you with that.”

“My mum has a day off. Call her instead” Denali offers before Rosé can protest again.

Then Miss Visage nods and heads toward the phone in her office. “Denali you can stay with her, or you can head off to class.”

As the office door shuts, Denali looks at the clock and notes that form class is now over and she should be heading off to science. Though looking back to Rosé beside her, she knows she’s not moving.

“Nali, I’m tired” Rosé sighs quietly.

“I know” Denali speaks softly, pulling Rosé closer into her side so she can rest her head on her shoulder. “Lean on me. Mum will be here soon.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Fifteen minutes had passed before Chamilla stepped into the classroom, Miss Visage immediately standing from her desk and asking to speak with her in her office. Rosé hadn’t even bothered to try and listen in and stayed half asleep against Denali’s shoulder. If Denali had been able to make out the voices from behind the wall, she didn’t say anything about them.

All up the conversation had been short and a few minutes later Denali stood from her chair and took Rosé by the hand to lead her up to the carpark walking alongside her mother. Once they got there, she was forced to say a quick goodbye before heading off to the remainder of her first class.

No one spoke on the car ride from school to the house. Though Rosé was aware of Chamilla sparing her glances when she thought she wasn’t looking, but she never bothered to pull her up on it.

“Come sit with me, Rosie” Chamilla speaks first after the front door has shut behind them, placing a hand on Rosé’s shoulder to guide her along.

“What is it?” Rosé asks, knowing that Chamilla has been holding back from saying something given how silent she was on the ride over.

“Did Miss Visage talk with you before I got there?”

Rosé shakes her head as they both sit down.

“Okay” Chamilla says softly, pausing before she continues carefully, “she would like for you to be signed up with the school counsellor.”

Rosé immediately pulls in a breath, but Chamilla squeezes a hand against her arm before she can interrupt.

“And it’s not just her. Some of your other teachers think it would benefit you too.”

“I’m fine.”

Chamilla hums lowly in disagreement.

“I don’t need anything like that. It’s violating.” Rosé shakes her head.

“What’s violating about it?”

“I don’t want to tell stuff to a stranger. I don’t trust them.”

“You haven’t met them yet” Chamilla reasons. “And there are rules and laws on confidentiality. Your parents won’t even have to know if you don’t want them to.”

Rosé draws in an unsteady breath and her voice breaks when she speaks, “so, I panic once, and they want to shut me up in a room?”

“It’s not just this once” Chamilla relays. “They’ve noticed you struggling for a while. They just want to help you.”

“They – I…” Rosé trails off, finding it increasingly harder to speak.

“Nali and I have noticed it too” Chamilla continues. “I know that there are things you don’t tell us – and I won’t make you – but I think it would be good for you to have someone to tell those things to. We all just want the best for you.”

Rosé’s chest tightens and she gasps faintly before she speaks, “n-no one is supposed to care about me.”

“You’re wrong.” Chamilla adjusts their position so that she now has both arms around her. “You are so wrong.”

“I’m… fine” Rosé tries to insist again despite tears now falling from her eyes.

Chamilla shakes her head and holds her tighter. “You’re not well, Rosie. And that’s okay.”

Rosé says nothing as she breaks down in sobs into her shoulder, her hands bunching up in the fabric of her shirt.

Chamilla runs a comforting hand over her hair before tracing it down her back, repeating again, “it’s okay.”

#rpdr fanfiction #rosénali #rosenali #rosé #denali #safe house au

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