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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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How would the Volturi guards react to their human mate joking about selling their virginity. (I use to joke about it all time then one time I actually looked up how much you could sell your virginity and you could charge millions.)

Demetri: Give it to him for free and it'll be an experience better than those millions. He's that forward. You want to get rid of your virginity that badly? He'll do it. If you're having this conversation then you definitely live with the Volturi and so they basically have you covered financially and everything else so it'd really only be a case of how badly you want to get rid of your virginity. Then he discovers your joking but his offer still stands. 👀

Felix: Uh...that sounds like a terrible idea in Felix's eyes. What if you get a creep? What if you catch an STD? Don't do this. This is a terrible idea. Wait a second...Felix just realised what you said. "IM NOT PAYING YOU TO HAVE SEX!? I CAN DO THIS FOR FREE AND ACTUALLY LOVE YOU ASWELL!?"

Jane: She'll stare you down, dare you to tell her you weren't joking. It's bad enough to joke about advertising such an intimate part of yourself to anyone but she's going to pretend you were joking because the alternative is that you genuinely considered this. The conversation will end there because she's been glaring at you silently for 10 minutes and has no intention of stopping. 😒

Alec: "So prostitution with a special feature?" You don't know how to react to such a statement. You and I are absolutely stunned. He has this blank expression and seemingly isn't surprised by this at all. He simply tells you not to even dream of it. Joke or not. It wasn't funny and no you can't sell your virginity...that's for him.

I have literally made this same joke 😂😂

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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Have you ever seen Carrie? If so what's demetri/alec/felix to reader getting pig blood poured on her as prank at prom?

I won't lie, I preferred the remake over the original 🤭

ANYWAY,

Demetri: Demetri is disgusted with humans. How could anyone ever do such a thing to someone as divine as you. He'll want you in Italy immediately. He didn't like you being away from him to begin with and this just set his dislike in stone. He'll likely win too, getting you out of your human life and taking you away with him. Demetri was determined to make sure you forget it ever happened. Your new life with him being the only thing left in your memory.

Alec: Alec sees you as someone like him and his sister- the designated outsider that everyone collectively chooses to mistreat for whatever reason- if any reason. He is more than happy to whisk you away from your human life with this knowledge. It seemed that the youth got crueler over the years. Alec and Jane received the worst treatment (other than the stake) was large, sharp rocks thrown at them for varying distances if any. However those in his village were consistent with their dislike. You fell that much harder as you were treated with respect for one small moment just for it to be ripped away for others entertainment. He's disgusted that anyone could pour pigs blood on someone to humiliate them for a joke. He'll make sure to be there for you all the time. Show you that he is genuinely there for you. Let's be honest...he isn't above burning down a building with people in it. After all, he burned down his village. 🤷‍♀️

Felix: Felix wants to go hulk mode and it took everything to not break the phone. He isn't waiting for anyone. He's getting Demetri, he'll drag the twins if he has to. He is coming to get you and bring you back to Italy and that was the only thing that needed to be known. Although there may be quick detours when he makes you tell him who those responsible were for a not so friendly 'visit'.

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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what would stefan and vladimir do to their mates being too shy to moan during sex bc its their first time

I think I've covered this already but it's been a while so I'll reiterate and give a rundown🤭

These two kinda love it. They think it's cute. As in that's so freaking adorable.

They both want to hear you but Stefan is more gentle about it. He might even try to encourage you with his own moans. However if you're too shy, he'll accept it.

Vladimir might try to encourage you the same way. He'll just shower you in love, want you to look at him and he'll press kisses anywhere he can reach.

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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what would kebi/amun do to their mate being too shy to moan during sex

Kebi: She doesn't mind. She'll carry on. Although she might cast a glance every now and then more often to make sure that you're alright.

Amun: You might catch a small smirk and suddenly it's a game. Make you moan as quick as he can and a small whine etc isn't what he's looking for. It's precious though.

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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what would amun do to his mate sitting on his lap and kissing his neck

Oh this is going to lead to some alone time verryyy quickly. Your first hint? The way his finger weave into your hair and tug your head back.

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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OK BUT THE REACTIONS OF ALEC/VLADIMIR/DEMETRI/FELIX/RAMEN when they first meet their human mate and the first thing their dumbass mate says is “I know this rlly good senior retirement center and they have really good food. I’ll visit you on bingo nights.” LIKE ALEC WAITS THOUSANDS OF YEARS TO MEET THIS DUMBASS WHO DOESNT EVEN SAY HI AND JUST STARTS TALKING ABOUT A SENIOR CENTER-

I got inspired from ur recent ask-

Also I think there’s a hurricane outside but imma go to this art exhibit anyways so if I don’t respond I probably drowned in the subway station- bye

Alec: He'll visit you in the morgue first, sweetheart.

Vladimir: He will literally put in an application for you the moment you say it and conveniently 'forget' you existed. Enjoy bingo though.

Demetri: Wait, who told you thats where Demetri was gonna put you?

Felix: He's trying to figure out if he should put you in the drain or in the fridge...

Amun: This man will literally book you a flight, put you on the plane to the furthest place from him and make it a one way.

You better live 👀 I'll be so pissed at you if you die.

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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Can you do like the reactions of Felix, Alec,Demetri,Amun, and Vladimir when they first meet their human mates and the mate is a gen z who’s just like

“I’m into more….uh…y-yo-younger guys? So um….bye.”

Like the vampires waited thousands of years of their mates to be human AND like this?

Alec: he's smirking because he's the best of both worlds in the regard. Also he's into more non-humans but here we are. He's sassy. Don't anticipate Alec to be nice and understanding, if he's stuck with you then you don't get a choice. Preferences be damned.

Demetri: okay, he'll admit that wasn't what he anticipated. He also can't change that do that's a suck it up situation. Again, if he's stuck with you then you're stuck with him. Don't worry darling, he'll flirt right into your heart regardless.

Amun: He's kinda insulting like... immediately. He'll hit back with something along the lines that he wanted someone more sophisticated yet here you are. Like he is blatantly rude and isn't caring what you want. He might also throw in a comment of being shallow so just...don't say this to Amun.

Vladimir: Biggest eye roll known to man. If you think he wanted to have this bond with a human then you're deranged. Some could even argue that you're too young for him. You don't see him saying that to you now do you? Rude, little human.

Felix: You have to be joking. He refused to take that as a serious answer. Don't you know he can't do anything about being centuries old? He just doesn't compute, he'll stand there like 'WTF' for a while.

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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GUESS WHOS STILL MOT OFF HER MEDS

Meeeeeeeee

THEY KEEP SAYING ITLL GO AWAY BUT ITS NOT BC THEY KEEP INCREASING THE DOSE LIKE TF-

ANYWAYS

can I have a text request for Vladimir and one other vampy of ur choice x human mate typa thing

Human texts them:

ROSALIE I SAW THIS CUTE GUY AT THE GROCERY STORE AND HE STARTED SMILING AT ME AND WALKED UP TO ME AND JUST STARTED FLIRTING WITH ME.

He can fluently speak like 4 languages. Cute and smart 😏 he asked me for my numberrrrr.

He was so sweet and nice too.

And then they realize they texted the wrong person-

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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Do you know how sometimes your boobs and nipples get so very like really sensitive to the point it’s so sore and it also hurts? How would Amun and Vladimir and Felix handle if their human mates were moaning about how painful it was but the vampires are turned on after hearing them moan

Amun is leaving, immediately. The man practically flew because this isn't appropriate. 👀

Vladimir will be sucking on his teeth. He's really trying not to notice those moans. Instead he tries to figure out what you need to ease the pain. You have medication since you got here, does any of that stuff include pain relief?

Felix is the same as Vladimir but Felix can't help but chuckle through his concern. How does he help, little human?

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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ello YELLO guess who still has side effects from her meds 😗✌🏻 meee they said it’s gonna go away in a few days so imma just wait and see

Anyways can I put in a text request for Vladimir, a volturi guard, and another person of your choice (NO CULLEN)

They doing long distance or somethin and their human just suddenly texts them

“I was forced out of my home screaming bleeding”

“I was only 0 years old”

“My parents were just smiling like psychopaths”

“They even cut my wifi cord”

“I couldn’t walk for 3 years because of the trauma”

“Everyone was just smiling and laughing at Me”

“ I was forced to bathe in front of a bunch of ppl”

Alec:

Vladimir:

Garrett:

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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Request: Jealous Rage (Vladimir x Reader)

So im too uncomfy to write smut but here’s what you guys asked for…its NSFW-ish.

You remembered that night like it was yesterday. Seeing him before you didn’t help tug down the memories. In fact, you couldn’t seem to tear your heart and soul from Vladimir even after all this time. A piece of you hoped he felt the same, even if it were to be naive to think such a thing. It was only one night, that’s all it was ever supposed to be. It had been around a year since that night- the last night you had seen him. Vladimir had acted like that night had never happened. A simple reunion between acquaintances after a year. He made it look simple and he played the role well. You could only hope you had done the same.

Vladimir didn’t even spare you a glance as he spoke to Carlisle from behind you, ‘catching up’. However the angle was perfect, at least for Vladimir’s scheming ways because Carlisle couldn’t see Vladimir’s hands travelled up and down your back. It made your heart speed up. Judging by Carlisle’s reassuring smile sent towards you, he had thought you were nervous around Vladimir and you were, just for more reasons than one. As he applied more pressure with his fingers to your lower back, you felt a shiver rush up your spine. You fought against it with everything you had and Vladimir seemed to smirk just a little wider. He made it look so easy. The movements bringing you back to that night.

“You look on edge, little human.” Vladimir smirked and he entered the room. “Shouldn’t I be? The Volturi might be coming to kill us all in a matter of days.” You replied. “You’ll get the easiest death of us all.” Vladimir said. “Was that supposed to be comforting?” You asked. “Perhaps.” Vladimir replied absent mindedly. After a moment he sighed, catching sight of you rolling your shoulder, trying to release the tension. “Let me rub your back.” “What?” You gawked. “Come. If I have to hear that incessant popping in your back one more time, I will lose my mind.” Before you could respond, you felt his hands upon your back. You couldn’t lie, it felt good. That was how it all started, innocently. Nothing happened that night. Although, the next time Vladimir’s hands were on your back, it was a little different. The feeling of Vladimir’s hands running across the span of your back throughout the night. When his fingers reached up the nape of your neck and into your hair. The sharp tug when he pushed your head forward and before you knew what was coming, he had placed kisses repeatedly upon anywhere of your neck he could reach.

“(Y/N), Esme is looking for you.” Carlisle suddenly said, snapping you out of your daze. The hands on your back gliding down until falling from the curve of your behind, like it had never happened. You nodded before taking your leave, unable to speak a word.

However the peace was broken when Emmett was talking to you about someone who had shown interest in you. “Hey, (Y/N)! That special friend of yours is asking you on a date!” You heard a sharp hiss before Vladimir was glaring at you from the doorway. However before even Emmett could ask, he stormed off.

You didn’t see Vladimir again until that night in your house. You jumped in fright when he was suddenly in your bedroom. You were unable to say a word, stunned that he was there and you weren’t dreaming. "Why are you so angry with me?“ You asked carefully and that was when all hell broke loose.

Vladimir was ranting and yelling whilst you were barely keeping up and trying to calm him down. Yet your attempts were to no avail. Clearly, he was hurt that you were moving on and forgetting your time with him. He was going to quickly that you didn’t even get the chance to tell him that he had the wrong idea. "It…it isn’t even a big deal-” Vladimir cut you off with a snarl. “La naiba cu tine! Stop saying that!” You complied. Vladimir was genuinely pissed off and you knew you couldn’t do anything about it. “You don’t understand? Fine. I’ll make you.” He growled.

Before you could even register what he had said, Vladimir was suddenly pressed against you. Your head is his hands as his lips captured yours. You gasped and he only took advantage of that. He angled his head at the very same moment he tugged on your hair, forcing you to the tip of your toes. His hands ran down your neck, your collar bones, down your chest, your stomach towards your hips. Suddenly he broke his kiss and you were in his arms. Upon instinct you wrapped your legs around his waist. Vladimir wouldn’t have let you fall regardless. He squeezed your behind as he walked towards the bed, the constant attack of kisses continuing.

You felt the bed beneath you when Vladimir growled something against your neck, his hands running up and down your thighs. “Nu suport gândul mâinilor altcuiva asupra ta.” Your hands moved to his waist. “I-I don’t know what you’re saying.” You said quietly. Vladimir suddenly sat up, his hand around your throat. “I said…” He mustered back a snarl. “I can’t stand the thought of someone else’s hands on you.” Vladimir’s mouth twisted, holding back anger. “I really thought I could get you out from under my skin. I thought if I gave it time I could shake off this need to have you. I was wrong. If I can’t get rid of you then you can’t move on. I won’t let you forget me!"

When you told Rosalie of the one night stand, never telling just who you spent the night with. She giggled. "You’re in love.” “I-I’m not!” You protested. “It’s all over your face!” You stumbled on the words you couldn’t figure out how to say.

Finally you took a breath, sadness washing over you ad you finally admitted to yourself that you had, in fact, caught feelings. “Every night, I reach for them and every time, they are never there.” You said finally. “Dreams are inescapable. They’re where you face the things you fear about yourself.” Rosalie responded, putting a hand upon your shoulder. “You think I’m afraid of him?” You asked. “No, I think you’re afraid of how much he means to you. The best thing you can do for that is to embrace it.” Rosalie finished.

You gazed into Vladimir’s bright red eyes beside you. Your hand resting upon his bare chest. “You could have just told me.” You said quietly. “I…I never forgot you. I dreamt about you all the time, that one day you’d come back.” Vladimir overlapped his hand upon yours with a comforting squeeze. “You should get some sleep.” “I don’t know if I can sleep…knowing you won’t be here when I wake up and we’ll pretend nothing happened.” You said mostly to yourself. “You have to.” Vladimir trailed a cool finger up and down your arm. You thought about it for a moment. “Promise me…” You said weakly. “Promise me you’ll be here when I wake up tomorrow.” You couldn’t remember the last time you were so vulnerable with someone, clinging to every word Vladimir would say next with anticipation. “I will be here when you wake and I think I’ve already made myself clear as to where I stand.” He said softly before planting a kiss to your forehead.

As he lay back down beside you, you spoke. “Tell me about the days when you were ruling.” You said quietly rolling onto your side to face him. “So you can fall asleep?” Vladimir raised an eyebrow, unamused by the implication of his story being boring. “So I can fall asleep looking at your happy face.” You replied. Vladimir seemed to like the answer. A soft smile melted upon his face. “Very well.” He agreed, his accent thick.

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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It’s very late. I had to retake my meds and idk how long the side effects last. So idk if this makes sense rn because everything is slow and there’s so many other side effects. Apparently this can also kill fetuses immediately when u take this Preggo ANYWAYS I’m here because I want a text request pls. U know at this point which mosquitos I like and which ones I would smack off.

Ok so I want a human mate long distance thing (the theme u seem to use a lot) and the human is in Forks or something and as soon as they get on the plane they start using curse words since they mosquito never lets her curse

Something like

ADIOS MOTHERFUCKER

BYE BITCH

I LOVE U BUT U ANNOYING AS FUCK SO BYE

GOOD LUCK DEALING WITH THE MATE PULL- IMMA HUMAN SO I DONT FEEL SHIT

Or just jokes the mosquitos hate

(BUT THEYRE JOKES)

I DIDNT WANNA TELL U THIS BUT MY CUTE EX IS GONNA BE IN TOWN SO BYE🥳

Idk just choose someone

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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Condoms don’t work on ice dicks.

use birth control.

thank you.

@like-rain-or-confetti @raindancer2004 @volturi-stuff @volturidoll13 @alecvolturiswifeforever @wallwriterstuff

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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I don’t know if u got any text requests but can you do the alien small dick on Amun and his mate who’s doing like long distance in forks to finish school or some shit like that because I feel like if thy eu were on the same continent Ramune would be yeeting himself to her to prove himself wrong instead of texting back-

That’s yo punishment.

My punishment, hm? Alright. 😏

Have some out of character Amun to torment @thevolturiarejustbetter with. Just because she asked.

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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Unhinged ||Demetri Volturi x Female!Reader|| NSFW

Warnings: Highly NSFW, explicit content, sex, exhibitionism, dirty talk, 18+ only

Words: 3172

Taglist: @volturidoll13 @raindancer2004 @ferb13 @broskibowser @a-avaunce @tooshytobeabooktuber @perfectcolortreestudent @vamp-army @thelastemzy @rachelcarrot @artaxerxesthegreat @alecvolturi

Summary: A request for @volturiwolf @develin13 @dreamy-bumblebee

When Demetri gets jealous, there’s no stopping him, not even when uninvited guests intrude on your most intimate moments…

Sorry this is a day late folks, work and travel got in the way so today you’ll have not one, but two fics! I will be posting On Gossamer Wings later tonight.

Keep reading

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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she chose Ramune….I should’ve seen this coming but I didn’t…

IF U HVE THE TIME- U DONT HAVE TO DO THIS BUT

FROM WHAT U KNOW ABOUT ME SO FAR/MY AMAZING VERY MATURE PERSONALITY

How do u think my relationship would be if I was the human soulmate of Vladimir.

And let’s just say I’m Bella’s adopted sister because you canNOT pay me enough to hang out with that blandass bottle of mayonnaise. IM SORRY. And I also refuse to be related to her.

And can u pick another ice dick mosquito of ur choice (pls not a Cullen) to like y’know ……..show a romantic relationship with between me and him-

ALSO HAVE BELLA LOVE ME- HER ADOPTED SARCASTIC LITTLE SISTER- THAT BITCH BETTER LOVE ME

I WANT OVERPROTECTIVE SISTER BELLA IM MORE IMPORTANT TO HER THAN HER LITTLE MURDERER WITH THE NARCISSISTIC BOYFRIEND WHO HAS YET TO GET HIS RABIES SHOT

Vladimir can't keep up with you and at this point, he's stopped trying. You're something else and that's that. He'll convince you to do things with little things like food. You can get pizza if you do this or that. When alone he will give you hugs and little forehead kisses. You're silly but sometimes it's endearing. Both Vladimir and Stefan will take rotational shifts when you're awake because they know damn well things will get weird if they leave you alone.

You drive Amun to madness. He can't say he's certain that he knows why you keep spouting pyramid facts like that will impress him. He may even take you to them since you seem to like them so much. Low-key contemplated handing you back. He feels like he can't trust you to keep yourself safe given the things that come out of your mouth. Sometimes he realises your more than a one man job even for a vampire. HEY KEBI COME HELP! Amun will absolutely wonder how you've lived for so long. He'll cuddle you to sleep. Internally begging with every second that you'll fall asleep and he can have some normality for the next however many hours.

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thevolturiarejustbetter · 3 years

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Text request: for human mates and Vladimir/Benjamin/Amun

Their human mate texting them

“Tbh bras are getting annoying and painful now, can I use ur hands instead?”

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