theorionissystem
Im Not Sure
Late-20's white genderfluidMobile linksDissociative Identity Disorder (recognized but not diagnosed)Professional diagnosis: SID/A-spec, ADHD, GAD, Chronic insomniatrying not to force anything and accidentally make more problems instead of fixing them. Advice is appreciated.
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can i just say, it’s really gross how so much of the plural community (as well as doctors, therapists, and friends of systems) sincerely recommends hurting persecutors in order to make them stop persecuting. the amount of stories i’ve seen where systems are bragging about how they beat their persecutor/s into submission is disgusting. persecutors deserve to heal and to love and to be loved just as much as anyone.
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I think the funniest thing about being this far in late stage DID recovery is that a lot of the people that tend to be fake claimers would probably be really mad cause ya know, after SEVERAL years of therapy to treat my DID
I do have DID / present with parts when its convenient and DON'T have DID / present with parts when its inconvenient.
Yes I do pick and choose when I express "symptoms".
Its a really cool part of this thing called recovery, symptom management, and reclaiming of your identity and self.
No I don't really listen to rap, Chunn does HOWEVER if you try to grill me on not listening to rap I ABSOLUTELY do listen to rap and I will suddenly be a singlet and have access to the full repertoire of music Chunn listens to solely so I can ruin your grill session.
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TLDR: dont sweat fakeclaimers or "looking fake" cause looking fake and quality recovery tend to look a lot alike and it isnt worth your recovery progress to appeal to people online with nothing better to do
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how is DID the most subtle yet obvious disorder ever
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tapas(dot)io/series/dissociative-mumbling-of-a-microbiologist/info
Hi its @theorionissystem I just wanted to share my little collection of comics and stuff that I've made related to my DID
Oh thats wonderful, I’m going to check it out in my spare time! Thanks so much Orion ^^
If anybun else has any comics for this stuff feel free to share! As an artist who does a lot of system art myself, it’s really nice to see how others do this kinda stuff too
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Types of Amnesia
Diagram created by me
General criteria for amnesia:
Memory loss
Confusion
Inability to recognize familiar figures/places
Difficulty recalling names or places
Not remembering where you went
Worser ability to remember things that had happened
Generalized Amnesia
Where a person completely forgets everything about themself and have no recollection of what, where, and who they spoke to. This can describe a blackout switch and may still recognize who they are.
Localized Amnesia
Where a person is unable to recall a specific/series of event from the whole, which creates an incomplete picture of the situation. For example, remembering childhood but not the abuse.
Selective Amnesia
Where a person only lost some and retain the rest, forgetting parts yet not all of them. This can describe greyouts as it grasps some information/sensory yet not enough to tell what exactly happened. One example is playing the phone and unable to recall what occured, only to jump its memory right to being at bed.
Emotional Amnesia
Where a person has an intact memory and it's details on what had happened, but do not remember what the event feels like (e.g. was scared, happy, etc.). One description is that you're watching something that didn't happen to you, because you don't feel like being in the scene itself.
Continuous Amnesia
Where a person fails to retain full parts of the event/day, for a set period of time (can vary from minutes to days) and create an accumulative, small bits of selective amnesias, continuously, leaving many gaps in a chronological timeline. This usually happens in times or stress, or abuse.
Fragmented Amnesia
Where a person has an unrelated, and/or disjointed memories that does not go with the timeline's order, creating confusion and difficult to grasp the cohesive picture of what truly happened. Emotional amnesia may be present in this type.
Bonus for systems:
Amnesia barriers
Where a person fronting is not able to recall other alter's memories, which is a form of retrograde amnesia and compartmentalization. Because the fronter will only retain any information before switching out with the next one, the rest experiences anterograde amnesia as it cannot form and remember those memories, unless being coconcious or cofronting (even though, this is not always guaranteed).
Take notes that amnesia can still happen outside system things due to comorbidities like anxiety disorders or depression, this does mean systems are bound to experience more amnesia compared to non-systems folks out there.
Do you have any discussions about this? Or would like to describe your own way of seeing these different types of amnesia? Or have more to add? Feel free to tell them here!
- j
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Traumagenic disorders (like most disorders, I believe) can look very different in remission or during/after successful treatment than they do when someone is at their worst.
In the traumatic situations I was in, my DID presented with frequent amnesia and dissociation (depersonalization and derealization,) flat affect, and uncontrollable mood swings. Out of the situations but before treatment, it looked like frequent flashbacks and possessive switching, more amnesia, and several conflicts between alters.
Now, after a few years in therapy, my DID looks like functioning as one unit, co-consciousness and easy communication, frequent blending, and fusion being possible between even parts who had high conflict with each other.
I still have DID. It just looks different in treatment (especially since I'm working towards final fusion, it's not going to present the same way someone with untreated, unmanaged DID will present.) I've lowered dissociative barriers via work in therapy - I'm still a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder.
I personally don't see it as "recovering from DID" but "recovering with DID." When I fuse, I will hopefully have the skills to deal with stress in a way that doesn't trigger splitting again, but I don't negate the years I struggled with this disorder. That doesn't stop being a part of my history any more than recovering from my eating disorder did.
This is not even to mention people who pursue functional multiplicity - their DID doesn't stop being DID because they're in a healthier, happier state.
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“I think it’s important to realize you can miss something, but not want it back.”
— Paulo Coelho
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One of the less noticeable but very annoying signs of DID in us is the Sudden Opinion Change.
In minor instances I can go from loving a video game and then having no interest in it and often no memory of how I felt playing it the next day.
In more common and problematic instances, it's yearning for a person and then absolutely despising them 3 hours later without interacting with them at all.
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Actually, I need people to understand that we have amnesia. Not the full mind wipe amnesia that people often think of when they hear the word. We are going to forget things easily and often. No, I won't always be able to tell when or if something happened. No, I won't always remember what I've already done or what I'm supposed to do. No, I won't always remember that one memory from 5 years ago. WE HAVE FUCKING AMNESIA
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Don’t let your shame guilt you into self-isolation. You are not a burden, you a are a person who is going through a lot, and you need some help as humans usually do. And there is nothing wrong in that.
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i don't know who needs to hear this, but guilt, self-hatred and shame are not sustainable sources of growth and healing. you can't hate yourself into feeling better, or being better. you can't repeatedly punish yourself for your flawed humanity and expect wholesome results.
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One of the fundamental truths of IFS therapy, and one of the reasons that I really vibe with it, is the belief that parts are not the burden that they carry.
A burden is a belief, emotion, or behavioral urge that a part has because of their past. This can be something like the belief "I'm not good enough" or "Everyone is going to hurt me". Behavioral urges can look like shutting down, pushing people away, self-destructive urges, and all kinds of maladaptive survival strategies.
Sometimes we name or label parts based on the burdens they carry, like persecutor.
But one of the most helpful things I took from IFS was that my parts were more than their burdens. These burdens were roles that they had to perform to survive or jobs that they were conscripted into, but not who they were at their core. When I approached my parts with the belief that they could let go of their burdens and have the lives they wanted, our relationships to each other changed.
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You know, I was talking with a friend about trauma and DID today and like... we are pretty late stage recovery with DID and even our trauma is honestly pretty infequently overtly causing stress in our life (we have the more deeply rooted passive learned habits, semi-conscious views, and behaviors established in our trauma that can cause problems; but as far as huge triggers and dysregulation - those are pretty fare) and we've done a lot of trauma processing and healing
But even after all this time, I still struggle to really see my trauma list as "that bad" and the weird thing is, a lot of our trauma holders have also begun to fall into that area which is... unexpected as - while healing - I was under the impression that it would be me realizing it "was really really bad"
And that isn't me saying that the trauma holders suddenly realized they were dramatic or anything, but more so that over healing, a lot of them realized that as bad as it was, they are still alive, still able to live, and have a future REGARDLESS of what happened
(AND GOD DAMN IT ME IM TRYING TO MAKE A NOT RECOVERY TONED POST BUT honestly that's a good thing to put out there that I haven't really thought about either so maybe Ill put my original topic in a reblog)
Healing wasn't me - a relatively "ANP" "trauma free / low" part - realizing my life has been horrible beyond what I could imagine, it was me acknowledging the hurt of the other parts and them realizing that they could live - that they are STILL alive - despite the hurt they bared.
I had a few moments of shock and hard processing briefly, but I never really got to a point where - for more than a short period - did I really feel like it was THAT bad
It's also not saying that this applies to everyone or will apply to everyone; I'm sure other parts would disagree and what not, but ya know - I'm rambling XD
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I'm sorry you had to bottle up all your feelings inside in order to function. I'm sorry that's what you had to do to survive in a time where stopping to take the time to feel and express them would have had severe consequences.
I'm proud of you for making it though that time, but I need you to stop suppressing your feelings now that you're here.
Your feelings are important. They are not bad. They are not here to hurt you. They're here to tell you what you're experiencing, and you need them. So take them out of their boxes, please. Use them.
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Hmmm
So my biofeedback person is having me listen to like some tones with a beach overlay and just sitting with my thoughts and my god it was awful.
I just kinda wanted to follow whatever issues I wanted to resolve and just think about them, I ended up making myself cry the whole time and I don’t know if that’s helpful or not… like I can’t direct my thoughts very well and it’s just a disorganized mess so I feel really disregulated now.
Is this how it’s supposed to go? Or am I just needlessly stressing myself out? Or is this like what happens when you do emdr without proper supervision/prepwork? Cuz I feel awful and Im not sure if its the typical worse before it gets better awful or if its actually just making it worse.
#dissociative identity disorder#did/osdd#actuallydid#actually did#alters#neurofeedback#bioneurofeedback#neuro feedback#emdr therapy#im not sure what else to tag this#advice appreciated
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