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thegeek-s · 1 year

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37. lovers’ tangle, snakeskin boots, and a spilled candle

PREVIOUSLY: Kat thinks Mark’s been acting strange since coming back but she chucks it off to jetlag and touring induced exhaustion; she rallies some people to go see Pet Semetary together and gets roped into chaperoning Lizzy and Jerry’s date before that, along with Sean, who’s anything but thrilled to be there; the lovebirds in question, in the meantime, are continuing to hold off on unsupervised dating but that doesn’t extinguish any of the sparks and chemistry between them; Mudhoney play their first show since coming back to Seattle and the ambience seems to sufficiently change Lizzy and Jerry’s minds about keeping their physical distance after all.

I’ve been feeling like a damn teenager lately and I really need to get a grip. Thing is, I couldn’t stop thinking about Lizzy the whole day today, basically counting down hours and minutes until I’d see her. She drives me fuckin’ crazy, just the thought of her… Hell, we haven’t even kissed! Isn’t that fuckin’ ridiculous? I did tell her I’ve never felt about anyone else the way I feel about her and I know it’s the corniest shit you could think of but I really meant it.

I splash some water on my face and as I’m straightening back up from the sink, a guy pokes his head into the restroom and tosses what looks like a used condom into a bin next to me. Ah, the undying romance of these places… Actually, funnily enough, Mark has been introducing every song tonight with some weird preamble about love and it’s obviously doing something to the crowd.

And I can’t really fully exclude myself…although I’m not sure if the credit should go to Mark here… Honestly, all I’ve been thinking about since I got here is how much I do want to kiss Lizzy. Which, of course, I’m not going to! We agreed not to do anything until I see Dee. And that’s in a week’s time. This is clearly important to Lizzy and I guess I can see where she’s coming from. Just as much as she doesn’t want to start anything with a guy who’s potentially not over his ex, I don’t want to seem like I rush into relationships recklessly and randomly. So no kissing tonight.

I stare at my reflection in the dirty, fractured mirror for a minute longer after drying my face with a paper towel and finally come back out of the restroom. I sit back down on my stool right as Mudhoney are starting…an actual love song, by the sound of it? Expect the unexpected, I guess… Both Lizzy and I exchange thoroughly amused grins and then I launch into a little impromptu dance, which makes her laugh even more.

“I didn’t know you’re such a great dancer,” she beams up at me.

“I’m a man of many, many talents, Liz.” And I’ll tell you all about them sometime later…

I sit back down and pull her closer, nuzzling my face into the crook of her neck. The sweet flowery, peachy smell of her hair fills my lungs and I think that even if I can’t kiss her tonight, I’m still feelin’ pretty damn happy. She starts humming along to the song, making up a melody that weaves in and out of the dirty, crackly chords. I love how this girl just knows music, she just feels it, understands it inside out. When she sings and hums, it comes out so effortlessly and perfectly. It’s just like talking for the rest of us.

I press a quick peck to her hair at that thought and feel her instantly tense up just a little. I lift my face, intending to apologize for that misstep, but I’m met with her sexy brown eyes and then…then she kisses me! And there’s no convincing required on my part; I bring my hand to cup her face and use the other to pull her closer as I deepen the kiss.

“Wow, Lizzy…” I look at her, quite literally speechless, when we pull apart after very long, very lovely couple of minutes. “I’ve been dying to do that for a while now,” I stroke her cheek with my thumb .

“Me too, actually,” she purrs, just inches away from my face; still so close that I can feel her breath on my lips…and then we kiss again…and then some more… and we kiss the rest of the night away, and it makes me feel like I’m on fuckin’ drugs, and I never wanna stop.

“Oh, hey, Lizzy,” a familiar nasal voice reaches my ears and does it very efficiently, seeing as Stone is standing inches away from us.

Lizzy and I both automatically pull apart just enough to tilt our heads to look at the guy, just to make sure that he’s really there, that we didn’t just imagine him, in which case we could move on and carry on. He is, however, actually there. “Hey,” I lean back some more and bob my head once at him, wondering if I’m smiling too much and what the social etiquette here is exactly. I can’t really feel my lips though so I wouldn’t know if I was.

“Hey, Stone,” Lizzy giggles.

“Hi, Jerry,” he shuffles his usual wide stare to me. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell if Stone’s a walking, breathing genius or if it’s just an empty vacuum behind those eyes… “Kat’s looking for you, Lizzy. She’s trying to go home.”

“Eva doesn’t want to stay longer?” Lizzy inquires sweetly and I, in the meantime, let my eyes roam over her face, down the bridge of her nose, across her skin of softest satin, along her luscious lips, her long, deep-black eyelashes…

“Eva’s not here. I think she’s having a mental breakdown at home or something. Not enough hours in the day, something along those lines,” the doofus continues to converse casually as if he didn’t just interrupt anything. “You’re going back with Mudsellouts.”

“They’re leaving already?” I voice my wonder.

“What do you mean, already?” Stone snorts a laugh. “It’s three a.m.. Lukin already puked all over the urinals.”

Three!?? Swear to God, I would have guessed it’s only been thirty minutes tops since they stopped playing. I guess it is true, what they say about time being relative…

“Wait…so Matt’s driving?” Lizzy’s expression suddenly plunges into a deeply worried frown.

“Obviously not, don’t be ridiculous. Mark is.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better!?”

“It should because apparently, he didn’t have any alcohol tonight. Between you and me though, he’s been acting real fuckin’ weird lately so he might be on something else entirely.”

“Stone!” Lizzy smacks his arm and tries to give him a dirty look but laughs instead.

“I can take you home,” I remember that I can also participate in this conversation instead of just watching Lizzy.

“They’re literally all in the van, like, right now, just waiting for Lizzy,” Stone continues to be the world’s worst wingman.

“You can spend the night at my place,” I blurt out blankly and stupidly as I look at Lizzy.

“No…” She sighs. “I should really get home tonight. But I’ll see you soon, yeah?” She looks at me in a way that makes me feel like she can see right into my soul. Really though, three o’clock??

“Definitely,” I say and lean forward, intending to kiss her, while Stone just…continues to stand there. “I’ll walk you out,” I tell her instead and get up from my seat.

Lizzy and I start walking towards the exit and Stone falls into step right next to us. I give him a mildly bewildered look and his eyebrows dip slightly and…nothing. I shoot him a more obviously confused look and he finally catches on.

“Oh, I’m getting a ride with them,” he nods his head at Lizzy. God damn it, Stone, you fuckin’ weirdo.

I walk Lizzy and Stone out to the parking lot, although I thankfully only kiss one of them goodnight. Turns out, Lizzy doesn’t care about PDA’s, as she sprinkles a healthy pinch of sugar on me right in front of a van full of her friends.

After the Mudhoney ride rattles off into the night, leaving a trace of wolf whistles and drunken laughter, I shuffle my way back inside the venue and head for the bar. If I know my friends at all, that’s where I’ll find them. Although I’m in no rush to see them, or anyone. I might need a moment to process. And to savor.

“Hey there, stud,” Sean’s voice reaches me like a missile. Yeah, I knew it. Him, Layne, Demri, Mike, and a couple other people we know are all draped along the bar counter in some strange, dirty and drugged up rendition of The Last Supper.

“How’re y’all doing?” I drawl, possibly because I still haven’t fully regained feeling in my lips.

“Not as good as you, clearly,” Demri cackles and Layne shoots her a supposedly dirty look along with a dignified ‘hey!’. “Oh, Layne, don’t you remember how amazing and magical the world was when we first got together? Don’t you remember what young love is like?” She flutters her eyelashes at him.

“And what are we now, an old married couple?”

“Still not getting any tonight then?” Sean adjusts on his barstool, turning to me and leaving the couple to their Shakespearean quarrel.

“How do you ever get anyone to go out with you…” I respond with a slow, over-the-top shake of my head.

“I have good hair,” he shrugs. “What do you see in her, anyway?”

“What do you mean, what do I see in her?” My expression of confusion and annoyance edging in is totally genuine now.

“I dunno. She’s…kind of a Olivia Newton-John and you’re definitely a John Travolta.”

“What?” I laugh out incredulously.

“She’s kind of a square.”

“A square?” My tone stays incredulous.

“Uh-huh. She’s probably just in her bad boy phase right now.”

“What the fuck, Sean,” this time he gets a laugh out of me. “What does that even mean?? She’s done coke in Spain, for your information.”

“Oh well then never mind,” he pops his eyes at me as we both laugh. When can I see her next? What’s tomorrow… Saturday. Shit, I work tomorrow… Lizzy doesn’t though. I can drop by her place after work. Is that weird though? Should I just call her? Nah, I don’t wanna call her, I wanna see her. But is th—

“EARTH TO JERRY!”

“Huh?” I flinch back into reality, in which all of my friends are looking at me, yelling and laughing.

* * *

1 year and 2 months earlier

1988 March 12th

“Remember me?” A girl with perfectly messy ashy blonde hair leans into my side in a world's gentlest nudge and then steps back with her hands on her hips and a big smile on her face. Hm, let's see: I ran into her three nights ago at a show (something that's been happening increasingly more often), she came back to my place (a first one), we had sex, then in the morning she ran out the door unprompted, saying something about an accounting meeting she had with a client (after previously telling me that she was a cosmetologist) and somehow looking even better than she had the night before. Yeah... I've been remembering for the past three days, what an odd question to ask.

“Kelly, right?” I grin at her.

“Asshole,” she narrows her eyes, her smile unfading.

“Asshole? I could have sworn it started with a K.”

Despite the lightning bolts in her eyes, she leans in for a kiss, and as she pulls away, her hand lingers on my freshly shaven chin. “I left my scrunchie at your place.”

“Ah well, it’s lost forever now. Matt will have already used it for some nasty sexual game with himself.”

“I’ll come over to look, just in case.”

“Careful though, my live-in girlfriend might see you and stab me in the night.”

“Live-in girlfriend?” Kristine throws her head back in laughter. “Are you referring to your band mate? Because no sane woman would ever live there.”

“Hey,” I try to give her a dirty look but crumple into a chuckle. “It looks a lot nicer when he’s not crashing there, okay.”

“So what happened to your last girlfriend anyway?” The nonchalance is palpable in her voice.

“She couldn’t take it anymore. Gauged her own eyes out and joined a travelling freak show as a Bearded Lady.”

“Can this be your one question you answer seriously today?”

Interesting question for a Saturday night but alright. I take a sip of my lukewarm beer and shrug. “She didn’t see the relationship going anywhere, she said. Come to think of it, we didn’t really see each other that much towards the end. Clashing schedules,” I pull my mouth into a toothy smile, hoping the answer will suffice. I mean, it’s true. There was nothing dramatic or explosive about the end of my relationship with the last girl I dated. She just kind of got bored, I guess. “I think she might’ve said I lacked ambition at one point or another,” I add as the memory surfaces.

“Hm,” is all Kristine says.

“Now you go! Where did you hide your ex’s body?”

“I don’t kiss and tell, Mark,” she flashes me a charming smile.

“Hello, fellow bar goers,” Kim Thayil shows up from the crowd with Buzz in tow. For some odd reason, their appearance makes me become aggressively aware of how close to me Kristine is.

“Is Matt around?” Buzz inquires.

“I’m sure he is,” I say since last I saw him was about two hours ago.

“I’m Kristine, by the way,” she says unnecessarily loudly and we all turn our heads to look at her.

“Good to know,” Buzz delivers flatly.

“Kim. That’s Buzz,” Thayil steps in with his clearly superior social skills. “What’s with the music?” He then points a finger at the ceiling. “Did you request it, Mark?”

“I love this song,” Kristine states boldly and I'm glad she did it first because I was about to make a different comment on it.

“You're kidding, right?” Buzz voices my concern, narrowing his eyes at her. “What's there to like about this piece of garbage?”

“Piece of garbage? Paula Abdul has a great voice, but I wouldn't expect you to know anything about that.”

“Ooh, what a sharp comeback. However will I get over it.”

“Mark?” She looks at me now, with some kind of a pointed look.

“What?”

Her eyes linger on me for a moment before she click her tongue and looks away. “Nothing. I'm bored.”

“You want a beer?” I offer her mine that's only half full by now.

“Yeah. How about a fresh one?” She arches her eyebrows and I assume she is hinting at me buying the said fresh beer for her. Okay then, I guess I'll go do that.

I down the rest of my drink and I elbow my way to the bar counter without too much difficulty. I ask for two of their cheapest beers and as I wait, leaned sideways against the edge of counter, my eyes inadvertently land on a girl some twenty feet away. She’s standing there, eating a donut, completely zoned out, by the looks of it, while her blonde friend is talking at her with animated hand gestures. Somebody bumps into the donut girl’s shoulder, making her red hair slide from behind her ear; she sends a quick glare at the culprit, then slowly unsticks a strand of hair from the donut, and plunges back into that same not-really-there kind of expression.

I come back just in time to hear Kim comment on Kristines boots: “Did you kill the snakes yourself?”

“Is that where the bad music taste is coming from? Bad juju for killing snakes?” Buzz adds, which cracks me up and I almost choke on my beer. “They match the song,” he goes on. Hey now, they're certainly something else but I kinda like them. It's a statement, makes her stand out from a sea of combat boots, I suppose.

* * *

I knock on the door and wait long enough that I’m about to knock again but then I finally hear footsteps on the other side. The lock clicks and the door swings open with a faint creak and I find myself standing in front of Mark Arm. Huh… I know Lizzy jokes about how this place is always full of people who don’t live here, yet I’m still surprised, every time.

“Hey, Mark.”

“Jerry, howdy. Heard you enjoyed the setlist last night,” he pulls his abnormally large mouth into a grin and steps aside to let me in. “Always good to get positive feedback from fellow dirty musicians.”

“Uh… Yeah,” I unwittingly mirror his expression. “And I heard you guys have a new rehearsal space and a career in the U.K.?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say we’re on the international highway to stardom,” he says and then just looks at me with that huge smile.

“Oh.” Eva appears in the doorway of her bedroom with a blank stare on her face. “Hi, Jerry,” she briefly lifts her hand. “How’s it going?”

“Hey, not too bad—”

“What’s up,” Matt Lukin appears in the bathroom doorway. Of course. This place really is always full of random people.

“Hey man,” I greet him as he walks over to the fridge. “So uh… Is Lizzy home?” I…did not intent to sound like a teenager talking to my sweetheart’s parents that much.

“Yeah,” Mark answers, still with that same grin. “I think she’s in her room. Do you want me to fetch her?”

“No,” I answer maybe a touch more vigorously than needed. I’m just not a hundred percent sure that he’s joking. “I know which room is hers,” I assure him as I cross the living room.

I knock on the closed bedroom door a couple of times and hear an instant ‘come in!’. “Hey, it’s Jerry,” I speak into the door crack without moving and then the door flies open, creating a wind tunnel almost strong enough to swoop me into her bedroom, or so it feels…

She’s wearing a silk scarf on her head and a fluffy robe wrapped up around her and I love that she doesn’t care about me seeing her like that. I mean, she shouldn’t, she’s gorgeous! And I really like that she seems to know that, too.

“I was actually just trying to call you,” she quickly lifts up her hand holding the telephone.

“Oh yeah?” I can’t help but grin, ear to ear. “Were you calling to ask me out?”

Lizzy breathes out that melodious laugh that makes my head spin as I close the door behind me. And all of a sudden, it’s quiet.

“So—”

“How’s—”

We both start and both interrupt each other.

“I didn’t even know if you’d be home, I was just…” Lizzy starts again while frantically trying to untangle her foot from the telephone cord.

“Yeah, I actually just came here…straight from work. I knew you’re not working today, so… I hope it’s not weird?”

“N-no, no…”

“You sure? I can leave.”

“You wanna leave?”

“It’s fine, no worries…” I turn my body back towards the bedroom door. What the fuck is going on here?! Like a goddamn teenager…

“No!” Lizzy stops me with a thud of setting the telephone down. “I mean,” she chuckles, “I don’t want you to leave.”

“No?” I feel a smile stretch across my lips and my legs finally seem to remember how to move and bring me a couple of steps closer to Lizzy.

“Nah.”

“What do you wanna do then?” I smirk down at her.

“Uh… We should talk!”

“Talk??”

“Yes.”

“What about?”

“About Dee.”

“What?!” I ask with an incredulous frown, in an embarrassingly high pitched voice.

“I mean, about how we said we wouldn’t do anything until after you saw her,” Lizzy corrects herself.

“Right,” I slump down to sit on the side of her bed. “Right, yeah. We should talk about that.” Right? I mean, I don’t really have much to say about it but it’s only fair, I guess.

“I just want you to know that I don’t regret it,” she sits down next to me.

“Glad to hear. Feels like there’s a ‘but’ coming though…”

“But… I also want you to know that I don’t normally act like that… I wasn’t asking to not do anything until after you saw Dee just to mess with you, you know?”

“I know, Lizzy. I know you don’t toy with people like that, trust me,” I give her a reassuring smile. How is this girl so sweet and gentle and caring, and how did I get so lucky??

“Good. It’s just that…you kissed me and I lost my damn mind!” She laughs out.

“Wait,” I pull my lips into an amused grin. “You mean, you kissed me.”

“What? Jerry! You kissed me first!”

“Nah, I distinctly remember reciprocating your kiss,” I lower my eyelids halfway as I watch the gentlest blush tint her cheeks.

“I would never do that!” She protests.

“You would never kiss me?”

“That’s not what I meant, Jer!” She laughs.

“We’ll have time to figure out what to tell our great-grandchildren later,” I assure her as I lean in and kiss her, because I can’t resist any longer.

“So you’ll see her on Friday?” Lizzy places her hand on my chest a minute later and gently nudges me.

“Who?”

“Dee.”

“Oh, yeah, right. Friday,” I laugh at myself.

“Where?”

“Yeah, where will you meet up?” The girl just won’t drop the topic.

“I haven’t really thought about that. How about on a street corner?” I lean in and kiss her again but a moment later, she pulls away again.

“A coffee shop? Maybe Raison?”

“Are you gonna have Eva spy on me?” I smirk at Lizzy and she quickly denies it with a laugh.

I should be thinking about this more than I am, shouldn’t I? I think it’s gonna hit me right before I see her though; that’s it’s all over and that that’s gonna be the end of our communication really. I mean, it has been over for some time. But seeing Dee in person will completely solidify it and then she’ll go back to Colorado so we won’t be running into each other on the street, and we won’t call each other again. It’s like the opposite of a first date – it’s the last one, in which we discuss our breakup and move on from there. It’s fucking weird is what it is, but I have a feeling I’ll be able to appreciate it later. Closure is important, after all.

“I hope it goes well,” Lizzy says.

“I’m sure it will be fine. She’s not the kind of girl to show up with a gun or a cyanide pill,” I assure her and go in for another kiss, yet again, and this time it seems like her mind’s been appeased some, and she melts into me.

“Hey! Oh! Sorry!” Another person who does not live here rips Lizzy’s bedroom door open and then freezes with a horrified expression on her face. “They didn’t tell me you had anyone over,” she glares at somebody outside the door frame.

“Those guys are such assholes…” Lizzy mumbles. “We were just talking…” She adds an obviously false explanation while her friend’s expression softens into a smirk. “Have you met Nadia, Jerry?”

“Hi, Nadia,” I give her a defeated wave of my hand, unable to keep from chuckling.

* * *

Buzz’s truck screeches to a halt, kicking up a huge cloud of dust. I climb out and while I’m saying bye to him and Lukin in the passenger seat, I notice a familiar blurry redhead in the distance, bobbing up and down as she’s marching down the sidewalk.

“Alright, see ya, Mark,” Buzz gives me a brief wave of his hand before they speed off and I start slowly shuffling towards the entrance to the apartment building.

God, I hate how excited I am to see her. Like a fucking puppy dog. Maybe I could stand to see her less, somehow… Within reason – I can’t do anything about the fact that we use the same laundry room and go to the same shows. But I guess I don’t have to hang out in her apartment so much. Just until this brain fog passes.

“Oh, hi, you…” She somehow only notices me when she’s about two feet away. What a lunatic.

“What’s up?” I inspect the obviously annoyed crease between her eyebrows.

“Not much.” She goes inside and up the stairs and I fall into step next to her.

“What’s wrong?” I rephrase politely.

“Not necessarily wrong, just that I haven’t felt this fucking dumb in a pretty long while now,” she keeps her eyes glued to the stairs, her words steeped in exasperation she’s failing to hold back. Funny you should say that since that’s how I feel anytime I exist around you lately but anyway.

“How come?”

“I had that bookseller interview…”

“Oh. And?”

“They had this stupid fucking quiz at the end of the group interview… And don’t even get me started on group interviews,” she draws a circle of impressive proportions with a roll of her eyes; I guess she’s already forgotten about trying not to sound upset. “The quiz had three parts and… I mean, Edward Abbey? Who the fuck cares about Edward Abbey!?” She raises her voice slightly and I give her an animated shrug, trying not to look too amused. “And how is a quiz with thirty questions relevant at all?? I studied postcolonial literature and graphic novels, how about they ask me about that!? I mean…I read!” She stares at me as we reach the top floor and I nod quickly. “I’m sure I’ve read books that these snobs haven’t. What if I gave them a quiz like that??”

“Uh…”

“I just feel like a fraud…”

“Novak, pull yourself together.”

“Just let me be dramatic in peace,” she sighs out and leads the way into her apartment and at this point, I feel like it would be really rude of me to just go to my own place.

“Gladly. I promise not to interrupt the rest of the one woman drama.”

“Woman? Feeling generous today, I see,” she eyes me dubiously right before shifting her manic stare over to Lizzy crouched down on the couch, scratching at it with her nails?.. “What’s going on?” Kat voices my exact thought.

“I spilled some melted wax on the couch…” Lizzy grumbles with a heartfelt sigh and Kat steps over to investigate.

“How did this happen!?”

“I was trying to blow the candle out…”

“Dude,” Kat breathes out impatiently, “you know that you need to put something underneath candles to catch the wax. Come on, this isn’t the first or even the fifth time that’s happened!”

“I’m sorry, Kat, I’ll clean it up…” Lizzy’s compliant tone tells me these kinds of scoldings are not completely out of the norm.

“It’s not hard to just not keep doing it, you know,” Kat goes on regardless. Poor Lizzy really happened to be in the wrong place and at the wrong time, huh?

“Wait for it to harden, it’ll be much easier,” I tell her. “Put something cold on it.”

“It’s going to leave a grease stain on the couch now anyway,” Kat mumbles while kicking her shoes off.

“I’ll clean that too, I have something for that.”

“You’re just spreading it around with your fingers, Lizzy!”

“Novak,” I put my hands on her shoulders and turn her around, away from me, “you and I both know you’re gonna look up all the books from that quiz so how about you go find your library card?” I direct her towards her room because I’m afraid that if I don’t, I’ll become an accessory to a murder – she’ll keep taking her anger over that stupid job out on Lizzy and Lizzy will never stand up to her because she seems to think that the best tactic is to just let the beast keep chewing her.

“Thanks,” Lizzy glances at me with a sour look after I close Kat’s bedroom door. “I don’t understand why she always has to be like that. It’s just some wax. And besides, I already spilled it. It’s not like I’ll unspill it if she just yells at me some…”

“Why don’t you just say that to her?” I ask as I walk over to the freezer and pull out an ice cube tray.

“You ever tried arguing with that girl?” Lizzy says with a shadow of a smile now as I hover the frozen tray above the wax splatter to harden it.

I have and it’s one of my favorite pastime activities. A sport, really. “Fair point. She’s in a bad mood, she just got rejected from that bookseller’s job. I think so, anyway…”

“Oh… See! Why can’t she just say that when she gets home? Then we can bitch about it together or something… Instead, she just takes it out on the first person she runs into.”

Technically, the second person. I somehow escaped unscathed. Uh but that is neither here, nor there, really.

The apartment door flies open and in comes Gwen. “Open the champagne,” she throws her coat on the couch, “first day as an intern at the Mexican embassy has been conquered!” She announces to the room, completely mismatching the mood. That explains the skirt suit though.

“How was it?” Lizzy tries to act like she wasn’t just verbally assaulted by an angry stray cat.

Gwen’s face grows more serious before she opens her mouth, evidently still figuring out her response. “It was great but I will say, there’s…slight sexist undertones…just…everywhere, really. It’s bizarre. Just these little things, little words, little looks…”

“I feel like that should be alarming, considering you’re transitioning from one of Seattle’s shittier bars…” I point out.

“Yeah…” Gwen just stares at – or right through – me for another thoughtful second. “It was good though. And now that I’m there, things will get even better,” she cackles, which I will not question. “We’ll need to go out on Friday to celebrate!”

“Jerry’s meeting up with his ex on Friday—”

“Great, so you’re free! It’s a plan then! You know,” Gwen walks over to the kitchen area, “the stench of sexual tension between you two was getting out of hand. I’m glad we can all stop smelling that,” she laughs while Kat walks out of her bedroom, the same sour expression sticking to her face. She throws a quick ‘hey’ to Gwen and makes a beeline for the bathroom. “What kind of wasp flew up her ass?” Gwen eyes the door that just swung shut.

“Is it wrong that I kinda want her to punch me in the face? Did I just say that out loud? I’m gonna see myself out…” I tip my imaginary hat as I speed walk out the door. I should really go home and think about my life choices while I’m at it.

* * *

“So Jerry and Lizzy are finally done beating around the bush, huh?” Jeff wiggles his eyebrows with a stupid grin as soon as I walk into the coffee shop.

“Huh? How do you know??”

“I don’t know why you’re still surprised that rumors take literally zero time to spread like a wildfire around here. Especially considering that a whole bar full of people saw them last night.”

“Oh, yeah…” I scrunch my eyebrows momentarily, feeling mild annoyance simmer in the pit of my stomach. Not even sure why… I just—I feel like lately, I’m annoyed at the very thought of people having fun and enjoying themselves. Probably because all I do is, well, things I need to do. Things I’ve committed to doing.

“Hey, did you close last night?”

“Yeah,” I mumble as I disappear in the back room and when I come back wearing an apron, Jeff squints over at me from the espresso machine.

“Are you okay?” He asks after a moment.

“Yeah, I’m fine, why?” I slip into customer service autopilot mode.

“I don’t know, you seem off.”

“Someone at the lab fucked up and contaminated all my tadpoles,” I sigh out through gritted teeth. My colleague somehow accidentally used my tadpoles that I’d been carefully monitoring for weeks, causing all my work to go to waste. I don’t understand how, considering that everything, every damn dust bunny in the lab is labelled. I guess some of us missed some stuff in first grade…ugh. I wish I didn’t have to work here today because I really just wanted to stay at the lab for however long it took me to sort all that mess out. Unfortunately, here I am.

“Ah, that sucks.”

“Yeah…” I lean my hips against the edge of the sink as I wash my hands. “And now I get to be here the whole afternoon.” Ugh.

“That’s the spirit,” he laughs, then places a coffee cup he’d just filled with hot liquid on the counter, and calls a Dean. “Hey, just so you know, you left the café unlocked last night,” he returns his attention to me. I remember when I first started working here eight months ago – this kind of information would have been communicated with a pissy pout and folded arms. Now, Jeff’s looking at me like it’s the most boring piece of information that he just needed to communicate. Woah…I can’t believe I’ve worked here for eight months now…

“I definitely didn’t,” I correct him with a slight frown. I know I locked the door, I’m a hundred percent sure.

“Well, it was unlocked this morning so unless somebody broke in just to play a prank on us, you were the last person here before I came in.”

“Maybe you unlocked it yourself and then forgot,” I offer with a half assed shrug and he opens his mouth to say something else but a customer comes up to the counter.

I take the order, Jeff makes it, and once the lady’s been sent on her way with three extra hot cappuccinos, Jeff turns to me again. “That makes no sense, how would I unlock it and forget about it within seconds??”

“I don’t know, Jeff. I don’t know what goes on in that head of yours.”

“Idiot,” he laughs. “I won’t give you shit about it but hopefully it doesn’t happen again.”

Wait a second… I just told him I locked it but he’s still gonna go ahead and act all high and mighty? “Very gracious of you, to not give me shit for something I didn’t do.”

“It’s whatever, Eva. Nothing happened so it’s not a huge deal.”

I swear, I’m gonna stab somebody in the face one of these days… What’s even worse than Jeff being dumb and probably unlocking the door himself and forgetting, is that he seems unable to keep from making jokes about it the whole hour that our shifts overlap. And I’m really not in the mood to argue about it, or even acknowledge him, really. I’ve been so tired and so stressed lately, I’m finally really learning the meaning of picking your battles.

“Are you coming to the park this Saturday?” Jeff asks me while untying his apron. Finally, the asshat’s about to head out and leave me the fuck alone.

“Probably.”

“You didn’t miss much last week, other than Stone having to fill in for you. That was pretty hilarious, actually. He can barely lift the ball,” Jeff laughs at his own joke. Ugh.

“Yeah, I decided to do something more productive and take a nap instead.”

“Just let someone know next time, alright,” he says before disappearing in the back room.

I miss one stupid afternoon of playing stupid basketball with a bunch of idiots and now he’s gonna lecture me about that too? UGH.

“Hey,” our manager practically storms into the café and walks behind the counter. “Did you happen to see if I left my wallet here last night?”

“You were here last night?”

“Yeah, like late last night. I was just dropping off the sugar. Aha!” He spots his wallet on a little shelf next to a big tub of sugar.

“I think you left the café unlocked.”

“Oh shit! Did I really?”

“According to Jeff. You might need to apologize because he can’t seem to let it go.”

“Tell him I said sorry,” he throws me a goofy smile as he runs out the door.

Just then, Jeff comes out from the back, his jacket on and his bag swung over the shoulder. “You all good here? I’m gonna head out.”

“John was just in,” I inform him. “He left his wallet here last night.”

“Oh yeah?” Jeff asks distractedly.

“Yeah, he was here last night after I closed. So if the door was actually left unlocked, which I’m still not convinced that you didn’t unlock it and forget about it…”

“Okay, okay,” he laughs, “I’m not that dumb. Give me some credit.” Not so sure about that, but whatever.

“It was John who left it unlocked then. There, mystery solved.”

“Huh… Weird. Oh well. I’ll catch ya later,” he waves at me briefly and walks out, and I’m just left there, staring at the spot where he just was. Catch ya later??A ‘sorry for being a dick to you for the last hour’ would have been nice, you fucking jackass. Ugh.

#surpriseeee lol #fanfiction #seattle #80s #alice in chains #jerry cantrell #sean kinney #layne staley #mudhoney #mark arm #matt lukin #mother love bone #jeff ament

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thegeek-s · 1 year

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happy valentines day i love you and this story!

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thegeek-s · 1 year

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would you put this story on AO3 or Wattpad? I love it but the Tumblr format gets confusing sometimes. Can't wait for the next update!

it is on wattpad https://www.wattpad.com/story/178523146-the-geeks

sorry it took me however long it did to respond lol

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thegeek-s · 2 years

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where is everyone 😩

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thegeek-s · 2 years

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Hey, I'm just checking in to tell you I thought about you (and Kark) during pilates class because we practiced to This Must Be The Place. Small fun(nish) facts of my life. I hope you're doing fine. ❤

❤

#what a good song to be associated with #been in a pretty rough & raw headspace the last couple of months not gonna lie #but i thought abt kark today too lol

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thegeek-s · 2 years

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i love how you highlight extremely underrated musicians and give them proper arcs and insight. i also adore how the geeks cannot STAND kurt. it's so refreshing to see him portrayed in this way, where he doesn't magically charm everybody he meets and he's mark's sidekick. this story is the BEST

😘 😘

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thegeek-s · 2 years

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Hi, please do you know about some newest grunge/pearl jam fics on tumblr? I cant find any, i think that most of it is on hiatus. I dont know why. Thank you

nah i only know the ones that have been in progress for decades

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thegeek-s · 2 years

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get it Lizzy!!! 😏😏

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thegeek-s · 2 years

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I just checked in to let you know that Mark wearing pink, heart-shaped sunglasses is an absolute delight, Kurt and Kat just unbeatable. As for Jezzy, I don't know what to think. I hope no Christian coke is involved in it. Thank you! 😘

thank YOU 💞

and no, i can confidently tell you there’s no christian coke involved hehe

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thegeek-s · 2 years

Text

36. four wheels, a sematary, and a deluge of love songs

PREVIOUSLY: the ship that is Jerry and Lizzy is finally leaving the port after Jerry called her out on being into him; they have an honest conversation at the end of which they agree to wait to start dating until after Jerry can see his ex-girlfriend Dee; Mudhoney finally come back from tour and pretty quickly reunite with the geeks, collectively noticing just how intertwined their lives had become; after a day of signing papers and having meetings, Mark drops by Kat’s thrift shop and before the day is over, he discovers, to his own genuine surprise, that he has a crush on her; given the circumstances, he resigns to ignoring it until it goes away...

“This cactus is pretty cool. I like it,” Eva motions at a little baby toe plant on the table as she sits down holding a plate and a glass.

“We’ve had it for two years…” I feel a crease form between my eyebrows.

“I know. I’m just saying, I think it’s cool.”

“Well, why do you think I bought it?” I shoot her a wide eyed stare before turning back to a little pile of dishes in the sink I’m trying to eliminate.

“I was never sure if I liked it or not… It’s just kinda…weird, I don’t know. But I do!” She sends me a grin and a thumbs up.

“Wow, okay. Well, I’ll have you know that I’ve always thought of myself as the sole parent of this little succulent.”

“Me too!” She laughs.

“Unbelievable…”

“No, what I actually mean is, you’re the main parent, Kat.”

“And you’re the parent who gives the child all the years of unresolved trauma and crippling self-doubt.”

“Just let me have my lunch in peace and then I can give you a ride, you weirdo,” she sighs out way heavier than I’m sure she intended to. She looks so exhausted all the time lately, I wonder when’s a good time to throw her an intervention party? I’ll have to discuss that with Gwen and Lizzy later.

“So are you gonna quit basketball, sciencing, or coffee brewing?” I ask casually, for now.

“Huh?” Eva frowns at me with a mouthful of sandwich. “Oh…” She mumbles, spitting out a showering of crumbles on the table as she does, “don’t make me think about it now, I’m on a lunch break!”

Just then, the door rips wide open. “Oh, it’s you,” Mark utters and rolls his eyes at me immediately after walking into our apartment, where I reside and can usually be found. Ah yes, that’s more like it. “Hi, Evelyn.”

“Hi, Marcus,” she waves at him with the hand holding her sandwich. “You look lively.”

“You know, I actually did wake up feeling unusually alive today.”

“Teach me your ways…”

“Oof, you don’t wanna go there, Eva, trust me.” Yesterday was probably the first time I’ve ever seen Mark act…awkward? I can’t think of a different word. He showed up at the thrift shop and right off the bat, he was acting as though he had just been released from two decades of solitary confinement. I don’t know if it’s the jetlag or two months of touring or…both, probably. I can’t say it wasn’t entertaining to watch but I think I prefer the…slightly more normal version of him. “Elvis Costello’s I Want You.”

“What about it?” I feel a frown twist my face because Mark says it completely out of the blue as he walks over to the kitchen. Is it playing somewhere? I can’t hear anything… What?

“Could contend for the best love song ever written…” He explains clumsily. Ah. I spoke too soon…

“Oh. Hm. And you were fool enough to love it when he said ‘I want you’… It’s always sounded to me like a stalker’s monologue while he’s watching the girl and her new romantic interest through a pair binoculars he claims to own for birdwatching.”

“Maybe you’ve just never experienced the specific love emotion it’s really about, which is entirely not your fault, my young Novak.”

“Okay, Mark ‘Emotional Maturity’ McLaughlin…”

“I mean… No one who wants you could want you more..? Not a decent love song line?”

“It's the thought of him undressing you or you undressing… The thought? Or does he mean the sight because he’s literally spying on them…”

“Wow, usually, I think of myself as the resident nerd of the building,” Eva squints at us from the table, “but I forget that you two are a different kind of nerd altogether…”

“That means a lot coming from you, Eva!” Mark throws her a grin, pressing his hands to his chest briefly, before looking back at me. “Fine, so you don’t like this song—”

“I do too! It’s not the best love song though. According to me.”

“What about the one by Dylan?” Mark folds his arms over his chest and leans sideways against the fridge door, watching me rinse my coffee cup.

“Hm, the one about a guilty undertaker, a lonesome organ grinder, a dancing child with a Chinese suit, and a bunch of other bizarre characters?” I recite slowly, nodding as I do, trying not to jumble them all together.

“Yes, that one.”

“I don’t know… Good song though,” I say as I dry my hands on the kitchen towel and walk to my room with Mark in tow.

“What about the one by The Beatles?”

“She’s So Heavy?” I grab a pair of wool socks and sit down on the edge of my bed to put them on instead of the ones I’ve been wearing; Mark, in the meantime, proceeds to shuffle around a small cluster of records I have lying on the floor. As usual, he uses his bare toes for the task. Honestly, one of my least favorite things about this dingbat, always with the bare feet...

“Yeah…”

“Eh, it’s not even the best Beatles song.”

“You’re being very difficult. Impossible, really,” Mark grumbles but a laugh bursts out of me.

“Me?? I thought we were talking about music? I’m just stating my subjective opinion about love songs, namely…which is to say, the overwhelming majority of all songs…”

“Yes,” he inhales sharply, finally stepping away from my records; flinching away, really, “obviously. But I’m talking about it with a literature and cinema graduate, I don’t wanna look stupid,” he rolls his eyes at me pointedly and I laugh again because...

“I told you I almost dropped out of school,” I drop my voice enough to make sure Eva doesn’t overhear but not so much that it becomes dramatic, “and yet, you always hyper fixate on me graduating.”

“Three time almost-drop out doesn’t have quite the same ring to it,” Mark mumbles, not very loudly either.

“Anyway, I already told you that Naïve Melody is probably my favorite love song – it’s total nonsense which is what’s great about it – so I might never agree with you on anything other than. You’re putting yourself through a Sisyphean nuisance here.”

“Sisyphean nuisance? Typical lit graduate,” he throws me his sassiest eye roll, before following me back out into the living room and continuing to talk, but much louder now. “Anyway, I haven’t had time to get any food yet…”

“You know the drill,” Eva tells him as I quickly step back into my room to grab a jacket and when I re-emerge, Mark’s already pulling stuff out of the fridge.

“I was gonna ask, how come you have all those movie tickets?” He doesn’t even glance away from the food.

“Someone I know from school works at that movie theatre now... She comes by the thrift shop sometimes and I hook her up with cool t shirts. So I guess the tickets are a thank you for that,” I explain with a shrug as I try to decide between bringing a nectarine or an avocado for a snack for later. “That’s how I got that pedal from Julian, too.” Maybe I’ll get a croissant somewhere. I’ll definitely get popcorn…

“Thrift store junk is really Kat’s love language,” Eva comments through another mouthful of her sandwich and tugs at the shoulder of her blue sweater, correctly identifying it as said love junk.

“How come you don’t hook me up with cool t shirts?”

“Must have missed the part where you told me you want me to...”

“I see. Should I drop off an application at the junk shop whenever or do I need to sign up for visiting hours, or..?”

“Anyway, I’ll see if I can find anything for you next time I work,” I speak over the sound of Mark’s stupid rambling; I usually really enjoy these endless debates with him but sometimes I feel like I get trapped inside them. I mean, if I get roped into it now, I’ll never leave here… “That’s Wednesday.”

“Just don’t get me anything weird or anything with mystery stains. Or anything that smells like incense... Preferably nothing polyester. I have dry skin.”

“Don’t worry, I know what you like to wear, Mark.” At this, he gives me an idiotic grin and wiggles his eyebrows. Eva, apparently, sees that as well and laughs.

“Have you been spying on me, Novak?”

“Our apartment doors are directly in front of each other, I’d have to gauge my eyes out to avoid gradually but inadvertently laying them on every single piece of clothing you own.”

“Do you need to take my measurements?”

“Again, I’ve seen you a few times, so I think I can manage to pick something out that will fit over your huge fuckin’ head. Maybe I’ll look for something with buttons...”

“You asshole,” Mark narrows his eyes at me but continues to grin, while Eva cackles.

“Honestly, I have more trouble dressing myself than other people. Probably harkens back to the whole feeling like an ogre thing. Not sure if I’m human or monster sized...” I mumble to myself, my gaze sinking through the floor. Funny how that is.

“I can help measure you, if you need me to...”

“Mark, what the hell is wrong with you?” Eva shakes her head as she walks over to the sink to wash her dishes. My face, in turn, scrunches up in a dubious frown.

“We were in Europe for too long,” he gives Eva a shrug.

For the second time today, Mark bursts in through our apartment door… Wait, no, that’s his little clone Kurt. I can confidently say that that’s a first, since nobody – and I mean, nobody – in this household can tolerate the guy for longer than a couple of minutes.

“Figured you’d be here,” he looks over at Mark, as if he’s the only person in the room. But maybe that’s a good thing, actually… “Still can’t get that awful color out of your hair, I see,” Kurt turns to me. I spoke too soon yet again...

“Still can’t formulate an intelligible thought, I see,” I say and Eva laughs all the way to her bedroom.

“Hey, guys,” Lizzy comes out of hers, holding a mascara wand in one hand and the tube in the other; the two guys lift their hands in a brief wave at her before Kurt starts talking to Mark, and Lizzy calls me over. “Is anyone else home?”

“Eva.” I mind the telephone cord as I step over to her; I don’t know where Lizzy found one that long but it’s definitely in top three of her all-time best ideas. “But she’ll be leaving for work soon.”

“Do you wanna go to a record store with me?”

“Sure! I was gonna go drop my resume off at this bookshop and Eva’s going to give me a ride so if you hurry up and get ready, we can go with her.”

“We can’t, actually, because Jerry’s picking us up in like an hour,” she explains with a big grin.

“So why do I need to be there!?”

“Because, you know I’m trying to not be alone with Jerry,” she crosses her arms over her chest. “It’s just gonna be too date-y. And don’t worry, Jerry said he’ll get someone else to come too, so you won’t have to feel like the third wheel! Come on, help a sister out, Kitty-Kat!”

“You and Gwen have such strange mating rituals…” I sigh out and then speak quickly before Lizzy has time to get offended, “okay, okay, how about I go with Eva now and meet you at the record store?”

The girl lights up and quickly dictates the address and the directions to this store where I’m supposed to meet them in an hour and a half. Great, I’ll have enough time to go by the bookshop, get a croissant, and then make my way over there.

Lizzy goes back into her room to finish getting ready and I walk back towards the kitchen, which doesn’t go unnoticed. “You look dazed,” Mark chuckles as he observes my expression.

“It’s—Well, you know how it’s been talking to Lizzy lately…”

“Dazed, dazed…” Kurt mumbles in the meantime. “You’re like that song… Unwashed And Somewhat Slightly Dazed…”

“Huh?”

“Like that buoy song.”

“The…what song?” I ask for clarification, not sure why, since I don’t really care…

“Buoy? David Buoy, ever heard of him?” He clicks his tongue at me and I finally figure out that he’s just grossly mispronouncing David Bowie’s name.

“Annnd that’s my cue to leave,” I point at Eva, who thankfully just walked out of her room with her shoes and jacket on and a tote bag full of books.

“Where are you going?” Mark, who’s been working on his sandwich leaned over the sink, looks over at me.

“I’m gonna drop off my resume at this one bookshop, see if anything else catches my eye…”

“Wait, you’re quitting your job at the junk shop?? But you owe me a shirt!”

This is exactly what I’m talking about. Sometimes I just don’t have time to get roped into Mark’s bizarre verbal escapades, as fun as they can be. “I was planning on not working there for the rest of my life so I’m scoping out the alternatives.”

“Don’t you need to be literate to work at a bookshop?” Kurt throws me one of his annoying smirks. Seriously, I don’t even know the guy, why does he always make it his life purpose to pick on me anytime we’re in the same room??

“Don’t you need your ass for things other than speaking out of??” I widen my eyes – full of unmasked annoyance, I’m sure – at him while Mark and Eva laugh.

“Spunky. I like her,” Kurt turns to the guy after whom, I’m sure, he models his own unwashed hairstyle, while pointing a thumb at me.

“Alright, I’ll see you at the movies!” I turn to Ragamuffin vol.1, who’s just sporting a thoroughly amused grin now.

“I might be late,” he informs me.

“But I’ll have your ticket.” I’m yet to pick them up from the ticket office of the theater, which means I’m going to be counting on everyone showing up on time.

“Only by a few minutes.”

“Define ‘a few’?”

“I’ll be there before the previews are over, I promise.”

“Why are you going to be late anyway?”

“Dentist’s appointment.”

“Bye! Don’t break anything,” Eva waves at him as she nudges me out the door.

* * *

“Hey, Sean?” Jerry pokes his head into our kitchen where I’m working on a bowl of cereal with a newspaper laid out in front of me. “Are you busy right now?”

“Have you been drinking my oat milk again?” I shake the carton that’s suspiciously light for how little I’ve used of it.

“Seriously, nobody cares about your oat milk. It’s honestly pretty gross... You wanna go to a record store and then a movie?”

“Sure, when?”

“Right now, more or less.”

“Why the rush?”

“We’re picking up Lizzy and Kat.”

“I should have known…” Not sure why Jerry always specifically seeks out the most complicated romantic situations but hey, to each their own. He knows what he’s doing, I guess.

“Look, as it stands right now, Kat is a third wheel. I need you to be the fourth wheel to even it out,” Jerry gives me the kind of look that says he won’t rest until he gets his way.

“Now I don’t know what you think I’m willing to do for you, but—”

“I just need you to talk to her so she doesn’t feel like the third wheel.”

“What’s with all these plans and schemes anyway? Just go out with Lizzy alone, for fuck’s sake. And speaking of fuck’s sake—”

“Shut up,” he briefly closes his eyes and breathes in impatiently. “Dating is a two way street, as you yourself told me just yesterday…” I mean, I just read it off a magazine we had lying around but I’ll take the credit. “I’m being respectful and responsive, okay? And you – get your ass off that chair and let’s go! Please.”

“Fine, Jesus, okay,” I sigh out and gulp down the rest of my cereal milk before getting up.

I mobilize fairly quickly and I’m ready to head out the door in just a few minutes, only to find out that Jerry exaggerated a little when he said ‘right now’ because he actually meant ‘in half an hour’. We spend that extra time watching MTV and critiquing every music video that comes on.

When it’s finally time to leave, Jerry tries to wrestle me into the back seat of my own damn car and we eventually settle for him driving and me taking the front passenger seat.

“Stop being such a huge tool,” I punch him in the shoulder one last time as I clip my seatbelt in. “You know you don’t have to act like an idiot whenever you’re into a chick, right?”

“And you don’t have to act like an idiot all the time, and yet!” He laughs and starts the car.

When we pull up in front of the old brick apartment building, the object of Jerry’s dirtiest desires is already standing outside, grinning at him from afar. But she seems to be alone…so I guess I’m the third wheel now?

“Hey, Jerry,” she purrs as he springs out of the car and goes to hug her. Wow, this is pathetic, this is really sad…for me. Where the hell is her friend? I thought I was supposed to be the fourth wheel.

“Hi, Sean,” Lizzy smiles at me as she slides into the back seat.

“Hey. Weren’t you supposed to bring a wheel with you?”

“Huh?”

“Are we waiting for Kat still, Liz?” Jerry throws me the nastiest glare and then quickly turns to smile at his sweet-fuckin-heart in the backseat.

“Oh yeah, no, she will meet us there, she had some stuff she needed to do beforehand… Do you guys mind changing the station?”

“What’s wrong with AC/DC??” I protest.

“It’s very distracting, I can barely hear myself…” She’s not even done with her sentence when Jerry switches the station, even though he loves this song. Well, this is fuckin’ fantastic.

“Sorry you have to sit in the back,” Jerry side-eyes me as he continues to talk to Lizzy, “Sean just had to act like a five year old today, of all days, you see,” he goes on, making his forbidden lady friend laugh and me – look out the window and astral project…

“No worries! I don’t mind, there’s more room back here anyway,” she leans forward between our seats. “So you’re coming to the movie too, Sean?”

“I guess so.”

“It’s gonna be scary. I’m not usually into horror movies but Kat talked me into it. She said there’s cute little children in it… I mean, I guess it makes sense, ‘cause of pet cemetery. But I hope nothing bad happens to them…”

“Oh, we’re seeing Pet Sematary?” I look at both Jerry and Lizzy alternately.

“Yeah, didn’t I tell you?” Jerry glances at me. Well, maybe the whole day isn’t lost, after all. I was going to see that anyway.

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot, if you guys aren’t busy this Friday, Mudhoney are playing a show at the Showbox.”

“I think I’m free. So the neighbors are back then?” Jerry asks and something tells me he’s concentrating maybe a bit too much on Lizzy and not enough on the traffic.

“Yeah, they just got back yesterday. They’re tired as dogs but I honestly can’t feel that sorry for them considering they just travelled all around Europe, you know?”

“Yeah, boo-fuckin’-hoo!” Jerry cackles and my eyes roll to inspect the inside of my skull at their own will. “I hear they got some pretty favorable press in the U.K., too. Maybe we should go tour England, Sean,” the long haired Romeo slaps my chest with the back of his hand. “If those guys made it, it honestly can’t be that hard,” he goes on chortling while the Juliet in the backseat smacks his shoulder with the ferocity of a newborn bunny and tells him to ‘stop it Jerrrr’.

It takes me a couple of minutes but I finally manage to truly escape and block out their conversation. Why is Jerry so into this chick, I’m not sure… I mean, is she pretty? Totally. But she’s also kinda annoying. She talks a lot. But I guess that’s kind of a thing when it comes to rebounds – the person doesn’t really matter that much, right?

To my absolute fuckin’ delight, when we get to the record store, Jerry’s red-headed roommate-in-law is already there. She’s going through some records, eyes slightly narrowed, a pissed off expression clinging to her face. She doesn’t notice us walk in and when Jerry and Lizzy run to what looks like an Elton John shrine in the corner of the store, I make a beeline for the actual third wheel of this outing.

“Hi, Kat,” I drawl neither loudly, nor in any other disruptive way, yet the girl flinches.

“Oh, hi… Didn’t realize you guys were here already,” she looks around the record store until her eyes land on the two lovebirds and then she looks up at me again. “How’s it going?”

“So great,” I answer with a brief roll of my eyes. “You?”

“Amazing,” she says in dead monotone.

“So…” Talk to her so she doesn’t feel like the third wheel? How did I allow myself to get roped into this? “Have you lost some weight?” I ask, fully intending it to be a compliment, but immediately see that I made a mistake because Kat glares at me.

“I would hope not.”

“No? Why?”

“That would be a health concern, seeing as I’m not trying to lose weight.”

“You’re not?” I blurt out before I can think and it does nothing to soften her expression.

“Is that surprising to you?” Her eyebrows go up, as if daring me to…well, I don’t even know what…fight her?

“N-no?”

“In your medical professional opinion, do you think I need to lose weight?”

“That’s not what I said. I thought that’s just… I was just trying to be nice, you’re the one making this into something it’s not,” I shove my hands in my jeans pockets and start looking around, reading the genre labels on record boxes. Wow, there must be something in the water of their apartment building. None of these chicks have any chill.

“Commenting on people’s weight is being nice now?”

“Women talk about it all the time.”

“I’ll have you know most of us lead a little more three dimensional lives.”

“Well color me shocked,” I rearrange my features into a smirk. I’m not really sure why I brought Kat’s weight up but, I mean, I do constantly hear girls talk about diets and cardio routines and shit like that… I just thought Kat looked good, maybe skinnier, I don’t fuckin’ know… What else am I supposed to talk to her about? “Whether you lost or put on weight, you look nice,” I say and this time, she just rolls her eyes at me. Okay then.

“Is this a part of your soul searching journey? Is today ‘compliment a stranger’ day?”

“Soul searching journey? Is that what those asshats are telling everyone?” My eyes dart to Jerry briefly, since he’s the only one out of the aforementioned asshats around.

“So you’re not? On a soul searching journey?” The redhead arches her eyebrows while her fingers continue to run across album spines. “How disappointing, I thought it sounded fun.”

“I’m just trying to make more constructive choices in my life,” I laugh at her stupid comment.

“What, like doing fewer drugs?”

“You’re funny,” I narrow my eyes at her. If a little uptight…

“Guys, let’s go listen to this!” Lizzy hollers.

“Hey, Kat,” Jerry grins when the two of them walk up to us.

“Hi! The Stone Roses?” She eyes the album my bandmate is holding and the crease between her eyebrows deepens just a touch.

At Lizzy’s stupid request, we make our way to the listening booths in the depths of the store and pack ourselves into a single one, which proves to be kind of tricky. Jerry fiddles with the player for a second, elbowing me in the ribs a couple of times as he does, and then the booth is filled with sound. It sounds like traffic or trains or something, but the redhead evidently recognizes it, or at least I’m guessing so based on the fact that she lets out a defeated sigh. The actual song finally starts with a bass, then there’s guitars and drums, and then eventually the vocals. Yeah, the more I listen to it, the less I understand why I need to be here for this.

None of this is made any better when I notice that Jerry and Lizzy are practically eye-fucking each other so I turn away from them, although I can only move an inch or two. Seriously, why did we all need to get into one booth!? At least it’s enough so that I’m not directly facing them. Kat, in the meantime, is bobbing her head almost imperceptibly, staring through one of the booth walls. Because of my adjusted position, my hair slips forward over my shoulder and dangles right in front her face but she ignores it at first. Then blows it away a couple of times and then finally uses her hand to casually hold it away from her face.

No matter how much I try to think about literally anything else in the world, for a second there it feels like I’m forever trapped in Jerry’s wet dream. But the song finally ends and I’m the first one to burst out of that damn booth.

“I think I’ll buy this album,” Lizzy tells Jerry in a diabetes-inducing voice and when I turn around, intending to talk to Kat about something – anything, literally – I realise she’s already made her way to the other end of the store. Smart. I head down an isle of boxes of records without another look at Beauty and the Cowboy.

I end up having good fifteen or twenty minutes to myself, which I spend browsing through R-T boxes of the folk-rock section.

“Oh, hey!”

I lift my head and turn around at the sound of Lizzy’s voice – her and Jerry are two isles over and Kat’s in the one between me and them. “Fancy seeing you all here,” the redhead mumbles.

“Sean, did you see they have the new Black Sabbath album?” Jerry points down another isle.

“Yeah? Are you gonna buy it?”

“I actually was thinking maybe you should get this one.” He bares his teeth at me in his trademark grin.

“No way, man. Why am I always the one paying for records?”

“That’s not even remotely true.”

“I’m also the one always paying for music in our household,” Kat tells me with a quick glance.

“That’s…actually true,” Lizzy laughs. “Oh yeah, by the way, Kat, Sean’s a vegan too.” What a subtle way to get rid of the third and fourth wheels. Again, why am I here??

“But I’m not a vegan…” The redhead mumbles and I get the impression that she’s trying to do it as quietly as humanly possible.

“You’re not?” I ask her as Lizzy and Jerry start moving down their isle.

“Nope. I don’t eat meat but cheese can be so irresistible… Really, if you saw the amount of cheese I eat, you’d know why it would be concerning if I started losing weight.”

“You’re really fucking weird, aren’t you…”

“Thanks.” Oh now she thanks me like a normal human?? “That’s cool. That you’re vegan.”

“It’s just something I’m trying out. So, Kat, what do you do to get your rocks off?”

“What kind of a question is that?” She sours as if I just fed her a lemon.

“A normal question. What’s wrong with my question?” I fold my arms over my chest and look at her only by tilting my gaze slightly down, in her general direction. Jerry and Lizzy, in the meantime, go into a listening booth together so there goes that plan...

“What do you do to get your rocks off, Sean?” The redhead starts going through records in a box labelled ‘new wave’.

“Go to record stores, play drums, drive ten miles over the speed limit, drink beer, have sex, take really cheap shots at my friends. The list goes on.”

She looks up at me somewhat slowly, her eyes slightly narrowed…although I’m starting to think she just has naturally narrow eyes because that seems to be her default expression. Her face is unreadable for that moment before a faint laugh echoes in it. “Same, I guess. Except I don’t drive or play drums. But I have strong opinions on both.”

“What do you play?”

“Guitars. Tambourines. People’s nerves,” she answers, pausing briefly after each item. “The list goes on. You’re not enjoying yourself very much, are you?” She redirects the topic dizzyingly suddenly. “How come you got roped into this outing?”

“What do you think?” I quirk an eyebrow as she glances at me; then her gaze slides towards the listening booths and back to the records her fingers haven’t stopped flipping through this whole time. It seems like she wants to say something for a second but her breath catches and the silence stretches for a couple more seconds before she opens her mouth.

“Thoughts on The Boss?” She lifts up a copy of Darkness on the Edge of Town.

The rest of our time at the record shop ends up being somewhat less degrading than what I assumed chaperoning two grown adults on a date would be. Kat and I talk about our favorite bands some that surprisingly have a decent overlap between the two of us, and she eventually somehow manages to get the two lovebirds to socialize with us some instead of pretending like we’re not there.

“We’ll wait for you two outside,” Lizzy beams at me and Kat alternatively when we finally mobilize to leave. Not sure why I’m being lumped into a duo with this redheaded weirdo now but seeing as we’re both in line to pay for our records, I don’t really have a choice.

Kat pays for a couple of seven inchers she’s picked out first and then steps aside to wait for me while watching Jerry and Lizzy through one of the big dusty windows.

“Nineteen dollars and sixty seven cents,” the cashier tells me after scanning the damn Black Sabbath album and another one by some random German metal band that I decided to try.

“Shit…” I mumble as I pat all my pockets after I fail to find my wallet in the one it’s usually in. “Uh… Kat?” I look at the girl after glancing back through the window and deciding that getting Jerry to pay attention to anything that’s not Lizzy is just not gonna happen today. “Can I borrow twenty bucks real quick?”

The redhead’s face sours ever so slightly, yet again. “And you’re aware that the word ‘borrow’ entails paying back?”

“And should we discuss the interest rate too?” I click my tongue but she’s already putting the bill on the counter.

“A dollar for every week seems fair.” She shrugs and starts making her way towards the door while the cashier hands me my records and change.

The movie theater is about a half hour’s drive away but this time, unlike on our way to the record shop, it doesn’t feel like it lasted years. The sun lowers and melts into a golden puddle in the sky during our drive and as soon as we pull up in front of the movie theater, a bunch of familiar voices reach my ears. Once I get out of the car, I see a bunch of people smoking by the main entrance, directly in front of a ‘no smoking’ sign, and when out pathetic little group moves towards them, I start making out the shapes and sounds of Layne, Demri, Xana, Andy…Jeff, Matt, Stone, and Eva, I think. I detach myself from the quadruplets and walk over to Layne, Demri, and Xana while fishing my cigarette carton out of my jacket pocket.

About half an hour into the movie it becomes clear to me that neither Jerry nor Lizzy are following the plot anymore…if they ever were. She does make a point to squeal and flinch anytime somethings remotely scary is shown on the screen but I’m pretty sure that’s just a pretext for her to cling to Jerry’s bicep a little tighter each time. And I wouldn’t care - who am I to cockblock a brother - if I wasn’t sitting next to Lizzy without a fighting chance to tune her out.

Jerry, in the meantime, is leaned all the way over into her seat so I can hear him just as clearly as the movie. Which I’m not a fan of. I really don’t wanna know how cute Lizzy looks when she’s scared or how she has an eyelash on her cheek (how can he even see that in this light!?).

“Are you enjoying the movie?” The girl turns to me out of the blue.

“I’m trying to,” I respond mirroring her grin only momentarily.

“I hope nothing happens to the little girl…”

I muster all my willpower and look over to the screen again without saying anything else, trying really hard to just focus on the movie, but…

“We could grab some hot chocolate after this… I mean, if it’s not too late…or if you don’t have any other plans.”

Jerry? Have other plans when she’s got him wrapped around her little finger? Please.

“No, that sounds great,” Prince Charming croons back to her.

“You sure? We can do that another time…” Why did you bring it up then??

“I’m sure. Hot chocolate, Irish coffee, a shot of tequila…whatever you want, Liz. I’m just glad to stretch the night out and spend more time with you.”

“And you’re supposed to be the Christian ones?” I snort quietly and Jerry flips me off.

This is so pathetic. I quickly glance around - this whole row of seats is full and so is the one in front. It does seem like there’s a couple of empty seats on the other end of the row behind us though… I glance back at the lovebirds who are now pretending to watch the movie while Jerry’s holding Lizzy’s hand in both of his and stroking it.

“That feels really nice…” Lizzy purrs annnd that’d my cue to go.

I hop over the backrest of my seat, mumble an apology to people’s knees and feet as I step over them, and plop down in a seat way down the row, right next to Mark Arm. Huh I didn’t realize he was here too.

“Greetings.” He smiles at me, looking somewhat surprised.

“Jerry and Lizzy were moaning too loudly so I relocated,” I explain.

“Ah, then you came to the wrong place. Novak here won’t stop yapping,” he says and when I glance over to the other side of him, I see that his is actually the last seat in this row. But then the redhead turns around in the seat right in front of him.

“I was just commenting,” she enunciates her words with a slight roll of her eyes, “on how the abolition of the Hays code has made for some liberated, out there, wonderful, even if sometimes not the best, movies. And so many of them in just the last decade.” The…huh?

I bob my head slowly at her until she looks away again. Not even five minutes later, Mark’s reaching over the back of her seat to tug on her hair. Why are people like this today? Just watch the damn movie.

“Don’t hog the popcorn,” he whispers to Kat and I can hear her faintly mumble something about how she paid for it. “Popcorn?” Mark tilts the stripy cardboard box towards me a second later.

* * *

“So…” I stop right next to Kat, literally shoulder to shoulder – well, actually, her shoulders are higher than mine, I’m only technically over five feet when I’m wearing platform shoes – as she glances down at the little note in her hand once again. “Why are we going to Steve’s place again?”

“Because,” Kat enunciates but then she silently stares at me blankly for a moment and sighs. “I’ve decided that sometimes it’s best to just go along with it. Leave the planning for other people. I’m just here to dissociate and get drunk, you know?”

“I just remembered that when I first met you, I was a little afraid of you.”

“I can see that. Are you still afraid of me, dizzy miss Lizzy?”

“Now, I’m just mostly worried about you,” I laugh, although as Gwen often points out, all jokes hold a little bit of truth in them.

“No reason to be, my sweet Lizzy,” she puts her arm across my shoulders and leads us inside the two story, pretty sad looking, dirty concrete colored condo.

“So why are we going to Steve’s?”

“Since you and I were going to be in the neighborhood anyway,” Kat motions her hand back at the doorway we just walked through. We came out here in the afternoon to check out a new coffee shop and we actually both got the same thing today! (Kat always gets one of the millions of ways that there are to prepare black coffee, apparently, and I get mochas. So many mochas. Or just straight hot chocolates, depending on the time of day. All the spiced, flavored, spiked ones, too.) “It made sense for us to just walk a couple of blocks over here and get picked up by the band van.” Oh no. I’ve seen it and it’s not something I want to be inside of. “Otherwise it would takes us forever to get to Showbox from here.”

“Who’s driving?”

Kat’s tightly balled fist stops mid-air and she locks her narrowed eyes on mine. “Lukin. I’m sorry, Lizzy.”

“Oh my gosh, we’re going to die!” I whisper shout at her.

“We just might. Do you, by chance, have the power to expunge all my sins?”

“Kat, why would I?” I laugh at her dumb joke.

She leads with a shrug, “I don’t know, maybe you unlock some perks as a super Christian?”

“You know what, I don’t even care about your stupid comments, Kitty,” I tell her honestly, “I know you mean well. I’m just too dang happy, I don’t give a crap!”

“Good!” She beams at me and knocks on the door which flies open not even half a second later.

“Ladies,” a smiling Steve steps aside to let us in.

“Steve, my mother is a lady. Call me tramp.”

“Hi, Steve. You remember how to deal with her?” I chuckle as I walk inside behind Kat. “Just smile and nod when she speaks.”

“Of course. I frequently use that very tactic with Mark, actually,” he laughs and then I stop walking, sensing that Kat’s stopped moving too. I look around and…I seemed to have walked into a jungle? Actually, I think this might be a living room but it’s covered floor to ceiling in potted plants.

“You want anything to drink, lady and the tramp?” Steve continues to smile at us with both his hands in his pockets. “They should be here any minute,” he quickly glances at his wristwatch, “but you never really know with these people.”

“Nah, thanks,” we both shake our heads. “We’re already full of liquid,” Kat then bobs hers.

“I love your place!” I tell Steve.

“Thanks. None of the cool stuff is mine, actually.”

“It’s great all the same,” Kat agrees with me. “Who are your live-in pals?”

“Miriam is a botanist. That’s all hers,” he motions at all the plants. “And Fred is a food scientist. Turns out both those jobs pay about the same as being in a crappy band.”

“I wish you were our neighbors,” Kat says, unfortunately totally unaware of Mark showing up in the doorway behind her at the exact same time.

“Wow, is this the kind of shit you talk behind my back?” He grins.

“Please. This is me being nice behind your back.”

“What exactly is their dynamic, why can’t I ever figure it out?” I voice a thought which gets a laugh out of Steve and Kat but seems to go unheard by Mark.

“Oh yeah? Well, everyone in our building agrees that you smell weird so whatever.”

Kat turns to squint at me in confusion and I just pull my shoulders into a shrug in response. In a room with Steve, I don’t know why she’s looking to me to explain why Mark is the way that he is. I mean, oh gosh, Mark’s great! But he’s just kind of…confusing to be around sometimes. He thinks he’s super funny all the time, but sometimes he just…really ain’t.

“Let’s get going then, children,” Steve ushers us all back out the door.

We say hi to Danny and Lukin and pile into the back of their crappy old van, that’s also full of gear, while Matt tells us to enjoy the ride. There’s two benches running along either side of the van but because of all the other stuff, there’s very limited room on both of them. Steve ends up sitting on one bench with a guitar case between his legs and me next to him while Mark and Kat take the other side. The ride is anything but enjoyable but it’s also not as bad as I feared. At least I’m not sitting next to Mark – the whole way there, he keeps exaggerating the bumpiness of the ride, slamming into Kat like she’s his crash pad. And I guess she’s really committing to the whole ‘just go with it’ thing because the whole time, she just sways along with the van. Steve and I talk some about the movie we saw the other night… Well, he didn’t see it so I’m the one telling him about it. Although I’m finding out that I don’t actually remember all that much about it… Huh, must have not been that good.

“How’s that new rehearsal space working out?” The van comes to a halt and we all start getting up. “It’s weird not having you guys practice in the laundry room… Well, I guess you haven’t been for a couple of months now…”

“It’s fine, although I weirdly miss the laundry room,” Steve chuckles. “Matt thinks that’s because I’ve developed a slight addiction to laundry detergent fumes though.”

“He must really enjoy the absence of the smell of cleanliness,” Kat quips while climbing out of the van.

“You guys should come check it out,” Steve looks at her and me alternatively while propping the back door of the van open.

“Yeah, you can check out all the different types of mold all over the walls. How about Monday?” Mark grins at Kat.

“Oh yeah, that reminds me, I have an interview at that bookshop on Monday, actually.”

“You do?!” Typical Kat, I spent the whole afternoon with her and she just now remembers to tell me. “It’s also gonna be Gwen’s first day at the Mexican Embassy.”

“You ever wonder if being friends with Gwen is damaging our reputation?” Matt grunts while dragging a couple of amps out of the van.

“Absolutely,” Steve doesn’t miss a beat. “Too pro-establishment.”

“She does have a very chaotic side to her though,” Kat points out and I have to agree. “Could absolutely be swayed to join anarchy at the right moment.”

“Alright, well I’ll see you guys inside,” I wave at everyone briefly and head for the entrance; the last thing I see is Mark piling coiled cord after cord on Kat’s neck and shoulders, and Steve grabbing them all off her and shoving them back into Mark’s arms. Okay, now to find Jerry in this sea of sweaty armpits. I need to pee first though.

“Oh, hey, Lizzy!” I hear and then my eyes land on Demri’s reflection in the mirror above the bathroom sinks.

“Hey, girl!” I beam at her as I shake the water droplets off my hands.

“I didn’t realize you were here. Did you come with your roommates?” She asks as we both drift away from the sinks to allow other people to use them.

“I got a ride with Kat and the band, we just got here.” Maybe I should wait a second before asking if she’s seen Jerry, I don’t wanna sound rude, like that’s all I care about while talking to her.

“Well, Jerry’s not here yet but you should come get a drink with me, Layne, and Sean!”

Well, that solves that! I guess he does have work tonight, now I remember… “Sure!”

“Look who I found!” Demri motions at me, making her shawl fly about like wings, as we walk up to the two guys standing around by the bar counter.

“Hey!”

“Hi, Lizzy.”

“You don’t strike me as a Mudhoney fan, Lizzy,” Sean tells me in his usual nasal monotone instead of saying hi.

“They’re my neighbors, of course I’m a fan!” I laugh.

“As a fellow fan, I’m excited to have them back,” Layne winks at me.

“I love them, they’re pretty sweet,” Demri nods with a dreamy expression. “They have a whole different energy, really, I love dancing to their songs.”

“Not sure about the energy dancing part, but Mark’s written some pretty great lines,” Sean drawls.

“Yeah… I like them a lot more now than I used to, but it’s just not really my kind of music,” I shrug and I swear, I see Sean and Layne exchange looks. Okay then… That’s just how I feel, I’m not gonna lie about it.

“You look really pretty tonight,” Demri’s telling me a few minutes later, after Sean and Layne get into a conversation with a friend they just spotted.

“Thanks! You too, I love your eyeshadow,” I tell her and before I know it, we’ve been chatting about this and that for almost an hour. Mudhoney have started playing and if I heard correctly, Mark introduced both of the songs so far as love songs, or something like that. “I don’t really hike, I should probably try to do that more,” I tell Demri after she tells me about a trail somebody said is really beautiful.

“Honestly, me neither. It’s a shame, the nature is so beautiful around here. Feels like a waste, living here and not enjoying it.”

“It really is! Eva actually hikes a lot, we should all get together and do that sometime!”

“We should! Oh,” Demri’s expression changes instantly, her features settling into a smirk now, “there’s Jerry.”

I barely have enough time to turn around and catch a glimpse of his smiling face before he materializes right in front of me in one stride and envelops me into a hug. If I could, I would just move into his arms and never leave…

“Hey, Jerry,” I hear Demri chuckle out but when Jerry loosens the embrace and I glance around, she’s already gone somewhere.

“Hey,” he mumbles and despite my neighbors’ screeching guitars, I can hear him perfectly loudly.

“Hi.”

“How was the coffee? Or did you get hot cocoa?” Jerry smirks at me. My knees get weak when he looks at me like that, I swear to God…

“They had this rose lemonade and cold brew drink that we actually both got. It was delicious,” I tell him as he continues to smirk at me, his arms still circling me loosely. Just remember Lizzy, there’s no rush, you’ll have plenty of time to make out later. No rush at all…

“This next one is a love ballad,” Mark’s amplified voice announces, “so grab the nearest hand attached to a person and hold them gently on the dance floor,” he gestures at the absolute mess of a mosh pit right by the stage.

Both Jerry and I laugh as he drops his hand to hold mine. “Let’s just stay here, if I lost you in that crowd I’d never find you again,” he sits down on a bar stool, effectively shrinking our height difference. “You want anything to drink?”

“Sure. I already had a beer so maybe I’ll just stick with that.”

“Roger that.” He leans sideways over the counter to get the bartenders attention and orders two beers.

“Thanks,” I smile at him as he hands me one a minute later. “Cheers!”

“Cheers,” he echoes. “So, Dee is coming to town next week. Have you by any chance changed your mind about me seeing her? Because I’m down to just…not.” Jerry takes a sip of his beer and his lips settle into a lopsided smile.

“Jerry, I told you—” I start, intending to remind him that I can’t make him do anything but that I still think it’d be good for them to meet up and get some closure, but he cuts me off.

“I’d just much rather take you out on a date on a Saturday than hang out with my ex. But alright, I’ll pull myself together and stop whining about it.”

“Thanks,” I beam at him, wondering how his blue eyes can have so much warmth in them. It really means a lot to me that he’s willing to do that just because I asked. It makes me like him even more than I already do.

“This one’s actually a good song to make out with your sweetheart to,” Mark introduces yet another song that is anything but a viable love song. “Or if you don’t have a sweetheart, think about that time you practiced making out on a bed post.”

Despite the ridiculous nonsense that’s coming from the stage, I catch Jerry looking at my lips as I shift my eyes from the band to him. He quickly looks away but it’s too late all the same. Actually, I’ve noticed him do that a few times recently and I don’t know how much longer I can really fight it… The way he was looking at me inside the listening booth at the record store the other day… I’m running out of willpower!

“Wow, they’re really switching up their whole image since coming back from Europe,” Jerry barks out a laugh as his hand starts playing with my braids, travelling all the way up to the back of my neck.

“Maybe Mark fell in love in Europe…” I say the first thing that comes to mind, trying to ignore the tingling sensation Jerry’s touch is sending down my spine.

“Hey, Jerry,” some guy pauses to briefly shake his hand before walking past us.

“I’m gonna run to the restroom real quick,” Jerry squeezes my hand lightly before getting up.

As I spot him walking back a few minutes later, Mark’s introducing yet another song: “I just realized the other day that all of our songs are actually love songs. Think about your special lady…your special someone…as you listen to this next one.”

Jerry comes back to his bar stool right as the band start a rendition of what I soon recognize as…The Rose by Bette Midler? To make things even better, laughing Jerry gets back up and starts performing some kind of a little country jig but way slower and sexier than I’ve ever seen before.

“I didn’t know you’re such a great dancer,” I crack up.

“I’m a man of many, many talents, Liz,” he tips his invisible hat at me and right as the songs quiets down all of a sudden, he sits back down and leans in to bury his face in the crook of my neck, snaking his arms around me again. Strands of his hair stick up and tickle my face, but that’s not the reason I can’t stop grinning. Mudhoney wrap up the song and Mark introduces the next one as a ‘love serenade for all the losers in the house tonight’ and the band launch into Swallow My Pride.

Jerry shifts a little and then I feel him plant a light kiss right where my shoulder and neck meet. My hands instinctively grab two fistfuls of his shirt underneath his leather jacket, at which Jerry lifts his face to look at me. He’s so close… I’m not a hundred percent sure about what happens next but I think I might have been the one to kiss him, or he might have been the one to pull me in… I just know that all of a sudden, my arms are around his neck, my fingers in his hair, and his hands seem to be everywhere…

#hello it is i #the writer who doesn't remember most things abt the story i'm writing and doesn't ever proof read #seattle #80s #fanfiction #mudhoney #mark arm #alice in chains #jerry cantrell #sean kinney #steve turner #layne staley

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thegeek-s · 2 years

Photo

#in honour of hiro leaving the band at this point in the story

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thegeek-s · 2 years

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just need to tell you that I messed up writing the word “permission” today because apparently all my brain could think of was “persimmon”🧁

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thegeek-s · 2 years

Photo

#these photos are somehow the exact vibe of this fic; change my mind

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thegeek-s · 2 years

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Now I get why you pre-wrote this chapter, Kark probably urged you to do it since they couldn't wait. 😂 It was a pleasure to read how Mark's communication skills collapsed in a second and it counterpointed their quick and witty back-and-forth rounds on the phone so perfectly! I can't wait for the moment when Kat realizes too what's going on, as far as I know her, she'll be the last one from the bunch to find out about it. And even after that moment they are going to dance around THE THING for months, which won't be nerve-racking at all, not_at_all. 🤩🤦‍♀️

Thanks for the wonderful update and good luck with your new job!

thank you, i love you, thank you <3

#i actually pre-write scenes because otherwise i'd forget who these characters are lol #but i will say this chapter was a lot of fun to write regardless hehe

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thegeek-s · 2 years

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35. touch me, I’m sick (or sing into my mouth)

PREVIOUSLY: the geeks’ break from their neighbours is almost over; the two months flew buy almost unnoticed by Gwen (who’s been preoccupied with launching her politics career into action), Lizzy (who’s been wrapped up in Jerry’s blue eyes), Eva (who’s been stretched thin across school, work, and basketball), and Kat (who’s been hibernating, following her break up, and is finally starting to come out of it); Mudhoney are wrapping up their European tour and it’s pretty obvious that everyone’s tired and ready to go home – especially Mark; he spent a lot of time on the phone with Kat during the last couple of weeks of it, and when she questions his reason for initiating these calls (she’s a little worried about him), he has to admit to himself that he’s not entirely sure, or rather that there’s probably multiple different reasons, not excluding homesickness; he also notices there’s been a shift in their friendship but he doesn’t dwell on it too much, it’s more of an observation he makes to himself in passing as he looks forward to being back in Seattle.

“Kat, what do you really think about me?” Lizzy asks out of the blue. She’s been reading a magazine for the last ten minutes, or at least I thought so, judging by her looking at one laid out on our dining table; while I’ve been having my pre-work cup of coffee.

“Uh… What do you mean, really?”

“Do you think I’m smart? Do you think you’re smarter than me?”

“In some ways, yes, but it’s the opposite in other ways…” I shrug and take a sip of my coffee. Honestly, I’d say Lizzy is the least weird one out of my flatmates, but stuff like this is nothing out of the ordinary… So that says a lot about the kind of weirdos I live with. “Why?”

“Oh no reason, just wondered… So when’s Mark—”

“Look who turned up at Raison!” Eva – speak of the devil – burst in through the apartment door, causing me to nearly choke, and a flock of dirty long haired musicians follow behind her.

“Hey, guys!” I hastily set my mug down and step towards them but before I can take a good look at everyone’s face, Lukin crashes into me with his whole body while crying out ‘Rusty!’ at the top of his lungs. He wraps his arms around me and when I try to pull away after an appropriate amount of hugging time, he tightens his grip and starts rubbing himself all over me like a rabid stray cat. “Lukin, if I get a rash from you, I swear…”

“It’s okay, shh, I know you’ve missed me too…”

“What’s the commotion?” Gwen comes out of her room since our place has been filled with the sounds of voices and footsteps by now.

“The neighbours are back!” Eva announces excitedly. I love how we’ve taken to referring to them as our neighbours, even though it’s really only Mark and Lukin that live here.

“We really do need a safe word…” I mumble to Matt, who’s still clinging to me, while I look over at Steve and Danny saying hi to Lizzy and Gwen. “Weren’t there four of you?” I ask when he finally lets me go.

“Unfortunately, Mark’s been voted the band leader yet again…” Steve tells me.

“Voted?” Eva asks.

“Yes, we vote quarterly. He’s gotten elected every time so far,” he explains cheerfully. “So that means he has to attend all the management meetings and deal with all the paperwork and such. For the most part.”

“Wow… Clever. Cold,” Gwen looks at the three guys with newfound awe.

“Why thank you, Gwyneth—”

“That’s not my name, Lukin, and wash your hands before you put them in the chip bag.”

“Good to see nothing’s changed here,” Lukin gives me a lopsided smile as he continues to shovel our chips into his mouth. Nothing has changed then… I didn’t even see him open it.

“So Mark’s locked away somewhere in a conference room, filling out paperwork?..” I ask for clarification while hugging Danny.

“Close. He needed to sign some payment release documents, see a potential rehearsal space…” Ah, well that sucks. Disappointing, really… I guess I just assumed that he’d be here when I saw the other guys.

“Better than our laundry room??” Gwen asks.

“Yes. We’re big shots now,” Steve grins at her. “Oh yeah, and then there’s the meeting at Sub Pop that Mark has to go to.”

“Oh, wow. You guys suck for making him do all that alone. Smart though, to commit such a heinous act against friendship through way of democratic elections…”

“Thanks, it was my idea,” Danny tells me.

“Hey,” Steve steps over to me as I return to my half-finished coffee, and before he says anything else, he just kinda chuckles to himself. “I’d ask you how you’ve been, but unless something really exciting’s happened in the last forty eight hours, I’m pretty sure I’m up to date on your life.”

“Right back at ya,” I laugh. “Welcome back!”

“Thanks. It’s good to be. Back.”

“I can imagine. Although you’ll have to tell me about all the museums and galleries you went to,” I warn Steve; Mark mentioned that’s something he was interested in doing a lot to keep himself busy between shows (no surprise there, Steve is obviously the type to be found in places like that). “There’s more coffee here if you’re interested,” I tap the pot that still has a cup or two of hot coffee left in it.

“Thanks, I’ll definitely take you up on it. Are you leaving?” He glances down at my sneakers.

“Yeah, work. I have to leave in about ten minutes.”

“Hey… Kat?” Steve’s voice switches; he sounds somewhat hesitant as he looks at me.

“Yeah?”

“Uh… Mark would…probably feel very betrayed if he knew I’m telling you this – I’m not sure if ‘betrayed’ is the right word, actually, it’s hard to keep up with his childhood trauma,” he goes on while I hang on every word, trying to figure out what he wants to communicate here… “But I thought you should know that… I think you’ve really helped… I think your phone calls were really good for him. And you know, shit’s been rough, both on tour and before we left.”

“Oh I…you know…” I stammer, completely caught off guard, probably sounding – and looking – like a drunk deer caught in the headlights. “Did I, really? Ha… I would only hope… It’s the trauma part! It’s nice to laugh at that with someone, maybe…uh…yeah.”

“You really didn’t need to say anything but this was way more amusing!” He laughs.

“Whatever, Steve…” I’m still not entirely sure how and why those phone calls began but…I helped him? That’s good, I’m glad. I wonder if Mark’s said anything to Steve… And how interesting that Steve’s telling me this, actually. “So… Is he okay?” I realise I’m pretty much whispering only as the words are coming out of my mouth.

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve assures me with a vigorous nod. “He was just…emotionally disturbed for a while there.”

“Is that why he started calling? An episode of insanity?”

“My guess would be that he was worried you wouldn’t be friends with him anymore. Something like that…”

“Huh?” I’m aware my face has been scrunched into a confused knot at this point, but that’s beside the point. “Well, anyway, I’m like a new-born baby when it comes to object permanence so it’s good he called.”

Steve lets out a tickled laugh, bobbing his head, before speaking again. “So you’ve been working on your ollies?” He asks while I regain my composure.

“Nah, I figured maybe I’m more of a roller blades kind of person. More wheels, better stability.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that, I recently saw a roller blader fall and slide down the pavement so fast, his underwear melted. Like,” he grabs himself a mug and starts pouring coffee into it, “a hole melted out of his underwear…”

“Oh, wow. Maybe not then…” I take the last sip of mine.

I go over to my bedroom to grab a sweater and my bag and when I walk out, I find Gwen standing in the middle of the room, a coffee mug in hand, peering at Lizzy, Eva, Danny, and Lukin, all huddled around the fridge, deep in conversation about what they should make for lunch.

“Do you ever feel like…we spend too much time together?”

“We literally just came back to town after two months. Can you at least pretend to tolerate us, Gwen?” Steve, who’s still working on his coffee just feet away from the rest of the group, looking right at home, shoots her an exasperated look.

“Oh, I don’t care if you pitch a tent in our living room. I’m just making an observation.”

“In the form of a question that implies that you want us to leave?” Steve laughs out.

“Fair, I could have worded it differently,” Gwen mirrors his amused expression and it occurs to me just now that for weeks, Gwen didn’t even bother remembering his name. Actually, she might still not know Matt’s name since we always call him Lukin… But Gwen’s really embraced these guys, very slowly and gradually, yes; but she has.

“We were here all the time before you moved in, anyway… I mean, not here here,” Danny points at our floor and then in the general direction of Mark’s apartment, “but over there.”

“I live here!” Lukin protest but everyone ignores him because that’s not what the conversation is about; it’s about the fact that these people, who are, in some ways, as different as night and day, are now realising they’ve accidentally become something akin to a family. Ah, life is exciting.

“Yeah, considering we’ve been using the laundry room as our rehearsal space…” Steve bobs his head. “So I guess it only makes sense. You moved in, we became friends, Mark rarely has food in his apartment… Elementary, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Gwen laughs out in a kind of defeat. “So what’s for lunch?”

“Ahh, I wish I didn’t have to go to work,” I whine out and get a few pitiful looks in return.

“There’s a good chance everyone will still be here when you come back,” Eva assures me with a grin and then goes over to our corkboard and grabs a list off it. “Although I might need to run to the store later, I don’t have anything for breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and I’m gonna have another looong day…”

“Then maybe you can pick me up after I’m done with work?” I ask her as I shove my arm through a jacket sleeve.

To my delight, she agrees, and while I make sure I have the shop keys and get rid of my umbrella, since I’m getting a ride, I find myself listening to Steve recount one of their last tour nights to me.

“So at that show in London, half an hour in we had only played two and a half songs,” his eye grow big. “Mark kept telling everyone to get on stage and climb on the amps and shit, and they did. Why did he do that? Beats me. But he kept telling them to do shit and they did. Although when he told everyone to throw their money on stage, that went over like a wet fart… Anyway, at one point we were being crushed by all these people against the back wall of the stage, hugging our guitars and all…”

“What!? How did it end?” I cackle, imagining the scene.

“It certainly wasn’t helped by Mark stage diving…”

“Wow, sounds like he had a lot of energy.”

“Like I said, I think talking to a human being who exists outside of tour really did him good… So anyway, I guess eventually people realised that we really weren’t gonna play if they don’t let us, so they let us.”

“Are you telling Kat about how we’re famous in the UK now?” Lukin wheezes as he overhears and joins us.

“Oh yeah, there were a bunch of journalists there that night, courtesy of our UK press agent Anton…”

“What a guy,” Lukin bobs his head.

“So the word of this stupid show got around fast and now we’re the new Beatles. But it’s the American invasion.”

“And our hair’s longer,” Lukin adds.

“Ah shit, I have to go!” I realise I should have left already, actually, as I glance at the kitchen clock. “I’ll see everyone later!” I say as I step out into the hallway and a disorderly choir responds. As the door swings shut, I’m pretty sure I hear Steve say ‘I threw a boomerang a few years ago, now I live in constant fear’ and I laugh out loud as I speed walk down the corridor.

* * *

“Jack, that’s the most beautiful thing anyone’s ever said to me,” is the last thing I say before walking out of a half basement underneath an old red brick building that Endino’s hooking us up with to use as a rehearsal space.

It’s impossible to ignore how damp it is in there and it smells like garbage but it’s obviously loads better that the laundry room. For one, there shouldn’t be any old Russian men walking in on us and dressing down to their underwear and socks (they always keep their socks on) to do laundry.

And that’s not even what I was referring to. The one thing that I’ve been waiting to hear for a little while now was that we’re being signed for a full length album and I just did! I feel like a child who’s been unleashed onto an empty playground – whatever will we put on it? in what order? how many songs? and what about the cover? So many possibilities and we can pretty much literally do whatever the hell we want with it. How exciting!

I walk up the few stone steps leading straight out onto the sidewalk, fully intending to finally go home, but falter on the spot. Hm. Kat’s junk shop is just a couple of blocks away. But I don’t even know if she’s at work right now. It’s a Sunday evening, after all… But she might be. And besides, I can catch a bus from the stop nearby there so it’s not even a detour at all.

It starts drizzling lightly as I head down the sidewalk and there’s just enough of the lowering sun peeking through the low clouds to paint a rainbow across the sky. What a funny day. By which I mean, a good day, of course. I can’t wait to let the guys know we’re getting picked up for a full album, they’ll lose their minds. And…it feels good to be back in Seattle. Actually, I remember feeling similarly after last tour, but I was also very eager to see Kristine so shows you how much I knew back then. Anyway…

I unhook my headphones from around my neck and seat them atop my head, flick my portable radio on, and drop it into my blazer pocket. It just so happens that whatever song was on before fades out just then and This Must Be The Place starts, and it feels appropriate somehow. Home is where I want to be, pick me up and turn me round…

The song’s still playing when the dusty thrift shop comes into sight; I come home, she lifted up her wings, guess that this must be the place, I can't tell one from another, did I find you, or you find me?; just one street to cross and I’m there. I’m finally pushing the door open, as soon as I get close enough, without slowing my pace; Out of all those kinds of people you got a face with a view, I'm just an animal looking for a home, share the same space for a minute—; and as I do, the chord dangling at my side catches on the handle and yanks the headphones off my head, and just as the music gets cut off so abruptly, my gaze lands on Kat, in the depths of the shop, glowing, literally…

She looks over at me while I’m trying to free myself from the door handle, and I watch her eyes grow big with surprise and then a happy grin takes over. “Mark Arm!” She yells and throws her arms out, and I finally untangle my headphones and step deeper into the shop.

Her hair’s spilling out of a hairstyle that looks like a small bird’s nest on top of her head, all around her face, and the reason she’s glowing is because she’s surrounded and illuminated by about ten various lamps and lighting fixtures, all plugged into an extension cord draped across the floor. Yep, just as I remember. “That’s the most excitement anyone’s expressed about my return.”

“We all have our faults,” she beams at me before bending over to switch the extension cord off. “I’m almost done here… Are you sad you’re not in Europe anymore?” She asks without looking at me while I step over to a magazine stand, letting Kat yank the chord closer to her and lay it, coiled neatly, to the side. I can see her profile from here; she’s got that relaxed, barely-there smile on her face. But her hair looks different somehow.

“Not really,” I answer honestly. I’ve told her about what a shit shot tour was and how exhausting the last few weeks had been, she knows. She looks nice. What is it? I can’t pinpoint it. What’s different about her hair?

“Yeahh… The reviews really weren’t that great, for the most part,” Kat lowers her arms for a moment and turns to me, which startles me for some goddamn reason and I hastily grab an issue of National Geographic, just to put it back down seconds later.

“What we’ve seen out there… Makes me think our crusty apartment building isn’t so bad…”

Why am I so taken aback by how Kat looks? I’ve seen her before, I usually see her all the damn time. So what’s different now? I keep looking at her but I can’t figure it out… It’s as if I expected her to continue being a disembodied voice in my ear, as if the rest of her melted away during those phone calls. And here she shows up with all of her hair and face and body all of a sudden. And speaking of her voice; it sounds clearer and more real now that it’s not coming out of a phone. But the abrupt distance is also glaringly evident; unlike during a phone call, she’s not speaking right into my ear...

“Okay, I’m ready to lock up,” Kat announces casting one last look at the register counter. “Hello,” she then shifts her eyes onto me and I feel taken by surprise once again.

“You know, they kiss in France when they say hello,” I hear myself inform her as I move towards her. “Maybe we should French kiss hello here in this country?”

“Jesus, just don’t give Lukin any ideas…”

“Maybe you are five foot seven after all,” I say, for god knows what fucking reason, as I find myself right in front of her.

“Huh?” She lingers frozen in a bizarrely ballerinesque pose and scrunches her face at me for a brief moment before pulling me in and sliding her arms around me. Interesting. I don’t remember ever experiencing this level of neurosis in the presence of Katie Novak. Why do I feel like a Woody Allen character all of a sudden?

“I remember you shorter. Are you wearing disco boots?” I lightly kick the side of her sneaker clad foot when we break apart.

“No, I’ve been this height for close to a decade now…” She mumbles with a comically empty stare.

“Your bangs,” I begin and, again – god knows why, move my hand about my forehead, and say nothing else.

“Yes?” Kat cranes her neck and arches one of her now fully visible eyebrows; all while the smile painted on her face tells me she is thoroughly enjoying the spectacle of my social ineptitude.

“Have gotten long,” I blubber like an actual caveman.

“Yes, that generally tends to happen to hair, we’ve already discussed. See?” She lifts a strand of my hair, holding it between her fingers, and brings the ends to tickle my ear before letting go. “Are you ill?” Kat asks after a moment of peering at me, at which I give her my best offended eyebrow arch while she grabs her jacket and bag off an old wooden chair with a $9.99 tag attached to it.

“Way to tell me I look like shit, Novak.”

“It’s not how you look,” she says, then mumbles something about perfect timing with a quick glance through the dusty windows, and starts walking towards the shop door, flicking the lights off on her way, and I follow her, “it’s how you’re acting.”

“Well in that case, I might be. I’ve also noticed something’s off,” I tell her honestly, all while I keep a straight face and, to my delight, this makes her laugh and her eyes sparkle.

“Let me know if you’re about to faint.” She locks up behind us and only then do I notice that the sign on the door reads ‘CLOSED’. Ah, must have missed it on my way in.

“Will you give me CPR if I do?” Why do I keep saying these things?!

“Sorry, I’m not certified. I’ll roll you on your side so you don’t choke on your vomit though,” she adds with a slight shrug and starts walking towards the crosswalk. “Did you bring me any fruit pastilles?” She asks and that is the first time something in this whole interaction goes right because I did in fact bring her candy, kind of like last time…but on purpose this time.

“No. Better – Highland Toffee,” I say as I fish the candy bar out of my blazer pocket, “from Scotland, of course.”

“Oh wow, big upgrade from complimentary candy from Arizona! Is there any bad news that come with it or what’s the deal…”

“Nah, no bad news, just me… I come with the toffee…” Seriously, what is wrong with me??

“Ah, I see, now that you’re famous in the UK…” She chuckles. “What’re your plans for tonight?”

“Ideally catching a breath. Maybe ordering a pizza,” I add as we stop in front of a light blue car... Oh, wait!

“HII! Welcome back!” A disorderly choir comprised of Eva, Gwen, and Lizzy shrieks from inside the car and then Danny sticks his head out the back passenger window.

“One of you is gonna have to sit in someone’s lap,” Eva throws me a devilish grin as she leans out from the driver’s seat.

“We’ll make room, don’t worry,” Lizzy’s voice reaches us from somewhere in the depths of the car.

“Should we pick up some pizza on our way or order in,” Kat taps the roof of it as my drummer flings the door open and then she slides in.

“Pizza? Great minds think alike,” Gwen cackles from the front passenger seat as I pack myself into the car behind Kat and force the door shut.

“Hi, hello, I’m the great mind, actually. Novak stole my idea,” I point out as I find myself squashed flat against the redhead. She might as well be sitting in my lap at this point and then, to make matters worse, she turns halfway towards me and reaches across for the seatbelt. Have we always had such blurred personal space boundaries??

“Let’s go home and order in,” Lizzy’s the one to suggest an answer to Kat’s question. Kat herself, in the meantime, seems to think absolutely nothing of dragging the seatbelt across us both, extending it to its absolute limit, and somehow manages to clip it in place.

“Long day?” I try to look over to Lizzy, while Kat starts digging through her tote bag.

“More like a long month…” Lizzy lets out a dramatic sigh. “Work’s been exhausting… Don’t get me wrong, I love it, I appreciate the trust that—”

“Cut the crap, Lizzy, you’re just exhausted because you’ve been wrapping Jerry around your little finger for so long!” Gwen cuts across her friend. Ah yes, I remember Lizzy’s situation with Cantrell; last I heard, he was trying to save his long distance relationship. Which I’m assuming is a thing of the past at this point…

“So his lady friend is out of the picture then? What’d you do? Send her acid?” I wiggle my eyebrows at Lizzy, hoping that Kat, whose face is mere inches away from me, can’t smell the onion-forward sandwich I had for lunch today.

“It’s not like that at all!” Lizzy yelps and smacks poor Danny on the knee hard enough that he flinches; Kat, meanwhile, is pulling a piece of…fabric? clothing? out of her bag, handing it to Gwen while saying something about office wear…

“I know, I know,” I quickly assure Lizzy.

“He’s not with her anymore though… And we’ve been… Oh, but you don’t really care, Mark!”

“I do too!”

“Well, last time we hung out, which was a week ago now, Jerry and I agreed that we should wait to go on a date… But you’re just going to say something dumb if I tell you!”

“I’m hurt you think so low of me!”

“Promise you won’t make fun?”

“I mean…”

“She likes him, he likes her, she’s afraid of being a rebound so she’s stalling,” Danny blurts and Lizzy gasps and throws him a shocked stare.

“No! Well…yes, but… I just wanna wait for him to see his ex, face to face… She’s coming to town this month and… We’ve been flirting a lot but I try not to hang out with him one on one right now,” Lizzy finishes with a very uncertain, lopsided smile.

“Why would I make fun of that?” I try to clasp at my chest for added drama but end up elbowing Kat in the shoulder, which makes her eyes water, I can see that, but she refrains from reacting too animatedly as she’s listening to Eva’s story about some customer of hers.

“I don’t know. You always make fun of me…” Lizzy gives me a dirty look.

“Not true! Novak, tell her it’s not true,” I say and make the decision to hook my arm over Kat’s shoulder; otherwise, I’m going to seriously injure one or both of us.

“Huh?”

“We’re talking about Jerry…again,” Danny explains with a tired sigh.

“Oh, I like Jerry…”

“You do?” Danny gapes at her with such honesty, it makes me laugh. “Didn’t realise you were into country…”

“Shut up,” Kat chuckles out. “I think Lizzy should go out with him, she clearly wants to,” she states her obviously already well formed and polished opinion on the matter and goes back to Eva’s tale.

“How’d the meeting go?” Danny looks at me when Lizzy moves on to argue with Gwen over what she said about Cantrell being wrapped around her finger.

“Swimmingly, actually!” My face splits into a slightly puzzled grin when I realise that I’d somehow completely forgotten about the meeting; how the hell did I forget about that?! “They said we’re looking at a whole album within the next couple of months!”

“Really??”

“Did I hear an album??” Eva perks up as we stop at a red light and Kat turns to face me so quickly, she almost headbutts me. “But we must celebrate then!”

“If our EP sales are any indication of our upcoming success, then we should keep the celebration budget tight. Like, very tight.”

“Huh?” Gwen shoots me a blank stare.

“The sales were bad,” Danny steps in with an explanation, “like, bad, even by Sub Pop standards.”

“Nobody bought it,” I add.

“I did! Anyway, album – what songs??” Novak doesn’t hold back the excitement.

“Do we even have enough songs for an entire album?” Danny grins at me, while Kat turns to him in double quick time.

“We’ll cross all those bridges when we get here,” I tell them both and then look over at my drummer. “Where are Steve and Matt?”

“Matt said they were going to stay close to home today, last I saw him. Which was a couple hours ago maybe,” he clarifies.

“So…my apartment?”

“I assumed so, yeah. An album, huh?” His face lights up again with the dreamiest expression as he stares off and starts flicking his wrist ever so slightly, as if holding his drumsticks. We don’t take ourselves very seriously here in this band but a full album sounds exciting all the same. If nothing else, we’ll have fun making it and whether we sell any or not…well, we’ll just wait and see, I guess.

“Novak,” I shuffle my eyes to Kat’s face, “your jacket reeks of incense,” I decide to inform her, not entirely sure why.

“In a bad way?” She scowls.

“In an incense way.”

“Alrighty then...”

“I like it – you walk unnervingly soundlessly but I can always smell you from a mile away.”

Kat’s face plunges into a smirk as she bores her hazel eyes into mine for a pointedly long moment. “How does a sentence start with ‘I like it’ and end with an insult?” She clicks her tongue, shuffling her gaze away. “It was nice not living next door to a bully for a few weeks…”

“Ooh, we should play scrabble tonight!” Eva seamlessly glides into a parking spot and kills the engine and we all start piling out of the car in front of our apartment building.

“Great,” Danny grumbles once he’s standing outside. “I really missed Kat’s gloating mug when she wins five times in a row…”

His words cause the redhead to give out a loud gasp. “That only happened once!” She argues as we all head for the entrance to the building.

“We’ll need to couple up anyway, there’s too many of us. So you can be on her team,” Eva grins at Danny and then turns to Novak, “I put your stuff in the dryer before I left so it should be done now.”

“Thanks! I’ll go grab it now,” Kat announces once we’re inside and separates from the group to go to the basement instead of upstairs. “And please order at least half of a veggie pizza,” she narrows her eyes at me from the middle of the stairs; she looks so pretty when she does that…

“What are you looking at me for?” I ask with a politely baffled expression.

“How many times do I have to explain to you that when you pick anchovies off it, it still tastes like fish!?”

“So demanding,” Eva shoots me a wide eyed look as the redhead disappears downstairs.

“Gingers, right?” I cackles along with her.

“So,” Gwen looks at me when I find myself next to her at the top of the stairs, “what do you do to recover your voice after tour?”

“Uh…what?”

“Like…gurgle…something? No?”

I shrug and shake my head as we head down the hallway.

“Really?”

“What should I do?”

“I don’t know, Mark, you’re the singer!”

“What did Starr do?”

“He’s a bass player, you bobble head!” She laughs as our group reaches the two apartment doors at the end of the hallway. “I don’t want to set a precedent here but… You look good, Mark. You look happy.”

“Wow… Now I understand why Kat doesn’t know what to do with your compliments…”

“Jesus…”

“Thank you, thank you, Gwen,” I sigh out slowly with a roll of my eyes. Honestly though, very unexpected. “It must be the relief of being back in Seattle.”

I can still hear their chatter and laughter as the girls and Danny go into apartment number 36 and I go into mine to find Steve napping on my couch and Matt going through my kitchen cupboards.

“You know I just came back from tour, right? What do you expect to find in there??” I ask Matt, which wakes Steve up.

“So? Album or no album?” He asks before he even has time to find and put on his glasses.

“The former,” I grin and both of them fill the apartment with celebratory yelps. “Sounds like we’re having pizza and playing Scrabble to celebrate,” I say with a slight nod at a can of beans in Matt’s hand, which he abandons on a kitchen counter at the sound of ‘pizza’ (while Steve perks up at the sound of ‘Scrabble’).

And you love me till your heart stops… Is that the line? No, it’s my heart; and you love me till my heart stops. This song’s been circling my head in disjointed strands, probably because I never got to finish listening to it. When Steve, Matt, and I walk into the geeks’ apartment, I make a beeline for their audio system at the edge of the living room. I bet they have this album, I might have even seen it here before…and sure enough, I find it in a tower of cassettes.

“Talking Heads? Hm, never pegged you for a David Byrne fan,” Gwen notes over my shoulder as she walks past.

“Why not?” My question stops her in her track and she squints through me, thinking for a moment, before answering.

“He’s so…clean...”

“…cut?”

“No, just clean…”

“Ah, right. Well, Steve’s clean, he showers regularly, and I’m in a band with him.”

“Hm,” she shuffles her gaze to Steve, who’s studying the corkboard hanging on a wall behind the dining table, one where the residents of this apartment put up all their lists and messages and whatnot. “I guess he is clean…” She decides and walks away.

“Weirdo…” I mumble as I mess with the cassette; finally, when I hit play, there’s a short silence – during which I can hear Gwen holler from her room that she only gives me shit because she knows I can take it – before This Must Be The Place begins.

“Can someone come get this spider out of my room?” Lizzy’s terrified voice comes from her doorway, at which Steve raises his hand and goes to help her.

Eva, in the meantime, is going through the pantry, looking for Scrabble, I think; I definitely heard her say that, I’m just not sure why it would be in there. Gwen and Matt start pulling drinks out from various shelves and cupboards in the kitchen (my bassist knows all the hiding spots by now); a few mostly empty bottles of liquor, a couple of beers, a full bottle of wine, another one already opened…

Steve comes back from Lizzy’s room holding a piece of paper with a spider dangling from it and just as he’s about to step out into the hallway, the apartment door flies open and Kat shows up with a canvas bag full of fresh laundry. After narrowly avoiding a head-on collision with Steve, then saying hi to him, she goes into her room. Eva calls out triumphantly when she finds the game and starts putting everything she’s taken out of the pantry back.

“And you're standing here beside me!” Kat materialises next to me and turns the volume up while singing along in an uncanny impression of Byrne. “I love the passing of time! Never for money! Always for love! Cover up and say goodniiiight…” She goes on as she takes a glass of wine from Gwen. Since when does Kat sing in places where other people exist? “What a gorgeous song,” she turns to me after clinking her glass against Gwen’s. “Never realised you’re a Talking Heads fan though,” she adds with a nod to the cassette case I’m still holding in my hand and it makes me laugh.

“People keep saying that…” I tell her as I put the case down.

“Probably because you’re a notorious music snob.”

“Notorious?”

“On second thought,” she peers at me, “in some ways, you are a lot like David Byrne…”

“I am?”

“In some ways… Although unlike anything in your repertoire, this is possibly the best love song ever written... No offense…” She muses out loud between sips of wine and this song, for the second time today, feels unexpectedly appropriate somehow. “What?” Her face clouds ever so slightly.

“What?”

“You seem…shocked by my statement,” she says and it occurs to me now that I might have forgotten to blink for a few minutes; I see now how that could be misconstrued as shock.

“Nothing can really shock me after learning about your infatuation with Red Hot Chili Peppers.”

“So you disagree?”

“Not entirely,” I say not because that’s how I feel but because I don’t know what else to say… I think I’m experiencing reverse culture shock, having just come back from Europe… But it’s limited to Kat only; I don’t know how to behave around her, out of the blue.

“Which part do you not agree with?”

“The best ever?” I shrug feebly.

“What would you say it is then? And for the last time, GG Allin doesn’t have love songs.”

“Ha. Uh… You Stupid Asshole,” I offer her another shrug and she briefly narrows her eyes at me, “by Angry Samoans?”

“Get your thesis in order, then we can discuss.” She walks away, leaving me with that.

Hm. Guess that this must be the place… Well this is unfortunate. Funny, too…in a sad kind of way… Weird, really, how a few weeks ago, I was pretty preoccupied with looking for anything to prove that Kat isn’t into me, just to appease Kristine… And now I actually know that for a fact, Kat confirmed it herself – of course she’s not interested in me... But now it feels like the timing’s all fucked up, it’s all wrong. I needed that back then, not now. And now… Would I feel differently about the predicament I’m finding myself in right now? Yeah, I definitely would. No point making a big deal out of it now; I guess I’ll just go on having a…perhaps slightly stalker-y little crush on her until I don’t anymore… I mean, it’s not the first time I’ve had a secret crush, who hasn’t?.. There, problem solved!

Gwen picks up the phone to order our pizzas while Eva and Danny set up the Scrabble board and I use the opportunity to grab myself one of those beers I saw in the fridge. I crack it open and lean back against the edge of the kitchen sink, only sort of paying attention to what’s going on in the room. Did Kristine predict this? But no, according to her, Kat should be the one harboring a secret crush on me. So I guess she was as wrong about this as she could have been.

Hiii yoo, we drift in an out, hii yo, sing into my mouth… Hm, that is a good line. Sing into my mouth.

“Scrabble time!” Matt announces from the big dining table and I go to join everyone there.

“Seriously, Mark Arm, what’s wrong with you?” Kat glances at me as I take a seat next to her (not on purpose).

“Huh?”

“Where are you?” She leans in a little closer, her searching eyes peering into me.

Hm. “Same place, different time,” I say.

“I see.”

“Do you?”

“Of course. Remember when you were adamant that I had ‘a thing’?” She graciously redirects the topic.

“Uh-yeah, everyone’s got a thing.”

“So, what’s mine again?”

“You’re an Oscar Wilde type.”

“An opioid addict?”

“Okay, you two, focus!” Eva reproaches us.

“Although,” Kat whispers at me now, “one of the first fictional characters I ever truly loved was Lord Henry… So maybe there is something to your theory…” She slowly bobs her head and I watch her, wondering how I never noticed that her eyes are actually more green than hazel and what a nice smile she has, too… Or maybe I already knew that, I just never thought about it?

#oKAY y'all this is probably the last time i update so quickly for now bc i just got a new job #and i need to get a new life #so i won't have as much time for this bullshit #but there ya go #grunge #seattle #fanfiction #80s #mudhoney #mark arm #steve turner #dan peters #matt lukin

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