Bosses/Managers be like…

Me: *sees line at register, signs onto another register, turns on light, calls out that I'm open, waits for customers to come to my line*

Me: *makes direct eye contact with customer waiting in line at first register*

Customer: *stares back w/ blank expression for 30+ seconds*

Me: *turns off light, signs off, walks away*

Customer: *immediately jumps into my now-closed lane, followed by three other customers*

Lady: Oh, is your lane open? Well, my light is off, I’ve signed off the computer, the closed sign is up, and I was literally WALKING AWAY FROM THE REGISTER TO CLOCK OUT when you approached me. What the hell do you think?!

Me: *checking out someone at GothTopic as the only on duty cashier, working pretty quickly, but I do have a small line of 3 people accumulated, including the one person I’m helping*

Customer #2: *points at my manager who is clocking in for work* IS SHE OPEN?!

Me: No she is not. :^)

Customer #2: UGH! This is ridiculous!

Me, slows down checking out the customer in front of me: So how was your day? Find everything okay? Doing anything fun this weekend? Where’d you go to school? Favorite color? You got any pets? Got any pictures of your pets? How’s your mother?

insert your card into the chip reader. put it in. hurry up. just fucking put the card in the chip reader. now leave it. leave it. do not even look at it. leave it alone you asshole leave your card in the chip reader. keep it in. if you take it I swear I wi–

TAKE IT OUT! REMOVE YOUR CARD RIGHT NOW TAKE YOUR CARD OUT TAKE IT OUT OF THE CHIP READER TAKE IT BACK TAKE IT BACK TAKE YOUR CARD BACK AND GET OUT AND NEVER COME BACK FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

To the customers who apologize repeatedly for “bothering” me, or offer to clean up their own spill if I just get them some paper towels, or walk all the way around an aisle so as not to disturb me when I’m blocking their path, I just want to reassure you that you are NOT the annoying customer we complain about in retail. You are very kind and you clearly respect me and my time and I appreciate you. Also I am happy to help you with whatever you need and it is not at all a bother.

To the customer who shouted “EGGS?” at me from twenty feet away because apparently it was just too much trouble to come a few steps closer and use a complete sentence like “where are the eggs, please?”: fuck you.

Seriously!

One of the best feelings honestly is when servers and retail employees don’t even use their Customer Service Voice on you.

Like you give off an aura of “I’m friendly and I respect your work, and understand that if I have a problem with a product, it’s not your fault”

They chat with you and make jokes and treat you like a human being instead of some spoiled brat. Sometimes they’ll shit talk other customers to you because they know you won’t judge them for professionalism and they look so relieved to have someone to rant to.

And the BEST is when employees start doing dumb shit with each other because they’re bored and it’s a slow day and they don’t care you’re there because they look at you and think “this person is super chill and won’t give a damn if we act hella unprofessional right now”

I love that feeling. I love that subtle non-verbal message of “you’re cool, I like you, I can be myself around you”

Customer: I have 5 of these Seltzers, do you need me to put up all of them? Me: Are they all the same flavor? Customer: No. Me: Then yes. Customer: Why? Here’s the thing though, sir…. It doesn’t matter if you’re buying 3 of the same brand of something. It doesn’t matter if you’re buying the same shirt in different colors. It doesn’t matter if you’re buying 3 different flavors of the same thing. We have to scan each variety because of inventory. So the store knows how many of each individual item is being sold, what they need to stock more of, etc. So if you’re buying 2 Dr. Pepper’s and a Diet Coke? If you’re buying 5 shirts - one red, one black, one blue, one grey, one pink, and one white? If you’re buying regular Lays, barbeque Lays and sour cream and onion Lays? If you’re buying 3 different colors of Play Doh? Be prepared to have each individual item scanned. I get it’s easier to just hand one item and say you have 4 of them, and you leave the rest in your wagon or whatever, but policy is policy is policy. So yes customer with the 6 packs of Seltzer each in a different flavor, I do need each one.

A rare example of the kindness and patience that you show a customer returning to you.

Feeling appreciated

Most of the time working in retail is truly a thankless job. Most people are wankers and you spend half the time trying hard not to roll your eyes and the other half trying hard not to hit someone. But sometimes, something happens that makes you feel so appreciated and makes you feel less shitty about working in retail.

So, tonight whilst handing out treats to the trick or treaters at my house, a lady asked me if I used to work for a large department store (insert name). I grimaced and responded “oh…yeah I used too.”

She smiled at me and said, “I thought that was you, you helped me when I was pregnant. You help me get everything I possibly needed for my nursery with my first baby. This is her.”

I looked down and see a six year girl. I helped this lady over six years ago and she still remembered me and how much I helped her. She smiled at me again and said, “Thanks again, you were awesome!”

Sometime customers aren’t so shitty. 😊

Customer: Can I get a book of stamps?

Me: Sure. -adds stamps to order-

Me: -finishes the transaction- Your total is $167.82.

Customer: Where's my stamps?

Me: They're in the register.

Customer: Can I have them?

Me: They're in the register. The draw will open up after you pay.

Customer: I want them first.

Me: I can't open the register until you pay.

Customer: Then how am I supposed to get my stamps?

Me: Can I just borrow your ID really quick please?

Customer: Oh? What is it for?

Me, mentally preparing for the customer to throw a fit and demand someone of her age shouldn't need to show her ID: Lighters, apparently? I just need to check my sanity, please.

Customer: They ID for lighters now?

Me: Yes.... Lighters, alcohol, matches, cigarettes, certain medicines...

Customer: Oh, that's totally fine! I was just surprised is all. Here you go. :)

Me, thinking: OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU'RE MY FAVORITE TODY!

HR: if they work 40 hours a week u have to give them benefits

Big company: hmm okay. They shall work 39

This post was made sometime last year, I'm not sure exactly when, but I would like to make one small addition.

I'm not sure exactly what was the cause, although I suspect that all of the recent changes had just shell-shocked me and I hadn't had enough time to readjust, but for a spell of eight months or so after transferring and moving, I spent almost all of my time in a state of such high stress and such low depression that I could barely function. I'm not sure what finally ended it, what broke the spell, but for a few months now I have definitely felt better than I did. I didn't even realize it until I saw one of those Facebook Memory posts from a year ago and read myself trying to scream for help in between sarcastic quips and humorous exclamations of a deep desire to sleep. I don't know what happened; maybe it is because I'm management again, I have keys again and I feel useful and less dependent. I just know I'm somehow a bit better. I can handle the busy store more easily without feeling overwhelmed.

At least until Black Friday.

Saturdays are always busy. They’re not always as LOUD as this one was, though. I took over the register to cover someone’s fifteen-minute break and ended up on the register for 2+ hours because it was too wild in there for her to take back over, when she got back she had to jump on a different register. While I was ringing people up, I looked at the line in front of me—it stretched back into the main aisle of the store, the worst I’ve seen it in a while. The store was packed with people. I could hear their voices, an incoherent roar of bustle and shouts and excitement and many, many dogs barking and yelping excitedly. I had an ink pen in my hand, which is usually a comfort to me. I was experiencing sensory overload, everyone was being so loud and I felt an overwhelming need to express my overstimulation somehow. I absently made one line on my wrist, and then another and another. In between customers, I slowly spelled out NOISE, because there was just too damn much of it and I couldn’t think, of my job or anything else. And instantly I felt better. You know how comforting a small child can sometimes make YOU feel comforted? When I got overwhelmed, I glanced at that word on my wrist and it was like hearing a small child speak it. “Noise,” it said, an observation, a quiet protest. “I know, it’s loud,” I thought back to myself. “It’s okay though. I’m here. We’ve got this, okay? We’re gonna be all right.” It helped every time I tried it. Anyway that’s how I survived my Saturday in Retail.

I have a very loud voice, so if they can’t hear me, I’ll assume theyre deaf.