If I've Learned Anything

About the pursuit of my next breath. It's that this world is a sledgehammer And I am nearly a piece of wall. Waiting to be decimated by thoughts. By my best friends. By my family. Enemies family. By my family's thoughts. If I've learned anything It's that my books will teach me nothing about A heartbeat race. First place doesn't feel good Alone oh my podium. Love feels good. People feel good. Sledgehammered thoughts feel good. Everything feels good If I let it feel good. If I've learned anything About anything It's that I'm wrong about everything But my thoughts are a sledgehammer And I am mearly A strong arm competition maker. In first place heart raced.

Art with a message.

Two days before Christmas a boy asked me out. Two days ago I helped pack his house. This morning he felt right next to me. I left him with airport security. Tomorrow he will begin his first deployment. It took six days to know I loved him. It will be six months before I can show him. But I think he already knows. He can hear it in my laugh.

Why don’t you write poetry anymore? Because I’ve been happy for a really really long time.

Neurolux poetry slam

You Sucked This Year

New year, New you. Because last year's you was fat. Last year's you was a little too underdressed for all occasions. Too depressed. Too unloved. Too many cookies shoved in your fat mouth. Do you remember any carrots? You need to improve. Focus on the bare necessities, The negative necessities. Every ounce of pain Heartbreak Weight gain Fat face Negativity. Channel it into your set list. Your 365 play. You weren't good enough, Pretty enough. There's no way you were young enough. You sucked 2014. And 2013. Oh, and as I recall 2000-2012. Improve. Improve. Improve. Never stop to smile about glitter.

I'm learning that the worst part about life is having to make decisions. Well, and the best.

nothing will ruin your 20s more than thinking you should have your life together already.

I need to write this on every wall of my room. (via thisyearsgirls)

We Heart It.

Balance is key

#YogaLikeAGoddess Day 13: BALANCE // I try to live by he mantra “balance in all things.” I apply it to everything, from socializing, to exercise, to diet, to stimulation (because I’m an introvert and need a lot of low-stimulation me-time to recharge). For me, what it takes to find balance can change by the day. I try to be aware as much as possible, of how I’m feeling emotionally and physically and determine what I need to do (or not do, as the case may be). Balance can be fleeting, and it’s always a challenge to approach, but striving for healthy balance is one of my highest priorities. // Hostesses: @riva_g_ @northcarolina_yogagirl @yoga_lovely @_kariooo @aubrymarie @alissayoga

Not All Addicts Tie Off

Its not your fault that you tangled me so far from my safe spot,that your cotton wood root river bank always gave me, one more drop. Tangled me, in just enough love to forget there was so much chaos. That backwards hat in bars, tangled in my backbones legs and arms. Privilege, felt just like being tangled in those arms. I swear love was made to feel like Sunday mornings with you. Your lips touching my lips reminding me it’s time to be alive. Your fingertips counting the spaces between my vertebra where you fit. It always felt like you fit into the tangled veins of my uneven heartbeat. Love punched me drunk on Sundays. Every Sunday. I’m reminded, not all addicts tie off.

It’s not your fault that my big kid bar nights still leave me bloodied and bludgeoned and cornered in her boxing match.  It’s just, she always stares, when I look away. Burros into your chest, tangles into your arms, and you both breathe. 

The way we, used to breathe. When slowing down wasn’t an option. When I could lose you, for any other option. It’s not your fault, that in every direction there’s another "He told me he was single." Another “He told me, you know.” Another “He told me you were crazy.” Another. Every night I’m still meeting another piece of our love story. Another queen from your deck of cards. Another bar stool beauty. Another. Every night I’m still meeting another. It’s not your fault that shadows spread rumors; that I loved chasing lies. That we didn’t share cottonwood root veins. Your fingertips outlined my spine, but shot guns into my every direction. I, was just another. Starving on your one more drop. But it’s not your fault. Not all addicts know when to tie off.

Sometimes you're not alone in how you handle life.

Sometimes recovery is waking up early to write in coffee shops and practicing yoga and eating lots of fruit and chocolate and sometimes it’s staying in bed all day and hiding from the world until you can stop crying. All of this is okay. What’s important is that you take care of yourself no matter what kind of day you’re having.

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Life goals.

it’s not fitness, it’s life

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