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thats-godscomma

The Bureau of Magic and Spellcasting

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"For the Love of Death's Dues"

thats-godscomma · 6 months

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I'm making another "Psych Characters as [insert meme form here]" post with Garfield Minus Garfield strips but there are just so many hyper-specific ones that relate to Carlton and now I can't stop comparing Jon to Carlton. Should I post one that's completely Carlton-centric?

#psych #psych tv #psych usa #carlton lassiter

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thats-godscomma · 6 months

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Psych Characters as Roblox Memes

Shawn

Gus

Juliet

Carlton

Henry

Karen

Buzz

Woody

Pierre

Yang

#psych #psych tv #psych usa #psych memes #shawn spencer #burton guster #juliet o'hara #carlton lassiter #henry spencer #karen vick #buzz mcnab #woody strode #pierre despereaux #mr. yang #yang #psych yang

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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The only reason I will accept Pierre being an Interpol agent this whole time is if Shawn and him finally cut the sexual tension and get married (because Shawn clearly has a thing for dominant, authoritative partners) and Shawn now gets to tell people that his husband is a sexy secret agent with a black passport. Also diplomatic immunity

#he still refuses to call him ron #Pierre thinks it’s adorable #psych #psych tv #psych usa #shawn spencer #pierre despereaux

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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OKAY SO IT'S THE WEEKEND AND I FINALLY FINISHED MY NOTES AND FUN LITTLE HEADCANON BASED ON THE RESUME

(Please go read the resume yourself if you haven't. It's funny, and I'm sure the Psych writers took a lot of time making it.)

Firstly, Shawn apparently held 57 jobs in total prior to Psych, and I am like 87% certain that somewhere in USA’s offices, there’s like a piece of paper with all 57. Now if SOMEONE is willing to take one for the team-

Chairman and CEO, Psych, Santa Barbara, CA, 2006 - Present

Assistant Race Chair, Newport Sailing Assoc., Newport Beach, CA 2006

GENTLE REMINDER that Shawn sent postcards to his dad all the time. Do you think Henry cried when he got a postcard in the mail with a photo of Shawn placing third in a sailing competition?

(Then ofc there was the eventual realization that Shawn probably still doesn’t have a boating license so Henry runs his hands down his face in disapproval before tacking the photo on the fridge anyway)

Teacher, English as a Foreign Language, Kho Samui, Thailand, 2005

SHAWN TOTALLY KNOWS THAI!! FIGHT ME!!!! I am convinced that he’s fluent in several languages.

No, you don’t need to be fluent in a country’s native language to be an English teacher there. I know that. But he picks up languages pretty quickly. (We know that after he spoke Spanish well at the end of S4E14 and talked about working at a winery in Argentina in S3E4.) My money’s on Shawn knowing Thai, Spanish, and Swahili.

Or at least he’s fluent in speaking and listening. I am a firm believer that he graded student’s essays using pictures and rudimentary comic strips.

“Coordinated English-speaking opportunities for local students” I’m just imagining Shawn taking his students on “improvisational field trips” to places like the movie theater because “Hearing and watching English films will help you get used to the proper speed and cadence of native English speakers. Now let’s go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.”

Lucky for him, his weird logic actually worked :) His students spoke English way better than the other classes, even if their grammar wasn’t 100%. The problem was the school district wanted to move him to primary school :/ He quit quickly afterward.

Concessions Vendor, Literally Everywhere, Why?

Now, this resume includes SIX instances where Shawn was hired as a concessions vendor at various baseball stadiums. It also says, “Tossed purchased items to buyers with accuracy and precision.” And after reading that, I came up with this idea:

So you know how at baseball games, there are always cameras catching establishing shots of the fans while the commentators talk between innings? So imagine it's an MLB All-Star Game. Shawn has one of those hot dog trays, and he’s yelling stuff like “Hot dogs! Get yer hot dogs!” just as the two teams switch off. Suddenly, he hears one of his coworkers yelling, “Shawn! Over here!” His coworker a section over ran out of hot dogs, and there’s a few people who still want one.

So Shawn sees a hungry patron holding some money, he picks up a hot dog without thinking, yells “Catch!” and throws the dog. They catch it, and now all the other hungry patrons want to try it too! So Shawn just starts tossing hot dogs across this section of fans while his coworker collects the money. What Shawn doesn’t realize is some of the cameras are picking it up.

One of the commentators sees the commotion from atop the stadium, stops mid-sentence and says, “What is that guy doing? Is he throwing hot dogs across the stands?” The TV broadcast switches to Shawn in his funky little uniform tossing another hot dog followed by about fifty fans cheering when the guy catches it. The second commentator laughs, and says, “Now, that’s a great catch.” Does Shawn get fired? Yes. But does the story go viral and make it into Greatest Moments in Baseball 2001? Also yes.

Baseball fans recognize him as Hot Dog Guy.

Foot and Ankle Model, Apollo Agency, Seattle, WA, 2005

Do you think he was scouted? Was he just being an idiot CA native wearing flip flops in Washington State and some guy was like “I need those in the papers” because I think that’s how this happened.

Do you think Shawn ever sees an advertisement with his foot and he’s like “Ew” and Gus is like “What? You don’t like those shoes?” And Shawn just never clarifies.

This brings a whole new context to Shawn’s offended “I’m a model >:(” in the Black and Tan episode. Also he still gets pedicures regularly, I’m certain.

Customer Service, Ben and Jerry’s, Burlington, VT, 2004

The word “Recruited” pops out to me in the first point about the ice cream tasting focus groups. He called them his Flavor Jury. He also unionized them

Btw there is a Ben and Jerry’s promotional ad somewhere in the Psych universe with Shawn’s face or hand, and I need to know what flavor it was associated with. It’s for science

Raft Guide, Aquablanca Expeditions, San Jose, Costa Rica, 2003-04

Again with my “Shawn secretly knows Spanish” theory. Istg the only reason he struggles in the telenovela episode is because he keeps forgetting which conjugations are dialectical and which are standard Spanish.

Also Shawn as a raft guide is like:

Shawn: *make wrong turn into rapids*

Shawn: *narrowly avoids capsizing*

Shawn: I think that went well. Who wants sandwiches?

Event Planner, Flynn Special Events, Santa Barbara, CA, 2003

Of course he was an event planner. Why wouldn’t he be?

Idk why the line “supervised and guided group activities, including conga line and Chicken Dance” made me think of Shawn leading the dance floor by standing on the DJ platform like a Zumba instructor but just know that’s what I’m imagining

And that last bullet point about training his replacement convinces me that he quits most of these jobs instead of getting fired. Half of his bosses were probably begging for him to stay

Christmas Light Hanger, Mo’s Outdoor Decor, Santa Barbara, CA, 2002

The “first-ever oversized illuminated talking Menorah” was probably the reason he had to “revive electrocuted co-workers when necessary”

Tour Guide, Graceland by Night, Inc., Memphis, TN, 2002

Literally, how was Shawn not already on a government watchlist at this point?

“Shot prop television set with actual handgun” I cannot even begin to process that bullet point. Wtf Shawn

Driver, Oscar Meyer Wienermobile, Madison, WI, 2001-02

You don’t just drive the wienermobile as the pace car for the 2002 Indianapolis 500. He got the job for being Hot Dog Guy. I just know it, but I can’t prove it.

Mystery Shopper, Feedback Incorporated, Santa Barbara, CA, 2000-01

He unionized the mystery shoppers focus group.

Constituent Relations, Assemblyman Skip Warner (D), El Paso, TX, 1999

Never saw Shawn as a political guy, but then I saw the comment on the side: “just doing my civic duty, no matter what the grand jury says…” and I am fully convinced he decked a Republican

Water Ski Instructor, Camp Durango, Silverton, CO, 1998-99

Camp Counselor lookin ass, “Camp Durango” ?? “Young athletes” ??? He babysat a bunch of 11-15 year olds.

It was probably some kind of action and adventure camp where people could sign up for lessons, but over the summer, it’s all little kiddies. Most camps provide free housing for their full-time employees, and full-time means you have to work at the summer camp.

Conclusion: Shawn took this job 20% for the housing benefits, and 80% so he can dunk on middle-schoolers.

He’s that “cool” counselor that pretends he hates kids and drops lore like no one’s business. “Oh yeah, I had to escape from the trunk of a car once. My dad was training me to become the greatest detective in the world.” “Why didn’t you become one?” “It was beneath me. Also I stole a car.”

His silly camp counselor name is obviously Pineapple. Some of the kids made him pineapple-themed crafts one weekend, and he was like *visibly crying* “It’s alright, I guess.”

“Pineapple, have you ever gone bungee jumping?” “Are you kidding me?! I used to teach bungee jumping!”

Shawn curses up a storm when he injures himself in front of the kids, but he likes to make a show of it if someone else even dares to use a bad word.

Other Counselor: Crap.

Shawn: Hey! Little! Ears! Are in the room!

And he’s the best at giving first aid so when his campers get injured (par for the course when teaching water skiing to children) he’s like “UGH why did I take this job” “gosh I hate children” “you little snots are the reason I’m getting wrinkles at 22” while bandaging a kid’s knee, but he does it with such bravado because his real objective is to distract them from the pain that they just laugh at his antics.

Camp Durango is also one of those camps where every cabin tries to rack up points to win some kind of trophy at the end. Pineapple’s cabin always wins B)

Because of his eidetic memory, Shawn always knows when his campers are getting into trouble. He knows all their secrets. This starts a rumor that he’s actually a super spy that had to retire early because of a terrible accident, and now he’s part of witness protection. Of course, Shawn knows, but he refuses to correct them because now his kiddies think twice before breaking the rules.

Camper, out of nowhere mid-lesson: Do you want kids, Pineapple?

Shawn: No, I think children are sticky.

Camper: Then why are you a camp counselor?

Shawn: Because I can do this *tackles child into the water*

Also imagine Shawn being forced to give a “your body is changing” talk to a stressed out 12 year old whose voice cracked for the first time. That’s the first moment he ever seriously considers quitting.

“Skivolley” was created during one of the last weeks of camp because his advanced kids were already experts, and he was running out of things to do to keep them entertained. (Who tf gets bored of water skiing? He’ll never understand kids.)

Camp Leader, last day of camp: And let’s thank our camp counselors for guiding you through the summer and teaching you the morals of Camp Durango—

Shawn, whispering: “I was supposed to teach you losers morals?”

Pineapple Cabin: *giggle intensely*

When one of the kids asks if he’ll be here next summer, and he says no, they all cry and give him a big group hug because they’ll miss him. He tears up a bit too.

Construction, Barrett’s Mardi Gras Universe, Algiers, LA, 1997-98

I am FASCINATED by the idea that Shawn is good at construction. And as someone who has worked in construction before, I am certain that Shawn garnered the reputation of being That Guy at a construction site: the god of construction, the slacker, the one who knows everything there is about building code, the one who also doesn't give a shit about code but somehow makes do. iykyk

He makes up the weirdest, most hare-brained ideas to fix problems when something goes wrong on the job site, and somehow it works?? No one knows how he does it. Also he’s never cut a piece of wood too short, and it pisses everyone off.

Desk Clerk, Hampton Inn, Austin, TX, 1995-96

As someone who was a desk clerk for like three years, it astounds me that he sat for that long. No wonder he “initiated unplanned guest activities and outings.” He probably had nothing better to do, looked at the calendar, and said “I’m gonna start a disco party in the ballroom. Who’s with me?”

And “Provided occasional companionship for solo travelers” Yeah, you could go the obvious route and think he flirted with any solo female in his vicinity (and he totally did, I’m not denying that) but I’m built different. I think he played chess in the lobby with seniors.

Lifeguard, Pacific Emerald Cruise Lines, San Pedro, CA 1994-95

Aww baby’s first adult job (read: he wanted to go on a cruise for free)

Fun Fact: on cruise ships, it is not required to evacuate the swimming pools during a thunder storm because the ocean is a much greater conductor so the chance of lightning hitting the pool is almost the exact same whether or not there’s thunder and lightning.

What I’m trying to say is Shawn totally hosted thunderstorm pool parties.

I’d like to believe that Shawn’s Marco Polo competitions became so popular that Pacific Emerald now hosts Marco Polo events on every cruise.

Also why did “supervised the tanning of others” make me start imagining this scenario:

Pool Deck: calm, quiet, serene

Shawn, through a megaphone: FLIP

Tanners: *simultaneously flip over*

K so that's all for the actual resume, but here's a handy dandy list of other jobs of the 57 that were mentioned in the show (might have missed some, I got this from a Psych fan page)

Other Confirmed Jobs Shawn Held Prior to Opening Psych

Candy Store (Position Unknown)

Acupuncturist

Bungee Jumping Expeditionist

Raked the Infield for Nolan Ryan

Scuba Diving Instructor

Greeter at the Flaming Tomahawk Casino

Interpretive Dancer in Buffalo

Winery in Argentina (Position Unknown)

Hasidic Deli (Position Unknown)

Meineke (Position Unknown)

Lobbyist for M&M’s

Ball Boy for Santa Barbara Seabirds

That is all :)

Also @wherdtonygo fun fact, I'm also doing this for every single job he holds during the show so STAY TUNED

So I just learned about "Shawn's Resume" which was the Official Resume made by Shawn Spencer posted to the USA Network site sometime in 2006, but apparently the link doesn't work anymore so people have been settling for a summarized version on LiveJournal but GUESS WHO FOUND IT???? BECAUSE BESTIES IT IS ON THE WAYBACK MACHINE

Here's a link to Shawn's Resume via the Wayback Machine

The video links don't work, but you can still scroll through and read the whole three-page interactive resume :) You are very welcome

#this took some time i will admit but WORTH IT #psych #psych tv #psych usa #shawn spencer #henry spencer #burton guster

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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I am fully convinced they just tell no one. Like besides the whole “we can’t tell them we were in the mine shaft or they’ll know about the psychic fakery” after all the shit they’ve been, it’s just a normal day for them.

Cut to YEARS later, someone mentions like caves or something or a nightmare about being buried alive and they’re like “oh yeah that sucks, we were buried in a mine shaft once, not fun” and everyone fucking loses it

are you telling me that shawn and gus got buried in that mineshaft, dug their way out, and it wasn't even mentioned again? No "where were you guys?" "we were buried in a mineshaft"

like i know that they must have told lassie and jules about the mineshaft's existence, but not that???

#psych #shawn spencer #burton guster #psych tv #psych usa

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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Here's a link to Shawn's Resume via the Wayback Machine

The video links don't work, but you can still scroll through and read the whole three-page interactive resume :) You are very welcome

#everyone needs to know about this #btw I'm still going to make that comprehensive list of every job Shawn's ever held during Psych #I'm almost done with season 4 but I can post that as a part 1 if you want it now idk #i take my job very seriously #psych #psych tv #psych usa #shawn spencer

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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Shoutout to that shy gay little scientist in the outbreak episode that laughed at Shawn’s Back to the Future reference because he developed a mad crush on him in like 60 seconds. Not only do I feel that on a spiritual level, but I would die for you

#he is adorable #psych #psych tv #psych usa #shawn spencer

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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FYI this inspired me to make a list of every single job that Shawn took up during the show with any kernel of legitimacy. I have to watch the whole thing again, though, so I’m only halfway through. Will keep you all posted

Can’t stop thinking about how more people should’ve recognized Shawn and Gus from other things, like yeah the museum acknowledges their fossil discovery but what about them being models? I know there’s also more stuff they did as disguises

I like to think about Despereaux looking up Shawn after they meet to find out more about him and it just takes him down this weird rabbit hole of all the different things him and Gus did and the personas they took on except none of it obviously has the full context so it just either makes them look like the most interesting people in existence or con artists

#psych #psych tv #psych usa #shawn spencer #burton guster

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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WAIT OH MY GOD I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT WHEN HE STOLE THAT CAR AT 18 THIS PUTS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SPIN ON HIS DAD ARRESTING HIM HOLY SHIT HEADCANON HE STOLE A CAR WITHOUT A LICENSE AND THAT’S WHY HE CAN NEVER BE A COP

Headcanon that Shawn literally doesn’t have a car license, and he only has a motorcycle license, meaning that whenever he drives Gus’s car, it’s actually illegal, and he shouldn’t be behind the wheel. It’s also why he “accidentally” shows Henry’s cop card or whatever when he’s pulled over because he legit does not have a Class D license, and if he still has to show it, he’s like “WHOOPS sorry officer! Forgot it at home :) Hate to be a bother but I guess I’ll just pay the fine” and they usually let him go because they don’t want the paperwork

(It also makes the getting a car speech even more dramatic because he is committing to taking a driver’s test and finally getting a Class D license)

#psych #psych tv #psych usa #shawn spencer #henry spencer

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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(It also makes the getting a car speech even more dramatic because he is committing to taking a driver’s test and finally getting a Class D license)

#psych #psych tv #psych usa #shawn spencer #burton guster #juliet o'hara

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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Shawn Spencer upgrading from calling in police tips to starting his own private psychic detective agency

no more "in my humble opinion", from now on it's "from my grandiose and objectively correct deductions".

#psych #psych tv #psych usa #shawn spencer

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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Hey um, guys???!!! So I'm watching my favorite television episode of all time (S4E9 Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark) and Shawn literally mentions that he has ADD at minute 20?? (Now referred to as ADHD) Why do people keep acting like his attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is just a headcanon? He literally says he has ADD!!!! Why is no one talking about this

#Full quote: “I'm having a hard time concentrating on anything but the gun. Could be my ADD acting up.” S4E9 time stamp 19:59 it is REAL #he's like delirious and shit because he got knocked out and is bleeding from the gunshot wound but he is so fucking serious #psych #psych tv #psych usa #shawn spencer #i physically cannot

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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Nothing can outmatch the unbridled joy of Shawn figuring out that Gus used to be part of a four-part acapella group in college and hearing them sing together for the first time. He literally starts stimming in excitement in the front row of the church. He begins mouthing the lyrics and wiggling along to the beat at a funeral. I don't care if he's a grown man. It was adorable. Fucking fight me.

#psych #psych tv #psych usa #shawn spencer #burton guster

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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Found the fic!!!! Thanks for telling me about it :)

Thinking about Shawn reading that book in the middle of the night alone in S3E9 Christmas Joy because since when the fuck does this boy read? There are literally several jokes about how he never reads books. What fucking gives? Is it because he was tired and didn’t have anything to entertain himself with at the Guster house? Could he not sleep so he tried to bore himself? Was he trying to take his mind off of Joy and figured reading would help? (Clearly, it did not.) And what was the book about? Was it a Guster favorite? Did he borrow it? Was it just collecting dust in the guest room? There didn't seem to be any other books in the room. The cover was blank, so was it some kind of classic? A decorative book? He was like 20-ish pages in. Did he really pick up a decorative book and read the first twenty pages because he couldn’t stop thinking about making out with Joy again? I need to know! *shakes James Roday Rodriguez by the shoulders* TELL ME WHAT WAS IN THAT BOOK

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thats-godscomma · 7 months

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Psych Characters as Kermit Memes

Shawn