terr4ance
a creative nightmare
I play lots of instruments and think people should be able to live without dying. this might as well be a cooking blog though...sexuality is for nerds and gender isn't realany/all
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how to make pizza at home (that doesn't suck)
it was my little brother's 17th birthday yesterday and he wanted to order pizza, but we don't have much money so I said I'd make it instead. it's incredibly simple, and just requires a bit of prep to make it work.
dough
the dough is one of the easiest things about this whole recipe - you need a ratio of five parts bread/strong/00 flour to three parts lukewarm water. I used 1kg of bread flour and 600g (600ml) water, which was enough for eight pizzas.
weigh out your flour into a mixing bowl.
to one side of the bowl, add a teaspoon of sugar and a sachet of dried yeast (7g). on the opposite side, add a teaspoon of salt. [note: it's one teaspoon of sugar/salt per ~500g, so you may need to scale up/down]
add the lukewarm water to the bowl, either by weight or volume.
mix with a butter knife or spoon until it's reasonably well-combined, then mix with your hands until it leaves the bowl clean. you may need to add more flour or water if the dough is still too sticky or dry.
once the dough is fully combined, you have a choice: to knead or not to knead, that is the question.
a no-knead dough has more developed and nuanced flavours, and requires less effort, but it needs time. leave the dough, covered, in the fridge overnight (around eighteen hours). this arguably makes a better dough.
if you need your dough in a pinch, though, kneading speeds up the process. turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead for ten minutes. roll the dough into a ball and return to the bowl to prove (rise) for at least an hour. this is the method I used.
once the dough has risen, it can be portioned into balls (around a handful) for use in pizza.
tomato sauce
the sauce is one of the most important components of a pizza, and it is also very simple.
find the most expensive can of whole, peeled tomatoes you can. the quality of tomato is incredibly important here.
pick the tomatoes out with a fork (o.e.) and place them in a bowl. save the excess liquid in the can - you may need some to thin the sauce, or it can be used for soup.
use the fork to gently mash the tomatoes. they should be in small pieces with a saucy consistency.
you can leave it here and it will be delicious with good quality tomatoes, but you can also add a number of other ingredients to compliment the tomato flavour. it is very important not to overpower the tomato though - I slightly over-salted mine and I added less than a teaspoon of salt... some ingredients include finely chopped fresh basil or oregano, sugar, and salt.
assembly and cooking
it is safe to assume that most home-cooks do not own a wood-fired pizza oven. luckily, this is not an issue. in fact, you don't need any specialist equipment to cook a good quality pizza at home - a grill and a frying pan will suffice (though a crepe pan would be preferable!)
before cooking, ensure you have all of your toppings prepared and pre-cut, otherwise you could end up with a burnt bottom on your pizza!
preheat a grill on its maximum setting.
take a portion of your dough (again, about a handful) and make it into a pizza shape. you can either use a rolling pin, or use your fingers: first, flatten the ball into a disc with your palm, then pinch the dough between your thumb and index/middle fingers to stretch it out. rotate the dough slightly and do the same again. keep repeating until you have a vaguely-circular disc of dough.
preheat a frying pan (or flat crepe pan if you have it) till it is searing hot. if you're not using non-stick, you can add a thin coating of olive oil too.
once the pan is hot, carefully transfer the dough into the pan, laying it flat. give the pan a shake to make sure it doesn't stick.
now, work quickly but carefully to add your toppings. your toppings should be things which are pre-cooked (eg. ham, fried peppers) or will cook very quickly (eg. thinly sliced onions, cherry tomatoes).
once you see the bottom of the edges start to brown, turn off the heat and stick the pan under the grill for around five minutes, or until the crust starts to brown.
once browned, transfer the pizza to a chopping board to slice, then plate up.
when reading the recipe, you may have thought it strange to put the pizza in a pan, but this is actually vital to the method's success; oven-baked pizzas often have a soggy or soft bottom which doesn't crisp up like it should. a pizza stone or steel can remedy this to some extent, but most home ovens simply do not get hot enough to work well with pizza. the pan emulates the searing hot base of the pizza oven, crisping the bottom, while the grill emulates the hot air which cooks the top.
leftovers?
if you have leftover pizza, that can keep in the fridge for a day or two as you would a normal pizza.
if you have leftover dough, you can also keep that in the fridge for up to three days, and use it to make pizzas later in the week, or make a garlic pizza bread or sweet pizza bread (I'll let you experiment with those yourself as this post is already too long...)
if you have leftover dough and toppings, you can freeze a full uncooked pizza for later. here's how:
roll out your dough as described in step two above, then place it on a plate.
add all your toppings as normal.
put the plate on a level surface in the freezer for a couple of hours to firm everything up.
take it off the plate and wrap in cling-film to prevent freezer burn and maintain freshness.
this will last around a month in the freezer. when you're ready to cook, fully defrost it and use the pan/grill method as described above.
========
I hope this recipe is of use to someone, because it does make delicious pizza. the dough recipe and pan/grill combo is an idea I got from watching a SortedFood video a few years ago - it has served me well since. I made the tomato sauce recipe by combining a few reddit posts and comments into something I thought would taste nice (and it did!)
and finally, an interesting aside: I bought a lot of toppings for the pizzas, so my fridge was very full. this meant that one of the packs of mozzarella was touching the back of the fridge, which froze the brine it was in. it was quite amusing when I tried to get it out of the packet to use it...
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how to make pizza at home (that doesn't suck)
it was my little brother's 17th birthday yesterday and he wanted to order pizza, but we don't have much money so I said I'd make it instead. it's incredibly simple, and just requires a bit of prep to make it work.
dough
the dough is one of the easiest things about this whole recipe - you need a ratio of five parts bread/strong/00 flour to three parts lukewarm water. I used 1kg of bread flour and 600g (600ml) water, which was enough for eight pizzas.
weigh out your flour into a mixing bowl.
to one side of the bowl, add a teaspoon of sugar and a sachet of dried yeast (7g). on the opposite side, add a teaspoon of salt. [note: it's one teaspoon of sugar/salt per ~500g, so you may need to scale up/down]
add the lukewarm water to the bowl, either by weight or volume.
mix with a butter knife or spoon until it's reasonably well-combined, then mix with your hands until it leaves the bowl clean. you may need to add more flour or water if the dough is still too sticky or dry.
once the dough is fully combined, you have a choice: to knead or not to knead, that is the question.
a no-knead dough has more developed and nuanced flavours, and requires less effort, but it needs time. leave the dough, covered, in the fridge overnight (around eighteen hours). this arguably makes a better dough.
if you need your dough in a pinch, though, kneading speeds up the process. turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead for ten minutes. roll the dough into a ball and return to the bowl to prove (rise) for at least an hour. this is the method I used.
once the dough has risen, it can be portioned into balls (around a handful) for use in pizza.
tomato sauce
the sauce is one of the most important components of a pizza, and it is also very simple.
find the most expensive can of whole, peeled tomatoes you can. the quality of tomato is incredibly important here.
pick the tomatoes out with a fork (o.e.) and place them in a bowl. save the excess liquid in the can - you may need some to thin the sauce, or it can be used for soup.
use the fork to gently mash the tomatoes. they should be in small pieces with a saucy consistency.
you can leave it here and it will be delicious with good quality tomatoes, but you can also add a number of other ingredients to compliment the tomato flavour. it is very important not to overpower the tomato though - I slightly over-salted mine and I added less than a teaspoon of salt... some ingredients include finely chopped fresh basil or oregano, sugar, and salt.
assembly and cooking
it is safe to assume that most home-cooks do not own a wood-fired pizza oven. luckily, this is not an issue. in fact, you don't need any specialist equipment to cook a good quality pizza at home - a grill and a frying pan will suffice (though a crepe pan would be preferable!)
before cooking, ensure you have all of your toppings prepared and pre-cut, otherwise you could end up with a burnt bottom on your pizza!
preheat a grill on its maximum setting.
take a portion of your dough (again, about a handful) and make it into a pizza shape. you can either use a rolling pin, or use your fingers: first, flatten the ball into a disc with your palm, then pinch the dough between your thumb and index/middle fingers to stretch it out. rotate the dough slightly and do the same again. keep repeating until you have a vaguely-circular disc of dough.
preheat a frying pan (or flat crepe pan if you have it) till it is searing hot. if you're not using non-stick, you can add a thin coating of olive oil too.
once the pan is hot, carefully transfer the dough into the pan, laying it flat. give the pan a shake to make sure it doesn't stick.
now, work quickly but carefully to add your toppings. your toppings should be things which are pre-cooked (eg. ham, fried peppers) or will cook very quickly (eg. thinly sliced onions, cherry tomatoes).
once you see the bottom of the edges start to brown, turn off the heat and stick the pan under the grill for around five minutes, or until the crust starts to brown.
once browned, transfer the pizza to a chopping board to slice, then plate up.
when reading the recipe, you may have thought it strange to put the pizza in a pan, but this is actually vital to the method's success; oven-baked pizzas often have a soggy or soft bottom which doesn't crisp up like it should. a pizza stone or steel can remedy this to some extent, but most home ovens simply do not get hot enough to work well with pizza. the pan emulates the searing hot base of the pizza oven, crisping the bottom, while the grill emulates the hot air which cooks the top.
leftovers?
if you have leftover pizza, that can keep in the fridge for a day or two as you would a normal pizza.
if you have leftover dough, you can also keep that in the fridge for up to three days, and use it to make pizzas later in the week, or make a garlic pizza bread or sweet pizza bread (I'll let you experiment with those yourself as this post is already too long...)
if you have leftover dough and toppings, you can freeze a full uncooked pizza for later. here's how:
roll out your dough as described in step two above, then place it on a plate.
add all your toppings as normal.
put the plate on a level surface in the freezer for a couple of hours to firm everything up.
take it off the plate and wrap in cling-film to prevent freezer burn and maintain freshness.
this will last around a month in the freezer. when you're ready to cook, fully defrost it and use the pan/grill method as described above.
========
I hope this recipe is of use to someone, because it does make delicious pizza. the dough recipe and pan/grill combo is an idea I got from watching a SortedFood video a few years ago - it has served me well since. I made the tomato sauce recipe by combining a few reddit posts and comments into something I thought would taste nice (and it did!)
and finally, an interesting aside: I bought a lot of toppings for the pizzas, so my fridge was very full. this meant that one of the packs of mozzarella was touching the back of the fridge, which froze the brine it was in. it was quite amusing when I tried to get it out of the packet to use it...
#pizza#grill#cooking#home cooking#mozzarella#tomato#i love pizza#dough#basil#it's really easy to make though#you should try it
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"The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I'm not a trannie or a fag so I don't care, just give 'em the medicine they need."
"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."
One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.
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I think the hardest part about addressing child abuse is getting people to acknowledge, not just intellectually but actually responding accordingly, is that the biggest threat to children, the biggest risk of abuse, is family and parents.
it is of course most often parents who are crowing about needing to protect children (often against far smaller threats than family), and pointing out that they are, statistically, the biggest threat to their kids is not gonna be received well.
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really recommend getting a partner with a different religion than you and very little knowledge of your religion because the opportunities for explaining things to each other are just exquisite
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the... buttons? perhaps?
Tumblr users shouldn't be allowed to have buttons
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My friend just started playing BG3 and he made this character I'm-
And yes, he's a Bard.
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Important safety information about the eclipse on Monday
You *can* remove the eclipse glasses during totality; not before or after.
If you find yourself falling apart instead of falling in love, turn around, bright eyes.
It is no longer considered best practice to cut the beating heart out of a human chest at the top of a pyramid to bring the sun back; nowadays, they just short out a LUCAS device.
If you are imprisoned by an evil bishop, break out, and look for a hawk and a wolf who are in love.
Most critically - No matter what, do not buy any strange and exotic plants which mysteriously appear during the eclipse.
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unfortunately no eclipse photography can ever outdo the waffle house one from 2017
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