Now every time I see my boyfriend he asks if I’m going to eat anything

Sweetheart, we both know the answer to that

Does anyone know anything that can get rid of the terrible taste in your mouth becuase of not eating

I can’t have gum or anything with artificial sweetener or caffeine😭

Not fun when trying to starve

My boyfriend had like a talk with me yesterday. He’s catching on

We used to see each other and just talk but now he keeps asking me to eat with him. I don’t want to say no because he’ll definitely know something’s up but he always makes really high cal (and really good) food and I finally got back into the swing of things

I’m scared

The smell of food is actually nauseating

I’m pissed at my friends and boyfriend because they keep calling me fat and annoying

Now I’m going to starve out of spite

(Not even like they care)

I didn’t gain over the weekend!!

I was so scared. But I lost a pound. I’m actually the most relieved I’ve ever been

If I fuck this up one more time it’s over

I think I’ve gained like ten pounds over the weekend😭

I saw my friend, my boyfriend, and my grandparents and all of them got me really high cal foods and sweet treats. I know they’re trying to be nice but it just makes me feel like shit. Whether I eat it or not

My friend and I were talking about like our body image and diets and stuff and she said “maybe I should just give myself an eating disorder, but then I’d lose my tits”

And idk if it’s just me but anytime someone who doesn’t have an ed talks about it I get so irrationally upset. Like no you have no fucking idea what this shit is like stop treating it like a joke. But also I get weirdly jealous. And I know it’s terrible but in my mind it’s I’m the one with an ed and if any of my friends were to develop one and do it better I’d consider suicide. Especially because all of my friends are much thinner than me to begin with, despite my ed

I hope I’m not a terrible person for thinking like this

I’m going to be staying at my friend’s house over the weekend and it’s going to be so hard to restrict, especially because she already knows about my ed

I either have to eat normally or risk hurting her or getting into a fight and it’s been so long since I’ve seen her

I swear the worst thing to come out of this ed is how it hurts everyone, not just me

Does anyone else take media that is not in any way about eds and then just make them about eds in their head

Because how did I make a John Mayer song about my ed

1. He’s a terrible person

2. A John Mayer song😭😭😭

Everytime I tell myself that I’m hungry and debate just getting food like a normal person I need the guilt that would follow to materialize as a person and beat the shit out of me before I can do it

What good is the guilt if it doesn’t stop me

I have a chronic illness and when I have a really bad flare-up I need someone to help me during the day so I don’t count calories really on those days

Today was one of them but I feel so bad for eating as if my meds wouldn’t burn a hole through my stomach if I hadn’t eaten

And my mom or boyfriend are the ones making my meals those days so obviously I can’t restrict but I’m still so mad about it😭

I don’t even want to eat I’m just so bored

I need to find a hobby now that I’m not stuffing my face 24/7

Surprise to no one, more things my boyfriend has said to me that he really shouldn’t have

“You’re too large. You’re weighing me down”

That was so kind of him😭😭😭

The way that I can see what I look like in the mirror and minutes later still choose to shove food into my face is honestly insane

One time in class my math teacher said “I need to lose about sixty” and I’m really feeling that right now

Seeing my side profile in the gym mirror was not something I needed today