tarsic
call me tars
this is a blog where i collect thoughts from both myself and others to marinate into new thoughts
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the sun always comes back up again. why do we still try, then? what can i change?
he's standing in the subway tunnel as the air rushes past. it's nearly empty, him having come off the last train of the night, and the flickering lights illuminate his shadows. they accompany him as he walks home, and they do nothing to make it at least feel like there's someone else here. most people are afraid of the dark because they're afraid they aren't alone. he's afraid of being forced to confront that he's alone.
as he climbs the stairs, the night sky comes into view. there was a solar storm today, but he missed it with how busy with work he was. there are no more chances to see an aurora tonight. there are no more chances to live—but isn't that what everyone has to concede?
hm. the hazy clouds before the moon do provide some lighting, but the blaring streetlights which are undoubtedly messing up migratory birds' paths are more than enough to eliminate any chance of seeing the stars.
he'd be interested in the stars. he would talk for hours about them, probably stopping only when he realized his audience had already fallen asleep.
i'll see him tomorrow.
every morning he wakes up a completely different person. it's strange how between midnight and dawn, his emotions seem to be stuck in one position.
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when humans feel threatened, they revert to their base animal instincts. but tell me, when a machine feels threatened, what does it do?
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zhongli's horns are forked and branching, with nodes and sharp points of growth that betray his half-qilin nature.
azhdaha has long horns that curve backwards, twisting slightly at the ends and elegant and solid in their structure, different from the fragile beauty of zhongli's almost deer-like prongs.
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what if. jing yuan bloodborne au
hcq are all really good hunters and then obviously they either get turned into beasts (baiheng) or go insane (jingliu and blade) or just die normally (dan feng) leaving only a child behind in their wake
no but actually
jing yuan as djura
he knows these beasts were once people, he was an old hunter, but now he guards what is left of old yharnam in an attempt for what is remaining to just be
and dan feng leaves dan heng behind, and jing yuan has to explain to this small child that his older brother's probably dead but in pg terms, and try to get dan heng out of yharnam just so he has a chance of living a normal life
and then dan heng comes back. with the astral express crew.
and in the meantime blade and jingliu are just kind of off gallivanting in the hunter's nightmare micolash style
i am onto something here
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he keeps himself busy and surrounded by people just to stop thinking. a short meeting with his advisors like a piece of gauze haphazardly slapped onto a gaping wound, a stack of paperwork like a child's dam built on the delta of a river.
but it's always at the end of the day, when everyone has left and gone to their own homes (just like what they—), when the lights have dimmed and the luofu's skies display an artificial night (just like his eyes when he—), when the carefully controlled temperatures drop (just like her blade, wild and sharp in its fervor—) that he feels the unyielding ache in the center of his chest.
eight hours later he's back in the daylight, eyes half shut as he sits before his desk, not fully processing fu xuan's words but not ignoring them either. he's lucky, at least, to have something left. there are still people here who need him, and he can't leave just yet.
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近在咫尺 (to be just out of reach)
an "outsider's" perspective on the sedition of imbibitor lunae
it takes only two weeks to change the course of history.
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6/8/2023
to izzy, the ship is a horror story. to have all your rules that you've learned to stay alive suddenly flipped on their head--how does one cope with that? edward adjusts. izzy can't.
the revenge crew treats izzy like a human person, with kindness and respect, and he just physically cannot reconcile the ideas that the people below him are nice to him and that they don't want anything. and he can't live with how edward doesn't seem to want to be in this authoritative role anymore, and he has noone to obey.
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in which izzy is an scp: 5/26/2023
edward teach and stede bonnet died three hundred years ago. izzy's been waiting for them ever since.
somehow, izzy can't die. he floats around on the wreckage of the queen anne for about two months after everyone leaves for the revenge, and he tries to drown himself several times, but every time he just wakes up again on the tattered wooden deck.
and eventually the foundation finds him, this acerbic pirate who was forced to live well beyond his years, who wishes only for death and is too afraid to start caring again. and the foundation makes it easy, treats him like an object rather than a person, but they don't offer any way out of this life either. they just keep him there, forever in stasis, but at least he can finally talk to people.
at least these people care about him.
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bird: 5/22/2023
"olivia says she's worried you might eat her," buttons says. izzy, whose absolutely massive wings probably do appear quite menacing to a gull, tells buttons, "i'm far more likely to eat one of you instead."
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4/23/2023
he gives in as the fiery sun sets with a blood orange moon hanging right beside, as a pair of eyes hovering in the burning sky. the two dots blink and dark flashes across the sea, but the light from the fire that's melting his skin off makes up the difference. his skin splits down the middle first, and the scent of burning hair permeates the air even on the deck of the other ship. the fat sizzles and drips next as his flesh cooks, and soon there's only a half-standing pile of bones in a puddle of meat. and as his body dissolves, the fire spreads to both ships, lighting up the crimson sky with bursts of yellow and white.
edward saves some of the ashes in a jar, and somehow kept enough coals to start another, smaller fire. this one is contained, fed regularly and managed with care, and ed likes to think that in a way it's an extension of izzy. even in death, his fiery temper stays with the legend of blackbeard.
the prince of pirates and blackbeard's first mate, drowned and burned respectively. one down in a storm, one down in doldrums. they'll meet eventually, and they'll find their own way to a new home.
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3/17/2023
they've been expecting izzy to snap, but not quite in the way he did.
when izzy snaps, the winds bend around him. "you know what, ed? i've fucking had it. calm the fuck down, you keep fucking saying. yeah i'll calm the fuck down, see how you like it." with that, izzy leaps into the air, before immediately smashing back down to the deck in a seemingly practiced move that brings rain and hail, somehow, even though they're in the middle of the tropics, pouring down on them. "see if i care when your crew kills you out of paranoia as you all die of thirst." and izzy takes off again, flying directly into the center of the clouds where the color is darkest.
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3/16/2023
"i'll survive. i'm, i'm--well. i'll be fine, but you lot won't be. you should leave now, while you still can. you're still young, at the right age to settle down on land. a life on the water is a life wasted, i think. we're not here by choice; we're here by necessity, so please, while you still can, get out." that's the first and the last time the remaining crew of the revenge hears izzy say please, and one of the last times they hear him talk at all. they get off the boat near charlestown, and when they glance back, izzy's already sailing away. it's just him and edward now, with enough rations to last a month, floating on the empty ocean. the end is arriving soon.
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ofmd brainrot: 3/16/2023
sam bellamy, sauntering up to the revenge: "israel basilica god fighter hands!"
izzy, confused but also happy at the same time: "samuel black sam robin hood bellamy?"
the rest of the crew: *visible confusion*
izzy, shouting at the crew: i fought god and won. what have you twats been doing with your lives?
izzy: a first mate doesn't mean anything when the captain is incapacitated. a first mate only has power because they're appointed by the captain, but when the captain is too useless to do anything the first mate doesn't have anyone behind them. therefore he should now try to be a quartermaster
izzy trying to comfort the crew and apologize through acts of service and leaving gifts but he doesn't give any indication that he was the one to do the stuff so half the crew just assumes it was another crew member while the other half of the crew just gets paranoid like that one tumblr post
"oh the cat? his name's merak, named after izzy's favorite star 'cause he takes so much after him. iz always said that i was like polaris, and he was merak, a star that guided others toward the true pole star. no idea how that works, but that's iz for you, i guess."
"iT's hAnGeD nOt hUnG"
crew of the revenge: wtf izzy we thought you were dead we heard that you were captured by some english captain and you were hung
izzy, with ed draped around him like a particularly bitey blanket: yeah i fucked him
crew: ???
izzy: if you put a noose around someone's neck they are hanged if someone has a big cock they are hung.
everything is familiar and strange at the same time.
it should unsettle him, put him on edge as it has done many times in the past, but his mind is calmed instead.
he's on land watching the boats in the port float peacefully where they're docked.
he's under the open red sky sitting as the rain gently falls and the warm humidity makes his leathers cling to his skin.
this is a new environment, one he's never experienced before, and yet it quiets the voices in his head.
he could die right now, and he would be satisfied. but if given a choice between life and death, tonight he'll choose to live.
sam slides up, body pressing against izzy, fluid in his motions in a way eerily similar to edward. "i didn't expect to see such a pretty boy like you here," he says, hands still roaming over izzy. "there are many pirates on the ocean, but few truly succeed in what they want. edward's got fame. i have gold. i've more influence and power than you could ever dare to dream of, pretty boy."
stede is sufficiently terrified. izzy's fucked him before, has fucked most of the crew. but there are only two people in the world that he truly loves, devotes himself completely to.
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3/15/2023
izzy thought he'd found a home with ed, and then they went to the revenge, and now everything is confusing and made no sense. every time he or a crew member tries to strike up a normal conversation, there's something in the way that they can all feel. the moon hangs in the sky constantly, never seeming to set or rise. it circles around them, but stays there at all times, and in the night it glows a yellowish white with a red afterimage should you stare too long. there's a thin veil between him and the revenge's crew, and no matter how hard he tries, it just seems impenetrable. when's the last time he visited his hometown? maybe it's time to go back.
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ofmd au idea: 1/3/2023
izzy is from yharnam and is the same person as irreverent izzy
at some port the revenge crew pick up a hunter who just came out of the hunt and did the yharnam sunrise ending
and they travel with this hunter for a bit
anyways izzy and this other not-really-yharnamite are talking and disrespecting the great ones for obvious reasons (everyone they loved is either dead or a beast)
izzy: *talking about how idiotic and useless the great ones are*
hunter: ok maybe i wouldn't go that far
izzy: you know there's a reason they called me irreverent izzy back in the days
hunter: wtf you're irreverent izzy, the very one, who made the beast blood pellets and beast claw and probably a number of other things they ended up banning
izzy: yeah that's me
hunter: *probably freaking out*
"you're from yharnam then? tell me, what did become of that wretched place?"
"i was only a visitor, seeking the blood they said would cure any ailment. i don't know what it was before, but when i was there...the city was overrun by beasts, and i was just one of many who fell into a hunter's dream."
the blood moon descends, and the moon presence crawls out towards them. it lands on the railing, watching izzy with its imitation of eyes. he's still not sure whether it has actual eyes. it stares at him, and he's reminded of a dog he used to own--one whose eyes were always slightly too intelligent, who was drowned in the end by some villager, terrified of what they did not understand. that villager was probably a beast now, and the dog probably still alive. you never know with beings that were born and raised in yharnam.
it's silent apart from the howling winds around them, yet despite the unfurled sails, the ship does not move. the only other noise is a question, half-whispered into the open sea. "what happened?"
even if you sail the open seas, you can't keep running from the truth.
the great ones have always been attracted to those with the strongest wills, as those are generally the only ones who are determined enough to make contact despite all the hurdles and obstacles in their way. so, most of the time, the great ones are used to individuals with great ambitions--whether that be to evolve humanity to the next level, or to seek the eldritch truth, they have always worked with the people with the grandest goals. yet it is due exactly to the grand nature of these dreams that they warp easily, drive their holders mad, and often those who make contact suffer the consequences for it. so it was unusual for one whose will was among the strongest the great ones have yet seen to make contact despite having a goal so human they do not know how to grant it. for all of the knowledge they have, emotions and the connections humans forge lie outside of the great ones' understanding. and it is for this very reason that the moon presence found it so difficult to corrupt this one's mind, when it was so focused on something so far out of reach.
plot summary:
- revenge gets close to fishing hamlet, moon presence appears, grabs izzy
- izzy wakes up in the hunter's dream, talks to gehrman for a bit, commiserate over how they've been stuck in stasis maintaining a dream/legend they helped create in the first place, and gehrman helps izzy accept that the legend of blackbeard can't be maintained forever, and izzy gives gehrman hope that the dream will one day end
- izzy leaves the hunter's dream (through the yharnam headstones probably) and goes to central yharnam where he doesn't really do much
- izzy goes to old yharnam and talks with djura (major part of plot), accepts change
- izzy goes back to central yharnam and talks to eileen, hunts a few hunters maybe
- izzy talks to gilbert, accepts that not only is yharnam not his home anymore, he's actually an outsider now
- izzy finishes up eileen's questline, finishes all of the former hunter/vicar/scholar bosses
- izzy goes back to hunter's dream, kills gehrman, kills moon presence??? not sure how exactly he gets out but he does, and reunites with the crew of the revenge
the circumstances that led to izzy leaving yharnam are not important, mostly because he himself doesn't really have fond memories of that time and prefers not to talk about it, and even ed doesn't know all of the details. all ed really knows is that yharnam sucked and izzy just had to get out which was why he signed on with the first ship that he saw.
there are parallels between the black sails world that izzy's from and yharnam. piracy and hunting are both extremely dangerous and can't last forever, and both contain excessive levels of violence. so izzy learning to let go of yharnam is also him learning to leave the grimdark genre he was in previously and join the romcom genre with ed.
can you hear the call? can you taste the sweet scent of blood? if so, blood ministration might not be the best treatment for you. we recommend you to talk with your doctor before taking this medication. side effects may include nausea, headaches, lightheadedness, transforming into a beast, and death.
all hunters eventually stop hunting, and instead they fight to protect a group, thing, or ideal. izzy throughout his youth fought for blackbeard as his right hand man, always on the offense, but now that blackbeard is essentially dead, he's protecting a legacy that doesn't really exist anymore. so the au is also about him realizing that the thing he's been protecting all this time is blackbeard when it should be edward, and letting go of it.
the distinction between man and beast is not based on the state of body but rather the state of mind as evidenced by ludwig
izzy uses the blade of mercy which he acquired before he left yharnam but stored somewhere in the city so he never took it with him on a ship, so when he went back the first thing he went and found was this weapon so he could defend himself. works since the blade of mercy is also one of the oldest weapons made by the workshop
ed can be an actual kraken. as a treat. some people come from weird places and as such get weird talents, and izzy gets the skill of i-frames
those who stayed, those who left, and those who never quite made it out
the great ones are sympathetic to the humans' struggles, but they may not always understand your wishes
"i don't care what you end up seeing out there. stay on the fucking boat. they're all lies, all just myths. you'll wake up and it'll all just be a dream. stay on the fucking boat."
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