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ruthless-to-a-fault · 6 months

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So I really liked Zoom Academy for Superheros as a kid, a widely panned kids movie from 2007 starring Tim Allen. I rewatched it fairly recently and wrote a little thing, I never ended up posting it. But here it is for funsies, I've never posted any fanfic before and I have no spelling skills. I hope anyone who also remembers this weirdly dark childrens movie likes it.

Its similar to the story you know

It starts the same, a lone survivor barely 17 powerless in the desert. The bodies of three friends scattered around him and a brother gone. Nothing left to bury.

The sheer amount of nuclear energy released by the vortex jack creates finds it's way into the atmosphere. Resulting in a generation of children born with powers. Not enough to cause a fuss but the neighbours aren't too surprised when Cindy uproots a tree to shake out her frisby. Kevin down the street can make little wind gusts, Cindy's power level though is enough to catch attention.

As is Dylan's, Summers and Tuckers, when he uses it that is.

So they all end up in that miltary base. Jack with the promise of money if trains them, he rather take the carrot than stick. The jail he'd end up in probably looks less like a prison and more like a fresh ditch and bullet in the head.

The kids go of course because they're parents say so and so does the military. Their parents sign waivers and are fairly compensated for their loss. On that day they go from children to military assets, an important distinction where legality is concerned.

The story is much the same, jack is jaded, the children adjust as best they can to their environment. Holloway gives encouragement as best she can knowing she is likely sending children to die.

Better a heros death she tells herself, they'll get comic books written about them just like jack. The comic books don't mention that he's always late thinking he'll get there faster than he can, or that he's deaf in one ear, or that below the left knee he is metal.

They expose the children to gamma, of course they do. One child's life is not worth what Concussion could do. Dylan is the first. They reason better the invisible kid go crazy than one that can lift a truck. It unlocks his clairvoyance `mindsight` jack calls it. He vomits for days afterward but he does not go crazy and he does not die.

Concussion shows up before the military can dose the rest. Jacks powers reactivate to save Cindy. To this day there is still shrapnel in her arm from shards of the metal net, too small for the surgeons.

Concussion sends back the rocks that summer throws at him, most miss. One doesn't, it hits her right in the eye. Cindy thinks the eyepatch she wears after is cool so summer does mind too much.

Tucker manages a good hit in before a blast sends him into rocks that leaves him paralysed from the waist down. He always says it could be worse, if he lost an eye like summer, that would be it. God forbid the world be deprived of his baby blues.

Dylan comes out relatively unscathed. The gamma damage stays however, it was a miracle that jack lived past 40 and it will be another if he does.

Connor is saved. Thanks to jack, Concussion is just his big brother again. Still 19 and no longer trapped in a space between here and now.

Jack however, there is a reason his powers stopped working. It isn't a mental block caused by the pain of losing his family. It was self defence. The speeds he could move at weren't sustainable on his body, especially after the first vortex. So his body shut it down.

He is nearing 50, he is not 17, his body gives up. Jack is Zoom for a fight, jack gets to be Zoom once more before he drops from exertion and does not get up.

Summer and the rest take the ship and Connor. You can't track space tec, staying hidden helps when you've got a friend that can see around corners. They live in a house a little bit too small for them in a city easy to get lost in and try to adjust back to civilian life.

Connor is old enough to pose as an older brother and the kids get to go back to school. It's easier to make friends now at least, high school bullies aren't very scary anymore. Connor disappeared in the 80s so the all the technolgy is a riot. He misses he brother and blames himself for his orginal teams deaths.

The new family helps him move on. When Cindy finishes high school they move out to a farm. Summer finds business is easy when you can sense emotion, so money isn't a problem.

Cindy can lift all the heavy objects she wants. Summer loves the animals and tucker is a mean cook. Dylan learns to garden. Connor fixes stuff when it breaks and retrofits tuckers chair with tracks and others gadgets inspired by the ships design.

There is a horse named jack because he's the fastest they have and whenever the gang needs a break they go brush him. Everyone knows it means to leave them be. They all have their own demons.

They sell things at the famers market. The community is endeared if confused by the odd family. They don't ask questions, they are all out here for their own reasons and tucker makes the best pies in town.

They heal, away from the military. They are not heroes. They are a family and they are happy.

#zoom academy for superheros #I only write fanfic for obscure shit im too cool for mainstream #tim allen is still the worst guy you know even in this version #i know nuclear radiation doesnt work like but the movie thinks it does so its true in my heart #i love traumatised bitches making families

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thatzenithnerd · 5 months

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Zoom + Textposts

Pt. 13

Jack’s Version

#tim allen #courteney cox #chevy chase #zoom 2006 #zoom #cindy collins #dylan west #zoom academy for superheroes #jack shepard #marsha holloway #summer jones #tucker williams #dr grant #area 52 #superheroes #spencer breslin

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nero-neptune · 1 year

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“the last thing the world needs is a bunch of kids running around in costumes thinking that they’re heroes.”

zoom: academy for superheroes | 2006 | dir. peter hewitt

#zoom #zoom academy for superheroes #moviegifs #fyeahmovies #userbbelcher #chewieblog #doyouevenfilm #filmgifs #throwbackblr #cinemapix #dailyflicks #scifiedit #sorry not sorry for giffing this GodAwful movie. but i'm a woman of my word and i said i was gonna gif it!#myedit

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teamzenith · 27 days

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#zoom #zoom academy for superheroes #zoom movie #zoom: academy for superheroes #zoom 2006 #jack shepard #connor shepard #tails gets trolled #captain zoom #concussion

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fruitpunchnoice · 1 month

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I don't want to do homework I want to be given a warm drink and be gently held and watch Zoom: Academy for Superheroes

#zoom academy for superheroes #gen

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timelapsequeen · 4 months

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Concussion from zoom is just super cute

#zoom academy for superheroes #zoom: academy for superheros #zoom #concussion #connor shepard

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timetravelingsherlockian · 2 years

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The humor in Zoom (2006) is not a bug, it's a feature.

I've seen multiple posts that Zoom could've worked as something dark & gritty, highlighting the military-base & child abuse aspects of it. And how it's fucked up to send Jack out there to deal w/ his own brother that they irradiated.

Setting aside that I like Zoom as a comedy, that it was my introduction to superhero movies, and that there's much less of it that I'd change than many...

This story is a classic "use humor to cope" & exploring White & *male* trauma.

In the humor = benign + violation formula, the only way to make the military-base trauma "benign" to the child-soldier violation & take back the power form his situation is via childish, teenage-boy humor.

Jack talks like a bratty, angry, teenager b/c he's never gotten out of being one -- his body's practically frozen itself at normal speed, literally making it harder for him to move forward. It's telling that he's only able to regain his speed when he needs to rescue Cindy, the most innocent member -- Zoom (2006) is about reparenting after life-shattering trauma.

Dr. Holloway isn't the love interest just b/c she's the only woman in a lab coat -- her first major scene (after waxing on about her admiration of Jack's work) is how they're not going to use authoritarian techniques (v. Jack's 'get on the lead underwear' approach). She's the authoritative and supportive antithesis to his authoritarian thesis -- and she's right. It's only in adopting her authoritative approach that Jack's able to pull together the team. & it's raising this new team that they bond over. Dr. Holloway team mom > love interest.

Jack & Dr. Holloway get to do, at the end of the movie, what Jack needed as his younger self -- save his brother & get out with his family. & it's only by reclaiming his powers & accepting adult responsibility that he's able to reparent himself to that victory.

I remember a post of someone asking, "do Cindy's parents really love her if they just dropped her off at a military base?" My guess is that they do, but they're blinded to their White trust in military organizations. For a Tim "it's hard to be Conservative in the film industry" Allen to make this movie is notable -- the film begins w/ Jack asserting that the Zenith Program was "the worst thing that ever happened to him" and ends with him freeing his team & telling the military to fuck off.

#zoom academy for superheroes #Zoom 2006 #meta #zoom 2006 meta #this is not my fanciest take #but we're posting cringe rn #right?#i didn't expect reparenting & trauma work from a 2008 tim allen movie #but i guess that's what we're gonna get????#(between the fart jokes)

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cryptid-punks · 2 months

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i don’t know who watched this movie but Zoom: academy for superheros, while by no means the best movie or probably a good movie in todays standards, it’s a movie that i never forgot. i rewatched it for the first time in a while last month, and just now (b/c it’s leaving netflix and probably all stream services- it is a 2006 movie)

sure maybe it’s stupid, maybe it’s nothing new, maybe it’s a story retold too many times, but I liked it. there’s something special about it. between the old man who finds love and care again, to the smash mouth music, to the fresh love of outcast high schoolers. (look how pretty kate mara is here, and michael cassidy’s “10 things i hate about you” vibe).

#crypunk.zip #crypunk.dat #zoom #movies #zoom academy for superheroes #summer jones #dylan west #tim allen #kate mara #michael cassidy

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diamondnokouzai · 6 months

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from like 2010-2011 i was obsessed with the movie 'zoom academy for superheroes' like i would sometimes try to kill people over it

#.din #.txt #i didnt actually. but it was the only thing i watched on netflix for like a month straight.#zoom academy for superheroes was my best friend for about eight months

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united-under-skyfall · 7 months

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i want you all to know that i am doing a public service every time i watch a piece of media and do not unleash the most unhinged essay about it on this site

#last week this was about unforgotten. the week before that it was zoom academy for superheroes. today it's person of interest #ramble

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ruthless-to-a-fault · 2 years

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When you write a fanfic for a non existent fandom for a bad early 2000s superhero movie on your notes at one am.

#might post after an edit lol #zoom academy for superheros #tim allen said what is i decided not to act #the tone shifts in this movie #my brother and friends are dead lol fart joke

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thatzenithnerd · 27 days

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