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#you hurt so Easy you're so very soft but every tiny cruelty that hurts you i want to completely erase off this earth
craycraybluejay · 29 days
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If I wanted to, I could, and worse, you would let me
#and my delusions and aches need healing#and i need you#to love me enough for me not to want to force my love on you#and my rational mind wherever it is knows you do it knows it does#it knows#but. the irrational mind wants some kind of Proof#it wants to force to feed to get inside and look around#nothings ever enough for me i want inside#soft and warm like the womb#you know it#the sick me wants you to somehow prove everything ever#proof of love. proof that im not the only monster. proof of protection of care of empathy of trust of acceptance#its never enough but to be fair you and i both know who made me this way#of course there were many but there are catalysts and then there are nothing-people#prove it to me#i look at you and i feel like youre slipping away someone else has their guts on you someone else has convinced you they are worth your tim#but theyre pathetic and not poetic about it. weak and spineless. they USE YOU to make themselves look strong they USE YOU to talk shit at t#they are useless so they use you like me. and i know i cannot rush it cannot learn your lessons for you#i can't convince you of whats dangrous or cruel until you live it until it breaks your golden heart#but i wish i could protect you from all that somehow#and too i wish a million years would pass and you were as dark as me and as kind as you#its selfish but i hate to see you truly hurt i hate it. it makes me so violently angry. my brain turns off i cant help it#you hurt so Easy you're so very soft but every tiny cruelty that hurts you i want to completely erase off this earth#i dont care if its alive if its helpless if it doesnt know better i dont care if it didnt mean to all i want to do is prove to you show you#keep you safe and cared for#its irrational. i'd put away honour and hurt someone weaker than me if it made you happy if it made you feel safe#i wish i could eliminate the real threat but i cant im trying#you make me crazy and you make me feel normal and simple and human. i know everything about you-- i want to know more#my irrational brain doesn't even register accepted right and wrong only what it considers significant and important. my rational brain read#it like a million page rulebook. be normal be good don't hurt anyone don't get dead don't act before you think
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starryriize · 24 days
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how &team views love | maknae line
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╰┈ ⋆。˚ 🪼genre: fluff!!
╰┈ ⋆。˚ 🪼author’s note: i don’t know how good this was compared to the Hyung Line ver but i loved how it turned out!! hehe writing abt yuma and jo made me so 🥹🫶🏼
listen to: how long will i love you - ellie goulding
🫧laur's taglist: @chiiyuuvv @kehnarii @cherrycolaberry @leehanascent @hyvelxve
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Yuma - To me, he loves with such deep care and affection. I think he views love as beautiful, an emotion that leaves him sad yet wonderfully happy. Love is interesting to him, as it’s not new, but oh, how he wishes you weren’t hurt by your previous love. Despite this, he loves you, fully and with his whole heart. He hopes you realize that you’re loved more than you’ll ever know. Even with all your failures and mistakes, he holds you and continues to love you because your past doesn’t define who you are. You’re still loveable and just as beautiful in his eyes, nothing could ever change that. To him, love is quiet and calm. He cherishes every moment, never failing to remind you that you’re appreciated and worth the entire world. If the whole world comes crashing down, he’d reach for your hand, guiding you to safety and facing misfortune together. Loving him is slowly healing…
Jo - When Jo loves, it's beautiful and the only word for it is magical. It's always shown through his actions and he feels that it's different. He thinks of you in every moment of every day. His love is always so gentle, soft, and warm like his smile. Even when the day seems to be gloomy and you’re feeling stressed, he’s always by your side. Love, to him, is more than a feeling or knowing that his heart beats faster when you’re around. Jo loves you and he wishes to tell the entire world that he loves you. The love that he has for the sunsets, the tiny dandelions outside, the stars that twinkle each night, and the rain that falls...he thinks of you because you deserve to be loved like he loves the universe. Love shouldn't be reserved for special occasions so he makes sure to let you know that he loves you. Everyday. Every hour. Every minute. Every second.
Taki - His love is playful and sweet! Just like him, his love is akin to seeing a butterfly land on a flower. It's delicate and beautiful. He realizes he's in love very slowly, but once he's in love, he finds himself smiling at the most random times. That's what love is- unexpected but welcome. He really can't help but love you. You may think you're not easy to love, but you should see what Taki sees. The way the sunset reflects on your eyes makes you look like an angel on earth. You're even more breathtaking when you talk about something that you're passionate about. Taki loves you in every way.
Harua - I think, despite not having a lot of experience with love, would see love like the movies. When he loves, it’s very real and he values it with his entire heart. I see him as the type to be a soft romantic and stand up for his partner, regardless of what life throws at you. He finds himself picking up your little habits and it makes him smile just thinking about how he hopes you're his forever. Harua views love as something beautiful- not superficially, but the way love is simple. It's fond and familiar. Love is hard, and Harua knows that. Despite the cruelty of the world, he wants to be with you. His love reminds you of summer breezes and the simplicity of life. If forever meant being with you, he would embrace forever with wide open arms. He loves you more than you can ever know.
Maki - I firmly believe he sees love in everything. Perhaps it is his upbringing but to him, love is laughing when you trip on air and saying aww when you see cute puppies. His love is noticeable, yet reserved. You know he loves you but he expresses it in ways that make you wonder if you saved a world in your past. To him, love is learning about you and wanting to live life with you! Loving you is so easy, it's like breathing. He loves you so much and in each kiss, he hopes you know that you're never alone. Even if no one is by your side, he'll proudly stand with you. His love makes you feel like life is worth living, not just being stuck in the corporate cycle.
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tentatechnologies · 3 years
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for the soft oc asks: 🌻🌿🥀 (your choice of ocs!)
well because i'm allergic to not talking about soda i'll do them for each, and then whoever else comes to mind after that [meme link]
🌻 What little things do they notice about people or the world around them that make them happy? What tiny little treasures do they find in the normal day to day that makes the world seem a little brighter for them?
soda's is very broad but it just comes down to nature, and the passage of time. they like the patter of rain, big fluffy clouds, fog clinging to the mountains in the morning, the sea black and frothing in a storm. they like old places and artifacts and heirlooms for the same reason: the idea that life goes on, that the earth has been here long before and will be long after, that life extends beyond them personally.
that much pervades about every aspect of their agent-adjacent life: it's why they hang out on octavio's saucer despite their fear of heights—they can see the city and valley and ocean for miles around—and why octo valley's state of disrepair was and is comforting to them. it's the reason they're an archivist and do urban exploration. it's even, in a twisted way, why they allied with tartar.
in a very literal sense, soda's tiny pleasures come in stopping to smell the roses and knowing they're going to bloom again next year. it's not exactly optimistic nihilism because there's no element of transcendental despair, just assurance in this life.
for perry, she finds contentment in things that work like well-oiled machines, whether it's a literal machine, a set of friends that get along, in things that don't have to strain and fight to function; in things that are easy. she notices it in squads chatting as they go to work, in watching routine check-ups on the zapfish, in making something she could make with her eyes closed, in all the sky panels in a dome synchronized and lit.
so much of perry's life has been damage control, at this point she appreciates it when things just work and she doesn't have to worry about it. she used to be an octoweapon engineer and is now a caretaker for those same weapons, but she takes the same delight in ensuring they work (and are happy to see her).
🌿 What way does your OC show that they care without using words? What way do others show your OC that they’re cared about without using speech?
ok this one's fun. the thing about soda is there's all but a switch that flips when they start caring about you, and you're going to know whether you want to or not. soda is perfectly capable of cruelty but they know life's too short to keep that up when they don't have to, so you're going to be doted on in about every way you can think of. they're a physically affectionate person even when they don't like you—dial it up to 11, if you're okay with that. they'll use their wealth and resources and own hands to take weight off your shoulders without you asking. and they make a marked difference to listen and obey your boundaries, where they usually couldn't give a shit (and admittedly, sometimes they still don't).
but because you now occupy a place of respect, where soda can suddenly cross a line and get (however rightfully) snapped at for it, they tend to flip to the other extreme and fawn at their own expense. you're going to notice because their personality becomes softer and quieter in many ways. they're less bombastic, more domestic. they start bottling their anger. depending on the role you're supposed to fulfill—i.e., if you're an octoling soldier—soda might still insult you to your face and cause you all kinds of grief, but you get these moments where they hesitate, where their grip doesn't bruise, where they step in front of you when in danger.
the "way they show they care" is genuine, but is also damage control, "I'm not trying to hurt you, please don't hurt me". they're not used to others caring about them, so they probably wouldn't recognize it, and if they did they'd assume it was a mistake on their part. (soda has some, uh, Issues.)
but one way is to encourage soda's enthusiasm, to make sure they take care of themself, and it's a tall order (and you have to be careful about how much leeway you give them) but be patient with them. make them good food, take them places like the aquarium, let them wander off and disappear for long periods of time and be there for them when they get back. you are going to have to tell them, though, or they aren't gonna get it through their thick head.
this is something rome still struggles with because she hasn't had to care about anyone but herself for years, and extending a hand doesn't come very naturally to her. she doesn't show she cares so much as she trusts, which are basically the same thing to her; it'd be things like letting you in on her space—her home, her routine, her personal opinions. she makes time for you and just sort of assumes you know.
she isn't emotionally available until/unless she offers, in which case she'll sit with you and talk you down, make you tea and put on your favorite movie, help shoulder your burden. she cares when it counts and doesn't really express it beyond that. and she forgives you: which is a big deal.
to show her you care, listening is really important; she's used to getting talked over. respect her space, of course. make an effort to learn about her interests outside of turf. just find ways to remind her that she exists beyond people watching her and she isn't just a trophy—buy her silly trinkets and clothes; endure her beating you in video games; she's a big eater, so treat her to a buffet; put on some cringey music and dance with her.
🥀 How would your OC decorate a notebook or journal? What kind of things are written in there? Could you give an example of a nice entry?
I'M SO HAPPY YOU ASKED.
soda's original journals were dedicated to the octarian military, consisting of maps and diagrams, with everything else stored on audiotapes because... they didn't know how to read or write well enough to keep it on paper. (soda still uses speech to text partly because of that, partly because their fine motor skills aren't great.) over time it branched out to other topics like their agriculture, religion, biology, history, etc., it was an early iteration of their archivist work and eventually became the foundation.
apart from now existing in physical books and encompassing the metro, they're the same thing. soda has a pocket composition-bound notebook on them at all times and tons more filled back at home, sort of research or nature journals. the older they are the more organized they tend to be, because soda probably went back and cleaned them up and put them in a bigger book. if they're new, they're full of shorthand and rushed drawings, and probably a shopping list or two.
the originals are always written in octarian, since they're significantly quicker at writing in it (and that's what they're thinking in when underground anyway).
nature journal is probably the best description for what they look like when revised, this post reminded me of their notes a lot—some entries are really dense with words, others are covered in diagrams and ink drawings with explanatory footnotes. they're a way better artist than you would guess by looking at them, even if their drawings are pretty loose or messy; they've been doing this for awhile. (obviously the revised compilations are better polished but soda physically can't draw clean, precise linework.)
some have photographs they've taken, or clippings from primary sources, but soda doesn't really bother making them look pretty, just organized. they're also. really long. when soda gets around to compiling a finished journal, they've got stacks of notes. so i'm not going to pad this with anything resembling a full entry but here's something of an early attempt.
"Zapfish are thought of uniquely by the Octarians. Aboveground we take them for granted, but they are connected to many parts of Octarians’ faith. Light and sun are central to their worship and as Zapfish provide the power for these things, in modern orthodox systems they are seen as a connection to these higher powers and treated as semi-divine. This is a recent development motivated by their migration underground. They do not appear in pre-war or ancient iconography except as children of the first Great Zapfish who heralded the technological revolution, and were probably not worshiped individually.
However, for the secular majority population, Zapfish are desirable for their technical application and not very much else. They are an extraordinary source of electricity for the Octarians, who do not have many alternative sources of energy, apart from trade with the Salmonids and some siphoned off surface generators. Generally a Zapfish is assigned to one dome at a time, but it is possible a Zapfish could currently power two or three domes at once which did not need as much energy, and that is not including the optimization Octarians could reach with a longer amount of time. [sic]"
they're the only one you get for this answer (although ness and crush also keep journals) because it is too stupid long. <3
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